Don't eat the Yankee food, and don't swallow the Yankee swill

As if it wasn't embarrassing enough - being undressed by Boston in the playoffs and being outbid by the Washington Nats - the Yankees last week roused a new carbunkle on their pale and greasy forehead. An ESPN report rated Yankee Stadium ballpark food as the worst in baseball, based on health department inspections. Out of 43 concessions outlets, 34 were found to have some form of "high-level" violation. Wow. The cockroaches are batting .790.

Ten years into a brand new, taxpayer-funded stadium, the Yankees can't even keep up with baseline standards of cleanliness. Turns out, that shiny skin on the $11 hot dog was - ah, let's just say the meat didn't come from anything with four legs. 

The Yankees are "vigorously" protesting the ESPN report - FAKE NEWS, A WITCHUNT BY ANGRY DEMOCRATS, LIES, LIES, LIES FROM ENEMY OF THE PEOPLE - and as we all know, in the name of Bubba Crosby, the Yankees never tell a fib.

Ahh, yes, Bubba Crosby! (Not Bubba Trammel, but Bubba #2.) Remember the winter of 2006, when Brian Cashman spent the holidays assuring everyone that Crosby - who had hit .276 the previous year - was the future Yankee CF? Then, as spring training neared, he signed Johnny Damon. Bubba went away.

Over the years - from Jesus Montero's catching ability to Edwar Ramirez's unhittable change-up - if we've learned anything, it's to never believe the Yankee conga line of crapola. Yes, it's sad, but - hey - that's China Town, Jake. We simply must always disregard the spit shower of duplicity that pulsates from Cashman's open mouth. Don't take it personally. But when Cash speaks in public, he is not spilling his guts. He is working a strategy.

So, what should we make of his recent pronouncements? Let's ponder a few.

Cashman claim: Gary Sanchez will be the Yankee catcher in 2019, and the team has complete confidence in him.

Why we shouldn't believe it: I seriously doubt the Yankees will trade Sanchez this winter, but until the Marlins trade their stud catcher - Realmuto - anything can happen. What we shouldn't buy is the team's rock-hard confidence in Sanchez. If by June 1, Gary is hitting below Mendoza, and balls are still taking direct flights to the backstop, the Yankees will pull the plug. That leash might even be shorter. If Gary doesn't perform defensively in spring training... who knows?

Cashman claim: The Yankees will not bid on Bryce Harper.

Why we shouldn't believe it: There are two markets for Harper: The one where the Yankees are waving their wallet, and the one where his price tag drops off a small cliff. His agent, Scott Boras, is desperately trying to drum up Yankee interest, and we really don't know the extent of that childhood dream thingy, the one where he always wanted to be a Yankee. (Turned out to be bullshit with Patrick Corbin.) Cashman's sticking point this winter seems to be length of contract. If Harper were to a) accept a short term deal, or b) start cozying up to Boston or the Mets, who knows?

Cashman claim: The Yankees absolutely will trade Sonny Gray.

Why we shouldn't believe it: Actually, we should. It's extremely rare for Cashman to flag a trade before it happens; he usually denies them up to the moment of percussion. Still, the original lure for trading Sonny was that, for once, Cashman would be Queen Cheese, with other GMs lining up to offer prospects and meat. That market may have fizzled. Yeah, Sonny sucked as an ace. But as a fifth starter, compared to Cessa and Chase, he doesn't look so horrible. Can Cashman get enough in a trade? 

The bottom line: Cash doesn't care about being branded a liar. He cannot bear to be considered a chump. Who knows?