The Mariners look like 2019's top tanker

After years of stupidly trying to win, the Seattle Mariners finally have wised up. They're trading everyone and setting up 2019 as one deep, glorious, beginning to end tank-a-thon. They could lose 120. They could be eliminated by July 1. Damn! When it comes to being beaten, they're going to be hard to beat!  

But let's not concede last place just yet. The awful Orioles are already Triple A-worth and planning for 2022, assuming Baltimore hasn't by then been swallowed up by the sea. I wouldn't count out the White Sox, either, whom I believe have come to enjoy tanking. The Tigers, Royals, Rangers, Blue Jays and Twins could all be out of it by June and traded for garage sale kibble by the deadline, and if the Angels have a bad spring, they could be scrapped down to the Japanese Babe Ruth. And then there are the tank-masters themselves, the Tampa Rays, who are always lurking, ready to pounce on last place. If the first few months go south, they could be auctioning off the reigning AL Cy Young award winner. Would they be in the catbird seat, or what? 

These days, no team can simply tank overnight and be assured of the top pick and cheap payroll. But the Mariners are looking techno-smart; they're trading everybody who threatens to win meaningless games and ruin the plan.  

As far as I can tell - and it's too early, for sure - here's how 2019 shapes up.

AL East: Boston v Yankees.
AL Central: Cleveland v boredom.
AL West: Houston v A's, unless the A's decide to tank. 
Wild Cards: Yankees v A's, Rays and/or Angels. 
Last place: Everybody else.

Coupled with the continuing home run derby mentality, the refusal by batters to adjust to defensive over-shifts, and five-hour games that feature 20 strikeouts and 10 walks, the National Pastime looks healthier than ever! And the crackerjack group of owners - always looking to bank more money - is certainly on top of whatever problems do arise.