Virtual Baseball: In Showdown Series, Yanks Go Down.

In tonight's Virtual AL East Showdown, the Tampa Bay Ray-Rays topped the Yankees despite the dramatic return of the Bombers' catcher, Gary Sanchez, and increased their division lead to nine games.

Yankees "prospect" Albert Abreu was once again beaten, throttled, stabbed and left for dead even by a weak-hitting team such as the Ray.  Blake "Baretta" Snell shutout the Pinstripers for seven innings, or as new broadcaster Clyde Frazier put it, "Snell is our death knell, but how long he'll last you can't tell."

Frazier proved to be prophetic, as after Snell's departure Tampa Bay nearly squandered its entire 9-0 lead, managing to just hang on in what became a 10-8 squeaker.  The big blow for the Yanks was a pinch-hit, grand-slam home run in the eighth inning by Gary Sanchez, seemingly newly restored by his Goop treatments.

"Well, look:  I've seen modern lifestyle trends come, and I've seen them go," Yankees manager Ma Boone said afterwards.  "Does this stuff produce glow-inducing skin?  I think no one can argue with that.  Just look at Gary:  he's positively radiating!  Does it include five essential vitamin and supplemental protocols?  That's something we'll need to find out in the course of the long season."

Meanwhile, New Mexico state police reported that "somewhere in the sands of the desert, some rough beast, its hour come round at last," was "slouching" toward them.  After a fusillade of bullets that all missed, fortunately, the beast was found to be only Gleyber Torres, looking tanned, rested, and ready to rejoin the New York Yankees.