Thursday, June 11, 2020

Virtual Baseball: Yanks, Montgomery Ward Off Royals. Investigation Begins.

In virtual baseball tonight, returning Yankees starter Jordan Montgomery pitched well enough to win his first game in over two years, as the Yanks once again pummeled the Kansas City Royals, 10-3.  The soft serves of Montgomery looked very hittable at times, but he was able to last six innings against a Royals team that intends to leave this generation of fans with only a distant memory of their championship 2015 season.

Montgomery got all the support he would need on a first-inning grand slam from revitalgooped catcher Gary Sanchez, though Gio Urshela and Clobberin' Clint Frazier added blasts of their own.  Frazier also made several outstanding catches in left field—something that only served to further incite front office executives from Houston and Boston.

The suits were in the seats to start their investigation into whether the Goops most of the Yankees now coat their bodies with daily is really a steroid of some sort.

"Just look at their pores!  Why, their faces are practically glowing!" raged Red Sox exec Chaim "Is Off the Rose" Bloom.  "Nobody gets that kind of great skin without using a PED!"

The investigators also charged that some Yankees may be receiving full-body cleanses.




4 comments:

ranger_lp said...

Sorry I was confused for a second...I read the title and I thought "Wow, the Royals released Montgomery Ward"...

HoraceClarke66 said...

It was indeed my intention to get the store name in there!

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