(Dateline: NY.) For big meetings, Yankee pinstriper GM Brian Cashman is videoconferencing, employing the incredible power of Atom Age technology to advance the franchise's pro-success agenda!
Everywhere, the Yankees are moving forward at the speed of discovery - becoming more than just a baseball team, but a company, a brand and a marketing concept!
With the help of top-notch engineers and the latest computer software, they are working to become the Team of Tomorrow.
Right now, management is developing new and stronger algorithms, helping company leaders make critical in-game decisions. Through the use of artificial intelligence (A.I.), each Yankee coach can instantly process millions of bits of information, giving him - or her - a clear advantage on every single pitch.
These incredible analytics allow Cashman to foresee events before they happen, so the team can replace pitchers or hitters without fearing the consequences of human error.
And all this is happening, Yankee fans, thanks to the greatest magician of the modern age: Mr. Reddy Killowatt.
Yes, it's coming together in New York, Tampa, Scranton, Pulaski and everywhere the Yankees gather. We're tapping into the unlimited resources of electricity - as the team marches boldly into the future!
Next up: AMERICA'S HOPE, THE KARDASHIANS, SPUR THE NEXT PHASE OF HUMAN EVOLUTION.
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6 comments:
I am ready, Captain Video!!!
"Everybody's got a plan, until they get hit in the face."
—Mike Tyson
Just think, the Manager will be able to pull a pitcher just BEFORE an injury! That's right, high-speed cameras will relay slight perturbations in a pitcher's delivery which is then analyzed by algorithms run through quantum computers. The same goes for positional players. Think of the savings from lessened surgical bills, HAL. HAL open your books. HAL, open the ledger books. HAL? HAL?!
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