Virtual World Series: Cole Train Runs Down Mets, Putting Yanks Back in Series. Also, first family still missing.

Looking to flush the Yanks in Flushing, the Mets started their rookie sensation, David Peterson. But he was no match for the Cole Train, who pitched a virtual complete-game shutout, striking out 12, and surrendering only three hits and two walks. 

All the scoring necessary was provided by Clint Frazier, whose grand-slam home run in the fourth inning sailed high into the second deck in left field. Frazier, recently nominated for a Gold Glove award this year as well as the Nobel Peace Prize, also made a tremendous, bobbling, juggling catch on a ball he managed to both overrun and dive for.

Cole's stupendous effort overshadowed the ongoing search for the First Family off Montauk. Finding absolutely no trace of the Trumps or their many dependents and sycophants, U.S. Coast Guard efforts focused on the reported fleet of mysterious foreign submarines recently cited off the coast of Long Island.

The submarines split up and dived deep—shortly after a rendezvous with a nearby Russian fishing fleet. Coast Guard sailors and officers boarded several of the Russian ships. But while they reported a number of unusual fishermen on the trawlers—one who had a large tattoo of Richard Nixon on his back, another who sported a suspicious amount of face work and make-up, another one who was orange—there was no trace of the missing First Family.

"We are in a major national crisis, and I know that all our prayers go out to our missing executive branch," Vice-President Mike Pence told the country in a nationally televised address. He then invoked the 25th Amendment, and laid out his plans for his coming weeks in office.