Friday, April 15, 2022

When a Yankee victory is terrifying, it usually involves Aroldis Chapman

Well, here we go again...

Seven games into 2022, no lead is safe. None. Ever. Our superstar closer - in his contract year, no less - just showcased his uncanny ability to blow any game, at any  moment, regardless of score, in less time than it takes Putin to bomb a day care center.

Last night, in case you missed the news, a team of scientists now claims life began on Earth 300 million years earlier than previous estimates, toppling consensus views of the past,  Aroldis Chapman - the human water cannon of cascading perspiration - entered the game with no outs, the bases empty and a three-run lead. Ten minutes later, he left with no outs, the bases full, and multiple heart attacks among the few fans who remained. (A sorry sight, by the way: Have you noticed the sea of empty seats behind home plate? The Yankees should follow the Oscars and pay for photogenic seat holders to take up space. All that blue emptiness suggests that NYC could actually be a Mets town.) 

So... after seven home games against teams they absolutely must beat, the Yankees are 4-3 and heading to Baltimore - a town without pity and/or pro baseball, where hatred for the Yankees burns hotter than a war between a billion Johnny Depps and a billion Amber Heards. 

The O's are off to their usual horrible, wretched start. In fact, considering Baltimore's 1-5 record - (they were swept by the Rays) - you'd think Easter weekend should be a slam dunk of marshmallow cheeps and jellybeans...

As we did last night, entering the ninth. 

Well, this we know: At any time, El Chapo can lose his marbles and become a full-tilt, overworked Scott Proctor visit to Chernobyl.  Today, let us thank the juju gods, because if Michael King had not induced a line-drive DP - (Note: Are line-drive DPs induced, or do they just happen?) - that awful Star Wars/Distressed Whale siren would be whooping, and the Yankee Doomsday Clock would be pushed up to 11:59 p.m. 

But but BUT... we did get the DP, and Toronto got the plate of bad clams. Our bullpen has been a godsend. Six relative nobodies have yet to give up a run - (yeah, I know, small sample size) - against nasty lineups in tight games. The 28-man roster is our Queen Mother. When she ends May 1, we will probably lose JP Sears and/or Ron Marinaccio, even if their ERAs remain at zero. 

But who closes when the closer can't close? 

Can we ever count on El Chapo, especially in opposing parks? 

Last night, the Yankees received a sharp electrical jolt, and all of baseball surely noticed: Their closer is compromised. Make him throw strikes. And no Yankee lead is safe. 

39 comments:

Dantes said...

Just one more season at most. He’s not here next season

ZacharyA said...

Yankees scored 4.39 runs per game in 2021.
They're scoring 3.43 runs per game in 2022.

Maybe the Orioles pitching will make us look better.

BTR999 said...

May I say it was a Royal outing for Sir Michael? 3 outs on 5 pitches.
As for Crapman, I hate long goodbyes; let’s deal him now. The more he implodes, the less return in trade we’ll receive.

edb said...

Plain and simple, Chapman is a stiff.

The Archangel said...

There has been a sea of blue seats almost since they created the moat.
Rich patrons and corporate seats where the people stay indoors and eat lobster, then trail down for an inning or two.
After the 5th inning, any unused seats should be given to other fans in the Stadium.
At least then it will look filled.

mik said...


Aroldis Chapman struggling? Say it ain't so! Last year a miraculous triple play saved his bacon in a game against The White Sox in May. At least the miracle happened while he was on the mound. This year Chapman is in the dugout watching a rookie save his sweaty backside. How many more times are we going to have to endure this kind of nonsense?

HoraceClarke66 said...

Loved "human water cannon of cascading perspiration."

But one small caveat, Duque: that was hardly a "line drive" DP; more a Mariano-style, humpbacked liner-pop up...which, incidentally, DJ made a helluva play on, judging the ball well, grabbing it, and making sure he had control before zipping a throw to first—where Rizzo had alertly returned.

Excellent play all around. A good, gritty win in which the Yanks were aggressive and did small, good things, such as bunt, and pulled our failing closer BEFORE he gave it all up.

Best game of the year so far, in many ways.

BTR999 said...

Just stoking the fires of discontent: from WFAN.com - “The Yankees are once again the most valuable MLB franchise, according to Sportico, which values the team at $7.01 billion. Putting the Yankees’ value into more perspective, that $7.01 billion makes them the most valuable sports franchise in the world, according to Sportico’s valuation, which includes a 2021 revenue of $531 million (well on its way to recovering from the COVID-19 pandemic, as revenue was at $702 million in 2019), and over $1 billion in real estate and related businesses.”

This does not include revenue from legalized gambling, which seems to be a closely held secret among MLB teams.

HoraceClarke66 said...

BUT...yes, the fan torture MUST stop. It was pure greed by the Yanks to schedule this getaway day game at night, instead of in the afternoon, and pure greed for not compensating the fans who did stick around in some way.

ranger_lp said...

Judge is the odd man out tonight…

Joe Formerlyof Brooklyn said...


I had congestive heart failure 10 years ago. Was hospitalized, given Lasix for 3 days.

I went into that stay @ 212 pounds (I'm vertically challenge, btw). When I left, I was 193. Literally, peed out 19 pounds of water (which is what was clogging my lungs).

I'm wondering......does Chappie shed that much water in a single appearance like the one yesterday???

HoraceClarke66 said...

Sorry to hear that, Joe, but glad you survived.

And actually, Torrents sheds many times that amount of water. In ancient times, he was the watershed for the Nile Valley, and enabled the beginnings of Mediterranean civilization.

Happy holidays, all!

Beauregard Jackson Pickett Burnside said...

Simple sign of the season coming up…sweep Baltimore or be doomed to 80 wins.

Pocono Steve said...

So is Donaldson going to start to hit at some point before his eventual season-ending injury, or what?

Carl J. Weitz said...

@ Archangel....In 2009, the first year of the new YS, and right after the economic crash, most of the corporate boxes (over a thousand per seat) behind home plate were empty so the Yankees gave away thousands of tickets away per game, many to military personnel. I remember Howard Stern got seats right in the front row where the center field camera is always fixed on. So he had Baba Booey, "Gary the Retard", Beetlejuice and a few other whack pack people sit in those seats. During the game, they were all over the place flailing away, twitching, screaming, bobbing up and down to the point where Fox tried to cover them up with the box score/pitch info. But to no avail. It was actually very funny.

@ Pocono Steve....I'd settle for Donaldson just making bat contact with the baseball. He's struck out at least 40% of his at-bats. He fits right in to the lineup.

AboveAverage said...

MY GAWD, GALLO @^&*@(@!!!!!!!

I prefer the wine.

Carl J. Weitz said...

Damn is Hicks fucking pathetic!

AboveAverage said...

MY GAWD, HICKS @^&*@(@!!!!!!!!

(speechless)

Unknown said...

The Distressed Whale siren may be one of the funniest phrases I’ve ever seen on this interweb blog. I literally just shot Coca Cola out of my nose from laughing / choking so hard.

Jesus, Duque. Absolute perfect ruin sir.

YS

Carl J. Weitz said...

Boone finally taking out his Magic Wandy from the game.

Unknown said...

* absolute perfection sir was that last line… still in hysterics hahaha

Pocono Steve said...

I think this game might suck.

TheWinWarblist said...

FUCKERS.

13bit said...

Yankees suck Godzilla balls.

Joe of AZ said...

Damn am I watching the mariners or the Yankees 1 run lawd....

TheWinWarblist said...

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AboveAverage said...

Ain't No Good Friday No Mo'

AboveAverage said...

ChapStick Time!

AboveAverage said...

Chappy got an ooot

AboveAverage said...

me feels like I'm watching Lynch's dune!

TheWinWarblist said...

fuck

Pocono Steve said...

Motherfuckers

AboveAverage said...

walking the line . . . . my recommendation is to leave him in Baltimore motel 6

Rufus T. Firefly said...

Watching the boxscore scroll makes me so glad I got rid of the mlb streaming package.

Other than the horrid game, happy holidays to all that celebrate. For those that don't, cheers anyway.

Now off to some good Friday kvelte fish. Or maybe I'll just skip ahead to the good stuff.

BTR999 said...

Butchers Bill; 13 k’s 20 LOB. Only 1XBH in 11 innings.
Losing to the worst team in the league.
Embarrassing.
Pathetic.

EDB said...

Now the Birds are 2-5 after the debacle. Put the Yankee in a Stadium where they do not hit Homers and they are dead.

The Archangel said...

Glad I missed the game.
20 LOB is shameful, but somehow, not unexpected.

Sure glad we got rid of those terrible hitting coaches and brought in these "state of the art" new guys.
It's been a long year already.

well at least we are No.1 at something-- The riches MLB franchise.
I think that I will celebrate with a $16.00 Stadium brew.

The Archangel said...

No need to worry, the next superstar is on the horizon.

Volpe is .381 in AA !!!!!!

Whoops, that's his OPS.
he's batting .125.

But in that fine 21st Century Yankee tradition, he has struck out 10 times in 24 AB.
Just working on his launch angle.

AboveAverage said...

- - - at least KaBoone got tossed out of the, uh, post game jamboree in order to keep his catcher from getting tossed out - - - it could always be worse. We could all wake up with triple hernias from overnight rage snoring