Thursday, April 27, 2023

Yesterday, for a moment, across the totality of the Yankiverse, The Matrix glitched, and time abruptly stopped

The Glitch occurred around 2:30 p.m., E.D.T., with the epicenter traced to the ancient metropolis of Minneapolis, home to the world's largest mall. 

To celebrate his 31st birthday, Aaron Judge had cleared the bases with a double. For an imponderable reason, he sought to steal third. Judge dove headfirst, awkwardly. He seemed to crumple his right wrist. It looked ugly. It looked like a slide Jeter once made. 

It looked like the end of 2023.

Judge rose quickly and did not argue the call. He loped to the dugout and disappeared into the clubhouse tunnel, followed by grim-faced Yankee trainers.

And the Earth stood still. 

Across the globe, trains, planes and automobiles stopped movement. Wars ceased. Births and deaths intermingled. Glaciers refroze and the sun turned red. Everywhere, blood drained from the faces of Yankee fans. Somewhere, the glass tubes in Rupert Murdoch's crotch clicked out a direct S.O.S. code to Satan, whose acolyte, Brian Cashman, summoned the Four Yankee Horsemen of the Apocalypse, led by Franchy Cordero and Willie Calhoun. 

False alarm. 

Turned out that Judge didn't bust a finger - that The Worst Thing That Could Happen... didn't. For now, anyway. That one terrifying moment did not effectively end the 2023 Yankee season in the month of April. 

But with due respect to Anthony Rizzo and DJ LeMahieu, the Yankees are perilously close to a one-man offense, drawing comparisons to the recent, broken down Angel lineups that featured Mike Trout and the cast of Glee. If Judge had, say, broken his wrist - no, NO, NO! let's not go there. Simply stated, instead of the game's premier slugger, the Yankees would be unveiling Jake Bauer, the Scranton Scrapper. Rather than chase the final 2023 wild card birth, we might be better served seeking a lottery No. 1 draft pick in June of 2024.

One of the great vanishing acts of spring is the Yankees' depth. Remember all those candidates vying for the few roster openings? Whatever happened to that? Yesterday, we played Isiah Kiner-Falefa in CF and Willie Calhoun - a DH if there ever was one - in RF. In March, if we had viewed that future lineup in a crystal ball, we would have been mystified. WTF happened? 

So, the story here: Nothing happened. Not yesterday, anyway. (Wait... it shouldn't surprise anybody if Judge misses a week, with Aaron Boone citing "tightness, nothing to worry about," as the Yankees pooh-pooh machine revs up.)

Take a deep breath, everybody. The polar caps did not reverse themselves, and the asteroid did not hit. Nothing cracked or shattered, aside from the glass tubes in Murdoch's crotch. Jerry Hall took a toll, but we all knew that, eh? 

40 comments:

Celerino Sanchez said...

If you have XM radio, Mad Dog had a great interview with Reggie Jax yesterday

The Hammer of God said...

That is one of the things about Judge hitting #2. You hope he doesn't think of himself as a quasi leadoff man and try to steal bases. I cringe every time he tries to steal. If he gets injured, there goes any chance of a wild card berth. Boone (is he a manager, or a sock puppet?) should take Judge aside and order him not to steal unless Boone gives him the steal sign.

Can't neutralize the laws of physics. A big body is a big body is a big body. If he slides wrong, or sticks in the ground and jams his wrist, or a defender falls on Judge's shoulder, there's probably a greater chance of injury than if somebody smaller like Volpe or Cabrera were stealing.

And then too, everybody these days slides headfirst. Maybe it's slightly faster to the bag. But it's much more dangerous to the base runner, less dangerous to the fielder. Maybe one day, we'll see base stealers go back to the feet first slide.

Doug K. said...

Pub ,

A continuation of yesterday"...

From the today's The Athletic, "After a slow start at the plate, rookie shortstop Anthony Volpe has looked like he belongs. In his past 15 games, Volpe is hitting .292/.424/.458, including going 2-for-3 with two walks, three RBI and three runs scored Wednesday."

Steals bases, goes from 1st to third, makes pitchers nervous...

The kids a gamer.

Can't speak to the errors. Hopefully just a glitch but he's probably going to end up at 2B anyway. An easier position with obviously much shorter throws.

Doug K. said...

Hammer,

My understanding is that sliding feet first is actually faster and has the advantage of being able to pop up quickly and advance on a bad throw.

The advantage of head first is you can use your arms to get around a tag.

Head first is far more dangerous.

JM said...

I keep seeing articles that note the loss of Stanton, Jackie, and Bader as central to the team's offensive outage (not on display yesterday, suddenly).

I want what those writers are smoking.

And that slide by Judge was the most pathetic slide I can recall in recent years. He didn't really slide. He just kind of hit the dirt. And that head-first crap...well, everyone has already covered that.

BTR999 said...

Old school player here, and I was taught to slide feet first. Less chance of injury, and as Doug said we’d practice a short slide with pop up at the end so we could advance, but it at also had the virtue of keeping your feet on the base. Sliding into first base was a punishable offense! Actually my JR. High Coach was the one who taught me that, and really taught me the game. What a great way to coach kids - to teach. Then came my varsity coach who thought he was Bill Parcells and ran a boot camp. He despised me because of my long hair, which he claimed prevented me from seeing the plate when I pitched. If he was around today, he’d probably the Yankees director of minor league development.

edb said...

The Yankees lineup still has the same problems. An aberation.

Publius said...

Doug, they should stick with Volpe until he sticks. He has the tools. My fear is they won't.

Mildred Lopez said...


“There’s no doubt in my mind Willie Calhoun can bang and is going to hit”

“(Bauers) definitely caught our eye and certainly a lot of us pay attention to that. We’ll see what happens.”

Banging, hitting, eye-catching, all that stuff.

See? This is fine.


JM said...

After the pathetic loss on Tuesday, Boone said he saw a number of quality at-bats, so he wasn't worried.

Id. I. Ot.

BTR999 said...

Boone gaslighting again. The media eats it up and then asks for seconds.

Calhoun is small potatoes. (figuratively speaking. In reality he looks more like the last kid chosen in a pick up game)

Bauers has washed out of 3 organizations. Don’t get your hopes up. Still, he may be something of an upgrade over Cordero/Calhoun. Maybe he can hitch a ride in with Bader next week and C+C will vanish. Bauers not on the 40 man, so there’d have to be a corresponding move of some sort.

Volpe needs to be given a long leash. Unless he becomes completely, utterly lost, he should be here the whole season. Not going to be the next Jeter - so what? He could easily vault over Torres.

HoraceClarke66 said...

Agree about Volpe, and the sliding. I was also taught to slide feet first. It makes so much more sense in so many ways. Less of a chance to tear up delicate arm and hand parts, less of a chance to get tagged on the head, or hit in the head by a throw.

Judge's slide was surprising, in that he's actually been a pretty good base stealer. But yes, it was silly in that situation.

Anyway, this means the Yanks had over 10 hits in 2 of their first 25 games! 8 percent! Woo-hoo!


BTR999 said...

Who is this mystery player.

Got room for another Aaron ?

Avg .400 OBP .478 SLG .875 OPS 1.353 SB 7/7.

Aaron Palensky, Hudson Valley Renegades.

TheWinWarblist said...

We should go to a Renegades game. Southern Dutchess county. I can pick you up at the station.

Carl J. Weitz said...

Isn't that the stadium in Fishkill across from the prison, LOL?

Carl J. Weitz said...

off of I 84

AboveAverage said...

I chuckled every time I drove up the Taconic by/through FISHKILL during my NYC days. It was almost as good as COXSACKIE being right next to CLIMAX, but not quite.

AboveAverage said...

The spirits tell me that Cole is going to pitch in tonight's game.

He'll throw hard for strikes as his teammates will in turn, swing hard at strikes.

Word on the street (DRUG$ written in kid's yellow sidewalk chalk in the middle of a very busy intersection) is that the new meds that Cole's taking this season has done wonders for his disposition.

Three cheers for the Yankees medical team and their prescription pads.

So no man-child meltdowns are predicted.

Watch for a few balls in the dirt and a hit batsman.

Doug K. said...

Andrew Heaney!!!!!

Hazel Motes said...

Can anyone offer a rational explanation for Hicks's continued presence in the lineup? No sane observer can possibly believe that he is not finished as a major league player, even if he has a good night or two here and there. So we must venture beyond the rational--as in Cashman's stubborn, irrational refusal to admit that he can be wrong about anything and Boone's subservience to Cashman's irrationality. At least Boone's motivation can be deemed a rational form of selfishness or self-preservation. There is no rational explanation for Cashman--it's just megalomania untamed by inteligence.

Doug K. said...

Heaney vs. Hicks. Who is worse?

BTR999 said...

Hicks worse. Arguably the worst player in the bigs.

EDB, he’s got a total salary of 10,785,714 this year, followed by 2 more years at 9.87M per. That’s why he’s still here.

Flipping back + forth between tonight’s game and the NFL Draft; Gotta be some Giants fans here!

AboveAverage said...

I vote for Hick$$$ s well

BTR999 said...

No official word on Judge yet.

BTR999 said...

Update, Judge’s right hip.

Not good

Rufus T. Firefly said...

AA,

There's a tuna fishing company out of honolulu (think bumblebee in cans) called Fishkill. They have their own tshirts as quasi uniforms. Their shirts say "Fishkill, that's what we do.)

And Judge/hip is baaaad news. Too bad it wasn't the other Aaron, or the other other Aaron. Or both.

ranger_lp said...

Jose!!

Edward said...

Goddamn hip, which gives them one less reason to DFA Hicks. This is starting to feel like a cursed season.

ranger_lp said...

Yankees Win!!!

JM said...

King is our closer. Hands down.

Rufus T. Firefly said...

...and we have loser (sic) by committee. Hicks, Jackie D., Bonehead, Ca$hole and their leader HAL.

Hazel Motes said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Hazel Motes said...

Borntorun: They have to pay Hicks whether he plays or is released. They become a better team if they release him. So there is still no rational explanation for his continued presence on the roster.

BTR999 said...

Yes, I understand how MLB payrolls work. They still have to add some kind of salary to replace him. They are right up against the next luxury tax threshold, which Steingrubber has vowed not to cross. Beyond that you have the team’s preference for veteran players even if they are playing poorly. Past that, it may be an ego thing - since the Hicks extension has blown up in their faces, they may still wish to get return value via trade and avoid what they see as an embarrassment…your point is valid, and I was one of the few to criticize Hicks extension. It’s my belief all long term contracts are poor judgement; just wait a few years when half the team will be 35 years old.

Hazel Motes said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Hazel Motes said...

borntorun: Florial would be an instant improvement in the field and on the basepaths, and most likely at the plate as well for only a marginal increase in overall payroll. Cashman's irrational megalomania is the only reason Hicks is still on the roster. So there is still no rational reason to retain Hicks. I think we agree on that.

Hazel Motes said...

Head first gets you to the base faster. Whether it is worth the increased risk of injury depends on the player and his overall value to the team. In the vast majority of cases head-first slides do not cause injuries. Surely Judge should not have been stealing in that situation at all, much less head first.

HoraceClarke66 said...

And apparently, Judge is saying he hasn't felt good on that side since the third base steal.

That is about as stupid as it gets.

AboveAverage said...

stupidity trickles down

Kevin said...

I saw that Justus Sheffield was cut yesterday. Left-handed, he be the Brain's type...