"Hey now!" the Drop-Off, and Soto Derangement Syndrome: Five takeaways from Day One

Undefeated, untied, and unviolated. That's where we stand: Unbeaten, unbroken, and unbuckled. And a bit unnerved.  

Five takeaways from Opening Day...

1. "Hey now!" Dave Sims, the Seattle-honed radio replacement for The Master, seemed to charm Suzyn, the most important person in the Yankiverse. Several times, she seemed utterly tickled by Sims. (Though, it apparently remains her job to rain down the incessant in-game commercials, electrified by the Jeep brand.)  

In the late innings, with a 6'8" Brewers pitcher on the mound and shadows roiling everyone's vision, Sims noted that "he's so tall that his head is in the sun," causing Suzyn to chuckle. For all their famous chemistry, I cannot recall John Sterling saying something that drew from her a belly laugh.  

Instead of Sterling's HR calls, Sims shouted his trademark, "Hey, now!" And the game ended without a Win Warble. It certainly isn't the same - it cannot be. But Sims is a pro. He seemed to win over Suzyn. That's a start.

2. The newly minted closer, Devin Williams, did not win over anybody, except maybe the cardiac unit at Mount Sinai. At one point, ESPN analyst Bill Schroeder touched a nerve, mentioning that this was a "typical" Williams save. 

Excuse me? A "typical" inning? Tying runs on second? Two hits and a walk? Are you kidding me? I cannot take another Aroldis "Houdini" Holmes - that is, the closer who always fills the bases, who always sends us to the point of madness. Nope. That's not how this guy was sold to us. He was supposed to throw "the air-bender," which nobody can hit. 

Later, the ESPN team inferred that Williams is why Owner Hal eliminated the Beard Ban. Is that a joke? For this, we went scruffy? Hey, now! 

3. In the Mets loss, Juan Soto went 1-for-3 and left a runner in scoring position. Ha ha. Fuck you, Soto. NY went 0-6 with Runners In Scoring Position. 

Looks like Soto brought with him some of last year's Yankee magic. Let the negative juju commence. 

4. Troubling was the drop off in the heart of the Yankee order. Goldy, Jazz and The Martian: 0-10 with four Ks. Of course, one game means nothing. But that bottomless hole signifies the sum of all our fears: 

That once a pitcher gets past Judge, we fall into a crevice. 

For a brand new lineup, yesterday looked quite familiar: 

We score early and then go into hibernation. We had so many opportunities to break open the game, and we did nothing. Over the last 10 years, how often has that scenario played out?

5. Nice to see Luke Weaver throw a relatively quick eighth. (One walk.) Weaver remains a mystery, almost too good to be true. There were reports out of Tampa that his mph has dropped a couple ticks. He looked good yesterday. 

The Yankees really need a setup guy. They might even need a closer.

Unbottled, unbrewed and unbuttoned. I'll take it.