Forgive me, as I seek to restore my shattered hopes. It's no use. I'm devastated. I cannot write a compound sentence. It's over. That hula-dancer door prize, which has vexed us for the last six years... of all the gin mills in all the towns, in all the world, he had to walk into theirs.
The Pride of Canada won't be decamping to Gotham.
We won't sign Vladimir "I'll never be a Yankee, because I hate them, no, wait, I would consider being a Yankee if they pay me five hundred million dollars, because Toronto is too cheap and, no, wait, the Blue Jays have offered me five million dollars, so I'm signing with them, as I always planned, because I'm so loyal to the fans" Guerrero Jr.
Also known as Vladimir "Putin."
As in, "Putin on the Bullshit."
Yes, Vlad Jr. is staying in Toronto, having signed a $500 million, 14-year extension, which will make him a Blue Jay until around 2029, when he and his .195 batting average are dealt to the Yankees for some Single A chum. By then, Giancarlo Stanton will be paid off and long forgotten, and Cooperstown Cashman will pop his buttons with pride, having roped the leviathan into pinstripes. The big wheel will turn, and we will round up the usual suspects...
For the near future, Vladimir is off the table - behind only Juan Soto in the category of Inevitable Horror Show Contracts. For now, Ben Rice is our DH, and Trent Grisham our CF, until Cody Bellinger's back heals. Aaron Judge will be protected by Jazz Chisholm and the Torpedo Man, Anthony Volpe. He'll remain the solitary sure thing in our lineup, as long as he's healthy.
Fingers crossed. Insert sigh. We'll always have Paris Scranton.
It's hard to process yesterday's loss. That said...
1. We knew Andrew Healey would shut us down. Former Yankees always seem to enact revenge. (Though Nasty Nestor didn't. A true Yankee?)
2. We knew our bats would suddenly go quiet. Whenever we celebrate a hot streak, it's over.
3. The Yankees rallied in the ninth to tie the game. Nice. Clutch hits by Oswald Peraza and Grisham. (Too late for Oswald?)
4. In the end, the rally just added a few more innings to the bullpen budget.
5. The extra innings, man on 2B rule, does not help us. The Yankees do not advance runners. They'll either drive in a run with a hit, or smack a HR. The manufacturing base is gone.
And Vladimir won't be Yankee. Here's lookin' at you, Junior.
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11 comments:
That's how it goes in Cashmanland. Please don't eat the daisies.
‘’Always look at the BLIGHT side of life…. ‘’
I’ve commented so much on the team’s lack of situational hitting and tunnel vision approach to batting that I’m getting blisters on my fingers.
ICYMI, all the times for the Tiger series have been changed due to expected frigid temps. . Look for the Yankees to lose the series to an improving Tiger team in chilly Detroit.
Ringo got blisters on his fingers from the marathon 20+ minute Helter Skelter, nicely edited down by George Martin.
Your blisters may vary.
"You lucky bastard" !
Amazing how the Yankees refuse to take advantage of the newer base stealing rules. Extra innings have become a sure loss. So fucking stubborn!
You knew Andrew Heaney would be unhittable yesterday. The Greatest Pitcher in the History of the American League, now pitching in the N.L. Yankee management used to send him out there like clockwork, despite getting his butt handed to him every game. If memory serves, he did pitch a couple of good ones just before the end of his Yankee tenure.
Sunday game after Saturday day game + Saturday night out drinking and whoring and drinking and whoring and dancing and whoring and whoring and whoring = LOSS
Looks like most of the boys had a most entertaining Saturday night. Another hallmark of Commander Queeg Boone's teams is the flush-it-down-the-toilet final game of a series on Sunday. Been going on now for Queeg Boone's entire tenure.
Analytics Kevin. Or as many here have opined, boone is the worst mgr. in MLB
Quite right HOG, and fully emblematic of the lack of accountability that pervades this organization like the stench of a port-a-potty.
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