Thanks to the obsessive tinkering of Brian "Cooperstown" Cashman, the Yankees continue to uphold Warhol's prophesy, making fizzled former top prospects' dreams come true, by christening them as New Yorkers for a week.
In this case, the "Evil Empire" yesterday inexplicably grabbed Yanquiel Fernandez, a LH-hitting corner outfielder, off the waiver wire. This adds to the competition for the 4th OF slot, which now includes the Martian and Spencer "There's something happenin' here but you donno what it is, do you, Mistah" Jones. Once again, Cashman is playing 4-dimensional chess - though, unfortunately, on a Chinese checkers' board.
Everybody knows the Yankees had too many LH hitting OFs. So, of course! Cashman adds one more!
Yanquiel (pronounced "YAHN-kee-el") is just 23, so he hasn't timed out. His arrival suggests Cash is not done tinkering, that either Jones or the Martian could go in a trade. That would apply the cherry to a "Meh" winter, when the Yankees treaded water, while Boston, Baltimore and Toronto improved.
Ah, but who cares? Here are 10 fun facts about the newest - soon-to-be-gone - Yankee.
1. He was born on New Year's Day in Havana, Cuba.
2. He signed with Colorado at age 16, for $295,000.
3. After missing a season due to COVID, he shot up through the Rockies' system and represented them in the 2022 Futures Game.
4. That November, Colorado added him to its 40-man roster, protecting him from the Rule 5 draft.
5. Heading into 2023, he made several top 100 prospect lists. (Note: It's all downhill from here.)
6. In 2024, he sorta floundered in Double A, then moved up last year to Triple A and hit decently, (.284 with 13 HRs) to be promoted to the Rockies last July 1.
7. In 2025, he hit .225 with 4 HRs in 138 At Bats. He got off to a weak start, then hit over .300 in August.
8. He was mostly platooned. Unfortunatey, against RH pitchers, his bread and butter, he hit just .217 and struck out one in every three ABs.
9. He is said to have the 2nd strongest OF arm in MLB, with an average velocity of 97.2 MPH.
10. He won't be a free agent until 2032.
Gotta like the arm. Still, another LH outfielder? Forget it. He'll be gone by Friday.
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The Swedish women's hockey team is spanking the German team, 3-1. Germany scored first, but has been lifeless since. 12 minutes to go in the third period.
There was a power outage in the curling hall this morning, halting the mixed doubles matches for a short time. Weirdly, we lost power here for a couple of minutes at around the same time.
I think we'd be keeping Yanquiel if he didn't suffer from a lack of power. When he batted for Colorado last year, did the crowd yell, "Yanquiel go home!"?
I really don’t get signing these guys then dumping them a week later. This guy might actually be able to provide some depth at the minor league level. Somebody’s gotta play in Scranton!
US is beating Switzerland 5-3 in mixed doubles curling, at the beginning of the 6th end.
This is really exciting.
First off, I now cannot get the image of the German womens' hockey team getting spanked, pants down, mid-rink, while they're wearing all their gear. Shoutout to future fetish filmmakers: take my idea for no charge. Just send me a link to the finished product.
Second, Master Duque, are you trying to say that this guy has an "ELITE ARM?" That his VELOCITY is ELITE? Because if "Elite Velocity" becomes one of the buzzwords of the upcoming season, rather than simply a bad joke that I intend to rehash until pitchers and catchers report, I have something to say:
This season is going to be a greased luge ride to hell at ELITE VELOCITY. We have a tiny-brained chimp at the controls (I don't know the term for the controls of a luge sled), we have a reptile making the decisions with his metrics team and sending to the front of the sled via pneumatic tube. And the owner of the sled is sitting, like Jabba the Hut, in Tampa, counting his money and eating dried fish.
Fuck Hal, Fuck Brian, Fuck Donder and Blitzen.
ELITE ASSHOLES, ONE AND ALL.
And yes, I had two big cups of coffee just now.
After four or five triple shots of rye, I can piss with ELITE VELOCITY. Even at my advanced age.
And I do like the spanking movie idea. Why hasn't someone already done it already? Seems like such a natural.
US beat Swissyland 7-4 in mixed doubles curling. So there.
The plan is to convert him into a pitcher. Elite arm, elite name. Born to be a Yankee.
Courtesy of "Butch Cashman and the Sundance Hal", coming soon to a theatre near you:
Cashman to HAL: We found one today in the dumpster.
HAL: One? ONE MAN???
Cashman to HAL: El Banditto Yanqui
HAL (eyes widening): El Banditto Yanqui? EL BANDITTO YANQUI???
Andújar to SD, 4M. Too rich for Steinsucker’s blood apparently…
Yanks add Willie Randolph to YES broadcast team. No word on whether he’ll platoon with Chisholm at 2b.
Willie at 2nd would be a a net improvement, even if he used a walker or a cane.
Andujar would rather be hung, drawn, quartered, and burned at the stake than come back to the Yankees.
Austin Slater is off the board - Chi Sox if I remember correctly. Thank God it won't be Slater, but there's still a lot more remaining in the dumpster.
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