Biggest NY sports day of the year? Yamamoto v Schlittler in the afternoon, World Cup in the evening, dueling kitchen sinks at night.

 

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Okay, campers, buckle up, 'cuz here we go: 

It's Judgeless Judgement Day, an epic 10 hours of chips-and-dips, couch-potato, flat-screen flatlining, featuring trad world superpowers in a smoky, doomsday haze of celebrities, testosterone and explosive diarrhea. With Justin Beiber! OMG! Did I mention Beibs? Pinch me! 

At 12:35 p.m., the Yanks and Dodgers launch with Yamamoto v Schlittler, a duel for the ages, if not the afternoon. Let's hope Schlitt throws seven zeros, because the Yankees strikeout machinery won't touch Mr. Moto. There could be a lingering pack-a-day impact from the great Canadian smoke out, and maybe a Jake Bird bullpen meltdown? (If Grisham gets on base, I suggest a pinch runner.) Either way, this game - if not the Yankee season - should be decided by 3 p.m. (Note: During commercials, feel free to switch to the WNBA - LA v Paige Bueckers - or golf; there is always golf, I think Congress passed a law requiring golf.)

Which lets us click to the World Cup finale - Spain v Argentina! - in the Meadowlands, featuring more Canadian smoke, maybe some NY transit flooding and a 40-minute halftime show that will prove to the soccer world, once and for all, that America absolutely ruins everything it touches. Celebrities will be there. Trump will be there. All of Jersey will be there. The whole world will be watching. It will make the Knicks championship look paltry. This should bounce into the evening, even if Trump snores straight through. 

By then, we go back to the LA/NY double-header nightcap, which will either restore the Yankees to a playoffs-worthy dignity or leave them gasping on the dugout floor, swept and smoked. 

If the Yankees split, I suppose we can call it a day and get ready for the Pirates. 

If they get swept, it's an Edmund Fitzgerald Defcon One, and fellas, it's been good to know ya.  

If they get swept, get ready for a tidal wave of spin involving George Lombard Jr. and Clarke Schmidt. But really, why would we care? Since last winter, everyone in the world has known that...

a) Spain was a global FIFA power,
b) the Dodgers were the MLB team to beat
c) You don't mess with Messi. 

Today, on NYC's second biggest venue, it's time for the Yankees to show up. 

If they get swept, well, there's always soccer.