The singularity. The apocalypse. The culmination of all terrors.
Suzyn Waldman went speechless.
The Yankees' soccer mom took a long and piercing glimpse into the bottomless pit that is her team, and she saw a rigged system, without hope for the failing human condition. The world is going to hell, and the Yankees are leading the way.
It came in the 9th, after Jazz Chisholm - a recent lightning rod for fan anger - dramatically found a chance for redemption. One run down, Jazz singled, stole second, then stole third, and then scored on a wild pitch that clearly resulted from Tiger closer Kenely Jansen's frustration.
This was it, the moment these Yankees had been waiting for! Anthony Volpe was coming up, with Spencer Jones to follow. Two lifetime Yanks, in need of a breakout. You could feel it in Suzyn's voice.
Anthony Volpe legged out an infield single. Surely, he'd be running. Suzyn's voice rose an octave. This was their moment.
Volpe broke with the pitch. He was... out? Nooooo. The Yankees called for a video challenge. There, on the Jumbotron, it clearly showed Volpe beating the throw. Suzyn was delirious. This call was going to be overturned. Everyone saw it. Justice would be restored.
Then the replay showed Volpe over-sliding the base by a half-inch, the glove still upon him. Out. The call would not be overturned.
"This call goes against the spirit of the rule," Suzyn declared.
If a runner beats the throw, he should be safe. The rule-makers didn't expect every half-second to be analyzed on a 60-foot Jumbotron. "It runs against the spirit of the rule."
The rules are wrong. The country is wrong. Everything is wrong. And Suzyn has seen enough.
Seven straight losses - all to tomato cans, which is what the Yankees have become.
Honestly, what else is there to say? In his postgame gobbledegook, Boone said:
“There’s no way of sugarcoating it. We’re capable of way more, obviously. You’re gonna have stretches where it’s tough, where you’re missing some guys. This was a really difficult week."
No. This has been a really difficult season. Boston had collapsed. The Yankees seemed on the cusp of running away from a weak American League. And now, they look cooked.
Soon, Ryan McMahon and Trent Grisham will return. The way the Yankees are spinning this, you'd think it was Mantle and Maris. McMahon is hitting .210, and Grisham is at .232. Their returns are supposed to spark hope?
Nope. I'm with Suzyn. The spirit of baseball is being violated. And if she's losing her shit, at least she's fighting.
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19 comments:
Yeah, but at least McMahon is a good third baseman and before he got hurt, Grisham was on a sizzling hot streak at the plate for a month. Or something.
I was listening to Suzyn during that. It was sad. It was desperate. She so wanted that call to be overturned. Heartbreaking.
"I'm With Suzyn" is a good motto.
Lordy, ABS is the worst idea in a long line of bad ideas by the Manfred-Selig axis of evil. It just kills the game dead. I looks like it was designed for betting.
"ABS" also sounds like one of those made-up illnesses that drug companies create to sell you "take this forever" drugs that will cause other health problems, that will also require drugs, and so on and so on........
Or perhaps it's real, and the reason for all the food poisoning episodes that are draining the life out of the Yankees. Could it be the problem with the Yankees isn't the manager, but the caterer?
Who wants to bet?
Trademark time!
In a related story, I keep seeing IBS lady in Poland Springs commercials.
But unfortunately not wearing the skin tight outfit.
I thought ABS stood for the anti-lock braking systems on motor vehicles.
I think it's the stadium rat dogs giving them the Hantavirus. Perhaps some of the rat poison used as rodent abatement has leached into the "meat", or the Raid they spray to kill the myriad other winged and crawling nasties that the health inspectors overlook as compensation for free box seats.
ABS, Anti-lock Braking System. Didn't like it when it first came out more than a quarter century ago, but eventually came to accept it as a good emergency safety net. The computer is better at applying maximum braking force and stopping in a minimum distance than a human driver.
Couple of other meanings: Anti-Ballistic Missile system. A missile that intercepts a ballistic missile. And your abs, core muscles that protect your internal organs against punches and kicks. (Remember to do those crunches & leg lifts!)
Battlin' Bronx Bastards are just a lousy team, about a .500 ball club. Poorly built roster, with a lot of talent that is mis-used and not maximized. What do you expect? It's a suicide mission trying to defend the Korean Peninsula against those endless waves of naked, bootless & rifleless Commies. Soon, they'll have to do their fighting retreat (or advancing to the rear, as our top brass liked to put it).
A former Bronx health inspector retires and moves to the English seaside.
https://youtu.be/Y7rdmhMRX7w?si=su2Lm9eXfTzm0OLx
One of my favourite scenes...
You're exactly right, Dr. T. This is all about the integrity of the gambling, not the integrity of the game.
Aside from, say, deciding if something is a home run in a playoff games—something you could probably determine easily enough with sensors—there should be no replays. Period.
No head tapping. No going to the videotape. No nothing. This is all so that people who don't like sports save as one of the worst vices known to man, can be sure they're not being screwed over (When in fact, their compulsive gambling means they're already being screwed over, all the time.).
So....
Pizza rat's 🍕 🐀 cousin is biscuit rat 🍪🐀?
And we are all screwed because of that.
I support ABS as a matter of getting the call right. The problem is it doesn’t go far enough. All pitches should be called that way.
Perhaps Suzyn is correct about caught stealing, but it’s hard to see how a rule change could change the situation. Perhaps better sliding technique is the answer.
Suzyn is one the few who tells the truth.
I would be remiss to not point out that boone said he didn’t PH Goldy for Cabrera in the 10th inning with the win within grasp? Boone said it was bc he had “faith” in Cabrera. How about going for the win? This is the managerial in competence most of us find infuriating. How much longer will we be subjected to this unconscionable fool ?
I also believe that getting the call right is paramount and is more important than the occasional failure of "the spirit".
The spirit stuff seems like it's rare compared to the number of times a 1-2 count becomes a 2-1. Or not a K etc.
Volpe was out because he got a crappy jump and lacks baseball instincts to go with his lack of athleticism, arm strength, and ability to hit and field.
You are correct sir.
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