In Scranton, forever, Refsnyder on a 15-game hitting streak

Last night, he went 3 for 4, playing thirdbase. As if it matters.

With a game on the line, the Big 3 sit and watch

Peabody here... Sherman, set the Wayback for May 11, 2016 - with the location as "Yankee Stadium." Make sure it's not the one with the 26 world championships and the ghosts of Ruth and Gehrig. It's the one now famous for empty blue seats. Yes, we're going back to early 2016...  the year of Trump, when collapses. Yes, the year that "America? became a brand of beer, owned by a foreign company. 

It is top of the 6th, the KC Royals lead 4-3 with Mr. Michael Pineda pitching for our heroes. But he is unraveling. Pineda walks the lead-off man. That electrical surge you detect is the collective shriek of 6 million Yankee fans, pleading to their TVs for Girardi to change pitchers. He doesn't. The next batter whacks a DP ball, and the East Coast power grid might be safe, after all. Then Pineda walks another man. Girardi calls time. "This call to the bullpen is brought to you by..." NO! Girardi leaves Pineda in. That bonking sound you hear is not thunder. It is 6 million heads slamming into 6 million living room walls. Tonight, it pays to be a Comcast customer.

Next guy singles. Two on, two outs, game on the line... Girardi signals to the pen. In comes...  Nick Goody.

Let me stop this torturous parlor game. Let me note for the record that I like Nick Goody and think he can become a serviceable relief pitcher someday. He is only 24 - adorable - and has pitched 10 innings in his MLB career. He is, basically, a loaner from Scranton. Whenever he throws more than 20 pitches, instead of a hotel room, they give him a bus ticket to Wilkes Barre and call up a replacement.

The Yankees have three of baseball's best relievers - perhaps the three best strikeout machines in any bullpen - and when clutching fingernail to chalk board - they go with Nick Goody.

So what happens? He hits Alcides Escobar, loading the bases. That brings up Lorenzo Cain, who hit three HRs the previous night. Again, there is no reason in Trump's holodeck universe why the Yankees - with the highest priced threesome in any bullpen, anywhere - have Nick Goody pitching to Lorenzo Cain.

So what happens? Do I need to say it? Cain singles, two runs score - it's now 6-3, and that's China Town, Jake. Phil Coke comes in. The Big Three go back to hibernation. They're like a great bottle of scotch that you bring out, let everyone sniff, and then put it back in the case.

The Yankees could have won last night, but it would have meant abandoning their nightly role-play costume pageant - Mr. 7th, Mr. 8th and Mr. 9th Inning. Everybody has his slot. You don't ask poise questions during the swimsuit competition. It's not cricket.

Last night, the Yankees had one pivotal moment to save that game. Instead of Betances, or Miller, or el Chapo... they went with Nick Goody. Wow.

Electrified by el Chapo, John hits 7.05 seconds in WinWarble

Is Headley this year's Drew, and why are we trapped in a torturous time loop?

Last year, Yankee 2B Stephen Drew - (age 32) - hit .177 in April and .143 in May. (I looked it up.) His fielding was spotty; he was still learning the position. But he was a Cashman Catch, picked from the scrap pile for only $5 million, and fans were constantly assured - (or "YESsed," as they should say) - that any day now, Drew would explode like a 7-Eleven in Alberta.

And he did! In June, Drew hit a scorching .230.

He finished the season at .201, recovering from a bad hop that forced the Bronx Boredoms to play The Man Who Is Not There - Rob Refsnyder - in their one-game, three-hit, pre-playoff, Wild Card date with nothingness. Basically, we burned an entire year, waiting on Drew. We might as well have been waiting on Amelia Earhart.

Well, Drew is gone. This year, in Washington, he is hitting .143. Apparently, 2015 was not an aberration. He simply cannot adjust to defensive over-shifts. His line drives get caught. Maybe someday, he'll change. I wish him the best. End of story.

No... wait! It's not the end! Drew is not gone. He just turned into Chase Headley - (age 32) - who is now hitting .171.

Last night, Headley recorded his first RBI since mid-April. (He has two.) They should have stopped the game for a ceremony. The best thing to be said about Headley in 2016 is that his throws to first are no longer sailing into the Hudson River, as they did last July and August. Once again, we are waiting on a player with the growing, discomforting sense that he is beyond his sell-date and that we are burning another season - the Yankee way, during this decade.

Like Drew, who came from a disastrous year in Boston, we are waiting for Headley to find a form that was long lost in San Diego. When traded to us in 2014, he was hitting .229 with six HRs - (and the year before, he hit : .243, with only 13). For that, we will pay him $13 million this year - and next year, and the year after that. (And, of course, Refsnyder - Baseball America's 2014 All-Star 2B for Triple A - remains in Scranton, now playing - you guessed it - 3B.)

So it goes. Deja vu, all over again. We are trapped in a time loop.

Listen: This is what drives Yankee fans frickin' nuts. Our owner announces that he won't take on any more big contracts, because he wants to lower luxury taxes. So he sits on free agents like Max Scherzer, or David Price or Robbie Cano - or Yoan Moncaaaaaaadaaaaaaaaaa - and then he bungees us to Headley's dorsal fin for the next four years. He clutches the pennies in his purse, and then pisses $52 million on a guy who been on the decline since 2012.

Of course, the Retrieval Empire hasn't developed a decent MLB thirdbaseman since Mike Lowell, whom Cashman traded in 1999 for three bingo cards named Todd Noel, Mark Johnson and Ed Yarnell. And we don't have anyone now in the pipeline. Meanwhile, for the Redsocks, Moncada is hitting .321 in Salem, playing beside a 21-year-old SS who is hitting .354. Boston has young prospects throughout their system, while our Double A team has more burnouts than Ft. McMurray. (Cito Culver, Dante Bichette Jr., Tyler Austin, et al...) And we will spend 2016 waiting for Headley.

Don't get me wrong. I hope the guy hits. But does this merry-go-round ever end?

There is only one player in the Yankiverse, his name is Aaron Judge, and he is hot

Victory, con mucho gusto!

Last night, we zombies of the Yankiverse were aroused by Aroldis Chapman's radar gun readings, and led by 39-year-old Carlos Beltran's two solo "belts from Beltran" in a win over that MLB dynastic titan, Kansas City. I hereby say: Thank you, El Chapo and Mister Carlos. We are now 12-18 - six games behind Baltimore and Boston, but it's only May. And generally, it's sad when the most hopeful words you can summon are, "It's only May."

So pardon me if I look elsewhere for sprigs of daffodils in the looming gloom of 2016. In my life, I never thought I'd write this next sentence, but here goes: Our world revolves around Scranton.

Down on Route 81, just over the hill past Clark Summit, catcher Gary Sanchez - who is NOT the Second Coming of Jesus Montero - is hitting .282 with 5 HRs (after a bad start), and Rob Refsnyder - who may be the Second Coming of David Adams - is hitting .273 (after a terrible start). And then there is Aaron Judge...

(Wait a minute. I looked it up: Jesus Montero - now 26 - is hitting .298 with 2 HRs, and David Adams - now age 28 - is hitting .276, both in Buffalo, an affiliate of the Blue Jays. It seems like only yesterday we were waiting for them to light up the Bronx - memories that should forever blunt prospect-hugging optimism, and yet... ) 

Last night in Triple A, Aaron Judge - 6'7", 275 pounds, age 24 - hit his 5th HR in his last nine games. Judge has seven HRs on the season, tied for second in the International League.

On the season, the RH hitting Judge is batting .270 - .250 against lefties and .282 v. righties (in a totally microscopic sample size, sort of like when Trump says he's leading among Hispanic Republican women in Utah.)

With runners in scoring position, Judge is 7 for 24 (.292.) He has 20 RBIs, tied for second in the IL.

When ahead in the count, he's 12 for 35, (.373.) Behind in the count, .216.

He has stolen one base and needs to draw more walks - a lot more. He has only 11, and considering his output, Judge's on base percentage is a middling .327. He strikes out too often - 33 times - tied for 12th in the league. (In the last 10 games, he struck out only 8 times and drew 7 walks, so maybe there is an improvement. Too small to know.)

Once again, I thank El Chapo and Carlos B for last night. That said, both will be key cogs in the 2016 Yankee trade makeover. No matter how you slice it, this team does not need three bullpen closers. Unless the Yankees catch fire, one will become trade bait. As for Beltran, there is really no point in watching him patrol right field. That's Judge's future office, and - for better or worse - he might be coming to claim it.

"Yanks' Aroldis Chapman says Latin American players are 'easy targets'"

Not as easy as garage doors, obviously.

Will Refsnyder ever get the call?

Starlin Castro may have tweeked his Willie last night. Does it matter to the Scranton Scrapper?

It's El Chapo Day in the Yankiverse

Considering his alleged crimes, Aroldis Chapman is the first player in MLB history to literally be traded in a garage sale.

Dear Mr. Steinbrenner, give me $600,000, and I will give you a revolution

Dear Hal,

Was it fun last night? Did you enjoy watching the Bronx Boredoms, once again, flail helplessly against a knuckle-ball pitcher? Three hits. Three measly hits. There goes our winning streak. Once again, Boston brings out a knuckle-baller, and poof go the Yankee bats.

Here's an idea. (It's sad that it has to come from a fan, but here goes anyway...)

Take - say - $600,000 from your wild weekend fanny pack fund. Hire Tim Wakefield, the former Redsock knuckleballer, or - better - the guy who taught him to throw the knuckler. Hire the guy who taught R.A. Dickey. Hire the world's three greatest authorities on the knuckle-ball. You can probably get them cheap. They're probably working at colleges or clinics. Send them to Tampa, where you establish the Niekro School of Flutter Balls.

Next, comb the waiver wires for the ten smartest minor league pitchers over age 27. They were hot prospects nine years ago, but now they exist as innings-eating fodder. They survive on guile and trickery. Each is a quality individual, maybe a future coach. Send them to Tampa, to practice one pitch. The Niekro Knuckler.

Sprinkle them through your farm system. Figure it will take them five years to reach the majors or surrender. They could be rookies at age 33 - but still have long careers in front of them.

The goal: Five years from now, a staff with three knuckle-ballers.

Imagine the havoc this wreaks on opposing lineups. You only need a 10-pitcher staff. You have three pitchers capable of throwing 300 innings. Other teams won't steal so many bases, because your catchers will be versed in dealing with knuckle-balls. You will never have an exhausted bullpen. And you will have others rising through the system, some emerging at age 35.

Worst-case scenario: Nobody makes it, but 1) you will have tried, 2) you won't have spent much, and 3) you'll have 10 smart, quality pitchers - de facto coaches - working with other prospects at Tampa. The upside: You revolutionize the game... for pennies on the dollar.

Pennies on the dollar. More money for you. Got it? More money for you. Did I mention that? More money for you.

A terrible truth

A very, very, very disturbing thought struck me the other day about the Yankees.

We have become more like Donald Trump than I would ever care to admit.

Our results aren't very good, check. We inflate, or worse, actually believe we have a high on-field value, check. We are blowhard nationalists who are far more patriotic than healthy, check. We intimidate those who aren't (think "God Bless America" at the Stadium, and God bless you if you don't stand up in rapture to the flag and Kate Smith). We are not doing so hot with non-white people (our best showing is in the broadcast booth due to Ken Singleton), check. We have a cretinous, tasteless idea of what's "classy" and elegant, check. We charge a lot of money based a hell of a lot more on marketing than on anything else, including performance, check. We appeal to white douchebags (they're in the big money seats during big games, but you can find them all over the place), check. 

The best thing you can say is that Cashman is balding, too, but at least he doesn't use an elaborate combover that resembles a ground hog crossed with a golden weasel in heat.

We once were the Corporation, the guys with the most professional attitude, the winning machine. Now we're a Trump company. 

It's sad.

A win today would shut up some big, fat mouths

In the long run, a win today cannot matter much. There's 134 games left, countless gonads to tweak, hammies to pluck, Tommy Johns to erupt, maybe even an outbreak of chlamydia. Good grief, in the long run, the universe will stop expanding, and time will reverse itself, causing Andy Hawkins to throw his no-hitter backwards and thus win the game. In the long run, we're dead, and there never was a Yankees, and two games ago, that was fine with me.

But in the short run - like, tonight - we have Boston. In the short run, we have Buchholtz and Blake Swihart, Workman and Matt Barnes, and all the can't miss prospects with lavish ESPN brown-nosing, but who turn into Zolio Almonte. Generally, Boston scares me the way Florida does: At any time, a sinkhole could open with a Burmese python at the bottom of it. (Nothing sexual in that image, eh?) Still, what if their long-awaited resurgence - Betts, Bogartes and Bradely - turn out to be their version of the Killer B's? 

They've already pissed away $72 million on Rusney Castillo, $95 million on Pablo Sandoval and $88 million on Hanley Ramirez. What if they also just frittered $217 million down the sinkhole named David Price? Could it happen? (By the way, this is no way justifies the Yankees being cheap. Plenty of players perform to their contracts, and the Steinbrenners don't need to collect bottle deposits on this franchise.) 

But what if Boston crumbles for one more, eency-weency year? Wouldn't it be delicious? Misery loves company. The best part of a rivalry is not necessary playing your enemy. It's following them every day, pushing stickpins into their likeness, cheering their DWI arrests, marital yeast infections and fines for overdue library books - channeling all your evil negativity into positive things, like flat tires and tax audits. Seriously, isn't following Curt Schilling starting to become one of our favorite pastimes?

Tonight, we can exacerbate one of the Fenway Nation's greatest fears: They own their own versions of Beltran, Ellsbury and Headley. With a Yankee win tonight, they can find themselves at the bottom of that sinkhole, staring at the python. And there'll be nothing sexual about it.

Hola, another victory, por favor?

Note To Editors ( see below )

Do we continue to list CC as our team leader in wins, even while he is on the DL?

Once again, Boston's cousins at ESPN back the Redsocks

Where I come from, journos aren't supposed to argue balls and strikes. 

But when the Redsocks lose, the rules change.

Papi goes berserk, gets thrown out like a Trump protester, and somewhere an angel received her wings

Well, 2016 won't be a total wipe-out, after all.

No matter what happens, no matter how many rock stars die, no matter how many Yankees get carted off the field, we'll always have Papi's steroidal, Oscar-caliber re-enactment of Al Pacino in Justice For All. ("I'm out of order? This court is out of order!")

From now on, every David Ortiz story involving the Yankees doesn't have to culminate with him leisurely stepping on home plate with his chubby fingers to the sky. There may not be a juju god, but at least we know there is an equilibrium of nature. Call it karma. Call it random sequence. Call it whatever. I call it strike three.

For once, Papi didn't get the benefit of the doubt on an ump's decision, so what happens? He pops like Cory Lewandowski, like a gummy bear in a hydraulic press. He goes Mento-in-Coke, railing against the world with the entitled outrage of a Hitler tweet from Curt Schilling. Ortiz is used to always getting the call. For once, it went our way. Our way.

If that pitch had gone against us - (ball four, run scores, game tied) - I have no doubt that we would have lost the game - (Phil Coke was warming in the pen) - and the series - (which we may still lose.) Joe Girardi - who has already this season absorbed more cuts than John Snow - would have been like Faye Dunaway at the end of Chinatown, staring vacantly into Suzyn's eyes and saying, "She's my sister... and my daughter. She's my sister... and my daughter..." Andrew Miller would no longer be Lord Commander of the Night Watch. We'd be waiting for the arrival of El Chapo, the shooter of garages.

But the call went our way. Our way. No matter what happens, we'll always have last night.

Victory!

At Least He Didn't Go With "Eat a Bag of Hicks"

Also on Twitter: Pineda is trending! Mostly because he threw up his arms when Hicks bobbled a ball. Twitter thinks he shouldn't do that!

Yanks now tied for first in Fantasy Umpire Ejection League

Girardi got himself ejaculated the other night. The league gave points to the ump.

Yankees team leaders in RC27!

(I have no idea what the fuck RC27 is.)

(My guess: Royal Canadian 27-proof whiskey?) 

CC out? Aye caramba!

Don't Jump To Conclusions.....

Just because our team leader in wins ( CC Sabathia ) has today been placed on the 15 day DL, it does not suggest an emergency visit back to Silver Hill for him.

He has a groin pull, and so would you if you fell off a barstool.  I'm not saying CC did that, mind you, I'm just suggesting  it could happen to anyone.

Luckily, we have a re-tread ready to go.  Phil Coke.

What's not to like?

This is just another signal telling the world how well prepared Brian Cashman is to any adversity affecting the NYYankees.

Next in line is Nick Swisher.

Things can only get worse.

You can leave the " cuffs" on.  I'll drink it with a straw.

Singles or home runs: The Yankees are dead last in doubles

Wonder why the Yankees have such an anemic offense?

No team in the majors this season has hit fewer doubles than the Bronx Boredoms. We are a team that simply stops at first, in part for fear of pulling a hamstring, (which we do anyway.)

Orioles Slam Door On Yankee Win Streak

Anyone here wonder about Joe Girard's decision to go with Barbato instead of Miller in the bottom of the 10th?

Or his choice to let Barbato get out of a possible game-ending jam when the first Oriole hitter in the bottom of the 10th reached base?

Are we trying to win games or teach lessons?  What will Barbato now bring to the one game play-in tension?

Truth is; it doesn't matter.

Even if Miller had been brought in and blanked the O's in the 10th, we lose in the 11th or 12th.

The math is pretty much unassailable.  Even though it was 0-0 ( and boring beyond belief ) through 9 innings, there was only a .05 probability ( per my formula ) that the Yankees win the game.

The Yankees have still not figured out how to win without scoring.  Or by scoring fewer runs than their opponent.  Or when we score 2 runs, maximum.  This team also can't bunt, won't bunt, and won't attempt to hit to the opposite field against the shift.

When is that charity game against the West Point baseball team?  We might win that.

As an aside;  Let's give some props to Tanaka.  Let's give some props to the catch made by
Ackley in the bottom of the 9th.  I don't think Carlos makes that play.

Note to readers:  I might have Ackley's name wrong, because I usually don't pay much attention to guys hitting below .100.  But he contributed, and no one else playing a position in the field did.

How about that Castro fella?  Go to sleep.  Get picked off.  Blow any shot at the winning ( or lead ) run.

Doesn't matter.  We lose anyway.

That's the beauty.  The bonehead moves Girardi makes, the bonehead plays our players make, the crappy players we add to the team, the worse prospects we bring up.......they don't change the outcome.

This is a fish dying from the head down.

And, as with all dying ( or dead ) fish, it stinks.

From 2009 and beyond: WHY WE FIGHT

(Originally posted by Mustang)
Red Sox complicity in U.S. torture flights

They feed their own fans prison food

They're bigger racists than Joe Torre

Their groundskeepers are thugs


Varitek clawed A-Rod's face, kept his own mask on

Schilling poured ketchup on his sock, called it blood

They decapitate their players when they're done with them

Big Papi has it in for Joba for no reason

They tried to freeze-out John and Suzyn.

They can't lose a game without whining about something.

The Yankees are the presumptive nominee to pick first in the 2017 draft

It's time to start collecting stool samples on the high school Class of '17 - such as Christian Robinson, a Florida prodigy who, right now, is surely out there wrestling a Burmese python in the town sinkhole. He could be the Justin Bieber of the 2017 draft, when the Yankees could pick first.

Yep, it's something to live for - along with Trump's happy wall, pizza carrying drones, and Channing Tatum's Magic Mike show in Vegas. (Says Chan the Man: "I have a really nice back porch, where the pool is." WTF?)

OK, maybe it's too early to fast-forward into the next millennium. But this one looks like a downer. In simple terms: You can change the pitcher, but you can't change the owner. We are seven games out of first - more an omen than unsolvable situation - with the fourth worst record in baseball. Once behind, this team inspires as much confidence as the Iraqi Navy. And when they talk about help from Scranton, the names Nick Swisher and Phil Coke leave a pool on your back porch. (WTF did he mean?)  

The AL East started looking dicey last winter. Now, the Wild Card looks like Alpha Centauri. By July 4, we could be an oldies farewell tour without anybody actually leaving. We could be the Philadelphia 76ers or Cleveland Browns, playing out the season in the hope of snagging some Christian Robinson, who is still learning to kiss. Dear God, we could be the Knicks... or the 1986 Yankees.

Based on your comments, I realize that many of you have followed the Yankees for decades, if not centuries. You remember Bob Shirley and Sheriff Cowley, and Andy Hawkins' no hitter. Like me, you wanted to believe the Yankees' late 1990s run would go on indefinitely, or at least run out our clocks. But we knew what could happen. Now, it's here. The wolf is at our door. This isn't about losing seven of our last eight. This is about a franchise in free-fall with a middling farm system and a nepotistic owner who wants to carve his mark by making money.

Folks, this could be one of the worst Yankee summers in our lifetimes.

We face a bad team, a boring product, impossible ticket prices, no cable TV (in Jersey), a demoralized John and Suzyn, and an exciting alternative across town. Even if Aaron Judge rises from Scranton, is he better than Michael Comforto? The Yankees' main attraction is a three-stopper bullpen that never gets to pitch.

Last night, we burned a great outing by Masahiro Tanaka. (What could we get for him in a trade?) We squandered Starlin Castro (What could we get for him in a trade?), Dellin Betances (What could we get for him in a trade?) and didn't pitch Andrew Miller (WCWGFHIAT?) The 2017 draft is about 15 months away. Should we start on DNA analysis?

How do we entertain ourselves in the wake of Hell?

Help us, Magic Mike.

Tanaka has a 2.29 ERA and is only 1-0; Girardi makes another genius move

The statheads who wrote that book I've been citing lately described a conversation with their team's manager where they tried to convince him their closer was more valuable as a starter or multi-inning reliever. The manager thought they were idiots and said,  "The closer is the closer, that's why he's the closer."

Which was basically the reasoning Girardi gave to reporters after losing the game by putting in Barbato instead of Miller for the 10th. Yeah, you have to save your best available, well-rested guy for when you're winning. Never use him in the most crucial at-bats of the game, because then you can't use him if you actually survive and somehow take the lead afterward.

Joe has not been given a good team to manage, but that doesn't excuse him from mismanaging. I guess Ellsbury is in center with his weak wing because he's the center fielder who's the center fielder, that's why he's in center field. And why Hicks is the one who gets to play when Gardy is plunked because his average is up to .091, verifying Cashman's claim that adding Hicks and Castro made the offensive juggernaut of 2015 only that much more terrifying.

Heck, I'm terrified. In all kinds of ways.

Snapping loss streak, John Sterling unveils a meager 5.28 second WinWarble

I hope he didn't pull a hammy. But considering the end of the losing streak, it was logical to expect the Master to cover 7.00 seconds.

Maybe he just hasn't had enough practice lately.

An Ode to CC

When he has all his pitches, 

he has two going one way 
and two going the other way

which I think is important.

And they’re all different speeds.

--Joseph Girardi
Postgame interview
May 4, 2016

Slammin' Yanks Begin Assault on AL East !

Let me start by congratulating our ace, CC Sabathia, on shutting out the Orioles for 7 frames.  He is definitely not, " on the rocks," although, per my pledge, I raced through my bottle of CC as the zeros kept getting posted.

Let me just say this;  a great friend gave me a stylish shot glass a while back, which is, " outside the normal limits" ( amount of alcohol contained ) when filled to the brim.  So I am typing slow, and thinking even slower, as the sun again fails to rise near my home.

If I say anything outrageous, or stupid, please wear your " forgiving " hats and think, " I have been there, so I know."

But the Yanks are back.  The Yankee offensive hammer is down.  Watch us rock, now.

Who needs re-enforcements?  That Hicks dude, our top off-season acquisition, is really close to getting on base.  His batting average (.045?) just doesn't show the intimidation factor that he brings to his at bats.

And with Carlos as our DH?

I could go on and on.  But there is little to say, and I am boring myself.

Go Yanks.  Keep it up.

I need a cheeseburger.

A-Rod departs, CC returns, Gardy gets x-rays, and Channing Tatum is planning a live Magic Mike Vegas show!

I'm not kidding. Last night, minions of the Yankiverse received a double-shot of joy: Victory over Buck Showaltimore and news that Channing Tatum is planning a live Magic Mike Vegas show!

Woah, easy now! Down, boy! DOWN! Yes, Kitty love to scratch! Rr-r-r-r-rrowl. But keep your hands off the Subway, Jared. The Chan Man won't be beef-caking himself - he'll direct the show, (whatever that means.) And it won't happen until next March - when CC and A-Rod are launching their farewell tours, and when we'll be anticipating the Fourth Coming of Rob Refsnyder, the Yankee Godot. 

If there is such a thing as
too much cheese, the Yankees have it.

Oooh! Oooh! Jumpin' Jehozifat! Didja know today's NY Post has a story about lowering cheese consumption without using the phrase "cutting the cheese?" They're becoming Presidential. 

Everybody is becoming Presidential, and lowering cheese consumption - without cutting any!

Last night, CC threw 7 shutout innings, bringing his ERA below 4.00. He now leads the team in wins with 2!  He could be our Bartolo. Last night, he was saved in the fifth from a two-out liner by Manny Machado that was hit so hard Jacoby Ellsbury ran in and then had to leap to snatch. If that ball wasn't directly at Ellsbury, we would have fallen behind by two - and, well, everybody knows what that means.

But it didn't go over his head. We notched three 2-out RBIs. (McCann, Didi, Gardy.) Chase Headley (.153) got a hit. Down in Scranton, Refsnyder played RF, by request. He wants to remind the Yankees he still exists. And, of course, we finished the night with a potential injury to Brett Gardner, who was hit on the elbow by a pitch.

Oooh! Oooh! Didja know Starlin Castro is currently on course to set the single-season record for hitting ground balls into double plays? He has five. If he keeps it up - (unlikely) - he'll hit 40 - beating Jim Rice's record of 36, set in 1984. But he shouldn't get complacent, because McCann has 4! (NOTE: A-Rod and Tex have three.)

John and Suzyn last night were Presidential. The Master's WinWarble sounded rather weak, considering the events: A Yankee victory and Magic Mike. I bet it got warm in that booth.

A-Rod tweaks a hammy, just as he starts to hit: Folks, we are standing on the tracks in front of a rapidly moving fate train

No sooner does he show a sign of life that A-Rod goes down.

Folks, I'll say it again. The 2016 Yankees are a team of destiny, sort of like Malaysian Flight 370.

Don't tangle with Fate.

FATE
Whether you're early
Or whether you're late,
It don't mean shit to Fate.

Deja Vu Squared

I was hanging in there while the game was tied 1-1.

But when our young pitching phenom, "boinked," his second assisted put out attempt
 at first base ( flip from Tex to beat the runner), and the second Oriole run scored, I did my calculation of probability, concluded that the Yankees could no longer win, and turned off the TV.

So here is my question;  Who did Brian Cashman hire to coach this young man?  Is it the same guy who teaches our players how to bunt, and how to hit the opposite way against the shift?  In other words, the same coach or coaches who leave our multi-million dollar professionals absolutely
useless ( almost comically bad ) at these traditional, required baseball skills?

Another failure of Mr. Cashman.  Often not noticed, until last night.  But a failure nonetheless.

It seemed as though Luis has never seen a play like that before, where he has to cover first, take a flip from Tex and step on the bag for the out.  I will grant you, that he, " got there," ahead of the runner both times.  The tricky part was the, " multi-tasking;  catching the ball while running, and then stepping on the base.

 Young Luis looked like a new born giraffe on ice.  He looked neither at the ball nor the bag, but just glazed over and, " went panic."  I wonder how it felt;  stepping on nothing without the ball?

At 2-1 Baltimore, of course, the game was doomed.

Better to watch the some near frozen guy trying to hunt a moose for his winter meat.  And leaving the safety on when he took the shot.

That's what Luis did.  He left the safety on his glove.  So it wouldn't catch.

More fine work for the organization, Brian.

When are you leaving?

Five quick lineup tweaks that will have the Yankees again leading the AL East

Well, we outlasted Ted Cruz! We're not done yet. Here are five quick fixes to restore the Yankees to their rightful place in the baseball firmament.

1. Give beloved franchise President Randy Levine a surprise birthday party - (birthday or not) - and present him with an all-expenses paid flight to a luxury bungalow in the beautiful Marshall Islands. Once he's wings-up, have our "cleaners" in the CIA and News Corp. surgically erase every physical and digital footprint of his past existence. (Similar to what they did with Rob Refsnyder and Malaysian Flight 370.) Without any form of identity, he can eat crabs and live naked and happy in paradise until the shorelines - six feet above sea level - disappear for some reason - certainly not climate change, which right-wing political oil cans like Randy know is a commie hoax.

2. Promote Brian Cashman to the newly vacant position of President. Give him a pay raise, a better parking slot and a blazer that says President. Give him a cap that says President and stationary that says, "From the desk of the President." His new job" Decorating and redecorating the office of the President. He can also rappel down buildings for charity. (I like that in a Yankee President.) He gets to use the Yankee Presidential desktop click-clack.

3. Fire Jay Gould - I mean, Lonn Trost - and everybody who is listed on the Yankee masthead above the first human being with a baseball background. That's Gary Denbo, a former minor league prospect, who runs our farm system. (He's new, so you can't blame him for Cito Culver.)

Check out the bloated, nepotistic, salute to country club cronyism that runs the Yankees. I count 17 names above Denbo.

OK, let's compare the Yankees upper crust to that of a successful franchise. Here's the St. Louis Cardinals' masthead. I count nine poobahs and bean counters above the first baseball people.

How many hundreds of millions of dollars each year go to the top 17 names on the Yankee masthead? The Steinbrenners are billionaires. Their lone duty is to sit atop the mammoth shit-pile. Maybe we should shit-pile smaller?

5. Ooh-ooh! Jumpin' Jehovuzzat! I just got an idea, Muldoon! Hold a surprise party for the Steinbrenners! Give each one an all-expenses paid luxury bungalow in the beautiful Marshall Islands...

Two!!!

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:-(

Insanity

The NY newspapers are all over the " Yankees" for sucking.  In a stupid sort of way.

They are bombarding GM Cashman with questions about Girardi (e.g. " is his job safe?"), and about the multi-millionaires who are all hitting in the .100s with no power.

GM Cashman showed some irritation, apparently, when he said, " right now no one should be concerned about their jobs " ( why the f*** should they, because their outrageous contracts are all guaranteed?).  We have a very good team."

However, sayeth the great phoney:  "  If we don't come around soon (i.e. win some games; get some clutch hits; pitch well, play defense, etc ) I am going to bring in re-enforcements."

Talk about a joke.

 Implying that Cashman can solve anything is to stretch credulity beyond normal limits.
This mess (what we have been seeing on the field) is his best shot.  There are no more bullets in the popgun.  He has no moves to make.

Allowing Cashman to pontificate on any solution to the Yankee's malaise is like asking the devil to outline the entrance qualifications to nirvana.

What are the NY reporters doing?

Don't they get it?

 Don't they know that Cashman is responsible for the mess, and that there are no re-enforcements?  It his his damn responsibility that the team sucks.  It his failure that lets us know there are no Robbie Cano's or  Chin Ming Wongs he can bring up.

Tonight, if it isn't a rainout, we get to hear how great Severino is.

He is our last hope.

The comedy genius of Brian Cashman

“I can tell you they are better than this,” Cashman said. “That is a fact. From an offensive standpoint, we finished second in the league in runs scored and the winter added Starlin Castro and Aaron Hicks. We are obviously better than this. That’s a fact inside the game or outside the game to the casual fan or if you are covering on the media. That is an answer that everybody would easily say. These guys are better than what they are showing.”

Let it rain, let it rain, let it wash this miserable team into the sea

Folks who remember the great Yankee teams of the late 1990s also know a dirty little secret: They came from the catastrophic 14-year Bronx Barf, a near Biblical exodus that bottomed out in 1990. The following year, we drafted first - blew it on Brien Taylor - but in 1992, we picked sixth and found Derek Jeter.

For about five years, the Yankees were universally derided as the worst-run franchise in pro sports.

Folks, here we go again.

And sadly, I say... sooner, the better!

Yep, let it rain. Let the winds blow down this abomination. Let the seas rise, the facades fall, and let the seats of what they call "Yankee Stadium" be filled by the ghosts of Brien Taylor. Every aspect of the 2016 Yankees - from Lonn Trost's entitled view of working fans, to the sorry inability of hitters to bunt against an over-shift - smacks of an institution in need of an overhaul, if not a revolution. Frankly, the only way to change this diseased marriage of nepotism and cronyism is to stack the losses like chord wood and flick a match. Bring it on.

Let's play Chase Headley until his contract ends in 2060. Let's bring up Nick Swisher - sell a few extra tickets; it's all about the Tubmans, right? - and watch him bat .202. Let's just lose until the Steinbrenner family has to grow beards and move to an armed fortress outside of Topeka, having pissed away whatever legacy the team once held. Tonight we're gonna party like it's 1989.

I hate to be this way. I feel like a traitor to the team I have rooted for, prayed for - lived for - since 1960. But I've had enough. This morning, several Yankee blogs are pondering the lineup tweaks we can make to climb out of this rat hole: Bench Headley, bring up Judge, pay for Ellsbury's sex change, blah blah blah. Fuck that. This team doesn't need a tweak. It needs a nuclear bomb. And the worst thing that could happen is a few of our geriatrics get hot, we rise to .500 and then - come the trade deadline - pull in another Alphonso Soriano, in pursuit of that horrible fake carrot - the final Wild Card slot - which we chase into mid-August. Then, next year, we do the whole damn thing over again.

Nope. Not me. I can't take it. Folks, we are trapped in the movie Groundhog Year. Our ownership lives a delusion: The Yankees never have to rebuild, they just magically contend every year, and they don't even need to spend on premier talent, like Yoan Moncada. (YOOOOOOAN MONCADA... SLOOOOOOOOOOOWLY I TURNED...). And what do we get? A .500 mediocrity, which technically pretends to still be in a race.

Folks, we're the baseball equivalent of Ted Cruz.

Nope. Not me. Let it rain. Let the waters rise.

I am now officially rooting against the Yankees. Bring on the apocalypse. Bring on the chaos.

I am become death, destroyer of Yankee worlds.

No. Even worse. I am become Brien Taylor.

When Suzyn loses it

It's not easy watching your team be swept at Fenway.

She must have felt a little like Carly.

You're never too old to learn

Or at least to have things you've long suspected reinforced by someone else.

I'm now about two-thirds of the way through the stathead book I wrote about earlier, and discovered two things (so far) I completely agree with the statheads about. Who knew?

1) When faced with an infield shift, bunt the other way. It works. It kills the shift. Do it more than once and not only do you raise your average, you might get some bunt doubles. And you'll discourage teams from shifting on you, basically killing their annoying habit.

I was surprised to see this because someone in the comments was always raging about how this was completely stupid, that it took away the power of hitters like McCann and Tex, that the power was why we put them up there, yada yada yada. Bullshit. The only problem with the bunting strategy is really that nobody knows how to bunt anymore. Our guys are pathetic at it. Most guys on most teams are. Why? Because it's all about the long ball, it's all about preserving the swing that makes guys so pathetic against the shift, because baseball is a different game than it used to be...whatever the reasons, it's absolutely mind-boggling that somebody can make five or ten or fifteen million dollars a year and not be able to handle a basic skill of the game. Plus, it's fun. And what's even more fun is seeing the gobsmacked look on the other team's face when you're standing at second base and your bunted ball barely made it to third.

I didn't think statheads believed what a lot of us believe about this. We have allies we didn't know of.

2) The way almost every team uses it's closer is moronic.

The going wisdom is that you bring in the closer only when there's a save situation and basically only in the ninth inning. This is so dumb, it's astounding. On a lot of teams, the closer is statistically and in reality the best pitcher on the staff in one to three inning situations. Statistically, Mariano's most effective year as a pitcher was 1996, BEFORE he was the closer, when he used to come in during crucial late innings and stay for more than three outs. Gossage, Fingers and the rest of the guys from their era used to come in anytime after the fifth if the situation called for it.

Simply put, if the most crucial at-bats of a game are in the fifth or sixth or seventh, why wouldn't you bring in your best guy to have the best chance of getting through it? And leave him in if he has the kind of arm that will bounce back quickly the next day or day after. Yes, if you have one of those guys (or a couple of those guys) who have the psychology that they are reserved for the ninth or eight or whatever, you have to respect that. No use screwing with their heads if they're good at what they're doing. But if someone is open to more flexibility, let them be flexible, fer chrissakes.

This wouldn't have helped us in Boston this weekend, since Dellin is awesome and bringing him in was as sure as a sure thing gets in this game. Or would it have? I don't have a little black binder, so I don't know if it might have been a better idea to bring in Miller instead in either one or both instances. One thing is for sure, as the strictly ninth inning guy who only comes in to close out a win, he sure isn't suffering from arm fatigue with this team. Why not bring him out for the eighth or the seventh? Why not let him work two or three innings if he's up for it and cooking? Why not use him when it counts, instead of saving him for a situation that's not going to happen with regularity?

This stuff seems like common sense, but baseball is not a place where common sense has a place of honor. There's a lot of posturing and bullshit and hidebound traditions that kill mediocre (or worse) teams like ours.

If the Yankees are one of the handful of teams truly embracing stats, why aren't we doing it in more ways that actually work, instead of in ways that obviously don't?

Yeah, I guess that's a rhetorical question.

A Different Kind Of Deja Vu

I have to confess that I temporarily lost my mojo last night.

The Yankees kept giving up the lead and getting it back.  The Yankees were scoring some runs.

A-Rod looked like the 27 year old version ( except, of course, he didn't play defense ) of the man.

My probability formula was not designed to deal with a calculation involving more than 2 runs for the Yankees.

Time for an adjustment.

With enough Canadian Whiskey in me,  I was able to see a new, " path to the light,"  make a few changes and substitute the concept of a tie game for the 2 run variable.  If I had been drinking more during my probability theory classes years ago, I might have turned out smart.

At 6-6, therefore, I re-ran the numbers, per my new approach.

The probability of the Yankees overcoming yet another tie, at the 6 run level, in Boston, flashed negative ( I ran the equation several times, as there was margin for error).

It was only then that I turned off the TV.

The predicted outcome was exactly the same as for the previous two games, only different.

How did Joe look in the press conference?

Mayday... Mayday... Mayday.... This isn't mediocrity. This is something far worse.

So here's how it happens: Dellin Betances - unhittable Dellin - gives up the winning blast to a defense-only catcher who hasn't homered since 2014. Our best pitcher blows two games in three nights. Wow.

Listen... this isn't luck. Folks, this isn't talent or even old age.

This, my friends, is the stuff of Fate...

                    FATE
        Whether you're early,
        Or whether you're late,
        It's don't mean shit to Fate.

Listen: There is an overwhelming certainty about the 2016 Yankees, a sense of death by quicksand, which transcends sample size and history. It is the knowledge that somehow, regardless of score and circumstances, this Yankee team is destined to lose. You can read it on the faces of the players. You see it in Girardi's moves. And we all know what's next.

The Yankees will win a few games - (You can't lose 'em all!) They'll show slight electrical pulses in the cortex, as A-Rod did last night, or "No-Hit Nathan" Eovaldi did last week. (As opposed to last night, when he couldn't keep a lead.) They'll start to rectify their course. The YES team will assure us the Yankees are making their move...

And then the injuries will hit.

Yes, the injuries. They're out there, circling our boat like a horde of sharks. The tweaks, the tears, the Tommy Johns, the Lou Gehrigs, the Chuck Knoblauchs and the Muhammad Alis. (Maybe even a CC or a Johnny Manzel?) The collisions, the dives, the sprains.... they're coming.

Think about this: We've achieved the fourth worst record in baseball with a healthy team. We've collapsed without even touching all those bad vibes we've been storing in the juju vault. Soon, that door will pop open, but it won't happen until the players start to hit.

Saturday night, the YES courtiers suggested that the Retrieval Empire should return to the ways of 2005, when they revived a lifeless team by bringing up Joggie Cano and Chien-Ming Wang. I agree. They should bring up Cano and Wang! Trouble is, the 2016 versions are Nick Swisher and Phil Coke. They managed to crush Rob Refsnyder's soul and leave the young OFs with no places to go. The Scranton team - with Kozma, Puello, Parmelee, et al - is barely younger than the Redsock lineup that swept us this weekend.

Folks, the fix is in.

Fourth worst team in baseball, behind Minnesota, Houston and Atlanta. Last in the AL East. Seven games below .500. Old, tired and - worst of all - you can feel it: This is a team of destiny. Wow.

Deja Vu Again

I turn on the TV.

It is the top of the third inning.

We are down 2-0.

I do my calculation on the probability that the Yankees can come back to tie, and then win the game.

I turn off the TV.

How bad is it? Yesterday's minor league game in Tampa was called due to Beyonce

They postponed it because Beyonce was doing a concert nearby.

The critics are raving over this talented Yankee team

NJ.com: "... most embarrassing loss yet." 

Axisa: "... a new low every night..."

Post: "... the very worst kind of NY team."

ESPN: "... no signs of life..."

Girardi: "Enough's enough." 

Trump: "... thugs and criminals... some are professionals..."

Suzyn: "... oh boy..."

John Boehner: "... Lucifer in pinstripes..."

IT IS HIGH: "... disgusting, puss-filled, larvae turd of a team..."

Nietzsche: "... God is dead... but not as dead as these guys..."

John: "... I've been to the Hebrew Home; it's like a college campus..."