Two years after trading for Joey Gallo, the Yankees apparently think Estevan Florial strikes out too often to play LF

Often, Yank fans mirror the characters in those Progressive TV ads about kids becoming their parents. We stand around, carping about who will play left field.  You can imagine Dr. Rick shaking his head, then blurting, "NO MORE TALK ABOUT AARON HICKS!"

But, really, how can we not?

If the season launched today, our starter in left - the ancestral grounds for Mel Hall, Luis Polonia and Chad Curtis - would be Aaron "the Wrong Aaron" Hicks, who batted .216 last season and gives us the same feeling House Republicans must have when George Santos trends on Twitter.

The free agent ranks of lefty-hitting leftfielders has dwindled to cigarette butts and bottle deposits, and unless future Hall of Famer Brian Cashman can trade for somebody, another year looms of Hicksy, who - fun fact: is said to be the best golfer in baseball. The mere notion of Hicks - again - conjures George C. Scott in the 1979 movie Hardcore. I want to scream, "Turn it off!"

But I am not here today to turn it off... hope, that is. I'm here to open a can of happy, even if Hicks turns out to be our man. I'd rather we move slowly with trades, especially if the alternative is to further drain our farm system, which already resembles Lake Mead, for somebody who was good five years ago. 

At some point, the Yankees must give youth a chance. Tampa does this, all the time. The Yankees seem to view prospects for their hype value: They spend years touting a kid, then trade him and say he was never in their plans. It's time to give left field to the next generation. The answer to our problem can come - forgive me, here - out of left field.

Here's why Cashman and his AARP should stand pat.

1. The Yankees never have star left fielders. According to Baseball Reference, here's our list of starting LFs in the 1990s, arguably our last great decade: Oscar Azocar, Mel Hall Jr., Dion James, Luis Polonia, Gerald Williams, Tim Raines (age 37), Chad Curtis, Rickie Ledee. Never mind the police rap sheets. This is a list of goober hitters and defensive statues. The Yankee left field G.O.A.T. might just be Roy White, and while we all love Roy... really? The G.O.A.T? Ouch. 

2. We can't do worse than last year. In case you've forgotten, our best months came with Joey Gallo in left. He hit .159 and fanned in nearly half his ABs. We ended the year with Oswaldo Cabrera playing a position he hadn't held since little league. In the meantime, we had Hicks, Tim Locastro and the cast of Glee. Seriously, who cares about left?

3. We do have a lefty-hitting left fielder, right in front of us. His name is Estevan Florial. Yes, he carries the weight of prospect fatigue: The Yankees have hyped him for five years. Our biological clocks think he's pushing 50. But he's 25. Last season at Scranton, he hit .283 with 15 HRs and 39 stolen bases. 

Yes, Florial strikes out. Last year, roughly once every three ABs. That's Josh Donaldson territory. He needs to put balls in play. But let's circle back to those 39 stolen bases. This year, along with the over-shift ban, MLB is enlarging the bases, shrinking slightly the distance between them. I'm not sure this is wise, tampering with the fundamental dimensions of the game. But the owners are geniuses, right? Otherwise, they wouldn't be so rich, right? If Florial stole 39 bases last year, he should be a terror this season - when speed is a premium. 

One other thing: The Yankees have no more options on Florial. If he doesn't make the roster, he must be designated for assignment or traded, or both. 

I believe the Yankees can get by with a solid fielder, a speedster and 15-to-20 HRs. Too many strikeouts? Bat him ninth.  

Most of all, let's not kill our farm for somebody who peaked in 2017. At the least, stand pat. It's just left field.

No matter what happens in 2023, at least it won't bring another Aroldis Chapman disaster

Now and then, let us celebrate small victories: The car started. The coffee machine perks. The internet didn't go out. Springsteen. Jeopardy. Brisket. Velcro. Provolone. Bohemian Rhapsody... And no more Aroldis Chapman. 

As we march the endless, existential beach of despair, at last, we find a tiny, glittering gemstone. 

No more El Chapo. No more opening pitches to the backstop. No more leadoff walks. No more waterfalls of sweat, the dripping faucet from his visor, cascading down his neck tattoos. No more Mr. Sardonicus grin. No more blown saves. No more Michael Kay yelling, "The stare is back!" No, sir, it is not. It's gone. 

He can't hurt us anymore. (Yes, he could face us in the postseason, but if so, I like our chances.) No more out-of-body torture events, no more season-ending walk-offs. No more moments that we've already relived too many times.

That HR Rafael Devers, a rookie, hit to beat us. The 2020 playoffs finale, when Tampa's Mike Brosseau homered to beat us. The Jose Altuve walk-off HR to beat us. That time he gave up four runs against Minnesota without recording an out, to beat us. The blown saves against the Mets. And last year, like the cherry pit on a zombie sundae, his quitting on the team, leaving for Miami in a hissy fit.

He's not coming back. According to the internet, a few teams are interested in Aroldis. The Savannah Bananas? The Washington Generals? The Traveling Wilkes Barres? Is Eddie Feigner still hiring? The Timbuktu Toad Lickers? Could he become the new Mr. Marlin? Good luck with that.

Frankly, I don't care. He's gone, that's all. No more screaming for Boone to take him out, knowing he won't. No more hearing from the YES booth that Chapman looks ready to recapture his fastball, despite it having disappeared three years ago. 

Believe it or not, I wish Chapman well. Until he gave up on the team, he had never given up on the team. And you can't hate a guy for getting old. What I hate was the Yankees' decision to re-up on a massive contract, which they then blamed for their unwillingness to spend on other players. For the last three years, I've watched Chapman pitch, cringing from behind the couch. No more. 

Life coaches and singer-songwriters tell us, don't sweat the little stuff (and it's all little stuff.) Frankly, our love for the Yankees is just the little stuff. On that note, let's celebrate what microscopic victories come our way. And here's one: El Chapo is gone, and he's not coming back.

With his recent trade of Lucas Luetge, was Brian Cashman trying to bunt his way out of a slump?

Bad trades are part of baseball, right? Same with slumps. They just happen. 

Well, Brian Cashman is in a slump. A trade slump, that is. Unless he snaps out, the '23 Yankees are in trouble.

Cashman's last successful trade - (discounting, say, last year's late summer acquisition of Tyler Wade for cash) - came in mid-2021. That July, the future Hall of Famer pried Clay Holmes from Pittsburgh for Diego Castillo and Hoy Park. (Castillo is now a Diamondback; Park now a Brave.)

Since then, Cashman is 0 for 6 - maybe 7, depending on the fate of Lucas Luetge. 

Here's the ledger. Read while sitting, preferably on a water closet.  

July 2021: Andrew Heaney from Angels for Elvis Pequero and Janson Junk.

July 2021: Joey Gallo from Rangers for Ezequiel Duran, Trevor Hauver, Josh Smith and Glen Otto.

January 2022: Josh Donaldson and Ben Rortvedt from Twins for Gio Urshela and Gary Sanchez.

August 2022: Frankie Montas and Lou Trivino for JP Sears, Ken Waldichuk, Luis Medina and Cooper Bowman.

August 2022: Scott Effross from Cubs for Hayden Wesneski.

August 2022: Harrison Bader from Cardinals for Jordan Montgomery.

December 2022: Caleb Durbin and Indigo Diaz from Braves for Lucas Luetge. 

Listen: Outcomes can change. Maybe Bader will become a great Yank CF. And how about those biceps on Rortvedt! Still, thus far, Cashman has crapped pineapples on at least six straight major deals, each of which undermined our past and future. Close your eyes and imagine last season with Urshela at 3B instead of Donaldson, who looked past his sell-by date.

No wonder Cashman has surrounded himself with aging baseball execs. And frankly, I applaud this. When you've lost six in a row, shake up the lineup. Bring in the old guys. 

And last month, Cashman did what crafty hitters do when mired in a slump: 

He laid down a bunt to get on base.

Instead of swinging away, instead of trading for a Reynolds or a Soto, the wily GM dealt Luetge for two dirt league lottery tickets. Smooth. Lay down a bunt, and break the slump. That's baseball! 

Supposedly, Cashman is determined to find a LF. I know what you're thinking: Somebody, stop him! Take away his phone! DON'T LET IT HAPPEN! 

Let's just hope he listens to the old-timers. Is Pat Gillick looking for work?

When will Cashman's streak end? Alas, we shall soon find out.

In the Yankees' distant future, Brando is the new Rod-A, who is still becoming the new Jasson

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Eskimos have 50 words for snow. Well, add Frankie Montas to the list of Cashman's Calamities, and Yank fans now have 50 for disappointment

Over the years, in his role as Yankee secret owner, Brian Cashman has suffered one regularly recurring nightmare: His inability to acquire top of the line starting pitchers. 

Year after year, Cashman has traded for pitching, only to see the deal go south. 

Yesterday, the Death Barge revealed that Cashman's latest prize, Frankie Montas, will miss at least the first month of the 2023 season due to shoulder inflammation, which has dogged him in the past. If it turns out that Montas falters, he will be added to an impressively depressing list of pitchers who joined the Yankees either too early in their careers, or too late, to save us. Some were complete busts. Some had fine careers - just not with the Yankees.

Montas is No. 50, which means the Eskimos now have nothing on Yankee fans when it comes to bleak and bleary outlooks. 

Here it is, CASHMAN'S 50 SHADES OF GRAY (SONNY, THAT IS)

1. Hideki Irabu
2. Ed Yarnell
3. Denny Neagle
4. Ted Lilly
5. Jake Westbrook
6. Sterling Hitchcock
7. Randy Keisler
8. Christian Parker
9. Jeff Weaver
10. Jose Contreras

11. Javier Vasquez
12. Esteban Loaisa 
13. Sam Marsonek
14. Carl Pavano
15. Randy Johnson
16. Kevin Brown
17. Jared Wright
18. Cory Lidle
19. Sidney Ponson
20. Kei Igawa

21. Phil Hughes
22. Ian Kennedy
23. Joba Chamberlain
24. Humberto Sanchez
25. Sergio Mitre
26. Ivan Nova
27. Bartolo Colon
28. David Phelps
29. Derek Lowe
30. Vidal Nuno 

31. Brandon McCarthy
32. Shane Greene
33. Jeff Francis
34. Michael Pineda
35. Nathan Eovaldi
36. Chris Capuano
37. Luis Cessa
38. Sonny Gray
39. Domingo German 
40. J.A. Happ

41. Lance Lynn 
42. Chance Adams
43. Justice Sheffield
44. Jordan Montgomery 
45. James Paxton
46. Deivi Garcia
47. Jameson Tailon
48. Cory Kluber
49. Andrew Heaney
50. Frankie Montas (?)

Thoughts on a Rainy Saturday – The Actual Issue Is Third Base

 

https://www.sacbee.com/news/local/article271070812.html

Historical Note: (Hoss-torical note?)

Nobody mentioned to the 1849ers that in addition to there being gold just lying around, every once in a while, the Sacramento Valley turns into an inland sea.

Speaking of floods and a need to prepare for disaster… 

The Yankees have a construction issue.

The mastermind(s) that once forgot to have left handed hitters on the team have, despite having the aforementioned "seven corpses for five coffins", (Nice BTW) still don't have an infield that works for an entire season.

The Problem Is Actually 3B

Was it Bill Parcells who said, "If you have two or three quarterbacks you don't have any."?

Well, despite having THREE third basemen we don’t have any.

Here's why.

Donaldson

Donaldson has to go. I won’t waste our time with why? We all know he sucks. Also, he’s a schmuck. A black hole in the line-up. A trouble magnet with a bad haircut. A distraction. A strikeout machine. A late- inning choker. A TWENTY-FIVE million dollar anchor on our ability to get a better left fielder, a club house cancer, a…

Sorry.

We should trade him. But…

No other team will take him. Possibly because he sucks. Also, he’s a schmuck. A black hole in the line-up. A trouble magnet with a bad haircut. A distraction. A strikeout machine. A late- inning choker. A TWENTY-FIVE million dollar anchor on our ability to get a better left fielder, a club house cancer, a…

Sorry.

DJ LeMahieu

In a perfect world DJ is our starting third baseman. 

Better bat. Solid Glove.

Besides, as El Duque wrote, “DJ LeMahieu - said to be healed".

Sadly, we need to add, "of his most recent malady".

Really like DJ. Wanted him re-signed. That said, he wears down and never seems to answer the bell in October.

If we do the logical thing and make him the primary 3rd baseman with Cabera as the new INFIELD utility guy then who backs up Rizzo? 

Rizzo, another guy who I’m glad we re-signed, has lengthy and reoccurring back issues.  

If/when they both go down at the same time we get a Chris Gittens type player. Not good.  

So, DJ can’t be our starting third baseman. He needs to float around. Maybe he should move to Sacramento. 

IKF

IKF plays third and was a Gold Glover but for some reason they don’t let him. 

Quick Question: Does anybody know why? Seriously.

Last year we were sticking people at third who never played the position. What’s up with that? IKF won a Gold Glove there. It makes no sense. I’ve never seen an explanation.

---

The rest of the infield is set. 

Peraza will/should/better fucking win the SS job out of Spring Training. Volpe won’t be up until the later part of the year. Partly because of holding him back for service time issues, partly because he needs a little more time in AAA (having just arrived there) and, partly because our team is run by dumb asses.

Once Volpe arrives Peraza goes over to second. With any luck this is our double play combination for the next five years.  Cabera backs them both up. We’re good.

Rizzo/DJ at first. (With DJ also backing up third.) We’re good.

Solution?

Everyone, including me thinks that Gleyber should be part of a package for a left fielder but actually we might be better served using him as part of a package to try to get a solid third baseman. 

Added bonus – we can release Donaldson because… he sucks. Also, he’s a schmuck. A black hole in the line-up. A trouble magnet with a bad haircut. A distraction. A strikeout machine. A late- inning choker. A TWENTY-FIVE million dollar anchor on our ability to get a better left fielder, a club house cancer, a…

Sorry. 

If all else fails...  Manny Machado has an opt out at the end of the year. If we can’t  make a trade… how about we rectify that pass?

To trade - or not to trade: That is the Gleyber Torres question

The 2023 Death Barge, as currently constructed, features two gaping sinkholes, plus a surplus of infielders and untradeables. It is a plane with three wings and one propeller. 

Do the math: If the Yanks carry 12 pitchers, two catchers and five outfielders (counting Giancarlo), that leaves six infield slots, which become: 

1. DJ LeMahieu - said to be healed. 

2. Anthony Rizzo - key LH bat and 1B glove.

3. Gleyber Torres - starting 2B.

4. Josh Donaldson - the GOAT (as in "ba-a-a-ad")

5. Isiah Kiner-Falefa - much maligned, (overly?)

6. Oswaldo Cabrera - all-purpose, or everyday?

7. Oswald Peraza - for now, the starting SS?

8. Anthony Volpe - next year. 

I count eight cadavers for six caskets. Let's send Volpe to Scranton. That still leaves one too many pizza slices. Someone must go. He must be replaceable. He must draw interest from at least one other team. That means... Gleyber?

The case for trading Gleyber: We've seen enough. He peaked in 2019 - 38 HRs - and hasn't hit that many in the five years since. He doesn't walk enough: a .310 OBP doesn't cut it. He bats RH, not what we need. DJ and Cabrera are natural 2B, and Volpe might end up there, anyway. We can trade Gleyber now, after a 24-HR season, or wait until next year, when he's a year from free agency. It's time to pull the trigger. Some of us feared what Gary Sanchez might do when he left NYC and grew a beard. Well, he sucked just as much in Minnesota as he did in Gotham. We've seen Gleyber's best years. Let's cash in our cards. Package him for a lefty outfielder.  

The case for keeping Gleyber: How do you punt on a guy who just turned 26 - twenty-six - and, for what? DJ is 34: the injuries will keep coming. Oswaldo Cabrera will turn 24 in March - not much younger than Gleyber - and, sorry to disappoint, but he's not a sure thing. At 26, Gleyber remains two years from peak season, and he's played in the NY caldron. And what do we get in a trade? A 3B? Excuse me, but nobody fucking wants Josh Donaldson. We're stuck with him, and he's too big to fail waive. Last winter, we painted ourselves into this corner, and we can sign all the retired GMs in captivity, but nobody can find a path out of this room. Lastly, we all know what will happen: The day after we trade Gleyber, somebody will tweak a gonad and miss 2023. That infield surplus? Kiss it goodbye. 

Well... ?  

The first order of business for the new Yankee brain trust: Decide the fate of The Martian

For better or worse, 2023 shall be the year of El Marciano - "the Martian" - aka Jasson Dominguez. 

On Feb. 7, he'll turn 20, still below beer age, even if he seems older than your dustiest decanter of Glenlivet. Born to a Yank fan, named after Jason Giambi, assigned to a trainer at puberty - Dominguez at age 16 signed the largest bonus in baseball history - $5.1 million. That year, 2019, he almost singlehandedly drained the Yankees' international spending pool of $5.4 million.

Ever since, we've watched him with intermittent senses of hope, cynicism, intrigue and dread. Twice, he's ranked No. 1 on the Yank prospect list. (He's now 2nd, 3rd or 4th, depending on the site.) Twice, he appeared in Futures Games, once before he'd even played a year in the minors. He's been hyped in videos and compared - ridiculously, we know - to Mickey Mantle and Mike Trout. Damn, he's done everything but date Pete Davidson.

And this is the year we open the package and see what's inside. 

This season, Dominguez will either start busting down fences on a march to the majors - or start going the way of Jose Tabata, Jackson Melian, Jesus Montero, Dermis Garcia and all the others who make cameo appearances in our heads at 2 a.m., as the test pattern flickers on YES.  

Dominguez will probably start 2023 where he left off last fall: Somerset, the Double A crossroads, where careers either take off or stall on the runway. Last year, he rose through three levels, with most of his time at High Single A Hudson Valley, where he hit .306 with 6 HRs. (Overall, he hit .273 with 16 HRs and 37 stolen bases. He also fanned 128 times in 451 ABs.) 

So... here we go. The fulcrum year. Shit or get off. And over the next six weeks, the new Yankee GM front four - Cashman, Sabean, Minaya and Hendry - have an unbridled glimpse into the Martian's skill set and makeup. Nobody else in baseball will have the access they have into his physical talent and mental discipline. This is the decision they have been gathered to make. 

The Yanks can go all-in - declare him untouchable in trades - or quietly bundle him into a package deal, perhaps for the likes of Pittsburgh CF Brian Reynolds. 

This is the year, and now is the time. If the GMs believe the Martian is for real, even if he's not Mike or Mickey, they must hold the line. 

If they privately think he's overrated, it's time to cut him loose. The Yankees will never have a better opportunity to salvage their $5.1 million investment. 

Apparently, the Pirates want prime meat for Reynolds, who would fill the Yankee sinkhole in LF. That probably means Dominguez, plus another top prospect and a few lottery tickets. 

So... keep the Martian? Or make the deal? The lady or the tiger? 

It's no wonder Brian Cashman wants other voices in the room. After all these years, after so many ups and downs, this might just be the decision on which his career is someday weighed. Crazy, eh? Interplanetary. 

Out there, for anyone to sign... the former futures of the New York Yankees

I keep clicking onto headlines that shout, "Ex-Yank signs with rival," only to find it pertains to Ryan LaMarre or Greg Allen. I fall for it, every time. 

But soon, two actual shoes will fall, unleashing a swarm of memories - future fantasies of a world that was suppose to be. 

I'm talking about Gary and Clint. The Kraken and Red Thunder. Gary Sanchez and - um - Jackson Frazier . Both remain free agents, both remain bearded, both are still awaiting bidders - though neither is exactly trending on Twitter. 

Across the Yankiverse, nobody is calling for the Yankees to enter the auction. But in the deep recesses of our minds, don't we all believe it could still happen? That they'll suddenly figure out the secret to hitting? 

Ah, we were so much older then, we're younger than that now...

Okay. I need a pause. When we discuss Gary and Clint, we touch upon unhealed scars, deep bruises within the human Yankee condition. Once upon a time, each was untouchable, a future star around whom this team would be built. 

In 2016, as the Second Coming of Elston Howard, Gary was held in even higher esteem than Aaron Judge. And Clint was soon to receive No. 77 - perfect balance to No. 99. Remember how he supposedly asked for No. 7? The audacity! The energy! We saw Sanchez hit bombs in the Home Run Derby. We watched Clint break a bat over his knee. 

In 2019, who among us would have predicted such career meltdowns? 

Remember Gary's rifle throws to second? his .299 batting average as a rookie? Remember Clint's gym videos? his beautiful girlfriend (future wife), and that unique batting stance? One hallmark of this blog used to be me shouting, whenever possible, don't trade Clint Frazier!

It hurts. So here's where everything stands...

Supposedly, the SF Giants are pondering Gary. The Twins, who had him last year, have punted: They signed Christian Vasquez. The fact is, nobody covets an "offense- first" catcher who hits .216 and fans once every three at bats. Last year, Sanchez hit 16 HRs with an OBP of - yikes - .282: He's not even drawing walks. He's now 30. Plus, his glovework: The way Gary waves at balls in the dirt could have long ago inspired the phrase "defensive indifference."

Then there is Clint, whose career has so fizzled that he changed his name. In a world that worships and monetizes fame, who changes his name? 

Clint was one of four players who came from Cleveland for Andrew Miller, who pitched the Indians to the 2016 world series. We followed him through multiple concussions, through a Hell Night of defensive miscues on national TV, which got him demoted to Scranton before he'd finished his shower. Now, he's a 28 year-old free agent nomad who hit .216 last year in 37 ABs with the Cubs. Not one HR. In fact, he was so bad that, in Triple A, Frazier actually did worse: .190 in 232 ABs. 

He has since gone public about suffering vertigo, perhaps from his multiple concussions and the resulting depression. 

All of us who would dream of being a Yankee... who would want such a fate as the one faced by the guy we (derisively?) called "Red Thunder?" 

Well, prepare yourselves. One of these days, the headline will flash: "Ex-Yank slugger signs..." A swarm of bittersweet memories will flash. The world that was supposed to be.

The strange, but not unusual, Yankee paradox of Anthony Volpe

For the second straight year, Anthony Volpe ranks No. 1 on the Yankee prospect lists, making him the Death Barge's version of a Hollywood It Girl. This adds Volpe to a confectionary list of recent Future Stars, including Jasson "The Martian" Dominiguez (#1 in '20-'21) and Gleyber "Like a good Gleyber, Torres is there" Torres (#1 in '17-'18.) 

A third year for Volpe won't happen. He'll either breakout at Scranton, forcing his way to the Bronx, or start going the way of Slade Heathcott and Eric Duncan. If he's in the same place next winter, we'll have moved on to the next can't-miss, Spencer Jones. Nothing new about this. It's the traditional rise and fall of future Yank legends.  

Today, though, let's ponder a recent MLB Pipeline Poll among team execs -- "from general managers to farm directors, from scouting directors to analytics specialists" - on baseball's top prospects. For starters, let's accept that this is premium, felony grade, bogus bullshit. It's a parlor game. We don't know who voted or why. It's like a time travel movie: Don't overthink the plot, just let Nicolas Cage yell at the furniture, okay? A parlor game. 

And among these trivial pursuits, Volpe scores quite well... sorta.  

1. On the list of "Top Hitting Prospects," Volpe is one of only 11 players to receive votes. He's the lone Yankee, and despite hitting only .249 last year. The poohbahs love him. That's not nuthin.

2. On the list of "Best Fielding Prospects," Volpe finishes third - with 9 percent of the vote. Hot damn. And get this: The two above him play OF. According to this, Volpe is the minors' best fielding SS. That's definitely not nuthin!

3. On the list of "Best Baseball I.Q," Volpe finishes - gulp - FIRST! He tops the list with 26 percent of the vote. He gets "high marks for his makeup and his instincts." Again, this is fukkin great. Not only is he a top athlete, but he's solid from the neck up. Are you getting a Jeter vibe? Fukkit, I am. 

4. Then - ahem - comes the list we feared: "Most Overrated Prospects." On this, Volpe finishes - shoot me, please - second, with 10 percent. (By the way, Dominiguez also receives votes here.) 

So... WTF? He's the game's smartest prospect, one of its top hitters and fielders... but he's also the most over-hyped? So... which is it? 

Is he the next Derek "Respect" Jeter or the next Jesus "Ice Cream Sandwich" Montero? With the Death Barge, there's always somebody who will someday lead us from the darkness. Trouble is, there's nobody we can truly trust.

Rain Out

In the previous thread, Above Average asked me how I was handling the rain and I figured I’d do it as an post.

Last night was the wildest one yet...

Around 3AM I woke up to the sound of what seemed like a tank coming down my block. An incredibly loud roar off in the distance getting closer and closer. A couple of minutes later the lightning struck. The sound I heard before was literal "Rolling Thunder".  According to the paper the city was hit with over FIVE HUNDRED lightning strikes.

FIVE HUNDRED STRIKES -  so in that, it was like watching the Yankees face the Astros.

After the barrage, the rain came down... Not in drops. Not even in sheets... 

All the rain came down at once. The best way to describe it is - It was like being in your car during a car wash when they turn on all the jets to clean off all the soap.  That whooooosh.

Then, twenty minutes later, it was over. We haven’t had any rain to speak of today but my understanding is that it will rain again overnight.

I live around one hundred yards from the Sacramento River and I went up on the levy to check it out.  The Army Corps of Engineers had been working on it a lot over the last year or so because, after New Orleans, Sacramento was the largest urban area with the greatest flood danger.

The levy looked good but the beaches and woods that line the river were gone. The water went right up to the berm. If I was going to try to hit a golf ball across the water normally I would use a nine iron now it’s at least a seven.

Overall, we’re fine. Our side fence is down.  Had an 18 foot tree branch break off a Redwood and fly 80 feet in the air and land on our roof but it was pretty thin and there was no damage. 

Lot of crushed cars in midtown. 

The water levels are still reasonably below flood level. Thing is, it’s supposed to rain every day until a week from Thursday.  

That said, I keep thinking about the old Bill Cosby line from his bit about Noah “How long can you tread water? Ha... Ha… Ha...”

 

Realistically, what can the Yankees expect from Oswald, Oswaldo and Anthony?

Barring an Cat 5 change of heart within the Circle of Four - (Brian I, Brian II, Omar and the Hen) - the '23 Yanks will place their fate in the hands of a rookie. He will need to beat another rookie, and if he fails, he will be replaced by yet another.

Entering spring training, Oswald Peraza is our leading SS candidate, assuming he beats out Oswaldo Cabrera. If both falter, next up is Anthony Volpe. We can talk up Aaron Judge and the rotation - have at it! - but the '23 Yankees will win or lose based on their infield, and perhaps we should ponder the massive gamble that looms. 

Let's start with Peraza, 22, who looks pudgy for a SS. He stands 6'0" and 200 pounds, a fire hydrant, maybe a future 3B. He bats RH - bummer, because the Yanks already tilt to that side. Last September, in a micro Yankee sample - 49 ABs - he hit .306 with a HR and 2 SBs. 

But overall, between Scranton and his cup of coffee, Peraza batted .259 with 19 HRs and 33 SBs. He fanned 100 times - once every four ABs - with a rather mundane OPS of .778. 

This season, Baseball Reference projects Peraza to hit .265 with 6 HRs in about 250 at bats. How are these numbers derived? Witchcraft. Voodoo. I dunno. But those are the numbers - far closer to an IKF than A-Rod, eh? Just sayin'.

Cabrera, 23, is also rather muscular for a SS - 6'0", 200 lbs. His precocious entrance onto the NYC stage last summer endeared him to the bleacher crowd. Though mostly a 2B, he played six positions with the Yankees - even 1B - never embarrassed himself, not once. He switch hits. He's being discussed as our LF. 

But last year's numbers at Scranton were rather - well - meh-y. Cabrera hit .262 with 8 HRs and 10 SBs. (With the Death Barge, he hit .247 with 6 HRs.) He flopped in our postseason, despite one big HR which he enjoyed a bit too long at home plate. Houston deleted him. 

Baseball Refence projects Oswaldo to hit .253 with 9 HRs. Yeah, those numbers are bogus!, an outrage!, a witch hunt! But they point to a realism that many Yank fans prefer to ignore: These guys didn't exactly rule Triple A. They're young, they'll improve, but neither this season will be Francisco Lindor or Carlos Correa, or even Jeremy Pena. 

Which brings us to Volpe, the alpha dog of the farm. Chosen in the first round of the 2019 draft, he signed a $2.7 million contract and went to the Appalachian Rookie League - where he hit a Hicksian .215. Next came the Covid year washout, when Volpe never saw one pitch. He was a delusion on his way to becoming an afterthought, like most of our first round picks in the late teens.

Then came 2021. That year, Volpe hit .294 with 27 HRs, rising to one of the top prospects in baseball. Last year, he started slowly, heated up, then cooled. Between Double and Triple A, he hit .249 with 21 HRs and - get this - 50 stolen bases. Yes, fifty SBs; the kid can fucking motor. He's listed at 21 - 5'11" and 180 lbs - a natural SS? 

But if the Oswalds fail, will Volpe be ready?   

That's the question, Noble Yorick. Each of these kids has a bright future. But their primes could be three to five years away. Last year, none dominated their levels.

Yankee fans love the idea of a rookie SS who becomes a great leader. It happened in the mid-90s - nearly 30 years ago. It's still wondrous to imagine. But we better be willing to accept a rough spring and summer. Nothing in the fossil record suggests otherwise. To think a star will simply rise - no problems - that's delusional.

As the Mets dicker with Carlos Correa, the Yankee winter doesn't feel so cold

Nothing soothes the diehard Yankee fan base like the scent of fresh smegma wafting across the Met and Redock anti-universes. 

And for all our depressing issues this winter - Hicks in LF, "Jackie" Donaldson at 3B -  at least we can still be entertained by our foes' continual woes. 

As you know, the Mets have blown through all previous spending limits, an $800 million penis extension for owner Steve Cohen. Surely, they will win the World Series. Right? They'll win 130 games. Right? A juggernaut, like Kevin McCarthy. Right?

Look closer, though, and you must wonder if Cohen isn't a 3D-printer version of Peter Angelos, who in the 1990s choked his Orioles with thick wads of money. 

It's sexy to fill out a rotation with the names Verlander and Scherzer. The problem, though, is their ages - 40 and 39, respectively. Moreover, both looked ancient and tired last fall. 

It doesn't end there. Carlos Carrasco will be 36. David Robertson, 38. Adam Ottavino, 37. Sterling Marte, 35, and then there is the ongoing matter of Carlos Correa, whose knee is floating on grease. In the best case scenario, the cheating Correa will be a SS who is playing 3B. 

Cohen's mistake might have been in secretly patronizing Hal Steinbrenner by choosing not to bid on Aaron Judge and Carlos Rodon. Cohen could have had both for $500 million. Instead, he's got Brandon Nimmo. Good luck with that.

Then there are the Redsocks, still recovering from the jolt of Xander Bogaerts leaving for San Diego. Their replacement, Trevor Story, is half the player, with far less love from the fan base. 

Last week, when Boston spent the house on Rafael Devers, it didn't bring an outpouring of love. Instead, the fans angrily remembered Bogaerts, Mookie Betts and J.D. Martinez - a certifiable Yankee killer - who left for the Dodgers. Nathan Eovaldi, too; he's a Texas Ranger. It's like they declared war on all players who tormented us. 

If Chris Sale returns to Cy Young form, Boston will be fine. But Sale will turn 34 this year, and in the last two seasons, he pitched a combined 46 innings. So Boston will lean not only on Sale, but on Corey Kluber, 36, and James Paxton, 35. Yeesh. They have a supposed star LF from Japan. In the other corner, Brigadoon Refsnyder?  

The newly expanded Yankee brain trust remains stunted in its quest for a LF. That hole might not be patched until June. By then, our chief rivals might be suffering holes of their own. 

Farewell, Professor Tanaka

The Tohoku Rakuten Golden Eagles have re-signed Masahiro Tanaka to a one-year deal worth 475 million yen. Fuckinay. Four hundred and seventy five MILLION? That's fucking incredible. FOUR HUNDRED AND SEVENTY FIVE MILLION...

Uh, that's yen. It's about $3.6 million dollars. 

Chickenfeed. I speet on $3.6 million. I won't get out of bed for less than $4.5 M. 

He's gone. All we can do is wish him well. 

According to the Internet, Tanaka hoped to someday return to the Yankees, that he might have considered a one-year deal for what will presumably be his final season. For better or worse, the signing of Carlos Rodon killed that. 

Let the record show that Tanaka pitched at least six seasons with a partial tear in his elbow, refusing Tommy John surgery and always answering the bell. He's one of the gutsiest pitchers ever to play for the Yankees.

Considering his personality, skill set and contributions, I cannot understand why the franchise has been so slow to sign another Japanese star. While the front office was preoccupied with keeping Aaron Judge, the Redsocks sneaked in and signed Masataka Yoshida to a five-year contract. Yoshida bats LH and plays left-field: Does that ring any bells? He projects to be the best Japanese hitter since Godzilla. 

A left-handed hitting left fielder. 

Look, I get it: We can't sign everybody. And right now, the Yankee rotation larder looks stocked - we don't need a sixth starter, not with Domingo German in our email thread. But just wait. 

There will come a time in 2023 when Tanaka would come in handy - and provide a low-cost solution to a major problem. We all know it. We all see it. Just wait...

Good luck, Mr. Tanaka, wherever you are.

Cashman turns on the gaslight: “All I care about is making sure that when we go through our decision-making process, we have every tool in the toolbox. That’s the (phrase) I use all the time. That the information is there for us to digest and ultimately make a decision on. That comes from the scouting arena. That comes from the analytical arena. That comes from the technology and performance side, from the mental-skills side. We combine all that stuff.”

Translation: 

We're doing a fantastic job, no matter what you think. 

And Aaron Hicks will probably start in left field.

Oumuamua, the four-man GM rotation, and "perspective"

First dead weekend of January, the longest month: 

The NFL concludes, Congress boils, stars get awards, SI photoshops its swimsuit models, and we gird ourselves for Brian Cashman's trades. Meanwhile...

1. The strange, unknown visitor to our Yankee solar system, Junior "Oumuamua" Fernandez, has circled the sun and headed to Toronto. Fernandez is a 25-year-old RH bullpen lug nut whom Cashman claimed off waivers in November, waived in December, and has now been captured by the Blue Jays. 

Thus, he slides into the bizarre dimension of "the unshod Pinstriper," a Yankee on paper, who never threw a pitch, swung a bat or wore a number. These are strange, alt-world, forest-pixie being things. Three years ago, SS Hanser Alberto was a brief unshod Yank. We dropped him, he signed with the O's and has consistently hit - last year with the Dodgers. Hey, ya never know.

When a guy gets picked up and let go, then gets picked up again, odds are he's got something. GMs treat the waiver while like the discard pile in a game of gin rummy. I wonder what Oumuamua will do in Toronto, or if his journey through the AL East is still unfolding?

2. The Death Barge has added another executive to its formidable, four-GM rotation, the deepest in baseball. Yesterday, they signed Omar Minaya, formerly of the Mets, Expos and practically everybody. Their water cooler stable of ancient wanderers includes Cooperstown Cashman, Brian Sabean and Jim Hendry, a former Cubs poohbah who came aboard in November.

The Yankees now function as MLB's official executive retirement plan. 

Honestly... what should we make of this? Part of me says: Okay, Hal, you wanna sign these old guys? Go for it. These are old school baseball men, and if they help pull off one big trade, it'll be worth it. But then the other voice says: This is just cover for a bunch of deals that are coming.  

This winter, Cashman has some big trades to make. For two years, the Yankees have sat on their hands, waiting for Oswald Peraza and Anthony Volpe to anchor their infield. This winter, they must start clearing the debris in their way. 

Basically, that's Gleyber Torres. 

If and when they trade Gleyber, it will instantly become Cashman's most controversial deal in years. Torres just turned 26, he's viewed as a lifetime Yank (even though he came as a minor leaguer in a trade), and he might have some great years left. I mean, he could still become a major star. If he goes somewhere and recaptures the power of his rookie season - well - the Yanks damn well better get somebody good in return. 

Which leads me to wonder: Could Cashman be surrounding himself with fall guys, who will happily take his bullet if a deal go south? If so, it's a brilliant Machiavellian strategy, in terms of personal survival. And hasn't that always been Cashman's greatest talent - surviving? 

3. Finally - with all respect to the emotions of Damar Hamlin's recovery - the always screaming, rather soul-less U.S. media has dusted off the old trope about sports. This sure puts everything into perspective, Mel.  

Gee, ya think? Get well, Mr. Hamlin. And get ready. They're going to want your perspective. 

ARod has gone from shoveling J-Lo to shoveling his driveway

 

You never know what's going to wash up on the Internet.

Top 10 current Yankee left fielder candidates, ranked according to fan appeal

10. Aaron Hicks. Absolutely the last person anyone wants to see. (Note: Also, most likely.)

9. Wilmer Difo. Career banjo-hitting utility lug nut, fits everywhere but catcher. Why not?

8. Tyler Wade... Ryan LaMarre... Michael Beltre... the cast of Glass Onion. The Zolio Almonte wing of the universe. The scrap heap is deep. We have only begun to dig. 

8. Willie Calhoun. Ex top prospect, signed to Scranton, nearing midlife crisis. Next Cam Maybin?

7. Billy McKinney. Ex-Yank trade booty, former 1st-rounder, bigger washout than Rich McKinney, former Yank trade booty, no relation, who got burned in a Puerto Rican beach party, which you are too young to remember. (O, Death, where is thy sting?)

6. Estevan Florial. Former Eternal Yank prospect, posted decent numbers at Scranton, but has failed more times than Kevin McCarthy. (Political joke, there.)

5. Oswaldo Cabrera. Precocious Yank infield prospect, being groomed as next Marwin Gonzalez. Seemed magical, until Houston. Q: Do we need another Marwin Gonzalez? Dare we believe in the Oswalds?

4. Everson Pereira. Speedster, age 21, hit .284 at Double A Somerset. Would have to breakout in spring training. Wouldn't it be nice?

3. Anybody we get in a trade. (So long, Everson Pereira, et al.) 

Sadly, Taylor Swift's cat did not make list.

2. Jasson Dominguez. aka "The Martian." Ultimate fulfillment of Yank junior high fantasies. We made him a millionaire at age 16. Now, been dropped to #4 on team prospect rankings. (Note: More likely to be traded for a LF.)

1. Giancarlo Stanton. Q: Why are we so protective of him? Even as DH, he's a tweak magnet. He prefers the OF, says it keeps him occupied. Play him! Let the big dog run! 

Brian Sabean has the experience, knowledge and savvy to help the Yankees. What he doesn't seem to have is a specific job.

Note to commenters: From now on, please address future bile - be it flaming or frozen - to "The Brians." 

Yesterday, longtime SF Giants GM Brian Sabean rejoined his old franchise as a utility executive, a Bert Campaneris of the office, capable of cooking contracts, handling w9 tax forms and maybe even scouting a pitcher.  

What the Death Barge yesterday didn't do was identify a specific role for Sabean, 66, who spent nearly 30 years filling the Giants with ex-Yankee coaching talent, such as Dirt Tidrow, Dave Righetti and Hensley Meullens. What will he'll do in Tampa - beyond the mandatory yessing of Prince Hal and the delivery of Mr. Judge's laundry - nobody knows. But that's okay. Some of the best periods in Yankee history came via imported brain trusts, such as George Weiss, Gabe Paul and Bob Watson. And if you're carping about Special Assistants to the GM, the franchise currently boasts five: Reggie Jackson, Tino Martinez, Stump Merrill, Alex Rodriguez and Hideki Matsui. WTF do they do? Good luck answering that. 

Sabean's contract with the Giants ended Oct. 1, and the team let him go. (He was out the loop before the Aaron Judge bidding war began.) Here are five reasons - albeit desperate ones - to be hopeful about his arrival:

1. Maybe he'll be the guy who says no to a bad Brian Cashman trade. Right now, that role is filled by - um - Dopey Dildox. Sure, Prince Hal is the final arbiter of all moves, but lately, he seems to simply set a budget and let Cashman do the rest. Over the last two years, the Yankees have clanked on several mega-trades. Could Sabean have talked us out of chasing Joey Gallo? We'll never know. But another layer of due diligence can't hurt.

2. He brings a vast knowledge of the Giants' system. Yeah, they sucked last year. But that's not nothin.' Every MLB franchise houses a secret trove of info on players - their strengths, weaknesses, mentalities and bimbos. Surely, Sabean knows SF's farm from top to bottom, plus with all the scouting reports he can memorize on the rest of the league.  

3. Okay, this may be a stretch, but I like the idea of poaching executives, even if it's more like a retirement perk. In the back of every GM's mind lurks the notion that, hey, someday you might work for this team. Some young GMs seem to boil with the intensity of screwing the Yankees in a blockbuster trade. This reminds everyone that, hey, there's no need for acrimony, we're all friends here, and maybe someday, if you treat us nicely, you'll be on our side...

4. Sabean brings an outsider's eye to the entire Yank organization. In recent years, the Yanks have steadily touted "the gas station," their system for developing young pitchers. Following a splurge of trades, it seems to be drying up. Maybe Sabean has some ideas. Also, when it comes to evaluating players, Sabean will have no dog in the competitions. He didn't draft or trade for them. He's not inherently tied to their success. This can't hurt. 

Or maybe he'll just turn out to be an old fart who sits around remembering Orlando Cepeda's salsa music and how great it used to be when Pete Wilson ran California.  Oh, well. Aint my money. 

Last night, the sports world froze

The first thing you noticed was Joe Buck's voice. We'd channel hopped from another show, looking to catch the Bills score. It looked like halftime, nothing happening. But something was wrong. It was Buck's voice - a hushed, funereal tone. 

You know that moment the sports world has long dreaded? 

Last night, it finally came.

Today, we know that a Bills DB named Damar Hamilin collapsed after a big, highlight reel hit in a game against Cincinnati. He never got up. Traumatized players on both sides could not continue. Game called due to near death tragedy. Hamlin remains in critical condition, the sports word praying for him. But here's a dirty little secret: Prayers won't be enough.

Look, this is no time for me to self-righteously sermonize about the violence in pro football, which grows every year as players become bigger, stronger, faster and - it seems - angrier. Sam Huff - the goliath of my youth - weighed 225. Today, linemen commonly push 330. Every play from scrimmage features massive bodies seemingly shot at each other from cannons. Before last night, the league's most pressing safety concern was the number of concussions for Tua Tagovailoa, a Miami quarterback. (And it remains a serious matter.) Today, it's about life and death. 

At some point, the world must demand a safer game, even if the quality of pass routes isn't quite as crisp. 

It could start with real grass. The NFL claims its studies show equal injury rates on natural and artificial surfaces. (Does anyone belief NFL studies?) The players union says otherwise. Last I looked, no owner was ever pancaked to the turf in a game. 

Artificial turf is supposed to give players better traction, so they can hit each other harder. But that's not why it's used in 16 NFL stadiums. It's used because it costs the owners less to maintain. That's all. The bottom line. It's cheaper.  

Well, folks, a guy may have just died on national TV. In fairness, the fake turf in Cincy last night might not have had anything to do with Hamlin's injury. We'll never know. But I cannot understand how billionaires wanting to save a few more thin dimes can trump a safety issue. Are they all, at their core, Elon Musk, telling employees to bring their own toilet paper?  

Today, the pundits and personalities will dust off their best sepulchral tones, offering thoughts and prayers to all. The players need more. 

Why does the return of Aaron Boone infuriate so many Yankee fans?

You won't find many Aaron Boone fans here. If I write anything remotely sympathetic to Boone, it means a spanking. Nobody here likes the idea of Year Six for the gum-chewing, shadow-eyed zombie, telling us in his postgame hostage-videos why he did whatever he did, which resulted in a horrible Yankee defeat. 

Of all the bleak assessments for 2023 - no LF, no SS, Josh Donaldson at 3B - it's the idea of another year of Boone that most leaves me pondering pro soccer and Connecticut women's basketball. 

That said, some things to remember about Boone:

1. He has led the Yankees to the postseason in each of his five years.

2. Over that period, he has won 6 out of every 10 games. 

3. He's signed through 2024, with a club option for 2025.

4. He would not have been rehired if Aaron Judge didn't like him.

Look, it's not as if Rudy Giuliani is running this team. And Boone seems like an honest, standup guy. Why so much antipathy? Some theories. 

1. His bullpens explode. Always. It's as if he times it out, so that by October, everybody is shot. Maybe that's a "Pressures of New York" thing. Like his predecessors - Joe Torre and Joe Girardi - Boone creates a "circle of trust" around whomever happens to be throwing well - then squeezes that guy like a tube of toothpaste, until nothing is left. He brings in closers for six-out saves - in July. He runs guys ragged, be it Chad Green or Michael King, pushing them until they grab their elbows. 

This we know: No matter how strong the bullpen is in April, it will be a shambles by September. Good luck, Tommy Kahnle! 

2. Even when he tries to fire up the team, Boone cannot seem to light a spark. Some managers thrive on the restless energy of chaos. Billy Martin, for example. They rattle cages and never accept defeat without screaming into the vortex. Boone, on the other hand, mumbles like a beaten spouse.  

No matter what just happened, he'll protect his players. That's viewed as a positive, I suppose, by the Yankee brain trust, which values harmony over edginess. But Boone's postgame defenses of Josh Donaldson last year became a running gag. I think fans resent the sense of coddled stars. Last summer, as the team began to implode, Boone seemed unable to right the ship. Game after game, his moves backfired. Yes, we reached the playoffs, but in this time of expanded postseasons, nobody gives a shit about a wild card.  

3. It's not just Boone, but what he represents: The nepo baby aristocracy of Hal Steinbrenner and his legacy-picked Rasputin, Brian Cashman. Fairly or not, I think fans view Boone as Cashman's hand puppet. They wonder who writes out the lineup. Last June, the Yankiverse had soured on Joey Gallo, but Boone kept playing him, as if trying to spare the front office from admitting a bad trade. 

I think Boone's unpopularity stems from a view that he does Cashman's bidding, and the Yankees need somebody who isn't afraid to break ranks. Don Mattingly might have been that man. Or maybe even Derek Jeter. Boone will never do it.  

You can say the Yankees have reached the playoffs five straight years under Boone, and that's why he deserves to be here. Fair enough. But Yank fans know how those five seasons ended - in dreadful losses. Boone is 0-for-5 in rings. And he's ours for at least two more years. Damn.  

As usual, Yanks won the tabloid back pages of 2022. But a change might be coming...

In case you're scoring at home, here are the final IT IS HIGH 2022 Tabloids Covers Leaderboard. 

Once again, the Yankees easily topped all other NYC-area franchises, taking 210 Daily News and Post front and back pages. 

Since 2017, when we began charting tab covers, the Yankees have never been challenged. 

Here are the annual top five:

2022: 
Yankees 210, Mets 148, Giants 75, Knicks 60, Nets 54.

2021:
Yankees 207, Mets 156, Knicks 124, Nets 63, Giants 59.

2020: (Pandemic)
Yankees 152, Mets 132, Giants 124, Jets 55, NFL 52. 

2019:
Yankees 211, Mets 191, Giants 87, Jets 68, Knicks 68

2018:
Yankees 242, Mets 155, Giants 140, Jets 70, Knicks 51.

2017:
Yankees 287, Knicks 129, Giants 111,  Mets 109, Jets 35.

Takeaways:

1. NYC remains a Yankee town. Last year, the Mets won more games, created more controversies and spent more money, but they still couldn't topple the Death Barge's claim on newsprint. 

That said, much of the difference resulted from the Yankees lasting two weeks longer in the playoffs than the sad, quickly castrated Amazin's.

2. The Knicks/Giants/Jets/Nets continuum remains supremely awful - thereby gifting much of the available ink to the Old Guard Yankees. If any of those franchises ever figures out how to win - hah! I'm just fantasizing, ridiculously, floating on a cloud, what an insane thought! - the city's two baseball teams could be rather quickly replaced.  

And here's a wild thought: Today's Giants game against the lowly Colts might set the tone for 2023. It's the biggest game of the year, thus far! If the Giants win, they will reach the playoffs, making 2022 a season of progress. If they lose, well, it's like the groundhog seeing its shadow - it means they'll surely lose next week in Phily, miss the postseason, and spend the next six months in their usual stench. Weird, eh?

3. In case you're wondering, yes, NYC still has a hockey team. The Rangers actually scored 44 back pages in 2022, by far the most in our brief history. Until then, they only broke double digits once (2017), and twice were shutout entirely. It's clear, for them to get noticed, they must win the Stanley Cup. 

4. In that regard, NYC is wide open to any team that warrants a parade down the Canyon of Heroes. The last big four NYC championship came in 2009. It's getting sad. According to Wikipedia, New York still leads all cities in championships. But that's only because the Yankees have such a vast historical lead over all others. Maybe the era of the Mets is upon us. Happy New Year.