Somewhere out there, the next great Yankee hero has already been born

This I believe:

Somewhere out there, in some Midwestern pasture, or on a Tampa practice field, or on a far-flung Dominican hillside, the next great Yankee just picked up a stone and whacked it with a baseball bat, calling out Derek Jeter's name on an imaginary play-by-play, and wondering what it must be like.

He might be 18. He might be 11. It doesn't matter. He is exactly where he needs to be.

It may take five years. It may take ten. You do not get to watch many great Yankees in your lifetime. They cannot be bought on the free agent market. They can only evolve over long periods of time. Now and then, one just happens.

But he is out there. This I do believe.

Lead-off walks advance to next round of John & Suzyn Super S--tlist championships; one-day Wild Card looms for Trop vs. Jeter raggers

Amazingly, the ridiculous Tropicana Dome Sound System and fools who criticize the Captain's glovework tied in the regular bracket. That means it's time for a showdown.

Vote early. Vote today. THERE IS NO TOMORROW.

ONE DAY WILD CARD BRACKET.
TWO PEEVES ENTER, ONE PEEVE LEAVES. 

Report from Washington (the state): "So here is Cano's stat line over those last 15 days: .294 BA but with only 5 runs scored; 6 RBI's; 2 HR's - 0 SB's - 2 GIDP (one rally killer last night that gagged me) and 4 freaking errors. He has made only 8 all year - so that is telling. So is he choking? Am I choking? Am I publicly calling him out? I think - yes, yes and yes."

From correspondent Rose City Wobblies:

Thought you and the folks at IIH,IIF,IIc might want to know that while Robbie has been a great contributor and has helped put the M's on the doorstep to a WC spot ... he is spinning somewhat foolishly in the batter's box and on the field.

His team has gone 7-7 over the last 15 days and lost ground to the two front runners ... (pulling out a 3-1 win last night with a heroic 3-run shot in the 9th from journeyman Logan Morrison). It truly has been a blessed season for our regional team .. with no help from Jesus Montero and just a little bit of help from newly acquired Austin Jackson in CF (former Yankee too, BTW).

So here is Cano's stat line over those last 15 days: .294 BA but with only 5 runs scored; 6 RBI's; 2 HR's - 0 SB's - 2 GIDP (one rally killer last night that gagged me) and 4 freaking errors. He has made only 8 all year - so that is telling.

So is he choking? Am I choking? Am I publicly calling him out? I think - yes, yes and yes. Both my Giants and these M's are smelling Selig bowl games ... so I have to be happy. But Robbie needs to step up his game if his team is gonna get over on the A's or Royals. He always looks like the zillion dollar guy that he is being paid and is surely helpful on our mostly Latino bench and locker room - but watch these next ten games ... he could explode or keep circling the drain - and the M's with him.

You can watch the heartwarming new Jeter farewell ad, but on some sites, before it plays, you have to first watch another ad

Yesterday, a bunch of folks sent me emails flagging the new warm-and-fuzzy Gatorade commercial, which follows Derek Jeter on a neighborhood good will tour to the stadium - amid adoring, bootless throngs, filmed in art school black-and-white, while Frank Sinatra croons the epic final bars of "My Way."

By now, I suspect you've seen it. We're late to the party. It pushes a lot of buttons to sell a product known mostly these days for being poured over players and coaches on victorious sidelines. In the toxic wake of Ray Rice, Adrian Peterson and the National Thug League, PepsiCo prefers to align itself with a fellow who doesn't punch out his wife or use small children to recreate scenes from "!2 Years a Slave." Derek Jeter is great. I certainly agree with that.

I was going to link to the commercial. But on three sites where it was airing, you have to watch another 30 second commercial in order to see the Jeter commercial. 

Imagine that. We finally reached the next realm. We moved beyond wearing product logos on T-shirts or shouting the catch phrases of TV vampires. We've entered a new universe, a trendier one, where the corporations can think, vote and copulate - and the commercials have their own commercials.

In this world, one thing matters. Public Image. That's all. A guy beats his wife? He doesn't need counseling. He needs P.R. The polar caps are melting? No sweat. Fight global warming with P.R! Hunger... poverty... war... blah-blah-blah. With the right P.R., everything is fine.

OK... don't get me wrong. (I'm sour over the outcome of this season.) It's truly a great commercial, a tug at the old heartstrings. Drink a keg of Gatorade! Derek Jeter deserves whatever cheers the corporations can rouse on his behalf. And I'm sure he received a nice paycheck for his efforts.

Two questions, though, and I ask it with nothing but respect for Jeter:

To appreciate Jeter's legacy, do Yankee fans need a commercial?

And when corporations latch onto our hearts, what exactly are they selling?

Last night's walk-off win would have been exciting, had it mattered

I'm sorry, folks. Somewhere out there - or deep within our DNA - lurks the 9-year-old who is now just discovering Lawrence Peter Berra. But that was a half-century ago, and too many Lance McCullers and Ross Moschittos have floated down the Yankee river. They say that a win is a win is a win. That is not true. Last night, I wanted the Yankees to lose. I'm sorry.

But losing is honest. Losing highlights the reality of another failed Yankee season. Losing means having to make another excuse - having to erase another annoyance, though they are mere scratches on the skin to the owners, for whom entire lost seasons barely register financially as mosquito bites. Through the mere act of existing, the Steinbrenners have accumulated more wealth than most middle class communities, and why wouldn't they believe that any problem can be solved with a checkbook? Isn't that exactly how Hal Steinbrenner viewed the 2014 season? Time to grab the wallet and buy a team?

Losing is honest. Losing means your $20 million cleanup hitter doesn't go on a 10-game hitting streak against Triple A starters and finish the season with a statistical bump that implies he did something, when in fact, he was a pulsing black hole, sucking entire rallies into his maw. Do you want Mark Teixeira to hit five HRs next week, so he can tell his critics that - no, he doesn't need to hit to all fields; he can just swing harder and try to the drive every ball into outer space, Ron Kittle-style. Do you want the Yankees to sign Chase Headley and Chris Young to three-year deals, based on the final two weeks of a nothing season? Should we get excited about "carrying momentum into next spring?"

Losing is honest. Losing is performing the entire play, in perfect character, all the way to the final death scene. Losing is what the 2014 Yankees did best. Losing was their genius. Last week, the game when Young homered against Baltimore, and then Adam Warren filled the bases without a hit - dear God, that was brilliant, a veritable masterpiece of pathos. No. This team needs to keep the losses going. No momentum for 2015. No padding of stats. I want every statistic frozen, so nobody can someday claim this team was anything but a giant stink bomb unleashed in the center of New York City.

Yes, there is one last game to win - Jeter's final home game. Let's win that one. But throughout his career, Jeter played an honest game of baseball. So let's be honest now. The truth about this team is that Lawrence Peter Berra wouldn't recognize it under a spotlight. The truth is simple and painful. This team needs to lose.

In honor of today's Scottish Independence vote, the all-time Top 10 McYankees

The McTop McTen McYankees

1. Joe McCarthy
2. Gil McDougald
3. Jack McDowell
4. Lindy McDaniel
5. Sam McDowell
6. Brian McCann
7. Brendan McCarthy
8. Lance McCullers
9. Rich McKinney
10. Casey McGehee

Boston unveiled its Cuban "Brett Gardner with power" last night

Say what you wish about Martin Prado - a fine, scrappy player, when not lying on a hospital gurney - but if not for the $22 million that Hal spent on Prado, we might have out-gunned the Redsocks to sign 27-year-old Rusney "Brett Gardner with Power" Castillo.

Last night, the Redsocks played their new Cuban plug-in. He went one for four. Brace yourselves, because we'll hear all about him next week. Boston fans are stoned over the Yankee collapse, thinking they'll rebound, while we spin our wheels through the final four years of Brian McCann.

There is one hope, though. Next week, the Yankees will attend an MLB stool sample and mouth check session for 23-year-old Yasmani Tomas, the next big cigar to come out of Havana. Tomas is built like an NFL domestic abuser, plays RF and has prison tower power. He could cost $100 million, and keep in mind that Boston has gobs of cash lying around, collecting dust. Also, they have an actual farm system, with three young impact players on the way for 2015. Add a HR-hitting OF, and they could catapult past us.

Tomas' auction will be the first sign of how Marshmallow Hal reacts to the money-burning funeral train known as the 2014 Yankees.

"He's had a significant influence in the clubhouse. There is no statistical documentation, no advanced metric, no WAR number to document that impact, but it exists. Players can have positive (and negative) effects on teammates, the same way co-workers can make other employees more productive or leave them grumbling, miserable and staring at the clock. People on and around the Mariners have noticed the Cano effect."

As Seattle chases that magical, mythical, mirthful, away-field, one-game Wild Card, the beloved superhero known as Robbie Cano has enraptured the glistening-haired Gammonites of Bristol. 

Mike Trout almost certainly will win the American League MVP award -- and deservedly so... But there is another player in the AL who might mean more to his team than Trout does to the Angels. 

Beltran and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Year

Two days ago, Carlos Beltran left the team because his wife suffered a miscarriage - a real life tragedy - and if there is one upside to the bleak 2014 season, it is that Beltran needn't rush back to the Yankees.

Why bother? The team is divoting through the back nine holes of Derek Jeter's farewell tour, a sad and surprisingly tiresome period, when Beltran could play no meaningful role other than to remind the Yankiverse of its disillusionment with the current regime.

Seriously, folks, if we had the chance, wouldn't we rather follow Extreme Frisbee?

Or Ramon Flores! Wait a minute. Who TF is Ramon Flores? Well, he just happens to be a 22-year-old OF who hit .247 at Scranton this year. His numbers (7 HR) won't inscribe him into Jesus Montero Cooperstown Club, but Ramon was the official Yankee emissary to youth at Triple A - our youngest player. He healed from an injury and came on at the end of the season. Not a future CF monument, maybe. But Ramon was one of four - yep, just four - at Scranton under the age of 25 (2B Rob Refsnyder, P Nick Rumbelow and P Manny Banuelos), the rest of the team being a scrap-heap assortment of Steinbrenner Collectibles. You know - the Yangervises, the Zelouses, the Antoans, the Adonises, the Ronniers... the list goes on.

But wait, this is about Beltran, who last year at this time was leading St. Louis into the post-season. Last year, he looked like an actual lithe National League outfielder. This year, from Day One, he resembled another slow-footed, pulled-pork, AL designated hitter.

Last year, he played the outfield with grace and experience. This year, he bull-charged a right field foul line, did a full flip, landed on his ample butt, and never was quite the same. He didn't hit for power. He didn't hit for average. Then one day, he announced that he couldn't throw, due to a bone spur. He could have had an operation, but he would miss six to eight weeks.

Looking back, he should have had the operation. Instead, he stayed, and did a four month impersonation of a large stone going through a long snake. He and Mark Teixeira became the Travis Hafner and Vernon Wells of 2014 - and the last thing you wanted to see was those two coming up with a runner on base. The LOB Machine. That's what they should call the 2014 Yankees.

So... it's over for Beltran. If you check his last four years, he's been up and down, up and down. That means he could rebound in 2015. Of course, he'll be 38 - and he never had such a terrible, horrible, no good very bad year as this. Even if he comes back, what are we talking about? A .270 average and 20 HRs? Is that what we want from a DH? And then there is 2016, when his biorhythms would call for - dear God - he'll make Hafner look like Babe Ruth.

Surely, everyone wishes the best for Beltran's family. But we're stuck with him. And because of him, Ramon Flores might spend the next two years at Scranton. Hey, what's happening in Extreme Frisbee?

The dean of baseball writers pulls the plug on Brian Cashman: "I don’t think I have advocated anyone’s dismissal since a college football coach many years ago when I was a college junior, and I felt bad about it afterward. I don’t feel bad about advocating Cashman’s dismissal because he has had his chances and has made millions while squandering many more."

Murray Chass has been writing about baseball since Abner Doubleday painted the base paths. And like much -  if not most - of the Yankiverse, he has seen enough of Mr. Brian Cashman. 

[S]how me a productive farm system that Cashman has built. The Yankees haven’t had a productive farm system since the one that produced Derek Jeter, Mariano Rivera, Andy Pettitte, Bernie Williams and Jorge Posada, and Cashman was a baby in the system at that time.

Chass is the second veteran NYC Gammonite this week to hone in on the sad record of Mark Newman, the Yankees (soon to retire) director of minor league operations. Sunday, Bill Madden ripped Newman in the Daily News, though he didn't directly attack Cashman, other than to ask why Cashman let Newman fail for so long.

Chass doesn't let Cashman off the hook.

Under Newman, the Yankees have squandered high-round draft choices and have developed no position players who have been major league worthy. For years the organization suffered from internal civil strife between the New York and Tampa offices, each fighting for its position of strength. When Cashman was negotiating a new contract in 2005, he threatened to leave if he wasn’t given complete authority over the baseball operation.

Steinbrenner gave it to him, but he never really used it, allowing Newman to continue doing what he had always done, hiring old friends to staff the scouting and minor league systems and making draft decisions.

Moreover, Chass says one MLB executive told him the Yankees were trying to trade Dellin Betances last year - an absolutely devastating move, considering that Betances is the lone jewel from their system. What does it say about the "baseball minds" of the front office that they almost gave away Betances?

I don't know if Cashman has been the problem. But he clearly is not the solution. The Yankees need someone from the outside to run the farm system and direct operations. It has to be someone who demands full control - mostly from the meddling hands of Hal. Maybe there is a place in the Yankee system for Cashman. Maybe not.

But this year's team has been an all-out disgrace, and we are likely to be worse next year.

Bravo, Mr. Chass, for speaking out!

Calling Mr. Lupica... Mr. Sherman... Mr. Feinsand... guys, are you there?

Last night, watching Hiroki Kuroda lead the charge across the diamond toward the Rays, it occurred to me that we may be seeing the last of another great Yankee

When benches clear, an unwritten rule says that the no-names must protect the stars. You don't want to lose your starting centerfielder in a rugby scrum on pitchers mound.

Along those lines, heros sometimes are made. I shall always remember Shelley Duncan with fondness, because years ago - after a miserable Tampa Ray flattened Francisco Cervelli with a cheap shot, nearly ending his career, during an exhibition game - Shelley kicked a guy in the nuts and launched a payback brawl. If Duncan ever comes to Syracuse for a baseball card convention, he's got my $10 for an autographed glossy. That's a lifetime promise.

Last night, when the benches cleared, three Yankees led the march across the infield, into the no-man's land of a brawl: Esmil Rogers, Antoan Richardson and Hiroki Kuroda.

That's right... Hiroki Kuroda. Age 39. The guy who still can't speak the language. Hiroki Kuroda, who could have every reason in the world to sit this one out. Hiroki Kuroda, the lone Yankee starting pitcher to last the entire year, while younger men crumbled and fell. Hiroki Kuroda, who the Yankees were supposed to go easy on this year, so he wouldn't be overused - but they sure threw that plan out the window - AND HE STILL SURVIVED. Hiroki Kuroda, a great Yankee, a guy on the front lines last night when a teammate had been plunked.

We may be seeing the last outings of Kuroda's great Yankee career. They say he intends to retire in Japan, not the U.S. He'll decide his future this winter. But make no mistake, we may be watching the end of a great pitcher's time in New York.

Over the next week, a lot of people will cry and go crazy over Derek Jeter's goodbyes. At some point, Kuroda will walk off the mound, perhaps for the finale, as a Yankee.

Dammit, we better notice. We better let him know we appreciated him. He led the charge last night. He led the charge all season. Hiroki Kuroda goes down as a great Yankee. Save your money for the baseball card conventions, Yankiverse. We will always want his 8x11 glossy.

Celebrate Good Times, Come On

The 2014 New York Yankees may suck, they may miss the playoffs for two straight years for the first time since the early 90s, Jeter may have his worst-ever year on his worst-ever team on his farewell tour, Girardi may still be a pinheaded black binder lover (except when he goes with old-timey baseball crap like righty/lefty...or worse, his gut, which is often wrong), but we are on the verge, baby!! 

We are ready to party because we may be the only team in MLB this year to eke out a (barely) winning record while scoring fewer runs than opponents!!

The negative run differential is at -35, and while there are a couple of crap teams like ours who may give us a run for the un-money, we can do it if we try!!!

Come on, Yankees, show this league what you're made of!!!

Open Letter to Joe Girardi: It's payback time in Tampa; don't play Jeter tonight

Dear Joe,

First off, one suggestion: A daily cocktail application of Zyprexa and Lamictal can ensure an effective "happy blanket" through rough periods. Feel free to experiment!

Secondly, it's time for a little Florida sinkhole pushback.

For months now, the wretched, mostly invisible fans of Tampa have hoarded and scalped tickets to tonight's Yankee game, believing it will be their last chance to see Derek Jeter play.

Screw them.

Let the Captain sit.

Let him take the night off, see a movie, hang with his girlfriend or gather with buddies to burn that stupid kayak the Rays gave him last night. He shouldn't even show up. Play Zelous Wheeler at shortstop. Or don't even play a shortstop at all. Just have a huge over-shift.

Why would the Yankees subject their captain to another Tampa beanball? Good grief, he's got important home games this week! If a Ray pitcher were to break Jeter's his wrist with an inside fastball, he'd miss games in front of fans that matter.

Twice now - TWICE IN THE LAST WEEK! - he's been nailed by Rays pitchers. Chase Headley took one in the kisser. Overall, the Yankees have been hit five times! FIVE! You know what Auric Goldfinger would have said about that? "Once, Mr. Bond, is happenstance; twice, coincidence; three times is enemy action; four times, jeeze, did you say four? Well, that's a hot stick poked up your butt by Rosa Klebb; and five times - dammit, Mr. Bond, five? After five times, you gotta get Richard "Jaws" Kiel and go 'Deliverance' on those SMERSH bastards. You gotta go Moonraker on Pussy Galore."

Yes sir, it's time to go Moonraker on Pussy Galore, or declare 'World War Jete' on Tampa, or something like that. It's time to show that miserable franchise the Yankees don't need Tampa, don't care about Tampa, and if the people of Tampa are pissed tonight because they came to see the great Number 2, just tell them he's healing from the ball he took on the hand last night, when some Double A bum was throwing at him with a five-run lead. 

Sit the Captain.

Screw the Rays and their stupid city. Five times? That's nuclear war. Tonight, let them boo the Rays and cheer Zelous.

NFL: National Fatherhood League?

Maybe they should rename the Metrodome "the Whipping Room."

Updated schedule for Final Jeter Gifting Ceremonies

Oct. 1, 11 a.m.: Official Jeter Final Yankee Pre-Retirement Coffee, Starbucks, Boston.
Join Derek, manager Joe Girardi and Yankee President Randy Levine for a special, emotional send-off before the Captain's final game. In brief ceremonies, Derek will receive a special, 48 ounce Starbucks mug, with lifetime refills, which will be also offered by Steiner Collectibles as a limited edition Jeter keepsake for only $59.95. (No refills.) This is a memory you won't want to miss.

Oct. 1, 2 p.m.: Official Final Captain's Crap, Men's Restroom, Fenway Park. 
Join Derek, announcer Michael Kay and Yankee President Randy Levine in stall No. 2 for the Captain's final No. 2, while dropping his famed pinstriped pants. During a brief but satisfying ceremony, Jeter will receive a roll of special commemorative toilet paper, which will also be made available by Steiner Collectibles as limited edition keepsakes for only $29.95. (Package of four.) This is an excrement you won't want to miss!

Oct. 1, 9:30 p.m.: Official Final Jeter Hookup, Hampton Inn Hotel, Boston.
Join Derek, general manager Brian Cashman, Yankee President Randy Levine and a Victoria's Secret supermodel for the Yankee superstar's final sexual romp, while shedding his famed Yankee jersey. In special ceremonies, which could last several hours, Jeter will receive a commemorative blowjob, which also will be made available by Steiner Collectibles, as limited edition keepsakes for only $199.99. This is an orgasm you won't want to miss!

Martin Prado lost for playoffs

Prado's appendix burst - the rare sign of a Yankee batter with guts.

If we win all remaining games and take the final, away-team-advantage, one-game wild-card picnic basket, Zelous Wheeler might play 2B.

Yankeetorial: Let us ponder the unspoken rage inside the Yankee psyche.

Another night. Another shutout. Another walkoff loss. Another miserable effort.

Right now, the Yankees are the home team of Hell. They are were in a pennant race, playing clubs who have been dead for a month, and losing to them.

Has a Yankee team ever played with less vigor? They resemble the beer-in-the-clubhouse Boston Redsocks of four years ago, famous for ordering fried chicken during games. It's as if they want these games to go quickly, so they can escape this rotting stench and go home.

Imagine the unspoken frustration in the clubhouse. Once again, a hit here or there, and they would have won the game. But they didn't. Once again, anybody who last spring learned to bunt against the over-shift could have turned around this game. But they didn't. Once again, the game became secondary to the all-important Derek Jeter Farewell Tour.

My guess is this entire goddamm team - including Jeter - resents - absolutely hates - the Derek Jeter Farewell Tour, which months ago became ridiculous. Listen: Jeter is a great player, but since when is every team supposed to lavish gifts upon a retiring player? He is not Hank Aaron. He is not Babe Ruth. He is not the greatest shortstop that ever lived. He is a rarity, because he never got involved in scandal - (mostly because he never married any of his women, thus he isn't five-time divorced) - and meanwhile, in case nobody noticed, Jeter's game fell off a ledge. It's the elephant in the room that nobody discusses. Joe Girardi's first priority this season was to sanctify the Jeter Tour, and everybody at home is still supposed to stand up and salute their TVs when he marches to the plate. Last year's Mariano Tour was farcical enough, considering how the Yankees ended their playoff hopes on the day Rivera was honored. This year was supposed to be a pageant. The Yankees were put together by Steiner Collectibles - no, call them the Steinbrenner Collectibles.

Why did we sign Brian McCann for five years? We had Francisco Cervelli, Austin Romine, JR Murphy and Gary Sanchez, the top prospect in the system. None could catch? Why did we make a three-year investment in Carlos Beltran, when two years ago we passed on him? What made us think he would improve?

I'm glad we lost last night. I hope we lose them all. Right now, with 73 losses, we would draft 15th next season. (Actually, we're tied with Cleveland, so we might draft 16th.) If we can run the table, we could bypass Atlanta (75 losses), Miami (76), Tampa (78) and maybe the Mets (79). Of course, drafting higher won't matter if all we intend to do is sign another Beltran. We'll lose the pick, anyway. Tonight, let's hope for another loss. Another shutout. Another walk-off. It's time to blow this thing up.

Speaking of Baseball, Ayn Rand, Who Would Have Loved The Yankee Stadium Moat, Flopped In Theaters This Weekend

Despite, or because of, cameo appearances by Sean Hannity and Ron Paul, Atlas Shrugged: Who Is John Galt? took in less money than a Legends Suites food action station. Gladdened by the news, I did a lurk-and-gloat at some Rand fansites. My favorite comments:

Kittyhawk: We drove about 45 minutes to see a 11:40 showing of ASIII on Friday in the Tampa area with our six year old, who said after, "I like Atlas Shrugged. Let's go see it again tomorrow." There were probably about 12-15 people in the theater with us, mostly aged 60 and over.

Zero: The next movie MUST be better - there is too much at stake.  This world IS NOT LOST unless we give up on it!

JRMR: The Taggart Bridge now falls because of regulation. OK? but WHAT regulation and why don't you SHOW US THIS REGUALTION AND ITS TRUE EFFECT ON THE WORLD INSTEAD OF TELLING US! This movie does way to much telling and not enough showing. Honestly I had NO idea how bad an overbearing government was because the movie simply tells us it is through narration. SHOW ME WHY I SHOULD CARE AND DON"T JUST TELL ME ITS BAD BECAUSE "WELL THE TAGGART BRIDGE FELL DOWN" BULL SHOW THE EFFECTS OF THE GOVERNMENT!!!

A N Other: Who picked these producers? By what standards?

Abaco: The left is winning. 

Randfans in and around baseball include Cal Ripken, Jr., Milton Bradley and Billy Beane.

Hiding behind the kids: "I spent this week answering seemingly impossible questions about the league’s biggest stars. ‘Mom, why did he do that? Why isn’t he in jail? Why didn’t he get fired?'”

Hannah Storm didn't ask those questions. Her kids did. 

I hate it when announcers, writers or pundits can only criticize a power structure from behind a pair of cuddly human shields.

Just to be clear: I have nothing personal against Hannah Storm. But my kids, they said, "Daddy, why doesn't she say what's on her mind?" Hey, I can't help it. That's what they said. (Actually, they had to text it from college.)

Yankeetorial: It looks like the Yankee front office has found its scapegoat.

Last October, the Incompetent Empire blamed all its problems on a strength and conditioning coach named Dana Cavalea, the lone person to be fired, after the team finished out of post-season. This came six years after the Evils fired Cavalea's boss, a guy named Marty Miller. It's a great Machiavellian strategy for survival at the Yankee summit: When the team stinks, somebody must take a bullet.

It looks as though Mark Newman, the longtime director of minor league operations, plans to drink the Drano this winter - announcing his retirement - so his cronies can keep their lanyards and parking spaces.

Newman's exit popped up in the Murdoch Post this weekend, barely two weeks since news rolled out that Brian Cashman will stay on as Chief Procurer to the Throne. This weekend brought Bill Madden's Sunday column, which kicks Newman around, gives Cash yet another free pass, but asks a couple questions, suggesting trouble in paradise.

Keep in mind that Madden in 2010 wrote Steinbrenner: The Last Lion of Baseball, a biography whose title certainly salves the souls Hal and Hank. It's not hard to believe that when Madden spouts, the heirs might be nodding agreement.

Here's what Madden said:

[G]etting rid of Newman alone isn’t going to solve the Yankees’ problem, which is one of the most consistently barren farm systems in all of baseball; a talent dearth that has forced them to continually dip into the free agent market and grossly overspend on contracts such as those for CC Sabathia, Mark Teixeira, Brain McCann, Carlos Beltran — and, of course, A-Rod — that are choking them now. 

(Damn straight, Madden got that right.)

What has to change are the policies of Newman, and for that to happen the Yankees are going to need to overhaul the entire player development and scouting department. The question is: Who will do that? It’s looking fairly certain GM Brian Cashman will be back — it’s hard to fault him for any of the moves he made in an effort to improve the team this year. Where Cashman can be faulted, however, is the minor league system. 

Back in 2005, he threatened to leave as GM if Yankee owner George Steinbrenner didn’t put an end to the longstanding separate fiefdoms in both Tampa and New York and give him control over the entire baseball operation. But once in charge, Cashman did nothing to change the way the minor league system was run. Newman remained and was allowed to continue hiring his cronies as scouts and coaches, many of whom never even played professionally (while at the same time running off, among others, Dick Groch, the scout who signed Derek Jeter, and Fred Ferreira, the scout who signed Bernie Williams), and Damon Oppenheimer continued as scouting director. 

This is interesting. And if true, why hasn't more been made of it until now? 

I’m told the morale throughout the Yankees’ minor league system was at an all-time low this year as Newman had minor league pitching coordinator Gil Patterson calling minor league managers in the middle of ballgames and ordering them to remove pitchers with rising pitch counts. Yet in spite of all the failed draft picks, and pitchers who were never allowed to pitch out of jams, and the absence of any impact position players coming through the system, Cashman nevertheless approved Newman’s policies and all his hires — which makes you wonder about his own judgment and whether he should be the one to conduct the needed overhaul of the Yankee player development and scouting systems.

Fascinating stuff. Presumably, it comes from some unhappy campers inside the farm system. The downside, though, is that once again, all the Yankees' problems seem to have emanated from one guy, in this case, Newman - who, fortunately, to be retiring. Thus... The Perfect Scapegoat. 

Yep. He goes, and everybody else stays. So clean, so perfect...

At least Madden here touches on the frustrations that Yankee fans feel about the front office - anger that will not end with Mark Newman. Good grief, if this guy was such a malignancy, why didn't Cashman fix it years ago? By what metrics do the Yankee brass manage to declare themselves successes? And how is it that Hal Steinbrenner rubber stamps what these bozos do - again and again?

I don't think Newman's retirement is enough. 

HAL STEINBRENNER: YOU MUST FIRE ANOTHER STRENGTH COACH!