Wednesday, June 23, 2010

10 Reasons Why Boston Wants to Bring Manny Ramirez Back

That's the Nation's buzz: Manny coming home. Why would they do it?

1. New team focus on speed and fielding.

2. Teammates miss his "energy drinks."

3. City seeking rolly-polly, happy, goodwill ambassador to back up Papi.

4. Currently, team officials must pay top-dollar prostitutes to experience being pissed on.

5. Who needs people running out grounders?

6. Fearful Yankees will snag him for fifth DH.

7. They miss Boston Herald 48-point headlines.

8. Team traveling secretary needs to be punched out.

9. Manny swears he won't play hooky again.

10. Hey, it beats electing Curt Schilling to Congress.

3 comments:

Mustang said...

You missed the lede:

"Berenguer said Ramirez has found God, reads the Bible on a daily basis, and quoted scriptures constantly during their conversation."

Can we get a MorphThing of Manny & Jesus?

Anonymous said...

Buck Foston says,

'M'UCK 'F'ANNY!

A. Grumpus said...

Now that Manny is a Biblical scholar, does it mean he'll stop wiping his ass with cloth hand towels (which he used to flush down the Fenway Pawk pishados) and start resorting to Biblical practice and use his left hand? Beats pine tar and remember, it would just be, ahem, Manny being Manny.