Monday, June 7, 2010

Shocker: In IT IS HIGH mock draft, Yankees select 57-year-old recovering alcoholic

Joining the trend of Internet mock drafts, our intrepid IT IS HIGH scouting staff put together a mock-up of the big Major League action that will be happening this week. As usual, the fur flew, when the Yankees, drafting last, selected designated hitter Dewey Womack, an out-of-work former plumber from Ashtabula, Ohio, (right) in the first round.

Womack's strengths were described this way: High ceiling, easy to sign and likely to have Tommy John surgery. His downside? The AARP membership and a cancerous mole on his left testicle, though it might just be a reaction to the years working in asbestos.

Here's how the mock IT IS HIGH draft "shook out."

1. Washington Nationals: Bryce Harper (everybody's top pick!)
2. Pittsburgh: Manny Machado (everybody's second pick)
3. Baltimore: Sidd Finch, pitcher  (everybody's third pick)
4. Kansas City: Gil Gamesh, pitcher. 
5. Cleveland: O.K. Ocator, dwarf
6. Arizona: Roy Hobbs, outfielder
7. NY Mets, Sam Malone, bartender
8. Houston: Steve Nebraska, pitcher
9. San Diego: Kenny Powers, pitcher
10. Oakland: Ricky Vaughn, pitcher (pictured, right)


Alphonso said...

Don't forget; Brien Taylor is still out there.

Senator Blutarsky said...

Scrappy east coast underdog drafts replacement for pedophile's sibling.

In related news helen thomas retires.

Anonymous said...

Why didn't we draft his cousin, Joe the Plumber?

Anonymous said...

Buck Foston says,

How about Matt Stairs? Is he still alive? Eh?