Monday, June 21, 2010

Excerpts from Lady Gaga's visit to the Yankee clubhouse

NEW YORK -- Lady Gaga can still visit Yankee Stadium — she's just gotta follow the ground rules.

While in the clubhouse, she reportedly drank whiskey while wearing a bikini bottom and a pinstriped jersey that was unbuttoned to reveal her bra. Several Yankees, including Robinson Cano and Alex Rodriguez visited with her.

1. "... so I told Leno, 'Jesus Christ, you activated the bra! Get back, everybody, these nipples are about to fire!'"
2. "... This? Nahh, it's no designer codpiece. It's a dried wad of Kleenex I found in the subway."
3. "... I hate to break this to you, Alex, but Madonna gave me a pap smear just like that."
4. "... Sure, Swish, I'd love to autograph it, but shouldn't we go somewhere private?"
5. "... So which one of you is Melky?"
6. "... Of course it hurts! Jesus Christ! You try performing with a whole pineapple wedged up your crotch! You'll know what I mean..."
7. "... Joe, you're wrong. Lenn Sakata's trouble was the outside breaking ball. If he could have laid off it, his OBP could have risen by 30 points, and he'd have played another five years..."
8. "...  Katie Perry? Get that shit off the box! Fucking hag looks like Yogi Berra!"
9. "... so I said, 'Joey, Joey, Joey, the puffed rice only needs to hide my crotch. The cheese string will cover the tits. How hard is that to understand?"
10. "... Hold on, Mo, I gotta take this call. It's Regis."

1 comment:

Joe De Pastry said...

Which one of you said he liked that Chenoweth bitch better?