Tuesday's Yankeesque meltown has prompted a lot of heavy soul-searching in the ranks of the GOP superstructure. Most notably, the election has cast a shadow on the future of crazy rape quotes, a bulwark of Republican leaders since the rise of Hillary Clinton.
It seems like only yesterday that Indiana Republican Senate candidate Richard Mourdock climbed aboard the crazy rape quote bandwagon, claiming conception due to rape “is something that God intended to happen.” But he lost. And it followed Missouri GOP Senate candidate Todd Akin's claim that women don’t get pregnant in cases of “legitimate rape,” because “the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down." For GOP leaders, rape had become the new Hitler. Now, they're supposed to stop the flow of crazy rape quotes? Nooooo.
Listen, future Republican white male leviathans, there are still many crazy rape quotes out there, waiting to be unleashed. Maybe you've just been using the wrong crazy rape quotes. As a public service, a peace offering and a priming of the future crazy rape quote pump, here are live ones. Clip and paste, they're free. Just imagine yourself talking to the Fox & Friends gang, they're leaning forward, and in everyone's eyes, you can feel the need for a new crazy rape quote. Here goes:
“If you’re going to rape a tree, you better like the taste of bark.”
“Nobody ever raped a bucket of dead fish.”
“You can’t rape a walnut unless you’re one nutty squirrel.”
“Nobody mails in a rape.”
“That’s like getting raped in a chimney and blaming Santa!”
“Never cry rape until the lobster’s been served.”
“Way I see it, a rape is a rape – that is, unless it’s not a rape.”
“If you can’t tell the difference between a rape and a pizza, I hope you like the smell of pepperoni.”
“In these hard times, we must rape less… with more.”
“Anybody can talk the rape, but can you rape the talk?”
“Hey, nobody polishes a rented rape.”
“If you’re going to get raped, for God’s sake, try not to get raped by Hitler.”