Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Does the collapse of the Hostess Twinkies mean a victory for the Little Debbie/Yankees? And what happens when Rupert arrives?

Every Yankee fan knows that the seventh inning is the ideal time to unwrap a Little Debbie Snack Cake. Mm-mm. Tasty and delicious. Little Debbie Snack Cakes! Devour one now!

And frankly, if the bakers at Hostess didn’t spend all their time not advertising on Yankee games, maybe the Twinkie wouldn't be dangling off its cream-filled fiscal cliff.

We learned this week that, thanks to corporations (people) like Little Debbie, the YES Network - at $3 billion - is more valuable than the Yankee team - at $2 billion.  That means game outcomes are actually not as important as game ratings. And YES almost always wins. The Steinbrothers could probably cash out tomorrow and be worth at least $2 billion apiece - not exactly Koch boy dollars, but up there with the Olsen twins. And the tastiest and sexually kinkiest cog in the Yankee engine of production is, of course, Little Debbie herself.

Next year, it looks as though former Aussie Rupert Murdoch will set his spidery fingers upon Little Debbie, buying his way into the Yankees, just as he once did with the Los Angeles Dodgers. It's taken the Dodgers 25 years to get over Murdoch. Actually, they still haven't. Murdoch has always had a genius for grinding media entities down to their basic particle levels, and then infusing his agenda into the mix. When Gorbachev came to speak detente, Murdoch told him to go home. When Americans protested the Iraq war, Murdoch told them this was his country now, and they should leave. Most of all, he has a way of pushing people out of the drivers seat and then charging everybody more for the ride. 

Whatever your political leanings are, make no mistake here: Murdoch is a bigger threat to the Yankees than our lack of a RF. The YES Network will not allow this team to grow another Bernie Williams. It would never accept the three years of seasoning that Austin Jackson required to become the best CF in the American League. (Or that Adam Jones required, if that's your guy.) The YES Network will demand big names on a circus level that George Steinbrenner never imagined. Whomever was good three years ago will put on a good show in NYC. Murdoch will make Peter Angelos look like Gabe Paul.

Maybe I'm over-reacting. But YES is more valued than the Yankees, and Murdoch is coming to stay. He won't stay a silent partner for long. At least we'll have Little Debbie. I hope she doesn't mind being locked in a cellar.


John M said...

You are absolutely correct yet again, and the fact that I agree wholeheartedly is merely a coincidence to that objective assessment.

One intriguing aspect you overlooked, however: the Historical Wheel of Rup(p)erts. True, there may not seem to be much similarity between the father of modern Yankeedom, Jake, and the father of modern moronism, Murdoch. One provided beer to a joyous crowd, the other provides fear to a bellicose mob.

But as sure as there were teetotalers then and a reality-based majority now, history will not repeat itself but only rhyme. Or whistle in the dark, or whatever it does when it's not repeating itself (unlike beer and Stadium Italian sausage, a combo guaranteed to always repeat itself, and late enough to wake you from an otherwise sound sleep). The Historical Wheel of Rup(p)erts does guarantee a momentous era when something big will happen--on the order of the Babe, or of flappers without underwear getting bird dogged by Red Ruffing under the bleachers.

There is something huge a-brewing. Will it be to our benefit like the Babe and bloomerless babes? Or will we witness an event singular in its disastrous consequences, a mirror image of the Ruthian age?

We pray for the former and, for all the signs pointing it its direction, hope against hope that it's not the latter.

SanJoseKid said...

How about a "Cashman on the phone" caption relating to Rupert Murdoch's directives for hacking into and recording cell phone conversations?

John M said...

SanJose....there's a silver lining to everything. Hadn't considered that.

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joe de pastry said...

New YES tradition: Meredith Morocketits topless in the top of the 3d!

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