Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Call the History Channel: The Yankees activate Granderson and - it's as if something has torn in the cosmic grid - Travis Hafner goes down

This is scary. Today, the Yankees activated Curtis Granderson from the DL, after announcing that Travis Hafner will miss a few days, because his shoulder is barking, and he's having an MRI.

Listen: When Travis Hafner goes or an MRI, you better get his mailing address, because the money question is whether it's weeks or months. That shoulder is going to look like a Doppler radar shot of Topeka during a tornado.

But am I right in wondering how this is so perfectly engineered? It's like a spooky math equation on Bill Nye the Science Guy: Grandy comes back just as the Hafner goes down? Granderson's return meant somebody had to take the Scranton bullet - unless... OMG! Bam... down goes Hafner?

I'm sorry. This is scary. Before, the injuries were just weird. Now, I'm not buying the corporate line that it's random math. Either the universe is messing with us, or something else is up. Yeahp, I'm asking the question here:

Is somebody is pruning the Yankee olive tree? Is one of our players a Dexter, an "angel of mercy?" Does he go around secretly causing injuries, for the equilibrium of the team?

Right now, the Yankees are an injury library. We check out a player, hurt him, then take him back in two weeks and check out a new one. Does anybody out there not believe that on the night before Teixeira returns, Lyle Overbay won't need an appendectomy? And when Michael Pineda comes back - yeah, I know, the asteroid will hit first - he'll probably wipe out half our staff. We should wrap Andy Pettitte in bubble tape.

This is freaky. I half expect to see Rod Serling pop up in the Yankee dugout: "Curtis Granderson has returned, in perfect health, but in the next few hours, the strange area known as the Yankiverse - is about to learn that when someone checks in, a price must be tendered... and in the shadowy chalk lines between fair and foul... for Curtis Granderson to play, someone else must drop... Submitted for your approval, a hit and run strategy in our next stop -- not Cleveland - but the Twilight Zone."


manx said...

Tomorrow Bluth's Frozen Banana Stand visits Yankee Stadium. Perhaps a new sponsor for Suzyn's Injury Report cause it'll drive you bananas.

Anonymous said...

Can we offer Ben Francisco as a sacrifice?

J. Lam said...

Raul, that was not cool!

Alex Rodriguez said...

Thank you, Lyle Overbay. Not just for making up for an error. Not just for getting the job done and getting in the 4th run. Thank you for running into (accidentally, we understand) that arrogant monkey Felix Hernandez. That pitcher is so obnoxious it is inevitable that he someday plays for the RedSux. Most deserved injury I have seen since the NY Giants knocked Joe Montana unconcious. And, now for the BIG HURT. Alphonso! Care to comment on the performances of Jayson Nix, Curtis Granderson and Austin Romine? Tell it like it is, big boy!

Anonymous said...

They sent down Brennan Boesch and kept Ben "the Bum" Francisco? You really are a dumb shit, Girardi.