Saturday, May 18, 2013

Traffic snarls on the Major Deegan nearly ruin big Yankee win for John and Suzyn

Joy over last night's big Yankee win - (Note: Every Yankee win is a big Yankee win) - was nearly muted by hell-hole traffic on the Major Deegan Expressway, "the worst highway in America," Suzyn labeled it.

If the God of the Old Testament exists, the architects of that miserable concrete ribbon someday will break out in fiery boils and watch their children sold into slavery. It's always bad. But yesterday, it became intolerable. 

John refrained from condemning the roadway, outright. That's not his style. But The Master didn't disagree with Suzyn's assessment. It took an hour and a half to get to the game. An hour and a half. In the fourth inning, he was expecting his family to visit the booth, but they were probably still out there, sitting on the Deeg. An hour and a half.

"Everybody here has a story to tell about getting to work," John said.

An hour and a half. That's not America. How can you live happily when it takes an hour and a half to get to work? NY is getting to be like California. Suzyn noted that out in California, if you ask someone how far away a destination is, they'll say, "It's 20 minutes, without traffic."

"But," she asked, "when is there ever no traffic?"

The radio airwaves filled with the sound of John shaking his head.

Only one positive last night: Hiroki Kuroda and a big Yankee win. This plucky ball club has a knack for winning when its pitchers throw shutouts. And John noted one slight benefit to all that traffic on the Deegan.

A lot of fans, he said, were out there sitting in traffic, listening to the game on the Yankee Radio Network, driven by Jeep.


Tracy Stallard's Dreams Of 62 said...

If Suzyn was offered the perfect slice of cake, she'd complain about the color of the plate, or the doily it was on, or the fact that the table it all rested on was screwed together rather than mortised-and-tenoned, or that the floor that held it up wasn't finished with an appealing stain, or that...actually, she'd be much more likely to complain that it might be cold tomorrow in (insert city name here). Until it's too hot, when she'll explain that to millions of people who have nerve endings and already know it. She's the princess and the effing pea...and I keep listening, part for the game and part for the complaining, because it's soul-inspiring to feel different than someone like her. It really is.

Nice game, too, irregardless of the traffic.

el duque said...

NOBODY should have to spend an hour and a half driving to work. NOBODY. Suzyn is calling for a public initiative here, and it's about time.

Other announcers are afraid to take a stand. Suzyn knows she'll become a target, but she's not afraid to speak out.

And frankly, if a floor has an unappealing stain, is it not the job of a truth-teller to speak it aloud?

KD said...

us old-timers avoid the Deegan for this very reason. This is not a new thing, even though the traffic was especially bad yesterday evening. through trial and error over the years, we have our routes. Most nights going home, I'm on the NJ turnpike while other unfortunates suffer through the consequences of our favorite team being located in the Bronx, of all places. I hold no romantic notions regarding the Bronx...

KD said...

Next game, take the opportunity to explore the Bronx in all its glory. Adventure a few blocks away from the stadium and check out the real estate. Suzyn could find all sorts of low market rentals in the area. She could walk to work!!

el duque said...

When I think of the Major, I think of Ralph Houk.

FanSince 1948 said...

Despite the fact that it is not very long, the worst highway in NYC is the Cross Bronx Expressway. Granted, the Deegan is no bargain, but even the southern portion of of the Beltway (between Kennedy and Flatbush Ave. is worse.

manx said...

I'll take the train so I can sip on some delicious micro brews before I have to pay $12 for a crappy budweiser at the stadium.

FanSince1948 said...

A nice walk from the Jerome Ave. exit of the Cross Bronx down Jerome Ave. to the Stadium should give just about anyone some chills.

To think that some 50 years ago, my father & uncle owned a gas station on Jerome...and it's still there (although they're not).

bench Suzuki said...

Hey, Suzyn, take the subway like the rest of us poor schmucks.

Tracy Stallard's Dreams Of 62 said...

Does Suzyn drive her own self to the broadcast booth every day? Or is she sitting in the back seat texting her innumerable "buddies" while someone else does the driving? If so, then the driver is already at work (driving being the work) and Suzyn is being her usual elitist pain in the butt...if she's coughing her way through the traffic in her late-model Miata, then I have as much sympathy as I can garner for anyone who figures an island could possibly empty itself of millions of people with anything resembling alacrity. I'm not saying it doesn't suck; I am saying it goes with the territory, everybody knows that by now, and that if it's a pain in her butt then she might consider making a career or location change.

And as far as her jumping out with "helpful" comments about the stain color applied to the floor, I direct you toward her choice of wigs and ask you: why should she not dig her role in life and just shut up when it comes to matters of aesthetics? Perhaps devote more time to her given role: the sighted, corrective wing of the booth?

And yes: I love this blog. :D