Sunday, May 12, 2013

"Don't shush me?" Should we be worrying about a dust-up between Joba and Mo?

Yesterday, in the middle of two ongoing dugout media events, Mariano Rivera told Joba Chamberlain to shush, prompting Joba to snap, "Don't shush me."

Today, the spiritual harmony of the Yankiverse remains under a House Shush Alert.  

Before continuing this critical discourse, let me confess a personal bias:

If Mariano shushed me, I would shush. A full shush, not a partial. (Note to commenters who will shush me while claiming to be Mariano:  Save your ether. I'm on to your tricks.) 
Frankly, I believe most Yankee fans would shush. As would Barack Obama. That's why he won re-election: Even critics concluded, "He's the type who would shush if Mariano shushed him, and that's wisdom we need in the White House." Double frankly, the trouble with this world is that Mariano doesn't shush enough people. There are gasbags on talk shows I would shush - with my knuckles - but why bother? They wouldn't shush for me. If Mariano shushed them, maybe they'd shush. It's worth a try.

Secondarily, if Joba gave me his icy Oklahoma stare and, "Don't shush me," I wouldn't shush him. He's gone through so much, I couldn't bring myself to shush the guy. I just don't have it in me. So what would I do if caught between the two?And should we all be worrying about the shushing situation?

Probably not. We're in first. We've seen worse dust-ups on better teams. Remember Reggie and Munson? Remember Reggie and Billy? Remember Reggie and - oh well - this is a momentary dust-up, right?

Or where there's shush, is there fire?

Is it possible that Mariano, for all his greatness, is a overbearing silencer of public discourse? On the team bus, does Mariano march down the aisle with a finger to his lips, shushing everybody, simply because he's Mariano. If so, he's missed his true calling in life. He should be a librarian. And if so, why haven't the writers written about it in he past? Did he shush them? What else have they shushed up about? Does Jeter go around giving wedgies? 

Or is the problem Joba? Is he one of those yolta-doltas who talks all the time? Oh, he watched Iron Man 3 last night and it was neat, and he went with his friends, Cooter and Rascal, and oh, you know Cooter and Rascal, because they had to buy the extra buttered popcorn, and minga, you play cards with them after the show, the cards get greasy, because they never even wash, and holy crap, did he mention Gwnetth Paltrow's abs, because she must work out six hours a day and- SHUSH THE EFF UP, JOBA, WILL YA? FOR ONCE, BECAUSE SOMEBODY ELSE IS TALKING?

I don't know where I stand on this. They say the two will straighten it out.

Something always happens in Kansas City.

5 comments:

KD said...

me thinks you got a thing for that donkeylady...

SanJoseKid said...

If there's one thing Joba ain't, it's "suave" (English AND Spanish usages). . . . Let Kevin Youkilis mediate between the boys.

el duque said...

Gwyneth is the Prettiest Woman in the World.

Thus, she must be mine.

First, I get her attention.

Anonymous said...

Wasn't this the subject of a major motion picture, "Shallow Duque"?

Benny "The Kid" Paret said...

Can anyone determine if this photo, apparently issued by the Yankees PR department, was actually taken at Kauffman Stadium, or did they just recycle an old photo? I smell coverup.