What attracts a bean ball,Impact on the pinkie,
Right upon the screw,
Right upon the screw,
With the knuckle black and blue,
The Grandy Man,
Oh, the Grandy Man’s hand.
The Grandy Man’s hand,
'Cause we need another chance
To make Ichiro look good.
Listen: One could argue that over the last two years, there has been no darker Yankee nightmare than the continuing regression of Mr. Curtis Granderson Jr. Nearly every part of the guy has brought us eternal pain.
For starters, he stands as living testament to the Yankee tradition of trading away great future talent for stars on the descent. Every time he marches back to the dugout after a strikeout - as he did 195 times last season - we can see the ghosts of Austin Jackson and Ian Kennedy walking with him. In his first NY season, Curtis started slow and then pulled a hammy, gone for a month. Last October, the world watched him disassemble. And this year, his first spring training at bat breaks a wrist - and last night: Goodbye, pinkie. Out six weeks. Ugh.
Poor guy. He never deserved this. A guy like Raul Mondesi - he deserved our scornful bile. Not Grandy. But his time with us is quickly running out.
If Hal Steinbrenner was serious about cutting payroll, the Grandy Man was never going to return next year. This was his contract season, his last great chance to make a killing - the five-year-deal that sets his family up for life. (He's already done that, of course, but this would be his last and maybe greatest payday.)
Now, he comes back after the All-Star break, feeling more pressure than ever on each increasingly overblown home run swing. And where will we be?
By mid-July, Ichiro has either started to hit, or there is no place to hide his futility any more.
By then, Vernon Wells could be running out of gas - the way Raul Ibanez did last year, when the guy signed as a DH was forced to play all those games in left field.
By then, frankly, Brett Gardner will probably have jammed a thumb, simply because that's what Gardy always does.
By then, we'll have turned over our infield, but who plays the outfield?
Ben Francisco, I guess.
Well, we're still in first. And if last night's injuries to Grandy and Phelps make it seem like we're under a curse cloud, the game - featuring the Artist Formerly Known as Fausto Carmona - exposed Tampa's underbelly. They have no second tier pitching.
So hold on tight, folks. Here comes Brennan Boesch, joining Vidal Nuno, Preston Claiborne and Dave Adams. The Retrieval Empire is still going. Ben Francisco, it's up to you.