Tuesday, July 21, 2015

It wasn't a massacre, but those two wins in Boston last week may have killed their season

Yesterday, Boston lost two - sealing a four-game sweep in sunny rainy California. The Redsocks are 9 out, having lost 6 of 7, and I can say firsthand that their once proud and giddy fan base looks as withered as a month-old carrot.

Last weekend, I drank extensively with two Redsockian nutcakes. Normally, you could call them "surly," "defiant" - even "wolfen." Not anymore. These days, they just pee in the litter box and say meow.

Normally, they'll talk up the Boston farm system, like it's the Hadron super-collider, capable of milling gold bars. Not anymore. Everything ended with Jackie Bradley Jr. They're even losing hope for Blake Swihart. But if you want to hurt them - (and who doesn't?) - ask about Allan Craig. God, it's wonderful. Three years ago in St. Louis, Craig hit .307 with 22 HRs, an MVP candidate. Now, he's the bane of Pawtucket, batting .268 with 3 tatters. Want to see the blood drain from a face? Mention Allan Craig. They practically recreate the climactic scene where Jerry Lewis goes from Buddy Love back into "The Nutty Professor."

Then there's Mike Napoli. Mwahahaha. I honestly think they are nearing the point of wishing they never heard the name. You know how Yank fans feel about Stephen Drew? Triple it, and you've got Boston's sense of hope with Napoli. But here's the rub: They can't dump him. He stinks at 1B and is hitting below Mendoza, but he's a local icon who famously woke up naked in the street after winning the World Series, the stuff of frat boy legend, so they're stuck with him. (Though considering how they've dealt past stars, who knows?)

But I've held the worst greatest Redsock malady for last: Big Papi. The guy simply cannot run. Fly balls that once caromed off the Monster die at the track. They're hoping he leaves gracefully, accepts retirement and walks away with his famous happy smile. In other words, they haven't seen the guy over the last 10 years as every other fan in baseball knows him: As a fuming, disagreeable, always-complaining jerkwad, who dropped the f-bomb in front of an opening day crowd of kids and yet remains "beloved" because of the city's obsession with denying its racist past. So, now they're hoping Papi will smile as he ambles out the door? I speak for the Yankiverse in saying, Good luck with that, Bostonians!

Ten days ago, the Redsocks were streaking, ready to cut the deficit to 3 games. Had they swept the Yankees, every $100 haircut on Fox would now be yodeling how they are the team to beat. But the rug got pulled. Yeah, it's the Angels who swept them, not us. But those two wins in Boston, for my money, that was the ACME super scooter that blew up on poor old Wile E. And right now, they're standing on the side of the road, 9 out, wondering what happened. Rain in California. What a beautiful sight.


ceeja said...

Careful El Duque. I want these bastards completely dead before I piss on them. The fuckers.

el duque said...

Don't worry Ceeja. I qualified it. I said it "may" have killed their season. "May" is the "allegedly" of fan blogs.

Local Bargain Jerk said...

Every email I write at work to someone I know to be a Boston fan ends with:

    P.S. Nice team.

I haven't felt this good since 2003.

ceeja said...

Just spent a few orgasmic minutes reading the Globe and the Herald. Sandoval and Ramirez make me feel a lot better about Drew and Beltran. At least our two dogs occasionally do something right -- and at least we don't have anyone who whines and lays down and dies like Ramirez.

Mustang said...

Boston's racist past? Hahahahaha

Rufus T. Firefly said...

Mustang you are spot on.

I like to tell people about the 'diversity' at phen-weigh pahk. It is all amongst the employees. In uniform one way or another, either on the field, selling overpriced food, or showing people to their seats.

JM said...

What Mustang said.

And you think those haircuts only cost $100?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Leinstery said...

The Sox season died when Wade Miley, of all people, nearly threw a no hitter and they still lose because those tools couldn't scratch a run across before Trout broke their back in the 9th. Mike Trout, honorary Yankee.

Alphonso said...

You are so right, Mustang. Those are $350 haircut for the men, and $800 for
the " blondies."

Selling your soul comes with a hefty paycheck.

Rufus T. Firefly said...

The only player possibly smaller than the scrappy second baseman for the small market sawx just hit a walk off home run and the desperate frat boys are disputing the call because the fan didn't catch it on the fly.

12 back, all is well in the world...