Thursday, January 19, 2017

In the dead zone of Yankee news, the real immortals appear to be named Steinbrenner

Yesterday, the great gray Gammonites - exercising their final power in a news collapsing universe - elected to the Hall of Fame a Ranger, Astro and an Expo. Once again, the Yankees were ignored. Technically, Tim Raines and Ivan Rodriguez once farted through pinstriped pants, but neither were of-the-cloth of Yankeehood, and both breathed NY air at the end of long careers. To get elected, Roger Clemens must die, and it's starting to look as though Mike Mussina and Jorge Posada were figments of our imagination, like all those world championships. Drug deliriums, that's what they were. Remember when Posada doubled down the line to save the Yankees in the Aaron Boone game? You dreamed it. All those rings, all those moments, you were tripping. That October, the sportswriters in Houston, Dallas and Montreal had already moved on to football.

We are in the Dead Zone of news. It still hurts to even think about the Giants and Jets. The Knicks remain a disgrace to humanity; I wish they would move to Aleppo. The Rangers? They're not even the most famous team named the Rangers. The Mets' winning curve is over, which leaves the Yankees to fill the void with crapola. We sign a 25-year-old Korean 1B for Scranton: It's like putting a man on the moon. YES is selling tickets on Gary Sanchez's month of August. He might be a solid catcher, but he's not I-Rod.

So, this morning, adrift on this vast sea of nothingness, I found this depressing tidbit in the NY Post. Jennifer Steinbrenner Swindal, daughter of the Demigorgon, told a reporter: "We’re all in. I hope we own the team for eternity.”

Listen: It's rare that we fans get to ponder eternity. The long term is a harsh concept in sports. A few seconds ago, I was all in on Ross Moschito as the next great Yankee. Wasn't it this morning that Phil Hughes, Joba Chamberlain and Ian Kennedy were on the verge of stardom? Blink and 20 years go by. Where the hell is Sheriff Cowley? Think he'll ever pitch that no-hitter?

Yankees come and go. But the Steinbrenners plan to own me eternity.  

Listen: I don't hate the Steinbrenners. For all the negativity that pops out of this site, all Hal has to do is win. Everything will change. That's what the Yankees are supposed to do: Win, dammot, WIN. Right now, Boston is the Yankees, and if the Steinbrenners expect gratitude from Yankee fans, while we're looking up at the Redsocks, well, aint gonna happen.

So the Steinbrenners plan to own me forever? Well, at some point, they say the universe will cease to expand, the Big Bang will reverse itself, and time will flow backwards. Derek and Mariano will grow young. Jorge Posada's double in the ninth will come after Boone's home run. We will pace our circles in the carpets, and Ross Moschito will again patrol centerfield, the way he was supposed to. All that is dead will live again. But the Steinbrenners will still own eternity. We cannot kill what never lives. Four weeks until pitchers and catchers. It can't come soon enough.


Anonymous said...


Tom said...

Why would they sell -- unless they were actually losing money, which they are not. The family cash cow and plaything: The New York Freakin' Yankees. Little Steinbrenners can intern as vice president of popcorn before they accept a position in the Trump administration. We are doomed.

Alphonso said...

And, if memory serves, the Swindal ( as opposed to Swindle ) woman was dumped by a cheating, alcoholic husband. Or she was ordered by Hal to dump him.....get the pinstripes out of his couch and all. It doesn't matter which way the cards fell.

This episode says something about her judgement.

Why wasn't she, " all-in" on him for eternity? He was a loser and a major dumping took place.

How good have the yankees been? How good are they now?

Thinking about Hal and Cashman and Joe for an eternity is like thinking of Trump as president for an hour...maybe even a week.

Doom and gloom approach.

Leinstery said...

Posada didn't double down the line in the Boone game, that was Matsui. Posada hit the weak flare. Or maybe you were doing a thing how that's fading away in your imagination and I'm an ass.

Anonymous said...


I'm Bill White said...

Ron Guidry better be staying at the Hotel Syracuse tonight.

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