Wednesday, November 13, 2019

Yankees, 29 other teams, say they'll talk to Cole and Strasburg

If you're like me, you're still jiggling with anticipation over Monday's exciting revelation from Yankee GM Brian "Cash" Cashman: 

He says the Yankees - proud 2009 World Champions - are all in on having talks with Gerrit Cole and Stephen Strasburg.

This is huge. The Yanks will be having talks! This comes on the heels of owner Hal Steinbrenner, throwing caution to the winds, who said that he will definitely entertain the notion of having talks with both pitchers!  

Rest assured, Yankee fan base, this operation is not afraid to be having talks... with anyone!

They'll be having talks with Cole. They'll be having talks with Strasburg. They'll be having talks with - hmm - Cellino & Barnes! With Little Debbie Snack Cakes! With New York Life! And they'll be having talks with all the Gammonites who will be having calls to be having questions about whether the Yankees will be having talks with everyone... driven by Jeep!

The Yankees are planning to be having talks. 

Well, deal me in! In the past, I've wrongfully had my own talks - criticizing "Food Stamps Hal" for letting less wealthy franchises - (aka: every other one in baseball) - outspend the Yankees, especially when it seemed as though our team was one player away from a ring. It just seemed counterproductive.

And I must be remembering last winter wrongly, because didn't the Yankees take Bryce Harper and Manny Machado out on the town, when they came seeking contracts? Apparently, the Yankees took them out for dinner, but never were having talks. Difficult, but doable. Hand-signals, maybe.

So, recapping: The Yankees will be having talks. O-bla-dee, o-bla-dah. 

One other thing... so, apparently, Little Jose Altuve cheated in 2017? He and his evil teammates stole our signals through electronic eavesdropping.

Well, it would be nice if MLB docked them a draft pick or three, but don't hold your breath. There will be no impeachment. There is no incentive for baseball to undermine its own product. Besides, Houston that year was recovering from Biblical floods, and the sports industry loves to promote the ridiculous and bogus narrative that winning teams lift cities out of tragedy. 

The Astros were a feel-good story, even if was a lie. In the eyes of MLB, the Yankees are still the bullying tyrants of Gotham, and small market teams - who tank their way to success - are lovable underdogs. For MLB to favor us again, the Yankees must lose for at least five more years, and even then, get in line behind the Mets. Or maybe NYC needs a flood. You know what they say: Rising waters lift all boats!

In the meantime, enjoy the excitement: The Yankees will be having talks.


13bit said...


Anonymous said...




TheWinWarblist said...

O-bla-dee, o-bla-dah.

I'm becoming angry at Hal.

ranger_lp said...

Actually, that makes sense since talk is cheap...

Anonymous said...

"One other thing... so, apparently, Little Jose Altuve cheated in 2017? He and his evil teammates stole our signals through electronic eavesdropping."

If it turns out to be true, Houston should be stripped of its draft picks for the next ten years. Plus, they should have to pay the entire contract of our most expensive player (Stanton). So if his contract becomes Houston's burden, we might actually be able to trade Stanton for a bag of balls.

The Hammer of God

13bit said...

We know they have NO intention of signing either Stras or Cole. They are doing it for US, to placate US. OH LOOK! THEY ARE PAYING ATTENTION TO US!

Fuck you, Brian. Fuck you, Hal. And Randy, there's a special place in hell for you to get buggered by wild, feral gigantic wild boars on speed.

Austria's Only Baseball Fan said...

La-la, how the life goes on.

TheWinWarblist said...

I'm going to fucking talk to both of them. Fuckers!

smurfy said...

It was the prettiest curve, pointed right at Jose Altuve's head. He smiled as it fizzed and worked its path in over the plate, but high, and the bugger ate it up, smashed it like it was a hot potato. Dumbfounded, I was, I didn't hear the trash can.

If so, gimme some draft picks.

HoraceClarke66 said...

I'm tired of the "stealing signs" excuse. It's right down there with the "tipping pitches" nonsense.

If you think the other team is stealing signs, you change your signs. Period. Doesn't matter if they stole them with a camera or a guy with good eye sight getting to second base.

Also, in the old days, if the Mad King had read anything like this, he would've gone ballistic, FORCING MLB to do something.

HAL will not. Hell, for all we know, it was HAL's team stealing the signs: "Can't let these guys get into the World Series! Think of the payroll ramifications!"

Anonymous said...

Or the pitcher can brush his shirt with his glove to add or subtract from the catcher's sign. It wouldn't show on the center field camera. Would be much harder for the sign stealers to give an accurate pitch prediction to the batter. Some pitchers even call their own game that way, if they don't like the way the catcher calls pitches.

The Hammer of God

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