Virtual Baseball: Schmidt and Mitts Nip Seraphim. THE MASTER IN COMA!

Some nifty fielding today helped the Virtual New York Yankees to pull out a 7-4 win over the Angels Once Known As California Near Los Angeles By Anaheim, today.

Yankees rookie Clarke Schmidt pitched well enough over six inning to notch his second major-league win, and Mike Tauchman and Miguel Andujar homered for the visiting New Yorkers.  It also helped that Yankees pitchers intentionally walked Mike Trout every time they faced him, once even though it meant forcing in a run.

But the biggest factor in the game today was some nifty fielding, particularly by Gio Urshela, whose great grab of a hard smash down the third base line by Albert Pujols started a 5-2-3 triple play.  Andujar's laser-like throws from left also erased one of the Heavenly Host at home, and another at second base.

The win left the Pinstripers at 16-12 for the merry, merry month of May, and 38-22 overall—though still eight games behind the tepid Tampa Bay Rays.

Yet there was no joy in Yankeeville, after news arrived that beloved broadcaster John Sterling had been put into an induced coma, following his seven-hour long distance-impairment operation by Dr. Olu Bogadon, the distinguished brain surgeon of the internet.

"All we can do now is pray," Dr. Bogadon told reporters.  "And, of course, make propitiatory sacrifices to Baron Samedi and Maman Brigitte."

The extent of Sterling's coma is currently unknown, and will depend upon signs of improvement.  For the duration, Sterling, whose birth name was Ishke Bibble, will be cared for at the Hebrew Home for the Aged at Riverdale.  The Hebrew Home for the Aged, caring for you in those senior moments, for over a hundred years.  Now under the management of Kars for Kids.