Virtual Baseball: Tanaka Falls Asleep on Mound but Still Wins. Yanks Know How to Treat Those Twins.

The virtual Yankees managed to best the Twins again today for their seventh straight win, despite the fact that Masahiro Tanaka grew so bored with putting away Minnesota hitters that he fell asleep on the mound in the fifth inning.

It was the first time that any Yankees had fallen asleep on the mound since Whitey Ford did so while pitching against the St. Louis Browns on August 3rd, 1953.  Ford drifted off while striking out Roy Sievers in the top of the fourth inning.  His change-up fooled Sievers anyway, en route to an 11-3 win.

Ford, in fairness, had had a rough evening out with Mickey Mantle and Billy Martin the night before. Tanaka, on the other hand admitted that he just got bored throwing breaking pitches past Miguel Sano.

"It is simply not possible to maintain concentration for very long in today's American game," Tanaka confessed afterwards. "But wait, what did you ask again?"

The final tally was 13-5, with Tanaka giving up a couple long home runs to Nelson Cruz.  The Yankees protested the fact that Cruz has now taken to shooting up PEDs openly in the dugout, but to no avail.

Meanwhile, Gleyer Torres, Miguel Andujar, Gio Urshela, and Clint Frazier joined the stacked up, Holland Tunnel-on-a-Sunday-night traffic jam of home runs for the Pinstripers.

Losing Twins starter Randy Dobnak could say only, "I think I'm gonna be sad.  I think it's today.  Yeah."