Wednesday, August 5, 2020

Virtual Baseball: Paxton Routed, Hurt—What's New?—But Yanks Rally to Top CWS!

Posted on behalf of HoraceClarke66, whose computer has gone the way of James Paxton.



Virtual James Paxton turned in another disappointing effort tonight against the team whose abbreviation is nearly that of a pharmacy chain, but NYY rallied to overcome the Chi Tea Lattes, 7-6.

Paxton was literally driven out of the box today, first by two more, long home runs from a surging Yoan Moncada, and then by a Yasmani Grandal line drive that literally undressed him, much like the balls hit back at Charlie Brown.  No sooner did the Little Sapling have his uniform assembled again, then another line drive by Jose Abreu caused a loud popping sound to emanate from Paxton's kneecap, which it had just hit.

"You are not going to be able to goop that," Clyd Frazier winced in the press box.

It was looking mighty bleak for the New York nine this day, the score stood 5-0, with but five innings left to play.  But home runs by Giancarlo Stanton, Luke Voit, Gleyber Torres, and Aaron Judge brought the Pinstripers storming back, with the help of some excellent relief work from new Yankee call-up Nick Nelson.

Afterwards, manager Ma Boone was relatively sanguine about the indefinite loss of Paxton.

"Well, you knew it was gonna happen sooner or later, the way he pitches.  I mean, the guy's just not good, man."

16 comments:

TheWinWarblist said...

"You are not going to be able to goop that," Clyde Frazier winced in the press box.

Exactly so.

13bit said...

Yes, Winnie, that was my reaction, as well.

Bravo, Hoss!!!

Fuck "reality." Give me virtual any day of the week.

JM said...

By jingo, Paxton is just as lousy in the virtual world as he is in the real world! An amazing parallel universe. I blame the neutrinos.

Der Kaiser said...

Has Paxton ever tried playing Canadian football? He might make a good kicker...

TheWinWarblist said...

BANGING ON THE CEILING!!!!

DickAllen said...

Paxton looks like an ace compared to that pretender on the mound. Six walks in 32/3?!?!?

DickAllen said...

Happ has been staked to eight runs in the last two starts and he’s coughed it all up and then some.

DickAllen said...

What a fucking bum

JM said...

Crap. Happ.

We need Sevvy and German. Get past Cole and Tanaka and poof.

But of course, we have to trot out the big contracts, no matter how ineffective.

JM said...

Not that Sevvy and Germy are available, but you know what I mean.

JM said...

Angel Hernandez is fucking terrible. If umps didn't have a union, he'd be driving an Uber for a living.

TheWinWarblist said...

Pathetic ...

HoraceClarke66 said...

Hey, the Yanks were coming back, they'd cut the lead from 11-3 to 11-7, and had two more innings to catch up—

But no. Because they are now forced to play Bizarre-o Ball, in which doubleheader games don't go more than 7 innings.

I don't even like that in the minors. But at least there's the rationale that you don't want to make the fans sit out there too long, and you don't want to test young arms. Fine.

But of course, there are no fans at the game, and every team now has 35 pitchers. But still, we have to go through this idiocy.


Beauregard Jackson Pickett Burnside said...

Suzyn’s star of the game? Rickie Ricardo! That was very sweet of her. Been a great sojourn... 7-1 record with Ricardo announcing. Suzyn singing the National anthem... John not dying...

HoraceClarke66 said...

Hey, we got them back, going up 3-1 just in time, in the 7th.

Yippee. Maybe next year there will be "no stealing bases" or "no taking leads" rules, or perhaps everyone can just hit off a tee.

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