But for now, let us stow these post-loss analyses and go down fighting, wrestling for that last living room Cheeto, that final smudge of clam dip atop the coffee table, the last Genny Cream in the twelver.
Let us show Tampa who the fuck they're fucking with, or at least who the fuck we wish they were the fuck, fucking with.
That's right! Tonight, we fucking riot, but not in the streets - (that comes later; Saturday's weather: in the 70s!) - but on our couches, futons and bean chairs.
People, it is time for an
INTERNATIONAL JUJU INTERVENTION
TONIGHT, BOTTOM OF THE 2ND INNING
LEADOFF YANKEE BATTER
At that designated moment, Yank fans across planet Earth must summon and spew Rizzuton energy waves directly into their TV/radio/Internet porthole device, mentally prodding the Yankees to victory.
Keep in mind that, due to cable network work-arounds, the impact of this direct juju ejaculation might be delayed. It might take an inning, even two. But this massive, Rays death ray will be felt on the virgin fields of San Diego.
Citizens of the Yankiverse: It is now or never!
Throughout 2020, the MLB deep state has quietly invoked terrifying rules for juju-suppression. In public, these literal human monsters - with their butt-licking Gammonite acolytes - claim to encourage Yank fans to regularly pullulate their finely distilled, purified juju into live games.
In fact, these human-faced rodents use tape delays, starting time changes and rainouts to take away our God-given powers of juju. The Fake Sports media - enemies of the Yankees - tell nothing but lies. LIES! Why, many of them claim the Yankees lost last night, even though our IIHIIFIIc non-partisan focus group says otherwise! Who is telling the truth, you wonder? The answer is easy: WE ARE!
Tonight, we fight.
Don't let these bastards steal your juju. Don't let them claim victory, not until all the runs have been counted... even if it takes weeks, months, or never can be fully tabulated!
In the second inning, stand, address and caress your TV set - respectfully, of course - as the instrument of juju justice that she is. Project everything you have inside you - (think of Dr. Strange, aiming rays from his palms) - into her. Be gentle, but firm.
Second inning. Leadoff Yankee batter. This is when we turn this fucking season around.
We shall not go down like lambs. We shall not be Tampa's windshield bug.
Repeat after me:
Win tonight, Cole tomorrow.
Win tonight, Cole tomorrow.
Win tonight, Cole tomorrow.
God bless America, and God bless the Yankees.
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25 comments:
Scottish Juju member will be ready tonight *snaps off salute*
Comrade Ken of Brooklyn reporting for duty!
This will be a huge test of our Juju strength and purity.
But we must.
What doesn't kill you, will only make you stronger.
The Hammer of God
Here’s how we know it’s all over. Stanton only hits unnecessary home runs. When he hits one, it’s always for naught. So he’s hitting home runs like crazy lately, which means we’ve already lost the series. I gave up the ship yesterday around 8 pm. You’re all still listening to the band play...
I will unleash the mighty Ju-ju bees.
Doug K.
JORDAN FUCKING MONTGOMERY....CHRIST WE'RE TOAST
Here's one for the books:
https://nypost.com/2020/10/08/alex-rodriguez-eviscerates-brian-cashman-for-yankees-alds-debacle/
A-Rod publicly spanking Brain and his corps of analytic idiots
It's time to unleash the Ju-ju fly. His work last night on Pence's hair is done, and he is ready to go into action in San Diego.
We can all wish the fly the best of luck tonight. A few well-timed interventions on Tampa batters can make all the difference.
Get 'em in the eyes, flyboy!
Each man kills the thing he loves.
The Hamster of God
Count me !n !
Reporting for duty, SIR!
The Bronx expects every man to do his duty!
I will personally add some Sodo Mojo to your juju!
Did I ever tell you that Good Pitching Wins the big ones? Always.
This is where they needed BIG GAME James Paxton!
Sorry, General JU-JU, I will not debase myself by sending cosmic thought waves to the heavens.Enough is enough
This reminds me of the SAT multiple choice question;
Whom stated to whom, "I gave you my heart and soul, I trusted you, I believed you, I believed IN you, and now this?"
A) Cal Cunningham's wife to Cal -[inside joke from North Carolina];
B) Stalin to Hitler;
C) Caesar to Brutus on the Ides of March,
D) Yankee fans to Hal, Cashew and Grandma Boone.
All answers are correct. That's how you start out with a guaranteed low score.
The last ten years have been a test of machoism. I will not indulge until two out of three of the Three Stooges leave the Yanks.
I Can See Clearly Now. The Archangel
DAAAYYYYYUUUUMMMMM Arod went Beast Mode....he was absolutely correct
I am now and always will be with you all.
Now where are my pants?
Always love to see Cashman blasted by anybody, even A-Rod.
But I still don't see how it matters so much, considering the fact that Tanaka had nothing.
So we're supposed to believe...what? That Tanaka gets blasted, but then Happ—because he can enter the game in the first inning, not the second—pitches us to victory?
And even if that highly unlikely scenario is true, then we come back with what? Table scraps, and our ace on short rest?
The trouble isn't the order in which Yankees pitchers are being thrown out there. The trouble is that almost none of them, it appears, can retire a team that hit .238.
I'll take a peek halfway, but I'm not wasting any more of my time with this bunch.
But I will keep coming back here for the shits and giggles.
Maybe there will be a miraculous swarm of midges. Or flies. Either will do. But I don't need to see it.
Beware that power of The Fly, Mr Allen. Beware!
HERE WE GOOOOO!!!!!!!!
IT WORKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bad call on the first pitch to Higgy. Would he have swung at the next pitch if it had been called correctly?
Maybe. Maybe not.
At 0-2, he was compelled to swing at the next pitch. K.
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