Virtual Off-Day: Jogginson, Gardy, Metsies Even Series with Dodgers. Cashman Will Hide Self from “Nefarious Russian Operatives.”

 From the desk of HoraceClarke66

If one New York team seems to be sinking beneath the virtual playoff waves, another rallied in amazing fashion tonight, with the Mets, of all people, pulling out the second game of the NLCS with two out and none on in the top of the ninth.

 

After Jeff McNeil drew a walk off Dodgers relief ace Kelsey Grammer, Brett Gardner fought through a 13-pitch at-bat before slamming a long triple into the distant precincts of Chavez Ravine.

 

It looked as though Kelsey would still wriggle out of the inning with a tie, but Jogginson Cano hit a little topper into the ground in front of home plate, and somehow managed to beat the throw to first. In the bottom of the ninth, fellow ex-Yank Dellin Betances, cool as a cucumber, worked out of a bases loaded jam to tie the Series, with a 3-2 win.

 

Meanwhile, Yankees GM Brian Cashman announced today that he is taking on extra bodyguards because he is certain that “nefarious Russian operatives” are tracking him, convinced that he has been using more than just a cheap pick-up line when he tells people that, “The Yankees control the universe, and I control the Yankees.”

 

“They’re after me!  They think I have some special, secret power!” Cashman told reporters, through the speakers of his special, Eagle Protection Helmet. “They also keep stealing all the Legends Club strawberries!”

 

Asked about the allegations, Russian strongman Vladimir Putin smiled enigmatically, and said, “What would we want with little man in big helmet? Unless he does control universe. In which case, he should move Yankees to Moscow, where we can build them brand new stadium, seating capacity 200,000. Attendance mandatory.”

 

Asked in turn about these comments, Hal Steinbrenner scoffed, “Well, I hardly think we’re about to move to Moscow! You did say 200,000, right? And did he mention anything about luxury suites, or TV rights? Hey, just doing my due diligence…”