Virtual Off-Day: Yanks Rest, Spirits Bother Undyed Hosiery

After a virtual off-day trip back to New York to continue their ALCS death match, the New York Yankees reported that they were just glad to come home and sleep in the city that never does. For the manager of the Pigment-free Sox, though, it was another story. "Faith, in my hotel room last night, I was visited by three spirits that seemed to crawl in through the window, though I wast 22 stories above the stony streets," reported Rick Renteria. "They looked as old as old men, yet as young as schoolboys, and wore the garb of Yankees giants from days gone by. "'Richard, look upon me, Edward,' said the first, his hair an unnatural pale. 'Think of my greatness and that of my mighty camp. In the battle tomorrow, think on me, despair and die.' "Then there issued forth from all three a mighty giggle, like that of mischevious schoolboys. And I did hear one whisper to he who had just spoken, 'See? Didn't I tell you this was more fun than tits?' "'Richard, look upon me, Alfred, and think upon my many hijinks during the battle tomorrow. Know all my managerial wizardry will be arrayed against thee. Despair and die!' "Then did one of them say to the others, 'Hey, you got the key to the mini-bar?' Then they didst giggle again amongst themselves, and one of them sayest, 'Look, we're spirits with spirits!' an then they giggled yet again, until I did half raise myself and cried out, 'Hey, I'm tryna get somme sleep, you boobs!' Whereupon they seemed to crawl on out the window from whence they had come. And when I awoke in the morning, lo, the mini-bar was empty, save for a single bar of Toblerone." The hotel desk clerk confirmed that they had had previous visitations from the said spirits, who called themselves, "the Whiskey Slicks," though none had ever seen so many before. "You are still responsible for all items missing from the mini-bar," the clerk told Renteria.