Since we at "It Is High" understand that success in NYC is measured in two ways, championships and back pages, it seems clear to me that we are about to be surpassed in both areas. We often gripe that Hal should sell the Yankees, but we don’t really talk about to who. (whom?)
Let's set some criteria.
With "Bobby Axelrod" taking over the Mets they finally have an owner who:
1) Owns his childhood team.
2 2) Hates to lose.
3) Has a lot of money.
4) Will spend it
5 5) And, could use a redemptive narrative.
C Compare this with our current owner who:
1) Hates his childhood team because it competed for Daddy's love
2) Doesn’t mind losing as long as the turnstiles turn.
3) 3) Has a lot of money.
D 4) Does not want to spend it.
5) Hates his childhood team because it competed for Daddy’s love.
So, in my debut as a poster, I ask the simple question, “Who Should Own The Yankees?”
To get us started here are a few suggestions…
1) Jeff Bezos
I just re-watched "The Man Who Fell To Earth" and there is a part of me that can’t shake the feeling that Jeff is actually an alien from another planet. If so, his childhood team is probably those guys from Space Jam, but he checks the rest of the boxes. Plus, according to season seven of Billionaire he is Bobby Axe’s rival.
Also, the Yankees are a soulless money-making machine.
I rest my case.
A-Rod and J-Lo
ProsClearly they want to own a team in NY. We’d get back pages, front pages, and all the pages in-between
Cons:Can’t imagine
that we wouldn’t get sick of them even if they were competent. Plus, I would
have to kill myself.
Us
That’s right, the commenters, and writers of it is High It Is Far It Is Caught. We know and they know we know.
Think of us as the Borg of Baseball, a hive mind that sends down Mike Ford and keeps AnDUjar, who has Chapman mop up (both in the baseball sense and with an actual mop – man that guy sweats a lot) and who trades Gary for a bag of balls because as baseball axiom number one states, “You can’t play baseball without baseballs.”
You don’t think MLB will give us the team? Here’s our pitch:
A great backer we haven’t got.
A track record we haven’t got.
Base-ball contacts we haven’t got.
What have we got?
We’ve got Hart.. Miles and miles and miles of Hart.
When the odds are saying we’ll never win that’s when our grin should start…
------
That said, I’m open to suggestions.
Posts
11 comments:
Let me be the first to welcome Doug K to the ranks of IT IS HIGH posters.
Beautiful!
BRILLIANT debut, Doug K.! And I could not agree more!
I should burn you with white hot fire for even the suggestion of ARod.
Wonderful first post Doug K.
Except for making me want to incinerate you. Watch yourself!
Fuck you Hal and Jeff Bezos.
Congrats, Doug. I'll trust that you won't go all Dick Young on us.
I like your Green Bay model, but that would never happen here.
While it's always about money and always has been, some teams, over the years, have had the happy confluence of big money AND an obsessed owner who wants to win.
This is not the time for us and, since Hal is young and there is little incentive for him to sell, we might as well resign ourselves to mediocrity for the rest of our lives. The ownership front is a brick wall.
He COULD fire Cash and somebody who is not an idiot could build a great team and we could win again. He won't though. Despite years of ineptitude and horrible seasons that came close, but were never as close as they seemed. He will not fire Brian Cashman. So we must ask why not?
1. Does Brian have the pee pee tapes? He does resemble Putin a bit and it's maybe the most plausible conclusion. I just don't see Hal as a pee pee guy, so I'm going to tentatively rule that one out.
2. Is Brian a master at hypnotism and mind control? Again, this is possible and he does look a little like some horrible mesmerizing super villain in a shitty movie from the 90s. We cannot rule this out.
3. Are Brian and Hal an item, a thing? Is Hal's wife just a beard? I no longer have any respect for the Yankee aristocracy, so I don't mind bruiting this theory out loud, but I won't ask anybody else to co-sign my bullshit here. Let's just say I don't rule this one out, either.
4. Does Hal genuinely just not give a shit and he doesn't want to deal with replacing Cash? Is this just a case of being comfortable in his rut? Very possible. Very possible.
5. I could go on, but I'll post just one more theory: What is HAL has pee pee tapes on BRIAN and not the other way around? Perhaps Brian is the useful idiot here and Hal is using him as cover, kind of a lobotomized crash dummy who can take the fall for any of the problems that arise from Ha'ls cheapness Perhaps Food Stamps is having the last laugh and Brian is his puppet on a string.
Foor for thought.
Doug, that’s just great. Now you can plotz in full view of us all!
As for ownership, I submit the team be sold back to CBS under the watchful eye of the late great Mike Burke. That is, if we are willing to shit bloody murder everyday of the week, 365 days a year.
Wouldn’t that be something?
And, just a side note: CBS sold the Yankees to George and Mike for the tidy sum of 10 million bucks. It is estimated they are now worth 5 BILLION. Nice deal. And CBS actually managed to lose money as owners.
Ain’t life grand?
Doug K.:
I'm so glad you're a post-er. Nice work all the way around.
CBS just didn't give a damn, Richie. The Yanks were just one of many companies they bought to "diversify" at the time. The Yankees cost about as much as the Fender Guitar Company, which they also acquired.
Not only that Hoss, but look at the job CBS did with Fender. Forever afterwards, the main thing that musicians looked for when buying old gear was the description of "Pre-CBS." It became an actual term to denote HORRIBLE QUALITY and a brand gone south due to bean-counting assholes with no soul who did not give a shit about the company. And then the CBS Yankees...ugh
Interesting side note. From a story I once read, Leo Fender (a Greek, by the way, like my own ancestors, his full name was Leonidas) went to the doctor and was told he had a terminal condition. One of the things he did before his death was to sell the company to CBS. Then, you know what happened? He didn't die. It was a bad diagnosis and he spent the rest of his life building two companies while mourning the loss of the legend he had created. He first formed Musicman Guitars, then G&L. He was an amazing guy, Leo. He just loved to tinker. He did not set out to change the course of rock music, for sure, as his early stuff was geared towards country-western musicians.
Interesting stuff, bitty. And yeah, amazing how idiotic CBS was.
Everybody else in baseball was worried that the network would use "synergy" to make the Yanks into an unbeatable force. From their lips to God's ears! It would have been difficult to do in that era—but they never even tried.
Instead, they put Mike Burke, a guy who spoke like Peterman on Seinfeld in charge.
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