Friday, November 12, 2021

Dear Mr. Cashman: All of baseball is waiting for you to make your move... so own it.

Dear Madam or Sir,

Yesterday, I wrote a brilliant, 300-word manifesto on how the Yankees' first move this off-season will unleash a string of follow-ups within the Death Barge lineup. 

Frankly, I undersold it. 

Today, all of baseball waits to see what the Yankee brain trust - (that's you) - will do to solve the team's autumnal disfunction. (That is, being done by Oct. 3.)  

Your upcoming first move - to acquire a SS, CF, 1B, whatever  - could become the icebreaker for which all of MLB is awaiting. And you must make it. There is no reason to let any other team dictate the future of the Yankees... and, potentially, your legacy.

Sir, it's high time - as Shakespeare would say - to screw ye'r shaven chin unto the sticky chair... to lay ye'r bony chisel to the measuring dander... to jam ye'r merry cod into the barker, 'til the dawn craps her seed o'er the chattering hills of Donner! 

I'm not telling you who to sign, who to trade for, or who to banish unto the unkindled disco goblins of Milwaukee. 

But it's time to show courage... guts... Boraxo. You want Sterling Marte? Then make him an offer. You want Matt Olson? Bundle up the farm system and make the call to Oakland. Freddie Freeman? There's a number that makes him a Yankee. Carlos Correa? The world awaits your move.

Listen: Whatever you do, the Yankee-owned media will cheer it as the work of genius. The rest of us will obsess over the price tag. But good grief, you already know this: Wild-eyed critics come with the job. (Quick question: Did you ever get my death threats?)

If the Yankees don't win next year - I'm thinking world championship, but right now, I'd take a divisional crown -I hope you do the right thing and let somebody else run the team. (I'd want you to stay with the franchise in some capacity - we always need ticket-takers - you've had a long run, but, hey, nothing lasts forever.) 

And you need to make the first move. In the past, when the Yankees let other teams go first, we paid the price. Remember when Joggy Cano left for Seattle? The Yankees reacted by signing Jacoby Ellsbury. Remember when Boston signed Dice-K? We countered with Kei Igawa. When other teams dictate our future, we end up with Pronk and Lyle Overbay. 

And we deserve them, because we didn't have the guts to get the players we wanted. 

Sir... clamp ye'r time burger to the jujumaker's bevel!

Whatever you do, you will be remembered for this. So, get the guy you want, and let the rest of the world react. 


Publius said...

Prior to new CBA, doubt anything will happen. So, doubt anything will happen for a long time.

TheWinWarblist said...

I hope Cashgrab does the right thing and punches himself in the crotch until his arms cramp up.

JM said...

An excellent turn of phrase, Win. I don't understand any of Duque's Shakespearean prods, but I like them, too. "Deranged Elizabethan" should be a new sublanguage.

Cashman will fuck up, of course. He'll wait too long, then do something stupid, then overpay for someone who isn't that good, in that order.

By the way, Boone is an idiot.

Doug K. said...

Hopefully it isn't that complicated.

Here are the guys on our current roster we can get rid of.


While we are not fond of them its not a bad bunch. All have upside!

Except Frazier - OK and Hicks. Actually Sanchez really sucks and Torres is a mope. Voit can be pretty good when not injured but he can't field.

Still... upside! I hear Gallo won a Gold Glove!

The only major trade we make is for Olsen. So pick a few from above, toss in Clark Schmidt and get that done. Upside!!!

Sign these two Free Agents - Semian for SS at 100-150M less than Correa. Suzuki for LF at around 50-60M.

The Infield is now

1B Olsen (contact, avg. and power)
2B DJ (contact, avg.)
SS Semian (power)
3B Urshala

Good D all around. When one of the kids is ready to play SS (in 2023) move DJ to third and trade Urshala.

Now go for a defensive CF. We don't need the bat per se.

The outfield is

LF Suzuki/Stanton
CF (TBD) / Judge
RF Judge /Stanton

C ANYONE BUT SANCHEZ!!!! or Sanchez.

Das it.

ZacharyA said...

I was looking through Cory Seager's recent injury log, and now I'm convinced he's the Yankees guy.

10/17 missed NLCS with back sprain
4/18: Right UCL tear, TJS (missed 136 games)
8/18 Underwent arthroscopic hip surgery
6/19 Grade 2+ left hamstring strain (missed 30 games)
8/20 Left quad strain (played through)
9/20 Back strain/discomfort (played through)
5/21 Right hand fracture (missed 65 games)

el duque said...

Plus, we have injury luck with guys named Cory.

ZacharyA said...

RIP Mr. Lidle

HoraceClarke66 said...

Amen, Zach. That's what I was saying. NO NO NO NO NO.

Get Correa. Which sounds like something you can cure with penicillin. But still.

Ironbow said...

Yanks sign Correa and Ray and trade for Olsen. What will they end up doing about CF and catcher? So many holes ...

Publius said...

Catcher and CF? Sanchez and Hicks. Zero reason to think otherwise, unfortunately.

The Archangel said...

I understand the attraction to Correa, but to me, he is just a Grade A Extra Large dick.
He's AROD Jr.
He is not something that I want to cure with penicillin

borntorun999 said...

Actually, I think we may see SOME movement on the FA front before the lockout commences. This will be a long one, with nothing being done until nut-cutting time, meaning Feb - Mar, with the real possibility of games being cancelled. I think some players would like some certainty before that happens.