Forget Mantle and Maris. We've got Judge and Jazz. But damn the torpedoes, hide the bats!

MLB HR leader board

Fifteen HRs in three games will grab eyeballs, and today, the grim glare of MLB is fixed upon us, wondering if the Yankees somehow hacked that primal weapon of ball fields and bedrooms, the vengeful shillelagh - the great American baseball bat. 

As a physicist, sportsman, and advocate for pure science, I feel compelled to pose the essential questions here: What the fuck? And... holy shit?

Have the Yankees found a competitive advantage? Could machine-engorged Yankee barrels bring about a new era of tape-measure self-pleasure? Did some MIT big brain find baseball's Arc of the Covenant? And if so, how long before our enemies catch up, and turn baseball into Pete Alonso at the HR derby? A month? A week? The next few days?  

Listen: Baseball history is full of system hacks. Remember Moneyball? Or when Tampa led the world in defensive over-shifts? The Rays also invented the bullpen start. The Astros used cameras and garbage cans. The Dodgers have built an underground railroad for Japanese free agents. The Mets have uncorked limitless wealth. And have the Yankees tweaked the system with bats shaped like "torpedoes?" Fifteen HRs in three games says, maybe. But before we assign asterisks to BAs, a few thoughts:

1. They were three games against Milwaukee. 

2. They were the first three games of 2025. Remember last year, when Oswaldo Cabrera mimicked like the Second Coming of Mike Schmidt? 

3. Five came against Nasty Nestor Cortes, who we figured - in returning home - would either spin a revenge masterpiece or get raked. Turned out to get the latter.

4. Several were Yankee Stadium HRs, into the right field gift shop. That's Yankee baseball, folks. (And let's see if Tampa can replicate the numbers in their mini-stadium.)

5. Aaron Judge - with 4 HRs - hasn't used the torpedo. 

6. Giancarlo used it last season, had a normal Stanton year, and it might have fucked up his elbows. 

But but BUT... in the name of Gaylord Perry, who used the spitball as a psychological  ploy - the Yankees should spread forth the notion that they have found an advantage. They should guard the torpedoes like a recipe for chicken salad. Let the world think that Anthony Volpe has turned into A-Rod, that Jazz Chisholm will hit 50, and that our routine pop flies will land in the bullpen. 

Should there be a physicist wing in Cooperstown? If a few more balls start landing in Monument Park, who knows?  

Game Thread: Yankees vs. Milwaukee

 

Nine HRs, 20 runs: Did the Yankees just use up their full juju allotment for the next month?

Admit it: A 20-run Yankee laugher brings out the worst in us. The absolute worst.

It's why we're so deliciously reviled. To flash a Yankee cap in Bumfuck,  Alabama, is like wearing MAGA crimson to a Tesla protest. The toothless, flyover dorks see NY and think it stands for "Not You," while we relentlessly pleasure ourselves in a four-hour beatdown. They think that, as insufferable Yank fans, we should be grateful for all the winning seasons, for the Danny Tartabulls, even when everything drains into pure humiliation, as last October did. They think we have it cushy, better than we deserve, and we don't appreciate it. 

And, honestly, on a 20-run win, they're sorta right... which only infuriates them more.   

Me? I'm livid - LIVID - that Aaron Judge's late-inning double - hardest whack of the day - hit the top of the wall, denying him a 4th HR by the length of a Boone bubble gum balloon. WTF, juju gods? If Judge finishes 2025 one HR shy of the all-time record, that ball will be the reason. It should have gone out. His ticket to Cooperstown should have been punched. On any true scale of power, Judge yesterday hit four.  

So, yeah, of course I'm pissed! The  greatest Yankee slugger of our lives - look at the numbers; there can be no argument about this - nearly inscribed his name into history, along with 16 others, including Lou Gehrig, Willie Mays and Mike Schmidt. Instead, he's in the three HR category with more than 100, including Bo Bichette and Ben Rice. And we're supposed to be happy? Hoo-fucking-ray.   

Okay, let's appreciate that the Yankees scored 20 runs on 16 hits, including 9 HRs.

The joke says they faced Nasty Nestor, a secretly embedded Yankee spy. This would explain three gophers on his first three pitches. If I were a Brewers fan, I would be terrified, because most ex-Yanks, upon returning, kill us. It's something about their anger and sense of betrayal. When Cortes was listed as starter, I automatically figured he'd go seven. He managed two, with eight runs. Ouch. 

Unfortunately, Max Fried couldn't last five, to receive a courtesy win. Boone ended up dredging the bullpen with the law firm of Gomez, Headrick and Carrasco. You could argue that everyone got a chance to start 2025 - Carrasco, the vaunted reclamation project - got beaten up for three runs on five hits. Should we worry? Of course. 

Today, we'll learn whether the Yankees just used up their juju allotment for the next month. We've seen it often. They score 10, then give us a week of zeros. Maybe today will be different? Maybe today, we can decide to celebrate?

 

Play Ball?

 

Scranton opened its season yesterday and - sorry, folks - but there's nothing much to see.

Yesterday, amid the gaiety and hoopla of Opening Day in Allentown - (fun facts: it's the third largest city in Pennsylvania and birthplace to Lil Peep) - the Scranton Railriders launched 2025 with a loss to the always-tough IronPigs of Lehigh Valley. 

Don't worry: This is not a game write-up. 

Instead, for a brief exercise in self-torture, take a long, lingering glance at the roster to the right. Focus on each name. Do you feel lost? Do you feel tired? Wanna feel old? Consider this: Brandon Leibrandt - who started yesterday for Scranton - is the 32-year-old son of Charlie Leibrandt, who once pitched for the KC Royals.

"A veteran pitcher who understands how to pitch," summarized manager Shelley Duncan, who also might make you feel ancient.

Three active Railriders - Eric Reysaleman, Jorbit Vivas and Everson Pereira - were born in this millennium. Everybody else is side-eyeing 30, either having languished in the Yankee system, or having hooked up this winter, when they realized the franchise would be going through pitchers like Lucy devouring chocolates on a deranged assembly line. 

What you don't see is Spencer Jones, the former first-round pick, who hit .250 this spring with three HRs in Tampa, and who played 122 games last year at Double A Somerset, where he hit .259. Apparently, Jones did not make the Triple A roster. Not sure why. Would it be optimism to hope that he's got the measles? 

Whatever. Either way, Jones' absence denied Yankee fans their chance to follow a legitimate top 20 franchise prospect. 

The current Railriders are a collection of journeymen, spare parts and and third-chancers, such as Vivas and Pereira. I don't mean to demean them; either could play an important role in 2025. But they are not youngsters who generate long term hope. The franchise does have a few distant stars - George Lombard Jr. and Roderick Arias top the list - but aside from Jones, Scranton might not see any of them this summer. (And let's face it: If Jones doesn't hit in Somerset, his Triple A arrival could be delayed.)

I don't mean to be negative. But it's now been about five years since the Yankees boasted a top-rated farm system, which was Brian Cashman's original long term management strategy.  Eons ago, when Cashman assumed control, he vowed that the Yankees would build up their core from the minors and supplement through free agency. 

What a joke. What a complete and utter failure. Instead, for the last 15 years, the Yankees have been consistently hogtied by horrible contracts to aging players, and here we are, watching a Triple A team that cannot even field one major impact prospect.

And by the way, it can be done. Year after year, the Dodgers and Tampa Rays maintain some of most fruitful farm systems in MLB. The Dodgers supplement with free agents. The Rays are just too cheap.

This year, we can also beware of Boston, which is stocked to the gills with young players. 

And Spencer Jones will start - gulp - in Somerset? WTF? He had 482 ABs there last year. Four hundred eighty two. He hit 17 HRs. He's going back for year II? WTF? 

A Different Kind of Opening

Per my now six year old tradition on Opening Day, I bring a photo of my dad sitting in his recliner up on my laptop and watch the game with him. 

It's a much better venue for a conversation than standing graveside talking about why Cole isn't starting, my hopes for his grandchildren and for Austin Wells. 

Not necessarily in that order. 

Of all the things I miss about his not being around, talking to him during a game is easily number one. I can't tell you how many times I still reach for the phone in the course of a year. 

He was former high school basketball coach in the Bronx and helped me to see the game inside the game and, whatever sport we watched, he always brought insight and compassion. 

For example, he didn't like booing. He believed that athletes are always giving their best. Then again he never got to see Gleyber play. So there's that. 

His favorite player was DiMaggio. 

He would have loved Judge. 

It's hard to for me to comprehend but he never got to see him play. 

Moreover, what I realized yesterday, is that by passing away seven years ago, he missed the entirety of my participation on this blog. 

He would have gotten a real kick out of reading all of us. Well except the "Fuck Boone. Fuck Brian. Fuck Hal." part. He might have felt similarly in terms of disappointment but would have expressed it differently. 

Opening Day.  The Yankees won and I got a nice visit in. Sometimes that's all you get. Sometimes that's enough. 

"Hey now!" the Drop-Off, and Soto Derangement Syndrome: Five takeaways from Day One

Undefeated, untied, and unviolated. That's where we stand: Unbeaten, unbroken, and unbuckled. And a bit unnerved.  

Five takeaways from Opening Day...

1. "Hey now!" Dave Sims, the Seattle-honed radio replacement for The Master, seemed to charm Suzyn, the most important person in the Yankiverse. Several times, she seemed utterly tickled by Sims. (Though, it apparently remains her job to rain down the incessant in-game commercials, electrified by the Jeep brand.)  

In the late innings, with a 6'8" Brewers pitcher on the mound and shadows roiling everyone's vision, Sims noted that "he's so tall that his head is in the sun," causing Suzyn to chuckle. For all their famous chemistry, I cannot recall John Sterling saying something that drew from her a belly laugh.  

Instead of Sterling's HR calls, Sims shouted his trademark, "Hey, now!" And the game ended without a Win Warble. It certainly isn't the same - it cannot be. But Sims is a pro. He seemed to win over Suzyn. That's a start.

2. The newly minted closer, Devin Williams, did not win over anybody, except maybe the cardiac unit at Mount Sinai. At one point, ESPN analyst Bill Schroeder touched a nerve, mentioning that this was a "typical" Williams save. 

Excuse me? A "typical" inning? Tying runs on second? Two hits and a walk? Are you kidding me? I cannot take another Aroldis "Houdini" Holmes - that is, the closer who always fills the bases, who always sends us to the point of madness. Nope. That's not how this guy was sold to us. He was supposed to throw "the air-bender," which nobody can hit. 

Later, the ESPN team inferred that Williams is why Owner Hal eliminated the Beard Ban. Is that a joke? For this, we went scruffy? Hey, now! 

3. In the Mets loss, Juan Soto went 1-for-3 and left a runner in scoring position. Ha ha. Fuck you, Soto. NY went 0-6 with Runners In Scoring Position. 

Looks like Soto brought with him some of last year's Yankee magic. Let the negative juju commence. 

4. Troubling was the drop off in the heart of the Yankee order. Goldy, Jazz and The Martian: 0-10 with four Ks. Of course, one game means nothing. But that bottomless hole signifies the sum of all our fears: 

That once a pitcher gets past Judge, we fall into a crevice. 

For a brand new lineup, yesterday looked quite familiar: 

We score early and then go into hibernation. We had so many opportunities to break open the game, and we did nothing. Over the last 10 years, how often has that scenario played out?

5. Nice to see Luke Weaver throw a relatively quick eighth. (One walk.) Weaver remains a mystery, almost too good to be true. There were reports out of Tampa that his mph has dropped a couple ticks. He looked good yesterday. 

The Yankees really need a setup guy. They might even need a closer.

Unbottled, unbrewed and unbuttoned. I'll take it.  

 

Big Game Today

 

An IIHIIFIIc tradition: "Goodbye Cruel World, It's Opening Day"

 

The gods place bets with loaded dice,
And all our earthly dreams betray,
But listen to one clown's advice,
Goodbye, cruel world; it’s opening day.

The politicians scrounge for power,
With consequences we shall pay.
But somewhere, it's our finest hour,
Goodbye, cruel world; it's opening day.

Our weary age is full of war,
The daily news brings dark dismay,
So surf the dreams worth living for,
Goodbye, cruel world; it’s opening day.

-- el duque, 2008 --

The 2025 IT IS HIGH Prediction Contest Scoreboard

                                 Wins          Judge HRs    Martian BA

Hammer of God         96                   65                  .320

Rufus T. Firefly          94                   50                  .280

Doug K                       93                   52                  .281

RtotheE                      93                   63                  .260 

Parson Tom                 92                   43                  .251

PgPick                         92                   57                  .255

Mattingly’s 

      Mustache               92                   50                   .293

Hinkey Haines              91                   50                  .261

Jaraxle                         91                   47                  .266

Local Bargain 

         Jerk                     91                   49                  .278

Gary Frenay                  90                   50                  .260

Bern Baby Bern            90                   49                  .248

JM                                 89                   45                  .233

Oliver Tiberius

    Cat                            89                   45                  .269

Vampifella                     88                   50                   .225

Coplius                          88                   54                   .270 

Dick Allen                      87                   56                   .310

Carl J Weitz                   87                   56                   .283

Alphonso                       87                   43                   .238 

Kevin                             87                  57                    .275

Ken of Brooklyn           86                   51                    .223

Ranger LP                      85                   45                   .218

Acrilly                            84                   48                   .227

Mildred Lopez               84                   43                   .251

BTR999                          84                   27                   .239

Platoni                           83                    53                  .250

Der Kaiser                      82                    38                  .247

Publius                           82                    41                  .221

Scottish 

     Yankee Fan               82                    31                  .228

Above Average                81                    46                  .256

Wezil1                           80                     42                  .262

Pocono Steve                 79                    46                  .269

Chaz                              79                   39                   .267

El Duque                        78                    60                   .232

13BIT                             75                    43                  .251

Stang                              73                    75                   .199

HoraceClarke66              66                    31                  .223

Predictions taken until Noon Thursday. 

Wells and Rice, with respects to Robert Frost

Some say the year will end with Wells,
Some say with Rice.
From what I’ve seen of raging hells,
I see a season cold as ice.

And if we lose in autumn twice,

I think I know enough of Hal

To say that, as a DH, Rice

Is not a go

And won't suffice.

Three Reasons Why The Yankees Are Better Than Last Year

In looking at the predictions for the season I couldn't help but notice that a lot of us are in the eighties in terms of wins. I don't understand the pessimism. Okay, actually I do, but that doesn't make it so. 

The Yankees have put together a solid team. Not a great one but they did do several things to improve on last years roster and, injuries non withstanding, they should be just fine. 

Reason One:  Fewer Meltdowns

The Yankees main problem, and the one that was exposed for all to see in the fifth inning of last year's World Series game five, was...  They meltdown. 

As great as Gerrit Cole is, he is one of the most emotionally fragile pitchers I have ever seen. 

His every start is filled with dread as fans and the players live in fear of "The Error" that will cause Mr. Angry Pouty Face to appear and flush it away. 

Add Rodon to this dynamic and almost two fifths of the starting rotation's games were played in a state of mental exhaustion. 

Players get tight. Volpe plays tight, especially in the later innings. Gleyber was just a Gleyber away from Gleyberizing both in the field and on the base paths. 

The Yankees were so meltdown prone they were AFRAID to play Jasson over a guy who couldn't hit a pinata at a four year old's birthday party, because an error in the field could and did spell doom. 

Sadly it was Judge. But once that ball dropped and Mr. Angry Pouty Face showed up, the game and the series was over. 

Replacing Cole with Fried will be a net positive. Not as good as having them both, but they aren't going to have them both, so I'd rather have Fried. 

Want proof?  

In one of Fried's starts this spring the Yankee infield, botched grounders, threw wild, and failed to make an easy inning ending DP on a ground ball, pretty much all in a row.  What did he do? He didn't whine, he didn't pout, he just got another ground ball. And then another ground ball. And then another ground ball. 

This had the effect of cooling everyone out. No explosion. No tension. No meltdown. 

Yes, they still have Rodon but I have to believe that it's going to be a calmer environment this year especially since... 

Reason Two: No Holmes

We all know why. (Cough. Thirteen. Blown. Saves.)  The Yankees have the lead. Could be a couple of runs. Time to RELAX and put the game to bed. But they can't. Couple of hits. Couple of walks. Volpe bounces one. Give up another hit. Gleyber Gleybers. Boom! Thirteen. Blown. Saves. 

Reason Three:  No Gleyber. 

Allow me to add to the above.  Gleyber fails to cut off the throw. Gleyber slow on the DP. Gleyber kills Yankee rally with bad baserunning etc. 

---

There are other reasons I believe that they are better this year but these three are huge. 

And for those who say the rotation is our doom, I would point out that Gil was great early but then hurt, and marginal upon return, and he will be back. The bullpen is better. Infield defense better. Judge back in right. Better CF as well. 

93 Wins. 

The 2025 Yankee batting order... Honestly, we've seen better and worse

 

Austin Wells C
Aaron Judge RF
Cody Bellinger CF
Paul Goldschmidt 1B
Jazz Chisholm 2B

Anthony Volpe SS
Ben Rice DH 

Jasson Dominguez LF
Oswaldo Cabrera 3B 
Carlos Rodon P

If you haven't done it yet, add your 2025 predictions in the comments.

Number of Yankee wins.
Number of Aaron Judge HRs.
Jasson Dominguez batting average.

Deadline: Noon Thursday.

May the best fan win

An Above Average Haiku Tuesday ~ The 25th Day, of the 3rd Month, in the 25th Year, Edition !

  Look into HIS eyes . . .    

  Hear his words, TRUST his message . . .  

  LOVE . . . BRIAN CA$HMAN !  

 

It's time to project our projections for 2025. Here are mine. Read them and weep

The IT IS HIGH 2025 PREDICTION CONTEST is now underway. 

Say your sooths, eject your projections, prognosticate your progs, and predict away!   

1. The number of Yankee regular season victories. 

2. The number of Aaron Judge HR. (1st tie-breaker)

3. The final batting average of Jasson Dominguez. (2nd tie-breaker.)

Post them in the comments before Thursday at noon. (Those of you who already have voted; you have until then to amend your predictions - but, please, don't drive me nuts.) 

Meanwhile, it's time for me to put up or shut up. Since I can't shut up, I must put up. And you must put up with me putting up. Ah, wordplay! It's like dining with M.C Escher. 

"You're right, M.C., I should never say never. I tell myself to never say never. It never works. I always end up saying never. I should never say always, but I never do. Whenever I say never, I always think, that’s it, never again! It always never works."

I could go on. (Escher would, forever.) Here are 10 Bold Timid Predictions for 2025.

1. The Yankees will finish fourth in the AL East.

Why do I feel this way? Boston is on the verge of one of its every-fifth-years uprisings.  Baltimore is coming of age. Tampa will play before sell-out crowds. That leaves Toronto, which will be gnarled up with the USA/Canada bullshit; the Jays will finish last, behind us. Yes, we will beat Toronto. Hooray. 

2. The Yankees will win 78 games.

Why do I feel this way? Depth. We have none. We enter 2025 with our utility man, Oswaldo Cabrera, playing 3B, and our Scranton call-up, Ben Rice, as DH. Our fifth starter is Carlos Carrasco. Why kid ourselves? The injuries won't suddenly cease. The next wave - and there will be one - will mean replacing starters with Triple A lug nuts. This current lineup might win 85 games. The replacement lineup will not be  a .500 team.

3. Aaron Judge will hit 60 HRs.

Why do I feel this way? Giancarlo Stanton is gone. If he returns in, say, July or August, it won't be for long. His absence will free up Judge to DH whenever necessary. I think he'll thrive in that role. Also, after mid-August, there won't be much to watch, aside from Judge chasing his own HR record. He will be our source of pride. When Met fans claim Juan Soto is better, we will shut their mouths with our bare hands.

4. The Martian will hit .232. 

Why do I feel this way? Dunno. But .232 is the exact point where you wonder if 30 HRs is worth 150 strikeouts. That's how Jasson Dominguez's rookie year will unfold. He can close his eyes and walk into 30 HRs, but the Ks will pile up. I think The Martian will have a fine career - at his peak, an all-star - but he will never be Mike Trout. I hope Yank fans can accept this. And God help JD if he starts slowly, because the crowds - rabid for hope - will start calling for Spencer Jones. We might end up crushing two prospects in one year.

5. Max Fried will win 18 games.

Why do I feel this way? He's a lot like Gerrit Cole. He's cagey. He's wily. He knows his craft. Between now and the end of his eight-year contract, he'll miss a season due to injuries. They all do. But this will be his best year with the Yankees. He will be one of our few sources of pride. And whenever he pitches, in the backs of our heads, we'll wonder: Where the fuck would we be without him?

6. Cody Bellinger and Paul Goldschmidt will hit - until they're hurt. 

Why do I feel this way? Well, why WOULDN'T I feel this way? Why would any self-respecting Yankee fan NOT expect them to go down? Seriously, when you ask these questions, do you know that you look like a fool? 

7. The depth - or lack of it - will kill us. 

Why do I feel this way?  Good grief, I already said this. Did you even read the top part of this post? And this is not a bold prediction. It's a diddly shit prediction. We all know the Yankees play well until the gonads tweak. That's where depth comes in. If we have a Cameron Maybin or Matt Carpenter, we make the playoffs. If we have, um, J.C. Escarra? - well - I dunno. 

8. The bullpen will be strong until Boone kills it.

Why do I feel this way?  Because of fucking history, that's why! Boone kills bullpens the way Elon Musk kills retirement plans. You think he'll suddenly change? Why would you feel this way? We all know what will happen. First to go will be Luke Weaver, last year's miracle baby. Boone will use him up like a car battery in a blizzard. Once he's gone, he'll move to the next pitcher, then the next, then the next. We're managed by Agatha Christie. 

9. Anthony Volpe will have a quietly successful season. 

Why do I feel this way? Fans wonder if he'll hit for power (20 HRs) or average (.255.) I say he'll do both. Trouble is, he won't be Bobby Witt Jr. He won't be Francisco Lindor. He might not be Jackson Holliday or Boston's looming stud. This is a world ruled by superhuman shortstops, and Volpe won't be one. I hope that doesn't destroy him.

10. You Know Who will hit well for the Mets - until he gets injured. Yes, the Yankee tweaks taint will follow Long Gone Juan. And when he is in the ice bath, that'll be a fuck of a lot of money circling the drain. Too much money for fans or Gammonites to accept. 

I honestly think he outsmarted himself by chasing every last thin dime. Met fans will cheer him - they just want us to grouse - but the rest of humanity will see through his wondrous smile. And when he goes down, good luck, Mets!

And good luck to you all. Now... put up or shut up. 

To understand Yankee history, we need Gordon Lightfoot

A devious friend (Met fan, of course) visited a nautical history museum recently and sent these phone pics. They tell a story I've never heard, a haunted legend of the Great Lakes.. the tale of the Henry Steinbrenner. 

Sherman, set the Wayback to spring of 1953...

Note: To my knowledge, nobody called her "Hank," or "The Yankee Clipper." Steinbrenner was a Clevelander with no affiliation to the Bronx. Nor was there ever a ship to be named "Hal." 

All four Henry Steinbrenners went down, in one way or another. But the end of the line came on May 11, 1953. 

The weather started getting rough, the tiny ship was tossed. If not for the courage of the fearless crew, the Henry would be lost. 

Facing 80-mph winds, with conditions deteriorating, the crew abandoned ship and climbed into life rafts. Many didn't make it.

For decades, nobody knew the wreck's location. It was believed to be somewhere off the coast of Michigan. 

In fact, according to my friend, the wreck was found on Oct. 31, 2024, in the fifth inning of game five. He added his comment to the exhibit.

The legend lives on from the Chippewa on down, of the big lake they call "Gitche Gumee." Superior, they said, never gives up her dead, when the gales of November come early.

On that note, tomorrow, we'll start taking predictions for the annual IT IS HIGH Yankee win-total for 2025 - our 'bragging rights" contest for fan supremacy. I believe we will add a physical prize, donated by commentator Carl J. Weitz. We're working on it. 

Along with the number of Yankee wins in 2025, this year's tie-breaker predictions will be: 

The number of HRs Aaron Judge hits. 

And the final batting average of "The Martian," Jasson Dominguez. 

Get out the windsock. Check your tea leaves. And, as a wizened cook surely said, when at 7 p.m., the main hatchway gave in: "Fellas, it's been good to know ya."

Final note: I guess something needs to be said. But I don't think there are words to describe our feelings over the death of Brett Gardner's son this weekend. Hearts broken. 

Yankees respond to spendthrift LA hegemony and retake MLB dominance

 

For Yankee fans, it's Christmas in March, as Cashman combs "the margins."

"We’re definitely keeping the phone lines open, whether it’s agents calling because their players are free and released... or trade conversations going on with my counterparts... We are certainly trying to improve on the margins if those margins exist.”

- Brian Cashman, Yankee Death Star architect - 

So, there it is, right on time... the annual Yankee Declaration of Dependence. 

Let the world know that the Yankees - aka the fully functioning Death Star - are out there, beaming the spotlight of need into the darkness, staring hard into the void, never blinking, ever watching... 

The waiver wire. 

It's Dregs Weekend, the final hours before Opening Day, and we're probing the anus of expendability, checking in everywhere, with everything, on everybody. The world is our leftover buffet. We might sign a cheap 3B. We might snag a cheap reliever. Or a cheap DH. Or all of the above. As long as he is chea - um, inexpensive, and uninjured and unwanted. That's it: If he's unwanted, we want him! 

As long as he can fill a certain space until Memorial Day, or the Fourth, or the August trade deadline... we want him!  

As long as he improves one click of the scale over our current denizen - be it a Rice or a Reyes - we want him! 

Over the next 72 hours, every move, every acquisition, every breathless breath, will conjure among seasoned Yank fans the same unbridled chorus: "Yeah, whatever."

We are the New York Yankees of Whatever.

Dom Smith? Yeah, whatever. Dopy Dildox? Uh-huh, whatever. 

So, enjoy your afternoon nap, knowing that Cooperstown Cash is combing the flea markets and catacombs of MLB, searching for some minutia of frugality. It's beyond my limited bandwidth to judge his success. If Leave It to Beaver had cut Barbara Billingsley, wouldn't The Patty Duke Show  have rushed to sign her? Or would they let her go to Donna Reed?  

Those are the questions dogging Yank fans today. And the answers will always be the same: Yeah, whatever. 

Preparing my predictions for Yankee wins in 2025. Developing... 

"Let me tell you how it will be..."

 

"...Maybe there even would be a trip to blue Hawaii. I certainly didn't wanna stop it. But in the fun house, how do you know who's really crazy?"

—Jack Nicholson, The King of Marvin Gardens

All right, so we're doing this.?

You guys almost had me going for a few minutes, looking at how splendid so many of our hitters look this spring—and how weak the American League looks. All those young teams made up of guys we've never heard of.  

Hey, we can dream, can't we?

Well, cut it out. You're playing right into the hands of the evil juju gods, desperate for an encore after last year's master class in sadism.  

—Sure, Ben Rice and Austin Wells look like the real deal this spring. They did for parts of last year, too. But are we going to see three-home-runs-in-a-game Ben Rice, or .171 in 50 games Ben Rice? Are we going to see .325 August Austin...or 14 hits after Sept. 1 Austin—the same Austin who capped off the Game Five Follies by tipping Ohtani's bat?  

You tell me. But first, take a look at your New York Yankees' training and coaching staffs.

After that, you have:

—Jazz Chisholm. Looks great. Missed an average of 68 games a season, 2021-2023.

—Aaron Judge. A genuinely great player...who has missed an average of nearly 29 games a year throughout his major-league career, and is now about to turn 33.

—Anthony Volpe. Which one will show up? The guy who can't hit for power, or the guy who can't steal bases? I know! The guy who strikes out all the time.

—Yes, Bellinger may give us that 25 HR, .270 season. Which would be great...ly below what Juan Soto is going to do in Queens.

—The Martian. I wish him the best. But he's already sustained a serious injury. And be wary of guys who have already lost a skill at such a young age.

—The Masked Third Baseman. Who will it be??? The suspense is unbearable. The answer will be worse.

—Paul Goldschmidt. Would've been great to have him back in the day.

—The bench. Well, yes, there will be a bench in the Yankees' dugout again this year. It looks like a nice one. And an empty one.

But hey, maybe I'm wrong about all of this. Maybe all of these guys will match or exceed what they've been doing in spring training. Maybe somebody we're not even expecting anything from—the Oswaldii? Spencer Jones? Renfield Rumfield?—will come up big.

Maybe.

And if they do...we still don't have any pitching.

A starting staff that's dying by the roadside, and a meh relief corps, with a closer who specializes in off-speed stuff and was last seen giving it up to the Polar Bear. 

Much more likely than the Yankees maneuvering successfully past all of these sinkholes is all of those young AL teams—Baltimore, KC, Cleveland, Detroit, Minnesota, Seattle—suddenly blossoming, and the likes of Houston, Texas, and yes, those damned Red Sox, reviving.

You heard it here first: 66 wins.

Carrasco could be this year's Freddy Garcia. But can he be "Big Sexy?"

In 2011 - the year of Swishalicious and the Grandyman - (we lost in the playoffs to effing Detroit) - Freddy Garcia happened.

At age 34, Garcia came to the Yankees from the boneyard and threw 146 innings with a 3.62 ERA. (Coulda used those numbers last year, no?) He was one of Cooperstown Cashman's prized rare gems, an over-the-hill pitcher plucked from the darkness. But he wasn't Cash's prime salvage.

That belonged to rotund Bartolo Colon - "Big Sexy," who at 38 found rebirth via some revolutionary (and apparently legal) blood infusions. (Don't ask, don't tell.) Bartolo pitched 164 innings - an ERA of 4.00 - and then, nobody's ever figured  this out how - he pitched seven more seasons, including an all-star game. Today, Colon's second career puts him within spitting distance of the Hall. Maybe he'll go in with Cash!

Which brings us to Carlos Carrasco, whose 6.18 ERA from 2023-24 was a legitimate shit show. Worst in baseball. Amazingly awful. When the Yankees signed Carrasco in February, at 38, it looked like one of those practical joke reality shows. He was number seven in a five-man rotation, dueling the great Allan Winans.

That was then. This is - geez - now?

Close your eyes, and Carrasco could be Number three in the Yankee rotation. Three.  That's how terrifying this current world has become. 

But but BUT - if he could be text Freddy or Big Sexy, wow, a lot of pain would be mitigated. 

Listen: Carrasco merely has to get us through the month of May. That's all. Get us to Luis Gil and Clarke Schmidt - forget Gerrit Cole; he's a YES personality - and we'll be sated. By then, some stud can rise from the minors, on his way to Tommy John, because you're only as strong as the number of young arms you can ruin. 

Some guys pitch forever. Carlos - aka Big Sexy II - is that you? 

Win prediction for 2025

 This year's version of the Yankee will win more than twenty games.   The real question is;  how many more?

Here are some factors to consider:

1.  We have lost our top two pitchers for the season ( if you think Gil is coming back, you are drinking again).  And Schmidt is "iffy".  Already, he will miss his first scheduled start. 

2.  Bellinger is hitting nearly .500 in spring training games. 

3. The Martian has started to hit everything hard. 

4.  Austin looks like a great player on the cusp.

5.  Rice is raking and looking comfortable at first, at DH and behind the plate. 

6.  Starters after Rodon and that new lefty have to be regarded as: " really?"

7.  We have an excellent set up guy and closer.  The innings 5-7 are not secure, by any measure.

8.  Judge will hit.  I'm sure he will hit. He has to hit. 

9.  We will have to be satisfied with defense at third, and no offense at all. 

10.  Jazz is looking hot and bold.  A fine middle infield he makes, as our second baseman.

11.  I like that back-up catcher from the Milagro bean fields. 

12.  Volpe will hit .250.  He is a gamer. 

13.  I don't see Goldschmidt as being a star for us.  I mostly see him on the IR.  That hurts. 

All things considered, this team will struggle to win 88 games.   But that is number my algorithm generated. 

A puppet, a pauper, a pirate, a poet, a pawn and a king: Cody Bellinger has done it all. But not with the Yankees.

Cody Bellinger has been there, done that. 

In 2007, age 11, he led his team to the Little League World Series.

In 2012, in Chandler, Arizona - home town of Mean Joe Greene and Waylon Jennings - he starred for his high school team. (The Yankees - who had employed his father, Clay - considered him too skinny. to draft.) 

In 2017, with the Dodgers, he won NL Rookie of the Year. 

In 2018, he won NL MVP. 

In 2020, he won a World Series ring. 

In 2021, beset with injuries, he suffered a complete collapse, hitting .165. 

In 2022, the lowest OBP of any qualifying MLB batter.

That winter, the Dodgers cut him loose. 

In 2023, with the Cubs, NL Comeback Player of the Year. 

Listen: That's not a roller coaster ride. That's Prometheus, having his liver pecked out Monday through Sunday. That's being a dinner guest of Hannibal Lecter. The calendar says he's 29. In life/stress years, he's 75. 

Seriously, this guy has experienced ups and downs that few human beings can know. His trophy case holds Gold Gloves, Silver Sluggers, and numerous x-rays. He once dislocated his shoulder at home plate, celebrating his walk-off HR in the NLCS. Later, he broke a fibula colliding with an A's pitcher named Reymin Guduan. He ran into a Dodger outfielder and broke a rib. He's never been the same.

Until the last three weeks. 

Okay, I'm donning the aluminum foil. All aboard the Cody Train. I've booked my seat. I'm saying that in 2025, we will watch with disbelieving eyes as Bellinger outhits, out hustles and outlives that ungrateful smirking money-grubber on the other side of town, the one who batted in front of Aaron Judge for an entire season and - as far as I can see - has never said thank you. 

I'm saying it, right here, right now: Bellinger is going to have a season.

Right now, on the spring, he's hitting 20-for-43. That's .465, for those scoring at home. He's hit five doubles, three HRs, with four walks and only six Ks. For those of you who are missing David Cone, he has hit 10 balls with exit velocities of over 100-mph. He's locked and loaded. 

He's going to play CF for the Yankees. Remember when that was a thing? The greatest players in baseball - Joe, Mickey, Aaron Judge - patrolled centerfield in the Bronx. Since the days when his dad was the 25th man on their world championship teams, Cody Bellinger's destiny was always to play for the Yankees. Gerrit Cole made a great feel-good story: The little boy who pronounced his love for the Yankees and then returned 25 years later. Imagine Bellinger's joy, running in his father's footsteps. He's not going to blow this. He's gone through too much, already. 

He's a lefty slugger. If he bats second, he's about to enjoy the greatest batting order protection in the game. (One year with the Dodgers, he was intentionally walked 19 times, the most in baseball.)  

So... you think he'll have "Welcome to NY" stress issues? Guy's played his career in LA and with the Cubs. He's heard the cheers, the boos, the comparisons, the expectations. You think Bleacher Roll Call will phase him? Guy supposedly begged Scott Boras to get him to the Bronx. 

One last thought: Bellinger does not need to win the MVP. That's Judge's job. Bellinger simply needs to stay healthy and fit in - to hit 25 HRs, to bat .270, to steal 20 bases and to patrol CF. He'll be wearing his father's jersey number - 35. You think he'll disgrace it? I don't. 

03 . 28 . 25

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One week to go. It's almost time to put your 2025 IT IS HIGH predictions on the line.

One week from today - as Thomas Boswell once famously said -  time begins. 

Boswell - the Kevin Baker of 1985 - described the game's "wonderful lack of seriousness" this way: 

"The game's best player, Babe Ruth, was a Rabelaisian fat man, and its most loved manager, Casey Stengel, spoke gibberish. In this lazy sport, only the pitcher pours sweat. Then he takes three days off.”

Yeap, that's baseball. That's our heroin. Once upon a time, as toddlers, we thought the Yankees would always deliver for us. They'd be our secret pot of gold, our way to see the world like a millionaire.  Other teams fretted over money. The Yankees only worried about winning. Then a generation turned, the cities turned to rust and - welp - here we are.   

But but BUT... get out your abacus, slide rule and Ouija board, because it's almost time for the annual IT IS HIGH Sayer of Sooth contest. Beginning Monday, we will accept your predictions on the number of regular season victories the '25 Yankees will tally. (You will have until Wednesday at 6 p.m. Eastern.)  

Last year, rock star and Yankee savant Gary Frenay - (whose 1980s band the Flashcubes is in the Power Pop Hall of Fame) - won by predicting 94 victories, the Yankee win total, on the button. Parson Tom took the first tie-breaker category, predicting that Carlos Rodon would win 16 games. (He did. You can look it up.) Carl J. Weitz and Above Average's Cat took the 2nd tie-breaker, predicting Juan Soto's   He Who Shall Not Be Named's HR total, at 41.

This year's contest might include a prize - we're working on it. How about a slightly charred Tesla Cyber-Truck! Something...

We haven't yet decided the two tie-breakers. Any ideas? I'm thinking... 

The Martian's HR total? (Or batting average?)

Aaron Judge's HRs. (Always the bellwether stat.) 

Goldschmidt and Bellinger, combined HRs? (Or too complicated?)

Ben Rice batting average? Anthony Volpe, stolen bases? Or how about Giancarlo Stanton's number of ABs? (Might produce a big tie, at zero.)  

Listen, this whole team is one massive question mark. You say Rice is having a great spring? So did Greg Bird, year after year. You say Jasson Dominguez looks like a masher? Every team in baseball has one. (But ours is the only one in history nicknamed for another planet.)  

Come Monday, it will be time to go full Nostradamus on 2025 A week from now - (that bogus Dodgers game in Japan doesn't count) - time will begin anew. From then on, God save us, because there's no turning back.