"They’re good. It’s pretty obvious,” Orioles manager Buck Showalter said. “They’re good."

The professional play-by-play announcer should never mention a no-hitter during the early innings. Everybody knows this; it's kindergarten juju. He can talk around it, maybe note that one team has not yet had a base-runner, but he's not supposed to broadcast it, straight-up, until say, the sixth or seventh, at the earliest. If he jumps the gun, he looks stupid and - more importantly - he jinxes it. He breaks the James T. Kirk Announcers Prime Directive: Let primitive, indigenous cultures play their game without interference from the more-advanced, communicative species. 

Nevertheless, as we all know, The Master doesn't play by those rules - especially if somebody is throwing a no-hitter against the Yankees. When that happens, John is on it by the fourth - mansplaining to Suzyn about the need to overcome dogma and superstition and discuss the dire implications of what is happening. From there, he mentions the no-hitter roughly every 30 seconds, until the threat has been vanquished.

Which brings me to the 2017 Yankees: 

Do we dare state aloud how great this team could be?

Seriously, what do we make of this? Five football score blowouts in a row, over Boston and (the once dangerous) Baltimore. Who foresaw this? Not me. I predicted they would win 83 games. (See all your predictions here; Mike - take a bow!) The Yankees started 2017 as wild card contenders, probably 10 games behind the Redsock '17 Hall of Fame Superteam of Destiny (TM). Back in April, Judge was a coin flip, Hicks was a dog, Severino a disappointment, and "Jordan Montgomery" was probably some guy up for a Tony. Now... holy shit.

Well, here are the possibilities:

1. What if we are for real? Holy shit. We didn't just beat Baltimore. We killed their parents and made them watch. If Greg Bird returns to form, the .203 trench in our lineup, Chris Carter, moves to the bench and becomes a ninth-inning HR lottery ticket. Good grief, we could be watching a team on par with the 1927, 1961, 1998 Yankees. We could win the division, hands down. Even if we lose in October - rendering the season a complete failure, by the way - the worst case scenario: We head to 2018 fortified by Glyber Torres, Tyler Wade, Dustin Fowler, Chance Adams and Clint Frazier, the looming monster of the AL. We could be looking at future all-stars, MVPs, maybe CF monuments. When this team ends, around 2025, there might not be any numbers left to retire. 

2. What if we collapse? Let's start with the obvious: They can't continue what they did last week. They must fall back to earth. Last week, Judge was MVP, Castro came in second, and Sanchez and Hicks were tied for third. What we saw was a lineup with everybody hot at the same time. Usually, what happens next is that they all go cold. (That's where Greg Bird's return comes in, right?) But we still haven't put enough distance between us and Boston, and there is still the injury out there, lurking in the shadows: Somebody tweaks something, and that incredible breakout season becomes "next year..." 

Well, either way... We must have the foresight to enjoy this ride and be aware that something incredible might be happening. Tom Waits once said, "The obsession's in the chasing and not the apprehending, it's the pursuit you seek and never the arrest." The greatest moment is not being there. It's getting there. Aaron Judge's 496-foot home run will be a memory I take to the end. It really happened. 

This week was a great time to be a Yankee fan. The country may be going to hell, but we are watching the birth of Yankee legends. For four years, the Mets have ruled NYC, and the AL East has eaten our lunch. Not any more, folks. Today, I am here to shout it from the rooftops: The whole world stands in awe of the New York Fucking Yankees! 

Four And Counting....

Yesterday's game was my kind of game.

A blowout against a struggling, former ace.

Everyone joined the party.

Buck's face was like that of a man waking up in an insane asylum, wondering what he did to get there.

Three runs homers galore.

As I once taught Mustang, when he was learning the game, " we call them a pitcher's best friend."

Four wins in a row is not enough.

This is not a beach party.

This is baseball.

Party hearty, boys.

" Let me tell you this, about criticism and all: Every single day of my life, I’m so lucky. … Everyone wants to be regarded for their work. Every single day of my life someone tells me how great it is to listen to me, thanks me for broadcasting the games, blah blah blah blah blah. Every single day someone comes up to me — which I obviously appreciate very much. That’s why the criticism doesn’t bother me. I get so much love from the public. They treat me with great respect everywhere I go. I was doing Christmas shopping in a mall one day, and a car drove up, I was standing there outside one of the stores in this strip mall. A guy rolled down the window, and yelled, “Bern, Baby, Bern! You’re the reason the Yankees are great.” How would you love that, OK?"

The Master reflects on 30 years.

We can chase a divisional title, but we must think of a dynasty

Ah, another blowout! I love pleasuring myself in blowouts. You score six in the first, add a couple touchdowns, everybody hits, everybody pads their numbers, and I just sit in the milk bath, watching my toesies curdle. Last night, all Uncle Buck could do was fume at the gods. He's adorable when he fumes at the gods. He's a Kewpie doll. You want to put him in a bag and take him home, a souvenir. He'd make a perfect lawn ornament, one of those little stable-boy statues that-

DANGER: WILL ROBINSON... DANGER: WILL ROBINSON... DANGER...

W.T.F? Holy shit. I almost started blathering about the Yank '17 Hall of Fame Superteam of Destiny (TM). Where's our daily blast of hopelessness? While it's critical that this site tastes and savors each individual blowout morsel, giving it the love and attention that it needs to grow... we must be wary of Exit Velo records, of Boston-like hubris, and keep our wandering eyes on the smoldering AL East, where no team - not even Toronto - is in such a Stygian trench that they cannot make a stretch run. (The Blue Jays are only 7 and 1/2 games out; that's a two-week winning streak in July.) It's a long haul, Houston remains the best team in baseball, and we must play the Long Game.

Remember: Other teams chase rings. The Yankees chase dynasties. Last July, the Cubs moved heaven and hell (and Glyber Torres) to reach the world series. This year, they are one game below .500, behind fucking Milwaukee. (Yes, the Selig Cellar Sellers.) The Yankees do not want an outlier championship like 2009. We want piles of rings, oodles of gold, like the late nineties supplied. Soon, Brian Cashman will be tempted to make a few go-for-broke trades, dealing our long term future for a one-shot, Calgon Bath Oil ejaculation in October. 

Look... I'm taking nothing for granted. Before we launch a dynasty, it would be nice to win one championship, right? Still, every Cashmanic move should be predicated on a long-term strategy, and it might mean the politically unthinkable: Trading a veteran, not bundles of prospects.

First, let's dispel of our seventh-grader fantasy trades. We all want Chase Headley or Jacoby Ellsbury to go for some 20-year-old male version of Gal Gadot. Not a-gonna happen. At the July deadline, Chris Carter won't get us a toasted cheese sandwich. But teams are now allowed to trade compensatory draft picks and international signing bonus allotments - it's as if MLB repealed Dodd-Frank - and the Yankees should pounce on such insider opportunities. It's a way to use our money advantage. 

Moreover, we must never lose sight of 2019, when the free agent market could include Bryce Harper, Manny Machado and the talented former cast of Glee. By then, our lineup could see Glyber Torres at 3B, Clint Frazier in LF, and several baby arms - Chance Adams and Justus Sheffield - in the rotation. (That's not to exclude Dustin Fowler, Miguel Andujar and others.) We have a wave of talent, and if we blow it on Jose Quintana, or some facsimile, we could find ourselves next year stomping on the flaming paper bag and wondering what smells like dog crap?   

It's youth that put us in this luxurious first place milk bath. If problems emerge - and they always do - I hope we try all young options before we run out and trade for Kelly Gruber. The Astros are chasing a one-and-out world championship, their first ever. We, however, are chasing history. 

Twilight of the Gods

Adam West is dead... or so they'll tell you.

But I say, wherever the cowl and cape are seen, he shall live.

Luck Be A Lady......Luck Be a Ballplayer

I am one of the few who hate Frank Sinatra music.  I would like to stab his " blue eyes" with a fork everytime I am in an elevator, and tortured by his voice.

I think it stems from the fact that he stole my girlfriend one night in Palm Springs, and I was left with a huge bar bill.  Nonetheless, that crummy, banal three note melody was blaring at the Firehouse Diner the other morning (in Venice Beach), and it came to me:

You need a little luck to win championships. Or even to compete for them.  In the NFL, the most glaring example of luck was the discovery, on the bench, of Tom Brady when the Pats starting QB was injured in game against the Jets ( I think it was the Jets ).  Even the Cowboys got lucky ( no championship, though ) when they signed Tony Romo as a free agent.  For a decade, therefore, the Cowboys did not need to use any high picks on QBs ( I refuse to revisit what the Giants gave up to secure Eli ); the Cowboys could focus on their O-Line ( best in the NFL ) and linebackers.

But I digress;

The Yankees got lucky ( Cashman will claim it was simply brilliance on his part ) as follows:

1.  Severino has emerged - It took a while.  When he was 0-8 last year, and got ponied between starting and bullpen work, it looked as if another, highly touted Yankee pitching prospect, was not going to do a thing.

2.  Didi acquisition - Duque has made the case here.  Arizona was sure they had someone better.  They didn't.  Who knew?

3.  Sanchez - We have had a pant-load of, " top catching prospects," from Jesus to Murphy).  Sanchez was in the mix, too.   He was a bit of a trouble maker in the minors ( frustrated from lack of recognition?), and seemed like someone we should trade.  Who knew he would be this good, this fast?

4.  Castro - Since Mr. Cano departed, second base has been a tryout camp.  Filled, mostly, by guys who were finished (Stephen Drew comes to mind., but there was also some former Oriole, right?). Starlin was excised by the Cubs, because they had so much talent ( from years of losing, but drafting well ) they stopped paying attention.  But this young player is really good.  Better than we expected.

5.  Hicks - We all heard the rhetoric when Cashman acquired him.  He was a former number one pick of the Twins.  How many of those ( ours included ) have come and gone without notice? ( Cito Culver anyone?).  And last year, Hicks looked like another below average player, who was existing on fumes from his younger glories.  Suddenly, given a full spring with the Yankees, he is an all star.  He looks like he belongs in CF.  And his hitting and foot speed?  I mean, what are the Twins' fans ( if there are any ) saying now, on their blogs?

6.  Judge - Okay, let's be honest.  This player did get a lot of hype and we had elevated hopes.   But none of us dreamed of the current performance.  Who knew his defensive skills?  His base running ability?  His fearlessness and willingness to give it all up for an out, or a run?  Who knew he could become a disciplined hitter this early ( I think Duque did, actually, but he is an excitable and optimistic person ).

7.  Bird - So far, this is the babe Frank Sinatra stole from me ( fucking blue eyes ).  But if we get lucky here, in about another two weeks....

8.  Montgomery - Out of the blue, so to speak.  And it is still early.  However, I am beginning to see signs of spring.

9.. Chappo and Bettances - Lucky to wheel and deal Chappo for all that talent, and then get him back for money only.  And Bettances just worked out right, didn't he?

This treatise on necessary good fortune has gone on much too long.  But let's keep the good luck rolling in.

" Luck be a ballplayer for the Yankees."  That's the tune.  And if Sinatra comes back from the dead to sing it, I'll put it on, in my elevator.

Three and counting.....

Let's keep this train on the tracks.

Let the big dog run.

What's the score?

We are going for four.

Party hearty, boys.

There's nothing like a blowout and no one like Didi

Lately, Alphonso has become the Anthony Weiner of phone juju. Every game, he unleashes a storm of furious texts from his Hollywood love perch, yowling like Trump whenever a Yankee - (even Aaron Judge!) - fails to drive in a runner. To read these messages, you'd think we were down by five, when actually - as in the case last night - we can be ahead. 

But once the Yankees take a comfortable lead - you know, six or eight runs, as we've enjoyed the last three nights - it's radio silence. As far as I can tell, Alphonso must have ditched the phone and gone out clubbing with Khloe, Taylor or Lorde - or appearing in some animal charity photo ops - you know, what people do in the land of La La. 

Which brings me to the last three luxurious, fun-packed and thoroughly comfortable nights, over which we have humbled Porky Porcello, Vincent Price and Al Bundy, whom Showalter had been touting in his imaginary new world order. It's amazing what a couple hits from the bottom of your batting order can mean to a team.  

But today, I'm here to talk about Mariekson Julius Gregorius, the looming American League MVP.

There, I said it. And I'm not taking it back. During the Bleacher Creatures' first--inning roll call, they shout full names of each Yankee, until SS. Then they just chantl "DIDI." It is amazing to realize that the franchise just bade farewell to one of its all-time greats, Derek Jeter, and yet his departure has meant virtually no downside in on-field production. Didi has been Jeter. He's hitting .322 - third best among MLB shortstops. Factor in that he missed a month, and his 5 HRs would be 9 or 10 by now, making him the most productive offensive shortstop in the game. Xander Bogaerts - who Boston fans relentlessly tout, (and who pushed Didi to play 2B in the World Baseball Classic, causing him to hurt his shoulder) - has only 2 HRs in 218 at bats. Listen: Didi is fucking better than Bogaerts. Understand? BETTER!

And he is improving. He is just 27. Fun fact: Didi was born in the Netherlands and speaks four languages, including Papiamento - whatever that is. (Jeez, he could be like Amy Adams in that "Arrival" movie, translating for the space alien octopussies.) In January, he toured New Zealand to give clinics on baseball. Last year, he won the "Heart and Hustle Award," presented by the MLB Players Alumni Association for embodying the values, spirit and tradition of the game. 

I am choosing my words very carefully here, because I do not take these things lightly: 

Didi Gregorius is on the verge of becoming a great Yankee.

We talk a lot about Tyler Wade and Glyber Torres on this site. Well, as far as I can see, Didi isn't moving. He has at least two more years as Yankee shortstop, then maybe he moves to 2B or 3B. Last year, he hit 20 HRs. This year, he could easily, despite missing six weeks, hit 25. He is the best trade Cashman ever made (though Hicks may have something to say about that.) And I have never, not once, heard Alphonso text-whine about Didi. Some things are simply too sacred.

Folks, we have the best goddamm shortstop in baseball. And I am 100 percent willing to testify to that in court.

Today on Imgur: I wish I could say I did this

Two And Counting

Two beautiful wins.

Let's honor them, and treat them with respect.

Back to back wins feel good.

We have the Birds today.

Let's go for three.

All we need is a semi-productive Headley and the real Tanaka

Last night, as the flogging continued and David Price counted his welts, pondering what to tell Shaughney in the post-game gaggle, I wished we could just keep playing the Redsock '17 Hall of Fame Superteam of Destiny (TM) forever - you know, just barnstorm the South with them, like the Globetrotters and Washington Generals. I wanted to watch the game over and over. "Lordy," I told my TV, "I hope there are tapes!"

But it ended, and now comes the dirty bomb revelation that the All-Star break remains a month away, and only then does the race honestly begin. Last year at this time, Jackie Bradley Jr. was being called MVP, and Alphonso - "showboat" and "grandstander" that he is - was calling for the waterboarding of Aaron Hicks. The great philosopher, Tino Martinez, once said every week in New York is like a lifetime, and I believe he was short-selling it. We have many lifetimes to go. If this were Game of Thrones, the dragons would still be in their egg shells.

But let me return to an earlier theme from the week: Chase Jordan Headley, our worrisome 3B, who went 3-10 against Boston, prompting the YES men to suggest he's pulling out of his death spiral. Wishful thinking, maybe. But I'm here to argue that the best thing that can happen to the Yankees' long term future is for Headley to bat ninth and play just well enough to hold the job. 

For whatever the reasons - and let's say his recent success suggests our new reigning farm guru, Gary Denbo, knows what he'd doing - Glyber Torres has been playing SS at Scranton lately. Yeah, shortstop. Since rising to Triple A - triggering speculation that he would soon replace Headley - Glyber is 13 for 50 (.260.) Last night, the Railriders' 3B was the journeyman Donovan Solano. Our other potential Headley replacement, Tyler Wade, played 2B. In simple terms, the Yankees are doubling down on Headley - not rushing Glyber or moving him around the field. And that is surely a wise long term course. We don't need another Ed Kranepool, the patron saint of wine uncorked before its time. 

Moreover, down in Trenton, 3B Miguel Andujar has gone on a certifiable tear, lifting his once disastrous average all the way to .302. It's only a matter of time before Andujar gets called to Moosic. He already looks like our best pure 3B prospect since Mike Lowell. (Note: That doesn't mean he will BE Mike Lowell, but he has the highest upside.) No matter how you slice it, 3B help is on the way - next year. Hence, the best thing that can happen is for Headley to play well enough to hold his job. If somebody, anybody - (but preferably Greg Bird) - hits at first base, Headley can bat ninth, where .230 doesn't pinch so badly, and come next spring, our kids can compete for the job, fair and square.  

Same goes for Masahiro Tanaka, who seems to be approaching his sell-by date. Yeah, we all want Chance Adams to rise from the dirt leagues and pitch us to a pennant. But how many innings can we pour into a 22-year-old without sending him to Dr. Andrews? Our best long range hope is for Tanaka to regain his touch, a la C.C. His recent downward blip - (hoping it's a blip) - should be a bracer to not only Tanaka but every other MLB team, if he opts out of his contract next winter. Seriously, if you were a GM, would you want to invest $100 million in a pitcher who looks like the next David Price?

Across baseball, teams are assessing long and short term needs. Can you imagine discussions today in the Redsock '17 Hall of Fame Superteam of Destiny (TM) front office? But our problems can be solved from within. We don't need another big contract. We don't need aging vet. We just need to keep playing that team we saw last night. Hey, what's Red Klotz doing these days? Answer: Pitching for Boston. May he always throw against us!

"Super Thursday"

1. Comey hearing.
2. British elections.
3. International evil banking conference.
4. YANKEES-REDSOCK RUBBER MATCH
5. Weekly garbage pick-up, town of Dewitt (East), Syracuse NY
6. New Khloe Kardashian disclosure (TBA)
7. Birthday of Bonnie "Total Eclipse of the Heart" Tyler
8. Paris Hilton, brunette.
9. 15th anniversary of Lennox Lewis/Mike Tyson boxing match (8 round knockout)
10. Day before Aftermath Friday.

League's Most Dangerous .183 hitter.....

Yesterday, it was Chris carter who led the way.

I think he actually " traded places" with Aaron Judge for a day.  Judges did the strikeouts and Carter did the banging.

No need to recount how he both saved and made that Yankee win, along with the irrepressible CC Sabathia.

So we have started a win streak.  Finally.

The count is now one.

We need to stay with this trend and win today.

That would make two.

It's been a while.

Carter upped his average to .183.

The CC roller coaster is up and running...

Consider this...

Take out those three starts, and CC is 7-1 with an ERA of 2.16. (Also, we won two of those three clunkers!) 

For better or worse, we now have Chris Carter for at least another month

First, a brutal, self-deprecating admission: Since that winter day when the Yankees signed Chris Carter with their last million of spare change, he has topped my personal High-Horse Shit List. It's not that I rooted against him. (In the Yankiverse, that remains the Prime Directive: You never root against one of ours.) But I saw Carter as the quintessential scrap-heap acquisition - (see Vernon Wells, Garrett Jones, Pronk, Youk, Sori, Ichiro, et al) - who, like those cuckoo birds that take over other species' nests and eat all their eggs, drags us down and steals at bats from hot prospects, such as Rob Refsnyder. (Okay, that's a joke, sort of. I still DO like Ref.) 

As the Yankee strikeouts have mounted this year - and let's not kid ourselves: they pose dire implications for this team - whenever Carter strode to the plate, I saw him eating the eggs known as Greg Bird and Tyler Austin, and I would transform into an outraged Nicolas Cage. Trust me here: There is nothing more savage and hurtful in the Yankiverse than when I channel my outraged Nicolas Cage. It's like Bruce Banner turning into the Hulk, melded into a drunk Lindsay Lohan hissyfit, written by Alphonso, after a morning of Jack and Coke. Oh, the humanity. 

But back to Carter. Truth be told, Chris hasn't in any way hurt Bird or Austin. Injuries took them out. Carter has proven to be a better glove than advertised, and despite striking out a zillion times, many with runners on, he has never shattered a water cooler, pissed on an ump or blamed anybody else. He's been a class act, almost Granderson-esque, while striking out 40 percent of the time. 

Last night, Carter had his Yankee epiphany - that Giambi moment, when he bonds with our death bed memories. That it came against Boston probably ensures Carter will stay at least through July. (Note: This morning, Trump's lawyer released this statement: "Chris Carter has been completely and totally vindicated.") But barring a setback, Greg Bird should soon return and take over first base. That will relegate Carter to platooning or pinch-hitting, and we all know that free-swingers like him, who live and die by streaks, are generally doomed in such roles. As for Tyler Austin, he now needs to hit .450 at Scranton, and even then, he'll probably spend 2017 rotting in a dugout next to Refsnyder, Mason Williams, Jake Cave and the cast of Modern Family. We'll have Carter, swinging and swinging.

Well, we always wondered what a Carter hot streak would look like. Now, we'll see. He's hit two HRs in two nights, and the umps screwed him out of a third. (I was amazed they didn't overturn that call; it really was awful.) He banged a double off the wall and made a nice stretch on one of Headley's loopy throws. We're about to see what $3.5 million buys you in the month of February. Let's cross our fingers and hope the guy hits a few more before the lights go dim again. Maybe he can lift his average to - say - .220, a plateau that sadly seems to have taken on a new respectability in this modern K/HR world. 

Another confession: I'm happy for the guy. Last night, when they jobbed him of his homer, he just smiled. It reminded me: It's never fun, waiving a veteran. I hope he keeps hitting and hitting. But I wonder if we've just been gifted another 50 strikeouts, each one a Fleet enema. Tonight, maybe we'll see. The hottest hitter on our team is Chris Carter, batting ninth. Come on, Chris! You've been Giambied. You're a Yankee now. Keep it going. Let's do this!

Redsock announcer makes ass of self... and yet Boston fans will deride The Master?

It's good to know that baseball's redneck heritage still exists in the fevered minds of people like Jerry Remy, a blowhard Redsock announcer who yearns for the days when players were white, corn-fed and Bible literate, and we didn't have people running around like soccer fans shouting "arriba, arriba!" and stealing positions from honest Rotarians. Last night, Remy - father of a convicted murderer - took it upon himself to rip Masahiro Tanaka and the Yankees for needing an interpreter during a mound conversation, saying, "I don't think that should be legal."

If I said that, you would laugh. You would know I was mimicking a Gomer Pyle-minded elevator operator in a town without a second floor. And frankly, I don't think Remy has a second floor.  

John Sterling may be a Yankee homer and an occasional fool, but he would never say something so racially ham-handed and so ridiculously unprofessional. 

Stupid question, don't mind me, I'm just a dumb fan, but.... can anyone explain why Aaron Hicks isn't batting second?

I realize that Gary Sanchez was cover boy for the official 2017 Yankee spring merchandising orgy, the team's version of Fashion Week, and - also - as the YES men constantly remind us - any moment now, he'll go molten, like Trump on the toilet and tweet out 10 homers in a week, just like last August, when he was suddenly christened Chief Dingo of the Wompadoop Tribe. The hits will come, they assure us, everything will be so great that I'll be tired of winning, and, oh dang, Gary jeeeeuuuuuuuuuuust missed that last pitch, the one he popped out to short left.

Gary is hitting .248 - not all that far from his .275 career minor league average - and if his HR numbers are low (6), it's because he missed a month and has only played in 30 of the Yankees' 55 games. His on-base percentage is is .336 - eighth highest among Yankee starters. (Yep, even Castro and Didi - They Who Never Walk - have higher OBPs.) 

Gary is a slugging catcher, and before this season is done, I believe he will prove to be a worthy one. But lately, when the Yankees fall behind, we seem to be waiting for two particular hitters to start something, and both their names are Aaron, and it sure would be neat if they didn't usually come to bat in separate innings. 

Last night, Aaron Hicks went 2-3 with a walk - reaching base 3-out-of-4 times, elevating his on-base percentage to .439, second in the AL behind some guy named Trout. Fat lot of good it did us.

In the second inning, Hicks scored from first on a single, making a mad dash to third that provoked Mookie Betts into throwing a ball away. But then Chase Headley and Chris Carter, as usual, stranded a runner on third. (It proved to be the night's fatal moment, though we didn't know it at the time.) 

In the fourth, Hicks and Didi Gregorius were stranded when Headley tapped into a double play. In the sixth, Hicks was eliminated when Didi grounded into a DP. In the eighth, Boston retired him. He didn't get a crack at the ninth inning, because - HEY, WHEN YOU BAT SIXTH, YOU GET FEWER CHANCES. 

Time after time, Hicks reached base, so the bottom third of our order - alias the Washington Deep State Swamp - could leave him wriggling out there like Jim Comey in a Rose Garden gala. Meanwhile, Gary went 0-5 with two strikeouts. 

Now, I recognize that a) nobody should draw vast conclusions from one game, and b) any minute now, Gary will start launching things into the stratosphere like Kim Jung-un, and c) I am just a stupid fan, sitting at home and hugging my Yankee kewpie, searching for meaning in a meaningless void, but but BUT... I ask one humble question: What The, like, Fuck? If King Gary were a base stealing threat or even a slightly fast-runner, my lizard mind might comprehend why he's hitting second. And when the Yankees were scoring 6-8-10 runs per game, nobody gave a barking crap who batted where. But lately we are dying - sucking the water out of cactus roots - for each and every run. And I don't know why why WHY our best hitter that is not named Aaron Judge is batting sixth? Can somebody tell me? Or tap the fucking mirror, or speak the incantation, or do something to vault me into the nearby alternative universe, where Hicks is hitting second, and we won last night. Jeez. 

The Sun Begins To Set.....

Wasn't that great?

We came so close to winning.

We were, " this far" ( picture someone holding their thumb and forefinger about an envelope width apart) from coming back to win this one.

We are still a bit further away, however, from toasting our latest one game winning streak.

Let's see, have we lost three in a row now?  That is a negative winning streak of three, strictly speaking.

And that is the same number of Yankees who struck out in our first inning, down 1-0.

And we have these terrific competitions going on in our line-up about who can hit the most home runs the fastest.  Isn't it a charmer;  Gardy and Holliday high elbowing and hooting at each others' success in going deep?  From one it is expected  (he is groomed for it ), but for the other it costs too many quality at bats.  And it has created a contagion ( DIDI and Headley look always to be swinging for the fences ).

And when you just swing for the fences, what happens most of the time against a good pitcher?

You strike out.  Good.  You picked that up right away.

And our, "ace," our top pitcher, is having the worst season of his career both here and abroad.

Pretty soon some numbnutz in the Yankee organization is going to realize what I have been saying since the season started; Tanaka has chosen the medical solution of " rest" ' to cure his sensitive
elbow ( small tear was identified two years ago ), as opposed to the surgical route.  The wear and tear of that body of work is taking its toll.  Tanaka, I am certain, works as hard as any human can at his craft, in developing his body,  and in doing everything a great athlete and competitor must do.

 But I believe a weakness persists and has actually deteriorated. This weakening shows up in his pitching repertoire and consequent pitch selection.  The number of pitches he now uses, with confidence, are narrowing.  His command is just a touch more inconsistent than it has been. And one of his key strike out pitches is not getting the same depth it used to get, compromising its effectiveness.

Tanaka was really good the last two years.  That's why we named him as our number one starter this season.  He is the guy who shuts down losing streaks and the guy who extends winning streaks.  Through his leadership, performance, and success, he sets the tone for the ball club, and shows the team they can win.  He is the engine for confidence.

It may take two or three more similar (or worse) performances (which he has had in spades this year....also a first in our experience with him ) to get everyone's attention to the likely cause.  And the likely solutions are ;  he either needs extended rest ( more than a month ), or he needs corrective surgery.

I hope I am wrong on all counts here.  But I wouldn't be writing this if I didn't believe it to be true.

We shall see.

This is Your Mind on Drugs...

...performance enhancing drugs, that is.

Roger Clemens may have been acquitted of taking PEDs, but that's not necessarily the same as being innocent.  His head is the size of a dumpster and he was known back in the day to suffer the occasional bout of 'roid rage.  

As it turns out, Clemens' oversize cranium may imperil his ability to find a pair of broadcaster's headphones that fit.  This could be a problem, you see, because Clemens is slated to be the broadcaster for the June 16th game between the Astros and Red Sox.  This isn't a "big star visits the booth for the fifth inning" kind of thing.  He's calling the entire game.

The most interesting thing about Clemens broadcasting a Red Sox game is how much agita it has stirred up in Red Sox Nation.  Red Sox fans' lingering dislike of Clemens is well documented, so the decision to allow Clemens into the broadcaster's booth is a bit surprising to some.

As your faithful Behind-Enemy-Lines IIHIIFIIc correspondent, I'll probably give it a listen and will report here if anything meaningful happens.  Until then, please enjoy the links.  It's nice to revel in anything that brings agita to Sox fans...

Could Headley be a Brosius?

Scott Brosius came to NYC at age 31, following a nightmare year in Oakland when he hit .203 and earned the nickname "Atrocious." To get him, we gave up Kenny Rogers, our own pre-Carl Pavano-esque disappointment, who would eventually enact revenge - but that's another tale from the crypt. 

Brosius embodied an increasingly rare soul: the discarded journeyman who thrived in Gotham. In 1998, his first Yankee season, he hit .300 - a rise of 97 points. Generally, he batted eighth, ahead of slappy Joe Girardi. Over the next few years, his numbers fell: in 2000, Brosius hit .230. But in October 2001, he wrote his name into our sidewalk, homering with two outs in the ninth to beat Arizona, in the most heart-breaking World Series ever, ending the last great Yankee dynasty of our lifetimes... until, gulp, dare I say it?... maybe now.

Four years ago, at age 30, Chase Headley came to this now Mets-dominated city, after the abominable Padres punted. He was hitting .229 in San Diego, unprotected and unhappy, and jumped to .262 over the second half of the season. (By the way, that's the highest he has ever hit for us.) He embraced NYC and signed with us through 2018, at $13 million per season. It's been downhill ever since.

But today, I cometh here to speaketh blaspheme. I sayeth that the difference between the two is that Brosius played on great meaty Alpo teams, while Headley has been surrounded by ACME kibble. On occasion, Brosius batted ninth; on occasion, Headley has hit second. And these days, Headley has become the starter Yankee fans most want to vanish. (I'm excluding Chris Carter, who no longer starts, and Jacoby Ellsbury, who has recurring headaches, which are no laughing matter.)  

Yesterday, on the great River Ave website, Mike Axisa sifted through potential trades the Yankees can make at 3B. He studied Todd Frazier, Martin Prado, Judd Lowrie, et al, with varying degrees of pain and commitment. It's worth reading, but for one elemental caveat: Nobody ever projects Brian Cashman's trades. For better or worse, whatever Cashman does, it's never what bloggers expect. Generally, I say, why bother?

Besides, as simplistic, fairy tale-minded Yank fans, we all want Glyber Torres, age 20, to vault fully grown from the skull of Scranton and lead the 2017 team to the World Series. (By the way, Glyber homered last night, his first at Triple A... but he was playing SS. What the, like, fuck?) To paraphrase the NY Lottery: All you need is a prospect and a dream. But here's another thought.

Let's start viewing Headley as a mutant Brosius, who hits .228 (his current stat) but bats ninth. If Greg Bird ever returns at 1B, we can afford a .228 nothing-burger at 3B. I say this recognizing that, for most IIHIIFIIc readers, Head Chese Headley has lingered well past his sell-by date and is stinking up the deli counter.  

Nevertheless... I say the Evils should do nothing at third, (unless Glyber goes on a ridiculous tear and forces the issue.) Houston is baseball's best team, and we sit right where they were two seasons ago. At some point over the next 12 months, we will surely trade a bunch of prospects, but if so, let's do it for somebody in or entering his prime - not a three-month rental or a hanger-on. At Trenton, a 22-year-old 3B named Miguel Andujar is now hitting .302 after a dreary start. Between him and/or Glyber, we have the long-range answer at 3B right in front of us. The last thing we need is yet another aging veteran. (Though a Josh Donaldson... hmmm... that would be interesting, no?) 

It hurts to type this, but I say we must ride with Headley unless one of the kids absolutely kicks in the door. No matter how badly we want it, Glyber might not be ready in 2017. Let Headley bat ninth (except for when Austin Romine is catching), and let's live with .228 and 12-15 home runs. If Bird doesn't hit, well, that's the crisis. We can afford a Brosius, as long as we have a Tino at first - and right now, we got nuthin.

We remember Scott Brosius fondly, because he was part of a great team. That's our best hope for Headley. And - gulp, dare I say it? - it could happen.

Aaron Judge

Aaron Judge,
Wink wink, nudge nudge,
Likes to hit boomers
Off the Rogers Centre Hotel, disrupting nooners.

Uh-oh. Here come the Golden State Warriors of baseball

Spoiler alert: By Friday, the Redsock '17 Hall of Fame Superteam of Destiny (TM) will be leading in the AL East. Their three-game sweep of the Yankees - back to back to back, and belly to belly to belly - will be especially overwhelming, having desecrated the House the Randy Levine Built. David Price's final game shutout will herald the proud and righteous franchise's return to first. We will be humiliated.

What? You were expecting optimism? Sorry, pal. Hope Week is over, and let's face it: No two words embody mastery of the Yankees more than "Drew Pomeranz." Though they no longer have Big Papi, and Li'l Papi has a wrist thingy - (which did in the Cooperstown-bound Garciappara) - when you face a lineup with Babe Benintendi and Jackie Yazstremski Jr. - well, let's start watching Seattle scores, because they're the Wild Card competition. By Friday, 2017 will be over. I mean, ovah. 

Boston has Chris Sales. Did you know that? It's true. They have Chris Sales. They obtained him in the off-season, when they outwitted everybody and traded Yoan Moncada - YOAN MONCADA, SLOOOOOWLY I TURNED... - to officially become the Golden State Warriors of baseball. Holy shit, I almost forgot to mention that they are the Golden State Warriors of baseball. (In case you don't follow the NBA, being the Golden State Warriors of baseball means you are very good.) Not only that, but they have Chris Sales!

It was nice being in first. We've led since May 21, when CC beat Chris Archer and Tampa Bay. At one point, we had a three-game lead. Now comes the aftermath. As sure as Rusney Castillo is raking in Pawtucket - (.270 with 7 HRs for the $70 million man (Note: In 2019, he has an opt out clause in his $11 million per year contract) - we are doomed. DOOMED. Holy shit, everybody, run. It's Drooooooo Pomeranz.

Yanks' One Game Win Streak Comes To An End

The Yankees had their hot streak, " cut off at the knees," today, wasting a great effort by Luis and a dog shit effort by Tyler Clippard.

Today, the Blue Hens ( Dicks, Jays, what is the difference?) hit all the home runs and we struck out about 80 times.

I think this is about our 8th straight one game win streak that has ended ignominiously.  We are back in that pattern where 2 runs is our limit.  Like fishing in Minnesota.  You can keep two, but you have to throw the rest back.

I got excited yesterday, when we exploded in the eight inning, and looked to be on a roll.

Then, today arrived.  Nothing nothing nothing.  And when nothing appears, it tends to hang around.  It tends to spread.

I maintain;  there is no point watching, because nothing happens.  Unless, that is, you enjoy watching our guys strike out, as though they were hitting on the slot machines.

Useless and hopeless.

And soon, those optimists out there won't be able to kick back and say, " Hey, it's June, and we are still in first place."

When did we last win a series?  In what month?  Was it April?

Time to drink this fuc**r away.  Time to inhale deeply from some hooka.

When the Yankees lose, the world stinks.

I will be hung over before it is time to sleep.

Just Drifting Along

I have been criticized, lately, for laying off the Jacoby Ellsbury tale.

The reason for that is; we are better off without him.  And I reserve my darkest news for the
loss ( anticipated, actual or extended ) of players we want in the line-up.

Some sages have been mentioning that Aaron Hicks looks better in CF than Ellsbury.  That he is just as fleet, has a better arm, and covers the territory with confident ease.  He is also our most reliable hitter.

So the concussion ( on a phenomenal, gutsy play by Jacoby....no doubt about that one, the guy gave up his body for a big out ) was more a blessing ( to the team, not to him ) than a curse.
That Jacoby's headaches have returned is not my doing.  He is a good guy.  The Yankees are just very well positioned with him in recovery mode.

Those head things are testy.  He will be another week, minimum.

I will grant that Gardy, and maybe even Judge, benefit from a day off now and then, and Jacoby has to be back playing for that to occur.  The hope was that the Yankees would give someone else a shot . Well, I guess the revisit of Refsnyder is to do that.  But that is a dead end road, sorry to say.

As to the future, I still get my tail feathers in a knot when I watch Tanaka labor.  I just wonder if that tendon is causing some weakness.   Tick.  Tock.

It's been a while since we manhandled the Blue Jays

Let's not count chickens just yet - we face the malaise known as Marcus Stroman today - but as the missiles yesterday flew off the launchpad formerly known as Jason Grilli, the Yankees were doing to Toronto what Bautista, Encarnacion, et al have done to NY since 2014: We humbled the bully boys and bat-flippers who have eaten our cafeteria lunches ever since Josh Donaldson applied for a Canadian work visa. But not yesterday, folks.

Nope. Yesterday, we entered a new era of U.S./Canada relations.

Another hot scoop: It's not May anymore. Summer reruns have begun. (Spoiler alert: Gilligan screws up a chance to escape the island.) Schools are letting out, Sally Fields is starring as Gidget, street-corner ragamuffins are hawking newspapers, and dirty-faced kids are playing stick-ball in the alleys. And the Aarons, our Aarons, are still hitting.

Yes, every time one of them comes to bat, I think, it's over... time to wake up... he'll foul one off his toe, tweak something, and go into a Chris Carter career demolition 0-for-30, and we'll think this was a dream... And then Hicks draws a walk, or Judge hits a video game laser so hard to center-field that DARPA should weaponize it. And it's NOT over. Gary Sanchez is heating up - last summer was not a mirage. Jordan Montgomery has not turned into a pumpkin - (at least not yet.) And who knows, maybe it WAS Greg Bird's foot. Maybe he'll return and hit like he did in spring training. The June swoon still lingers out there, like a troll under the bridge. We're still a month from the all-star break, and with every pop fly to shallow right, I relive the terror of Starlin Castro backpedaling into a 290-pound wagon train. (Yesterday, John and Suzyn had a conniption over just such a fly ball. They described the potential nightmare.)

Dare we say it? This team looks real. We just gave the Blue Jays an old-fashioned playground wedgie - like back in the days of Bernie, Paul and Jorge. This afternoon, it's Stroman, who normally shuts us down. Then it's the Redsock '17 Hall of Fame Superteam of Destiny (TM). It's still early. The days are still getting longer. But Jason Grilli will attest to the difference. Things have changed on the U.S./Canadian border. Things have changed in the AL East. One chicken, two chicken, three chickens... 

Let's Replay The Eighth Inning !

Four solo homers in one inning.  Count 'em , Danno.

One, two , three, four.

All off of the same pitcher.

 That has to be a record.

Bang, bang, bang, bang.

Here is the $64,000 question:  Can we extend this winning streak to two games?

Time for bourbon and a steak.

Who's buying?

Epic Anniversary Is Today

As we flash back in history, to June 3, 1998, we witness the debut of El Duque who, unlike all of our recent rookie pitcher debuts, defeated the Tampa Rays 7-1 on 2 hits over 7 innings.  And without El Duque's migration from Cuba, we have no blog honoring " the Master."

On a different June 3, Derek Jeter was named team captain, following Donnie Baseball in that honorific.

Today, Jordan Montgomery has to extract the Yankees from the muck and mire of not being able to put up back-to-back wins.  I can't recall when we last won two games in a row.  And only once in my memory has Jordan not departed in the 5th inning, having thrown 98 pitches, and down several runs  with more potential runs on the bases.

The team is losing series after series now.  We are out of games in the first inning.  We are striking out and not scoring, save for the occasional dinger which comes, " too little and too late."  The Yankees' recent RISP success ratio is like Congress's work on passing helpful legislation to the country.

We get sluggers ( Holliday ) hitting into inning-ending double plays with the bases loaded.  We are leaving scores of men in scoring position, and not generating RBI's.  Instead of great comeback wins, we now settle for losses where we came close, but don't ever get the tying or lead run.
Clutch play has abandoned us and even Chris Carter , in for first base defense, failed to touch the bag on a key ground ball to the right side. This, "misapplication of his size 12 foot," led to another nail in our coffin yesterday. Poor execution.

We are no longer playing smart baseball ( bunting guys over; hitting to the opposite field against the shift; forcing misplays due to crafty base running).  Instead, we are letting the opponents do that ( see Gary Sanchez' errant pick-off attempts....well intentioned, but not effective) and playing scared.  We are playing; " not to lose."  And that is a formula for defeat.

Today will be an important test.  Do we honor our former heroes, or shit the bed again?

I, for one, am getting angry because, if we are down something ( anything) to zero in the first inning, our probability of winning is reverting, again, to none. So I turn off the game and won't watch the tape.  I can miss the entire season that way.

 Like the last 10 years.

Once again, Brigadoon prepares to disappear

Last night, the Yankiverse blinked. In an historic moment - akin to the fall of the Berlin Wall or Tiny Tim's marriage on the Carson show - Michael Kay and John Flaherty wondered aloud how long the Yankees will continue to play Chris Carter at first base? 

I shuddered. What hath God wrought? The YES men, questioning Yankee policy? Naked and terrified, I faced renewed deliriums over the ninth man in our lineup, our 1B. Yep, it's common that our first baseman bats ninth. In all those lean, post-Tino years of Lyle Overbay, Andy Philips, Juan Miranda, et al, the train of troubled nincompoops playing first base still didn't bat ninth. But ours does.

Since taking over for Greg Bird on May 2, Carter has hit .166 with 3 HRs and 34 strikeouts in 72 at bats. That's no typo. Thirty-four strikeouts. Do the math. He fans nearly one out of every two at bats. So disastrous has been the Carter era at first that now we hath witnessed the unthinkable: Kay and Flash, questioning the wisdom of playing him any more.

At one point, Kay even said the "R" word - Rob Refsnyder, who had gone 2 for 4 the other night against Baltimore, before once again disappearing. It was the typical protocol for Brigadoon, who shows up every fortnight, gets a few hits and then vanishes into the firmament. 

Now, I realize that some of you do not share my opinion that Refsnyder can hit major league pitching. Fine. I guess my concern, though, is that we will never know. Two years ago, when Refsnyder was knocking on the door at 2B, the Yankees chose to play the hapless Stephen Drew for virtually an entire season, until Drew literally couldn't suit up, leaving Refsnyder to start the wild card game. Over 46 MLB at bats that season, he hit .302 with 2 HRs. 

Last year, rather than give Refsnyder a shot at 2B, the Yankees traded for Starlin Castro. Thus, at age 25, Refsnyder once again returned to Scranton - where he hit .316 in 230 at bats. In limited time with the Yankees, he hit .250. Yeah, it's not the stuff of Cooperstown, but close your eyes and imagine the Yankee lineup over the last month if our first baseman could hit .250, instead of .166? 

Wait a minute: Don't bother. It doesn't matter. We all know what's coming for Refsnyder: Early next week, Tyler Austin will end his rehab stint and probably join the Yankees, exiling Refsnyder back to Scranton - quite possibly forever. (Actually, the Yankees might send Austin to Scranton, keeping Refsnyder for another week, before Greg Bird comes out of rehab. Either way, he is doomed.)

So what am I suggesting? Let me simply pose a question: 

If it's a dang-done certainty that Greg Bird will soon return to take over first base, then what is Chris Carter going to show us over the next week that would change our minds about him? 

Even if he goes on a home run tear - which he won't - we've already seen the bottomless depths of Carter's slumps, and they simply are not worth the positives. Carter is an everyday, free-swinging DH who needs 500 at bats with a bottom tier team, like Milwaukee was last year. He'll hit 40 home runs on such a club. But when pitchers make their pitches, Carter strikes out. And when you're in a pennant race, pitchers make pitches. 

But but but... you're saying that Refsnyder is hitting just .200. So what has he shown? You got me, sheriff. He has 12 plate appearances - 2 walks, 2 hits (one double) and he's 2-for-10. It's merely 44 points above Carter, but why am I bothering? Soon, Refsnyder will disappear, as the fates have dictated. But this time, he will leave an incredible legacy:

On one awesome night in June of 2017, the Yankiverse blinked: The YES men questioned the fabric of their existence and, for a moment, glimpsed the truth... whatever it is.

How did we miss this?

Hat tip to Beauregard Jackson Pickett Burnside.

Boston manager issues strident endorsement of Babe Benintendi: "He's not a platoon player."

Just another chapter in the saga of the Redsock '17 Hall of Fame Superteam of Destiny (TM). 

Outfielders, outfielders, we are neck-deep in outfielders... what do we do?

Any day now, any way now, Jacoby Ellsbury shall be released - (no he won't! I just felt a burst of Dylan) - he shall return, unleashing a chain reaction throughout the Yankiverse - that is, unless somebody tweaks a gonad for the team. No disrespect to Saint Jacoby of the Wall, but frankly, I wish he could take a week of "me" time - you know, rev up the Truckster, reconnect with his cousins in West Virginia, visit Wally World, re-read "Gravity's Rainbow," whatever. Blink, and the kids are in college. He's missing so much. He should go on vacation, just keep the cellphone charged.

Fact is, the Yankees don't need another outfielder. In fact, when the annual June amateur draft happens next week, all the stupid "mock drafts" ought to take one matter into account: We don't need no stinkin' outfielders. The thorniest question in the Yankiverse is what do we do with the ones we have? Should we trade a few for some pot-bellied junk-baller? Because let's face it, unless you're trading an elite prospect, outfielders just don't bring huge returns on July 31. If they did, we would have gotten something for Slade "the Trade" Heathcott long ago. Nope, if you're peddling outfielders, you'll have to deal the top prospects in your system, and that's when you'll hear Yank fans muttering "Jayyyyy Byooooooo-nerrrrrrrr." 

So... spoiler alert here: I dunno w.t.f. to do with all our outfielders, outfielders, outfielders. But I'm like Silas Marner, counting his coins at night. So let's go into the bedroom, lock the door, grab a bath towel and the old Street and Smith's, open to the centerfold of Ruben Rivera and count our personal pleasures. Here are the outfielders who right now are threatening to clog our system like Asian carp on the Erie Canal. I've ranked them according to current value.

The starters
Aaron Judge, maybe the MVP?
Aaron Hicks, Jeeze, maybe second in the MVP?
Brett Gardner, career year?
Jacoby Ellsbury, solid player, nothing wrong but the contract.
Matt Holliday, technically an OF, pushed out by the glut.

The MLB hangers-on at Scranton
Mason Williams, 25, looked good last year, got hurt, not hitting (.237, no HRs), surely demoralized by current situation. 
Rob Refsnyder, 26, went 2-4 the other night, then was benched. Once Greg Bird or Tyler Austin returns, Brigadoon will vanish for another 100 years. What did this guy do to piss off the Yankees?
Tyler Austin, 25, rehabbing from bad foot, rapidly facing a career crossroads - will he get a shot at 1B before Bird returns? Or does he go back into the Scranton discard pile and rot on the vine?

The super prospects at Scranton
Clint Frazier, 22, RH, hitting .257 with 9 HRs, draws walks but still strikes out too much. He has been heating up - hit .224 in April, .277 in May. Still draws hype. They say he has the fastest bat in the system, whatever that means.
Dustin Fowler, 22, lefty, hitting .309 with 9 HRs and 7 SB, plays CF, has blossomed in last two years. Hot lately. Might be at top of his trade chip value. 

Dying at Trenton
Jake Cave, 24, lefty, repeating Trenton, where he hit .288 last year and won a promotion to Scranton. Was drafted by Reds in Rule 5 two Decembers ago, but didn't stick. Was hurt in spring training, is now hitting .290 with 4 HRs, totally outclassing Double A, but is stuck here.
Zack Zehner, 24, righty, hitting .306 with little power. He's in his first incarnation at Trenton, still proving himself, but if he keeps hitting, will he ever get promoted? He's never gotten much of a buzz; he's just doing the job, that's all. 
Rashad Crawford, 23, hyped-up throw-in from last July El Chapo trade, was hailed as toolsy lottery pick, and hit well at Tampa after coming over. Not cutting it thus far, hitting .217.
Billy McKinney, 22, a former top prospect at Cubs, came in the El Chapo deal. Had a big spring training, generating hype that he was going to bust out this season. Hasn't done squat, hitting .199.

The way-down there
Jorge Mateo, 21, a SS who - after we obtained Glyber Torres - was going to be moved to CF. Now, he's back in the infield because of the OF glut. Repeating Tampa, hitting .245 with 18 SB. Got off to slow start, heating up lately.  
Blake Rutherford, 20, former 1st round pick, golden boy with massive hype, (guys claiming he was "steal" of draft; how many times have we heard that line?) He crushed Pulaski last year, now at Charleston, hitting .281, but no power (1 HR).
Estevan Florial, 19, five-tool guy, creating buzz at Charleston. Last year at Pulaski, hit .225 with 7 HR. This year at Charleston, .277 with 6 HR. They're pushing him and Rutherford as a tandem.
Carlos Vidal, 21, was heavily talked-up after hitting .303 at Pulaski two years ago. Missed most of last year due to injury, but now hitting .277 at Charleston. Speed but little power. They like to include him in the Rutherford-Florial fantasies. 
Jhalian Jackson, 24, big guy, looks good coming off the bus, but hitting .226 with 5 HR at Tampa. Getting old for his league. Needs a good season, isn't having one. 
Trey Amburgey, 22, another guy at Tampa who is repeating his level and, frankly, not showing progress. Hit .277 last year at Tampa. Now stuck at .220 (but with more power.) But seriously, when guys are repeating levels, where they did well last year, they are not being challenged. They are rotting on the vine.

Sometimes I wonder if the Yankees shouldn't do something crazy - like add a second Double A team? Take all these raw kids and challenge them, even if it takes a season or two to get their bearings. Keep the system brimming with talent, and let Double A be the defining level. It would put the Yankees above every other team in baseball, and comparatively speaking, it wouldn't cost much more than a Jacoby Ellsbury pact.

So there you have it. There will be more names when the rookie leagues open, and every one is a future Hall of Famer. But if the Yankees are going to deal this July, let's not kid ourselves. To pull anybody worthwhile, we probably must trade Frazier, Fowler, Rutherford, Mateo or Florial... and maybe two of them. How badly do you want to feel the pinch? And how sure are we that the Aarons are true MVP candidates, or that Jake and Brett will stay healthy? It's a long season. It all depends on the deal, I guess. But anybody who goes will create whispers... Willie McGee... Jay Buhner... Mike Lowell... 

It's our Trouble with Tribbles. What do we do with all of them?

News from the infinite universes

Astronomers said Thursday that they had felt space-time vibrations known as gravitational waves from the merger of a pair of mammoth black holes resulting in a pit of infinitely deep darkness weighing as much as 49 suns, some 3 billion light-years from here.
- New York Times -

Yankees OF Jacoby Ellsbury participated in baseball activities prior to the Yankees' 8-3 win over the Orioles at Camden Yards on Tuesday. "Today is the best I have felt,'' said Ellsbury, who suffered a concussion and sprained neck ligament. "As far as the headaches I feel a lot better today." Ellsbury is eligible to come off the seven-day concussion disabled list on Thursday when the Yankees open a four-game series against the Blue Jays in Toronto.- New York Post - 

Bard of the Booth, a poem from John to Suzyn

Submitted by our foreign correspondent, Dutchfan. 


WHAT WE DO

Well, a day off.
A day off at home.
They are great.
We do special things.
We grow our beard.

Well, not you,
Suzyn.

May 31, 2017
Yankees at Baltimore (10-4 loss)
Bottom of the fifth 

Mr. Met breaks bad, the biggest homer is going home, and the '17 Yankees face their defining stretch

Many years ago, as a pioneer of fake news, I interviewed the San Diego Chicken on a tour through Syracuse. By then, Chicken had reached the pinnacle, having single-clawedly birthed the sports mascot industry. Without him, there'd be no Phanatic, no Wally the Green Monster, no Otto Orange, no Michael Kay. Chicken broke new ground in the barnyards of America. And during his Salt City swing, to the delight of all, he was a walking Trump Access: Hollywood tape. Chicken groped young women. He bent and stared at their butts. The crowd roared. Chicken ruled the coop.

Ah, the halcyon days! All in good fun. Nobody cared about a copped feel. But the world changed, and those damn smart-mouthed feminists ruined everything. Last night, one of best soldiers, Mister Met, finally broke from the pressure. He flipped off a fan. Worse, somebody filmed it. Clearly, Met lost his cool. The pressure. Now, will he get a fair trial? Dream on. The franchise is already falling all over itself to apologize. Trump would not back down, dammit. He'd be tweeting support. But the Mets will jettison their embattled employee and - get this - reap the reward: Another week of dominating the sports tabloids. (They won the month of May.) They will continue to rule sports radio and remain NYC's most talked-about team. It's as if they cannot lose. No matter what happens with the Yankees, the Mets are winning the chicken coop. 

Once you lose a town, it's hard to win it back.

But in Chicago, today they will discuss Hawk Harrelson, who announced his retirement yesterday. Harrelson is 75 - John Sterling vintage - and baseball's biggest homer, by far. When critics complain about The Master, it's because they are conveniently forgetting Harrelson, who openly roots for the White Sox - or as he calls them "the good guys." Harrelson will shout for fly balls to "Get out, get out, get out!" or "Go foul, go foul, go foul!" And normally, we shouldn't give a damn what happens in another team's Sunoco booth. But Harrelson is the canary in the Sterling coal mine. His retirement is yet another reminder that this could be John and Suzyn's final season. Another one bites the dust. Nobody talks forever. 

Finally, let's talk about the Yankees. Insert sigh here. Six of our last 10 losses came because the opposition scored at least five runs. Over our last 15 games, our pitchers have seven times given up more than five. Here's the reality: Our rotation is cracking. 

So what do we do? To make an honest run in 2017, the Yankees will need an infusion. Traditionally, this would mean trading for some over-the-hill DH or starting pitcher with a torture chamber contract, the kind only dolts will assume. It would also mean trading prospects, which in the past, the Yankees simply didn't have. But this is the upside-down world. 

We have prospects galore, and everybody knows it. For one thing, we have too many outfielders - four in the majors, and they're piling up in Scranton, with Dustin Fowler, Clint Frazier and the eternal Mason Williams, who is starting to exhibit Slade Heathcott disease. We have Jake Cave, who played well last year in Scranton, toiling in Trenton, because there's no room in Triple A. We have outfield prospects like cherry tomatoes. And yet... a plea:

Don't trade prospects. 

Here's one fan's hope: Before we deal for some washed-up, 2013 all-star, let's try the kids and suffer whatever consequences ensue. Everybody knows Chase Headley is not the answer at third. And Glyber Torres is a month away, if not more. But Tyler Wade is on the verge. Why not? Let's try him. 

Everybody knows what Chris Carter brings: A dozen strikeouts for every home run, and a horrible, .200 average. It's not enough. But Greg Bird is three weeks away. In the meantime, let's try Rob Refsnyder - who at least puts the bat on the ball - and, as soon as he's ready, Tyler Austin. (I'm proposing Yankee lineups with two Aarons, two Tylers, two Austins, a CC and a Didi. Woah!) 

Everybody knows Masahiro Tanaka his wobbling. And Chance Adams needs at least two more starts at Triple A. Before we trade for a new Sidney Ponson, I say, let's try one of the young arms. Cessa, Green, Camarera, German.Take a Chance, Yankees! That's all I'm saying.

I just want us to exhaust all the possibilities before doing something stupid. We are entering a tough patch. Toronto has self-corrected, and the Redsock '17 Hall of Fame Superteam of Destiny (TM) has reassembled. But it's youth - not veterans - that carried us into first place. Let the Mets have the back pages. We need to stay young and keep our eyes on the prize: 2018 and beyond. The infusion must come from within.