Jesus Montero, age 19, is batting .396 in a league historically dominated by pitchers.
Two home runs. (League leader has 4)
Ten RBIs (League leader has 16)
Third in league in total bases.
Second in league in on-base percentage.
Now here is something insane to ponder: Could he be our right-handed DH in September? A la' Miguel Cabrera, 2003?
Yes, it's crazy. He's not ready defensively. But the kid can hit.
Do you believe in miracles?
Do you believe in Jesus?
DO YOU BELIEVE IN JESUS?
IF YOU BELIEVE IN JESUS, THEN GET DOWN ON YOUR KNEES RIGHT NOW, GET DOWN, SINNERS, GET DOWN AND TESTIFY! TESTIFY TO THE LACK OF RIGHT-HANDED DH-POSSIBILITIES THAT WE HAVE, AND PRAISE HIM! DO YOU HEAR ME? PRAISE HIM! PRAISE HIM UNTO CASHMAN! JESUS IS COMING. DO YOU HEAR ME? GET OUT, YOUKILIS! JESUS IS COMING. I BELIEVE!
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Jesus Goes Three for Four, Tied for FSL Lead in Hitting
Spam of the Week
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Friday, April 24, 2009
In the Immortal Words of the "Other" Voice
Lets Get Ready to Rumbbbbbbbbbllllllllllllllllleeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Should be a fun weekend...
Why We Fight
Red Sox complicity in U.S. torture flights
They feed their own fans prison food
They're bigger racists than Joe Torre
Their groundskeepers are thugs
Varitek clawed A-Rod's face, kept his own mask on
Schilling poured ketchup on his sock, called it blood
They decapitate their players when they're done with them
Big Papi has it in for Joba for no reason
Expose: Yanks last year often subjected fans to controversial torture tactic known as "bullpenning"
New York _ During a six-month period last year, the New York Yankees repeatedly subjected fans to an outlawed torture-tactic known as "bullpenning," according to internal sources, freedom of information requests and a review of last-year's standings, obtained at considerable expense, by this website.
During that period -- in which the team sought to extract money for 2009 season ticket packages -- the organization used Jose Veras 60 times and Edwar Ramirez as many as four sessions per week. This occurred despite public warnings that so-called "bullpenning" could undermine the team's world profile.
"They wanted to extract whatever they could from the fanbase," a source told IT IS HIGH. "And it came straight from the top: Cheney ordered it."
The controversial tactic, thought to be outlawed following the Torre administration, invokes within fans the false experience of drowning.
Pitches far outside the strike zone are slowly poured over fans' faces until all bases are full. Then, with two outs and two strikes on the batter, a grand slam is hit, turning a one-run game into a blowout. Then, in excrutiatingly slow detail, the entire process is repeated.
Disclosures of the Yank torture tactics have renewed calls for a special prosecutor to look into the signings of Carl Pavano, Kei Igawa and others, and the termination of Joe Torre.
Yankee officials declined comment on the charges and directed all inquiries to spokesperson Selena Roberts, who was said to be perched in a bush in a residential neighborhood of Tampa and therefore unavailable for comment.
Poetry Corner: When Throwing a fastball at old Kevin Youkilis...
When throwing a fastball at old Kevin Youkilis,
Make sure that your fingers aren’t slathered with mucilous.
Don’t stare at him hard, or it could make you puke-ilous.
But just ponder the past, like that Met: “Wilson, Mookilus.”
It’s not an occasion to grow mad and mutinous,
Like a trip to a crypt with an urge necrophilious,
Just imagine yourself down below in a nautilus,
And shoot that harpoon at the whale we call Youkilis.
In your moment of weakness, you’ll feel supercilious,
As he stands there and glares at you, angry and bilious,
Like a six-foot-three lizard, some man-crocodilius,
Throw as hard as you can at that man, Kevin Youkilis.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Comparison: The Greatest and Weakest Win Warbles Ever Recorded
Hear for yourself...
The Weakest...
And the greatest...
Day of Heavy Wanging
Honest Abe has what will have to pass as the details.
7 innings
9 hits
5 runs
4 earned
0 walks
11 strikeouts
91 pitches
70 strikes
He was throwing to the all-stars of the Florida Special Olympics (redundancy there).
Looks like he hasn't lost a thing from his early season command.
Tonight On Yankpornography
Raunchy internet smut site yesnetwork.com, best known for Ken Singleton's wife's sex blog, is running a thing called Girls Of NY Sports Bars. There's no permalink, so hurry over to the front page and scroll down-low before Interpol raids the Yankees' offshore server farm.
Outrage and Consternation in Flushing
New stadium apparently too classy for Mets fans.
Doesn't adequately celebrate club's colorful history of mediocrity and failure.
Pete Abe quote of the day
The True Bard of the Lower Hudson strikes again!
"Baseball is a movie, not a series of snapshots."
Open Letter to Melky Cabrera: Don't Let Yesterday Be Your Downfall
(Note to readers: It is critical that Mr. Cabrera read this. The message might save his career. It might save the Yankees. It might even save your life -- but we won't go into what we know. Print out this note and post it in public spaces frequented by Mr. Cabrera and his friend, Mr. Cano. This includes laundries. Too often, we forget the laundry. If you cannot print it out, write it out by hand, but please be ledgible. If you cannot attach it to a telephone pole or bridge support, rent a sound truck and read it while driving through neighborhoods. We cannot stress enough the importance of this work. Everything hinges on compliance. Everything.)
Dear Mr. Cabrera,
Congratulations on your great game yesterday.
Don't go thinkin' your shit don't stink.
The only reason you're still a Yankee is because you decided last winter -- after being demoted to Scranton -- that you would show plate discipline in the future.
Yesterday, you whiffed with the bases loaded on a pitch in your eyes.
You still have one hope for a career: Plate discipline.
The home runs are great. But if you start swinging for the fences, you'll be back in Scranton faster than you can say "Kevin Maas."
Don't start thinkin' your shit don't stink.
Official Yankee News: Mitsubishi Shines!
From the release, uncluttered, unspun, untouched...
Mitsubishi Electric Diamond Vision Shines at Yankee Stadium Opening
Yankee Stadium opened its doors to excited fans on April 2 with its annual team workout, and unveiled the most advanced, high-definition Diamond Vision display in sports.
Thousands of fans joined players and New York Yankees and Mitsubishi Electric executives in an afternoon ceremony that marked the debut of the massive display in center field.
This installation continues the long-standing relationship between the New York Yankees and Mitsubishi Electric, which in 1983 installed one of the first Diamond Vision video displays in Major League Baseball.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Sterling Comes Back! 6.98 Second Walk-Off Win-Warble
It's still not World Series-caliber, but it should silence some of the critics who say the Sterl has lost his hurl.
Six point nine-eight seconds, baby!
HE'S CLEARING HIS THROAT FOR BOSTON!
Letter to the Editor: Noam Chomsky must hate A-Rod
April 21, 2009
Dear Editor,
The minimum wage in Major League Baseball is $400,000 per year; its lowest-paid players earn an astounding $2,469 per game. With these exorbitant salaries, and steep ticket prices, the league has distanced itself from the average working person in North America.
Perhaps Noam Chomsky was right when he stated: "Sports occupies the populations, and keeps them from trying to get involved with things that matter. In fact, I presume that's part of the reason why spectator sports are supported to the degree they are by the dominant institutions."
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