Tuesday, October 14, 2014
Good value on the contract, hard worker, smart, commands peer respect... The next Yankee batting coach should be A-Rod
Long's best year was his first. He batted .312 for Eugene in the Northwest League. He never again hit above .300. His career average stands at .273. Overall, he clubbed a total of 14 home runs. Yes, over eight years... 14 HR.
I don't say this to mock a decent fellow who just lost his job. Maybe Long was a great hitting coach. Maybe he took a course in it. Maybe he got his Master's degree in batting coachery. I say this because Long never seemed to have juice with the Yankee superstar lineups that were more interested in their hedge funds than on-base percentages. For the last three years, Yankeee hitters have steadily declined in production due to defensive overshifts. We saw Curtis Granderson arrive as a five-tool future superstar and leave as Richie Hebner with a hernia. We' watched Mark Teixeira turn into Lyle Overbay. Last year, we watched Stephen Drew - barely hitting .150 - STILL trying to drive the ball through overshifts.
When you're hitting .150, and you're not willing to lay down a bunt, is there a batting coach in creation - aside from Your One Personal God and Savior, Randy Levine - who can make a difference? What guy who hit 14 HRs in his career can get Carlos Beltran's attention?
Well, there is a guy who can do it.
Al "A-Rod" Rodriguez needs to be the Yankee batting coach in 2015.
Think about it. Why have a batting coach who once hit .312 at Eugene? Why not have the best hitter of his generation? A head case who has lived and breathed hitting for 20 years? Why not a guy who is on his last chance to do something meaningful in life, and who has a great recipe for milk shakes?
I'm speaking metaphorically, of course. Install A-Rod as batting coach. We're already paying too much for him. He can be DH/Coach. We'll save money. When A-Rod sits down next to Austin Romine, you think Austin Romine will be listening to Sheer Mag - (coolest band out there, BTW) - on his earbuds? Hell no.
Save money. Save the team.
Make A-Rod batting coach.
Monday, October 13, 2014
Nelson Cruz? Of course! Why didn't we think of that?
Cruz would be a perfect fit for the Yankees next year because:
1. He'll be 35.
2, He'll want three years.
3. We need DH backup for Carlos Beltran, Mark Teixeira, Brian McCann and Al Rodriguez. (Note: To reduce fan backlash, the Official Policy of IT IS HIGH is that A-Rod in 2015 needs to rebrand himself as "Al Rodriguez." Imagine The Master's new home run call: "IT'S AN AL BOMB... FROM AL! AL THE GREAT CONQUERS AGAIN!")
4. We'll wear out opposing teams, whose fielders will have to move from the right side over-shift to the left side over-shift.
5. Who needs draft picks anyway?
6. It's what Old George would have done.
If you buy the increasingly likely notion that Hal - the Boss' son - is simply tracking through his dad's evolutionary model, then the Yankees will be hapless for at least five years - until the Mets have risen to take NYC. (Considering how screwed up they look, we might be down for 10 years.) During the 1980s, the Iron Rule of Steinbrennerian Messing Up was to always buy high and sell low - Steve Kemp, Danny Tartabull, Tony Womack, et al. What better way to honor Old George than to add a DH, who's just had his best year, to a team of DHs.
You know, the more I think of this, the more it HAS to happen. It's like one of those ancient Greek tragedies, where the kid simply has to schztup his mom before we can move on to Act III.
The day we sign Nelson Cruz will bring about one of those out-of-body moments of mental torture. Randy Levine will host the news conference. They'll fit Nelson for the cap. The sportswriters will talk about the 40 home runs he'll hit. And the fan base will be even more polarized than it is now. (Have you see the viciousness on River Ave's comments section? You can't go five comments in without seeing a personal attack.)
You'll see half the Yankee fanbase sticking to the belief that the front office has a plan, because they know things that we don't, and that even if it looks bad, that they are doing this to help - and it will be just like all the things we say about the government.
The bottom line: We'll assure ourselves that the people in power would never make a move simply for the sake of making a move, would they? It's all about winning, right? Not just getting attention. Right?
And then we'll start imagining The Master's call. "IT'S A CRUZ MISSILE! NELSON ROCKS A FELLER!" We might as well get Fawn and Ollie back together. It's 1985 all over again.
Sunday, October 12, 2014
Always something going on
"... grab-and-go food, snacks, souvenirs, toys, books, clothing and more..."
The Yankees could go with a six man rotation at firstbase
The key to baseball is firstbasing, firstbasing, firstbasing!
In fact, during Yankee blowouts, John Sterling takes pains to note that tomorrow's game will be entirely different, because both teams will field a new firstbaseman. Well, at least the Yankees will.
Which brings us to Brian Cashman's latest revelation: Next season, Al Rodriguez might move across his diamond habitat to play firstbase, along with Mark Teixeira, the legendary semi-regular firstbaseman, also known as the first firstbaseman. This adds to the Yankees' options, especially when in the 2015 playoffs, because a team with so much firstbasing must make the playoffs. Or at least the away-field one game wild card.
Here's the dream rotation for next October:
Game One: Teixeira. Make no mistake, he's our Game One Starter, our innings eater. Hopefully, he can get us into the eighth, when we can turn firstbase over to Martin Prado, the closer.
Game Two: A-Rod, who can avoid a lot of negativity next year if he just calls himself "Al" Rodriguez. (Note to self: That should be this blog's future campaign. When he comes to bat, the Yankees should play that old Paul Simon song, CALL ME AL: "A man walks down the street and says, why am I soft in the middle...") Let's face it. A-Rod ("Al") is getting up there. If we get five solid innings from him, Tex can come in and be the bridge to Martin. If not, Cash can scour the waiver wire and bring back Lyle "From the Pile" Overbay. ("I need a photo opportunity/ I need a shot at redemption/ Don't want to end up a cartoon/In a cartoon graveyard.")
Game Three: It has to be Beltran. Let's face it: His elbow barks, but he doesn't. Last year, when they put Beltran at firstbase, it was the first time he'd played the position since elementary school, when he tagged Marcia Gonzalez in the mouth and served lunch suspension for three days. At 38, Beltran is a stop-gap firstbaseman, but there's still lighting in those knees. When he falls, nothing gets through them.
Game Four: Nobody captured the Yankee September spirit like Brian McCann. As soon as the Yankees escaped the race, Mickey McCann turned it on, like a fully opened beer tap. With four more years on his contract, he must play firstbase, because otherwise - well - what'll we do with him? He's got that short rightfield porch in Yankee Stadium, and last season led the mighty Bombers in home runs... with 23! The Babe, The Clipper, The Mick, Mr. October, B-Cann!
Game Five: Frankie Cervelli has the mit and the temperment. Good grief, he hit .301 last year, placing fifth in Yankee batting averages. (Team leaders: Jose Pirela .333, Martin Prado .316, Antoan Richardson .313, Scott Sizemore .313 and Frankie. How could they fire a batting coach who has five players hit above .300?) Our game five starter brings a solid bat and a great sense of desperation: He'd rather die in a home plate collision than spend another summer in Scranton.
Game Six. OK, I know what you're thinking. Do we really need a six-man rotation? Old school managers in the 1960s went with three-man rotations. Well, this is the modern era, folks. Get with the Yankee program.
And this, of course, is why the Yankees are thinking about signing Chase Headley. He brings that extra flexibility, in case Al Gonzalez decides to play third. Maybe Chase can change his name to Lamar Headley. Oh, who cares. You know what they say: In baseball, you never have enough firstbasing.
Saturday, October 11, 2014
We Are Now Officially Dead ! Mark Down The Date.
All the Yankee suck-up beat writers are quick to jump on Kevin Long's " unacceptable" offense numbers, as a rationale for why his dismissal was so well conceived. Sure, the termination of Kevin and the first base coach, along with two servers in the Yankee cafeteria, will turn the team around.
Surely, Kevin was in charge of the Yankee draft, right? Similarly, the first base coach must have negotiated the deal for Beltran and the other .220 clean-up hitters loading up our lineup.
Not one of this lousy excuses for investigative journalists bothered to focus on the fact that, " you can't change water into wine." If you give me a lumbering, old, achy 38 year old who makes more money than the GDP of many nations, and tell me he is going to hit .320, have 35-40 homers and steal 25 bases, while playing great defense, I'll tell you to go drink an entire bottle of vodka before you head to work this morning. Do it every day, and you have a season.
To put it bluntly, the articles on Cashman's re-signing, mostly, made me puke for their lack of insight, accuracy and truth. The facts are plain; Cashman has presided over a disaster and never….NEVER…. should have been re-signed.
We have only old, over-paid, injury-prone, slow footed position players, because Cashman has failed completely in evaluating, developing and providing opportunity for young, athletic prospects. We have polls now, on re-signing journeymen. Who gives a turd?
There is a plan afoot to play A-Rod at first base ( are they trading Tex, or is it known that his wrist is totaled ?). Remember how that worked out this year when we tried, infielders, catchers and outfielders at that spot? Doesn't anyone on the Yankees understand that you need quality, trained, experienced people to play the positions they play? That you can't just take anyone with a uniform and play him anywhere, and hope for a good outcome? This isn't high school, where the best athlete can do it all.
Girardi has been hardened by the money, no doubt. And he has track record with the Yankees. But how can he remain silent when a parade of losers is shuffled to his dugout by Brian Cashman? You think Buck Showalter would stand mute?
We, on this blog are the only, unwavering voices of realism and dissent on this issue, but we are voices in the wilderness.
The Yankee ownership, and the staff with whom they have surrounded themselves, are pathetic and brain-dead. Moreover, they don't give a rat's ass about the fan base. The people.
Much like our Congress.
We are screwed folks. so find some other ways to enjoy your day.
Dear New Jersey police: Here are your Top 10 suspects who would steal Yogi Berra's world series ring
2. ISIS - to maintain standards of pure evil.
3. North Korea dictator Li'l Kim - except he's dead.
4. Carl Yastremski - because he still has no ring.
5. Dick Cheney - to pay off Satan and live forever.
6. Bud Selig - final, convoluted poke at A-Rod.
8. Ben Affleck - out of sheer hatred for Yankees.
9. George Zimmerman - trust me: he's behind this, somehow.
10. Madonna - for her collection.
Friday, October 10, 2014
Yanks give Cashman three years and two scapegoats
Hitting coach Kevin Long goes, because he apparently couldn't change the batting styles of withering 36-year-old millionaires in the throes of their last long-range contracts.
And finally, first base coach Mick Kelleher was fired for not waving more runners to second, not slapping enough butts, and failing to remind guys how many outs there are in the inning.
These are the days of miracle and wonder.
It's Official
We knew it was coming, but Cashman's new 3-year deal was announced today.
Maybe if I learned to screw up on my job, I'd get $3 million a year.
Probably not.
Anyway, we are now officially doomed.
Do you think he's getting back at all the players and coaches who used to make fun of him for being such a dork?
Nah, that couldn't be possible. He's too professional for that. Right?
Will the World Series turn out to be a match up of ex-Yankee strategists?
Orioles
Ex-Yankee manager Buck Showalter, manager
v
Giants
Ex-Yankee Dave Righetti, pitching coach
Ex-Yankee Roberto Kelly, first base coach
Ex-Yankee Bam Bam Meulens, hitting coach
Ex-Yankee Joe Lefebvre, assistant hitting coach
Ex-Yankee Henry Cotto, baserunning coordinator
Ex-Yankee JT Snow, assistant
Ex-Yankee Shane Turner, coordinator of minor league development
Mike Lupica is livid
Most of all, it was always fun when Lupica got angry... furious... LIVID.
Today, he is foaming!
[S]ome low forms of pond life have broken into the Yogi Berra Museum in the night and stolen items from there.
Yes, Commissioner Gordon, it's those dastardly burglars of the Yogi Berra Museum.
It is as if they really did break into Yogi’s home and steal memories from him, pieces that are like valuable artwork from a remarkable American life, priceless to him. They did not just steal from that place. These bastards stole from Yogi.
Dear God. The monsters are the worst: fart-breathing booger-eaters, pig-doodlers and foot-mouthed flop-heads. Fortunately, he's hot on their trail.
Nobody gets to take anything more from him, not like this, not one single thing. If you know who they are, call this paper or call the cops. Whatever the reward is for information — late Thursday it was $5,000 — the Yankees should make it even bigger. These punks don't get to get away with this.
Listen: If any of you happen to be the bleeps who stole Yogi's rings... GET OFF MY LAWN, NOW! GO ON, GIT! I hope they give you ringworm. But my grandmother used to say, 'tis an ill wind that blows NO good. And in this case, it's always fun when the great white hunter charges into action to harpoon the whale in the pool. These are the days of miracle and wonder...
Thursday, October 9, 2014
YES Network ratings and franchise value send us a message: The Yankees have reached a point where they cannot suffer financially for their mediocrity
Despite marketing one of the more tedious products in history, despite playing lackluster games and finishing barely a toothache over .500...
1. The value of the New York Yankees' brand name rose by about $100 million last year, according to Forbes. The team has the most profitable brand name in all of sports, more so even than the European soccer powers, generally viewed as the world's most valuable franchises.This is why the teenager who shot Khadafy, or the tyke who tugged at the Pope, wore NY caps. The Yankees are synonymous with power, prestige and money.
2. The YES Network announced that ratings for Yankee games rose by 15 percent over 2013. They rose in every demographic. The Yankee Pre-Game Show was up 25 percent. The Yankee Post-Game Show rose by 23 percent. The only slacker was Yankee Batting Practice, only up 6 percent. Of course, the Yankees had no bats.
So, there you have it, Yankee fans. Say whatever you want about Hal Steinbrenner and Brian Cashman. It doesn't matter. Nobody cares. You might as be speaking in tongues. If the team stinks for 10 years, all they need to do is honor another old star - you know, put Yogi on a medical flatbed - and everybody will watch. They can inhabit the reality where Carlos Beltran warrants a three-year-deal at age 37. It doesn't matter. They cannot lose money.
The Yankees have reached the pinnacle of capitalism: They are untouchable. They are one of the fixtures in American society that cannot be held accountable for dastardly deeds or plain old incompetence.
Top Institutions of American Society
Who Cannot Be Held Accountable
for Dastardly Deeds or Plain Old Incompetence
2. Bankers
3. Yankee Ownership
4. Other Sports Team Owners
5. Assorted Billionaires from Vices (Trump, Adelson, etc.)
6. Kardashian Family
7. Fox News Commentators
8. Congressmen in Safe Districts
9. Corporate CEOs
10. Jennifer Lawrence (Note: She really hasn't done anything, but let's face it: She could get away with it.)
There was a third news story yesterday, still making the rounds. The Yankees won't bite on the international man of mystery, Cuban OF Yasmani Tomas, because he'll cost too much money. On the heels of the two other stories, it's just too perfect - too clean, too symmetrical - not to mention.
Of course, nobody knows if Tomas is worth the money. But some teams will bid hard on him, because their scouts think he is. The Yankees will sit this one out. Not only will they sit this out, but they are announcing - in their sly, de facto way - that they will sit it out. Thus, their fellow Yacht Club commodores can rest assured they won't face a bidding war with a team worth more money than the country of Sierra Leone. (Where the lack of money invested into hospitals and education may just prove to be our future downfall.)
This is what nice billionaires do, when they were properly raised as nice billionaires.
We can sit here and argue about which kind of oil we'd like to see them boiled in - peanut? olive? Mazola? - but we're the ones - the diehard fans - who sit in the kettle. They will never hear us. They will never feel us. They will never worry for one moment about Yankee fans straying from the lodestone. They own the lodestone. And its value never goes down.
Have a nice day.
Wednesday, October 8, 2014
Things Yogi would say about his museum heist
The other day, some total jerks knocked off
the Yogi Berra Museum at Montclair State University.
So...
It’s aint stolen ‘till it’s stolen.
It's tough when they steal memorabilia, because you don’t always remember it.
Burglary is 90 percent getting in, and the other half is getting
out.
Nobody steals any more. They just take your stuff.
These days, a nickel isn’t even worth a crime.
The secret to the St. Louis Cardinals success is simple. They got rid of Beltran
You stick Beltran's .233 average and 15 HRs in the Number 3 of the Cardinals' batting order, and do they still beat Pittsburgh by two games in the NL Central?
The Yankees say Beltran will return to form in 2015. He'll be 38. They're talking about re-signing Chase Headley, which would make A-Rod the regular DH and have Beltran play in right field.
Question: Do you think the Cardinals brass would buy into such optimism?
Will the Yankees learn anything from the success of San Francisco and St. Louis?
In the AL, it's KC v. Showalter, two clubs loaded with stars in their primes, both likely to be contenders - if not division winners - for several years.
And then there is our raging nemesis, Boston, soon to be freshly rebooted. If the past is prelude, they'll be resurrected next year because - well - they are the modern gold standard of the AL.
At some point, the yacht club commodores who run the Yankees might ponder how these teams have built mini-dynasties at a fraction of the Bombers' costs.
San Francisco, now chasing their third World Series ring in recent years, are led by Buster Posey, arguably the next Jeter. Posey was once the third pick in the MLB draft. The Giants have made consensus draft picks, stressed pitching, and in down years, turned to rebuilding.
The Cards, likewise, always look a few years down the road. When Albert Pujols - a god in St. Louis - chased West Coast money, they never felt heartburn. Somewhere, within their incredible farm system lurks a young executive who might have reset the Yankees' miserable quagmire. Instead, the Yankees kept farm director Mark Newman until long after his sell-date, and now he's retiring with a system that sucked air for the last three years. (Yes, I know: Dellin Betances! But are 28 year old rookies really prospects?)
Yesterday, George King of the NY Post reported that Brian Cashman and company won't chase the 23-year-old Cuban OF, Yasmani Tomas, because they don't think he's worth the $100 million he's destined to get. In other words, some team - likely with less money and a better record of scouting players - DOES believe he's worth $100 million. Of course, none of us knows the worth of this guy. But the question remains: Do we feel confident about the Yankees' decision to turn away and count their pennies?
Over the last two seasons, the Yankees have sold a lot of tickets by promoting nostalgia acts: Huge pageants to honor ex-heroes, such as Tino Martinez, and they promoted the entire month of September as farewell tours for Mo or Jete. Yankee Stadium became MLB's version of Branson, Missouri. Unfortunately, we have now run out of Rolling Stone reunions, and we are looking at Foghat and Mungo Jerry. Chasing the last Wild Card slot gets stale, especially when you're trading future prospects just to stay relevant.
Who will the Yankees use to sell tickets next fall? A-Rod? Get real. A farewell season for Ichiro? Count me out. Are we supposed to come and cheer the painful deterioration of Sabathia and Teixeira? Does anybody think we will be reborn by signing 30-year-old Chase Headley, and ignoring the population of Cuba? Who breathes life into the tired Yankee brand next year? Martin Prado?
Are we learning from the Giants and Cardinals? Because they are the gold standard of baseball. And the Yankees, on the other hand, have become the bronze standard... yep, the Bronze Bombers. And I can think of something else the color of bronze.
Tuesday, October 7, 2014
Why All The Blather?
Dear Mr. Duque;
I have told you 50 times that the stupid, team destroying decisions which constantly surround the current Yankee team, are due to one man: Brian Cashman.
He will never use the term re-building. He will never favor young prospects over aged, over-paid veterans. After all, he signed them to the stupid contracts, and he will play them, come hell or high water.
The prospects you speak of, who have earned a shot due to excellent performances this season at Scranton, will wither on the vine. Unless they hit .500 in spring training, and unless one or more of the bulky, faded roadblock veterans pulls a hammy, they won"t come north.
Even if one of the prospects does hit .500 in the spring at Tampa, Cashman can always cite the one month wonder they brought north this past season. The guy with the million dollar name, now forgotten. He ultimately bombed and was sent away.
If I could only waddle faster, I would come to your home and hit you over the head with a mallot, until you finally get it. Cashman is the problem.
Cashman is the devil. Yes….Cashman's decisions will make this team worse next year. It is going to happen.
And the Steindolts are currently drooling over the terms of Casman's contract renewal, whereas they should be breaking all ties with him. They should be detailing his failures in the media, and making certain his days in the game are finished.
Doesn't anyone care that the Yankee farm system is the joke of the league? Doesn't wanton disregard for the future mean anything? Doesn't two straight years out of the playoffs have relevance?
Apparently not..
All we can hope for is endless, recurring injuries to the old, mediocre players. Injuries are the only way young talent on the Yankees gets a chance. We fans have to hope for extensive lists of players on the DL.
The Yankees have no chance to succeed because there is no long-term planning. There is no commitment to re-building a competitive franchise, capable of winning it all. Because such an undertaking requires change, courage, and an honest assessment of the current situation.
There is no honesty in Cashman. There is no courage. There is no willingness to stare failure in the eye, and decide to do things differently. Cashman's talent is in building expensive, wildly expensive, mediocrity.
Don't you get it? Do I really have to pound you over the head, relentlessly with a croquet mallot?
Cashman has ruined this team, and is now about to ruin its future.
The door of opportunity is open now. The chance still exists to dump Cashman onto the world's garbage heap.
But does anyone think Hal and Hank aren't already sucked into the delusion that Cashman is the man to bring the Yankees back?
We are doomed. Stop tying to drown us in well-conceived ideas.
Yankees should say no to beheadings and to Headley
There you have it: By far, the most tasteless introductory pun in the history of this blog - proof that two seasons out of the playoffs can turn a Yankee fan insane.
O, but if only this were a delirium dream...
It's not. Jon Heyman at CBS says the Incompetent Empire might sign Chase Headley.
Dear God, do something. Send a message. Send a savior. Send an asteroid!
It's perfect. It's surreal. The Yankees would sign yet another former all-star, on the wrong side of 30, who can't fathom an over-shift, whose power numbers are plunging, whose B.A. is plummeting into the .220s, and whose presence guarantees a defense with at least one DH somewhere in the field. Wow. Pinch me!
If the Yankees sign Headley, 2015 could actually be worse than 2014. Imagine that.
After escaping San Diego, Headley hit .262 with 6 HR for the Yankees in 58 games, and compared to the strikeout/pop up/ground out machines who clogged the middle of the order, you'd think he was the Second Coming of Bye Bye Balboni. The YES men quickly dismissed Headley's .229 average over 77 games with the Padres, where he became known as an LOB machine. Once again, we glimpsed the Yankee front office hubris in full self-congratulatory glory: Look what we stole from those stupids in San Diego! Put pinstripes on him, and he'll be a star again! What crapola. Does anybody ever wonder how the team got into this sewer?
If the Yankees sign Headley, that means Martin Prado - whose greatest value is versatility - plays 2B all year, and both Rob Refsnyder and Jose Pirela - our best position prospects - either get traded or sent back to Scranton, disillusioned and distraught. There, they can hit .210 in April and gently slide off the grid, like so many other young Yankees. Remember when they cut Frankie Cervelli at the last minute of spring training three years ago, and it took him until July to raise his average to .250? (And by the way, turned himself into a fine player.) And how a devastated Austin Romine backpedaled all last year, after the Yankees made him a backup catcher at Triple A? These guys come in as prospects and go out as street people.
The concern, of course, is that A-Rod - at 40 - may need to be a full-time DH. Well, I say, screw that. I'm all for forgiving Alex, but he's made his bed. He's making $25 million. He needs to play in the field. We can't carry another full time DH. And we can't sign somebody just to ease A-Rod's conscience.
What a strategy! Sign another old guy. Dear God, send an asteroid. No, wait. It's a beautiful day, let's catch two.
Monday, October 6, 2014
The Peeve of Peeves: More than anything, John and Suzyn HATE watching Yankees hitters fail to exploit the overshift
They will be scolded like never before. They will hear about the wastefulness - the shamefulness! - of allowing defensive over-shifts to destroy not only their Yankee careers - but the Yankees.
Certain players - we're not naming names - apparently cannot alter their precious swings in order to exploit the wide-open fields, which have been left uncovered due to over-shifts. (Over-gifts, they should be called.)
They cannot bunt for a hit or slap a routine grounder into the opposite field - even when the Yankees need a base-runner more than a home run. They just swing harder and hit the ball where the defense is waiting to catch it.
This incompetence has been named Top 2014 John and Suzyn Shitlist Peeve in a non-scientific poll.
Of nearly 200 hardened Yankee fans, 43 percent named Inability to Exploit the Over-shift as John & Suzyn's top peeve.
First-runner up - and we should note that if, next year, all Yankees DO exploit the over-shift, and thus, the reigning peeve cannot complete its term, this would take over as the Top Peeve - is Missed Yankee Scoring Opportunities, with 37 percent.
Placing third was the Tropicana Dome Sound System - a hellhole of bizarre whistles and clattering sounds, which play at ear-splitting levels. It had 11 percent.
Fourth place goes to Leadoff Walks Issued by Yankee Pitchers, with 7 percent.
Congratulations to all the Peeves who entered this year's contest. Remember: There are no losers here. Each Peeve is a pain in the butt, and I'm sure each will return next year, more troublesome than ever. Good luck to all.
We are in the era of the Failure-Based dynasy
Also, hooray for the Nats, who drafted first twice in a row - (along with a bunch of compensation picks) - en route to bringing an NL Division crown to Warshington!
While we're drinking, let's toast Pittsburgh - poster team for disaster for more than a decade. Sorry, Bucs, that you disappeared so quickly this fall. Maybe you should have lost a few more games, back in those seed-building years.
In its quest for NFL-style parity - that is, a league without dynasties, (or without the Yankees) - Major League Baseball has reached that magical point where as soon as a team falls out of the race, the smart owner starts dismantling, chasing the golden 10 worst record in baseball, which means they can sign free agents next winter and not lose draft picks. It's almost like the NBA lottery. It's worth losing to get a shot at the next LeBron.
Of course, Boston understands this, and its owners made damn sure the Redsocks weren't going to get hot in September and screw up the future. As a result, they'll draft high, they'll spend high, and next season, they'll probably win the division - the way the SF Giants did it - growth through mediocrity. Because they were so bad in the mid-2000s, they got to draft Buster Posey. And let's not kid ourselves about the mastermind known as Buck Showalter. The Orioles took Matt Wieters first, Manny Machado third and Brian Matusz fourth - because they were bad. Awful. Terrible.
Want to make some money? Bet the house on Houston in 2016, flexing its corporate rewards for long term mediocrity - the way Tampa did in the late 2000s. (And Toronto, alas, poor Toronto, always ends up around .500, and never goes anywhere.)
Meanwhile, the Yankees - Toronto on the Hudson - shall battle Girardi-like every September - loading up on salary dumps to chase the magical away-field, one game Wild Card elimination. Last June, we didn't draft until late in the second round, after 54 names had been pulled from the board.
Want to be bad forever? Come in fifth. (And hey, Seattle fans, with the great regular season force known as Robbie Cano, you might want to get used to 83 wins. You could be sitting there for a lonnnnnng time.)
In the mid-1980s, the Yankees launched a 14-year barf, in which they missed the post-season continuously, despite shelling out for the highest payroll in the game. It wasn't until they completely fell apart and drafted high - Brien Taylor (who failed) and Derek Jeter, who didn't - that the team finally built what could be its last dynasty in history... or at least in my lifetime.
So, congratulations, Kansas City. And good luck to the Dodgers (the new de facto Yankees). But don't look over your shoulders, folks. Those Padres and Diamondbacks were pretty awful this year. It won't be long.
Sunday, October 5, 2014
KC Are Krazy Cool
I never liked the Anaheim Schmuckballs from LA, or whatever the he'll they're called. Best record in baseball, my ass. And chubby little Mikey Scosia and that rally monkey. These people are clowns.
So nothing gives me greater Schadenfreude than to see the Royals kick their ass in three straight. Trout, Hamilton and company go home. As soon as the last out was in the books, TBS cut to George Brett, our worthy, hemorrhoidal adversary of years gone by. Sporting a helluva 20,000 dollar watch (probably more), by the way.
Now we can only hope that KC stays torrid and smokes Showalter's boys. I respect them and wish Buck never left, but KC has my heart. So fuck 'em.
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