As he meets his bros in the desert, let's venture into the mind of Brian Cashman

This week's GMs cluster-frack in Phoenix will likely produce only stunted news kibble because - well, let's be honest - they're not owners, just the hired help. The True Pooh Bahs of the Game (aka League of Inherited Gentlemen) are still determining such matters as:

1) Future teams' luxury tax cap threshold.
2) Future international draft.
3) Future qualifying offers for free agents, and whether they'll be linked to loss of draft picks.

Each is part of the next Players Union contract, and until it's done, the lowly, rodent-like GMs might be skittish about doing big deals.

So... in the meantime, let's play the parlor game called "Inside Brian Cashman's Mind," as he ventures into the vast, iguana-infested, suburban wastelands of molten asphalt and gun-carrying waitresses with bee-hive hair. Let us go into the Brian Brain.

Wow. It's scary in here. In July, you'll turn 50. Shit. The hair is going - check dat - gone. You could get a weave, but the writers will know. The contact lenses restored a little vigor, but the paunch is growing. Thank god the stalker is gone. Your contract is coming up, but as long as the college photos of Hal remain under lock and key, you have job security. In three weeks, you'll have to rappel down that building again, a charity thing, but why are you feeling nervous about it? You wish you could say no. It's that damn year 50 thing. You're not Benjamin Button. Fuck. You wish you and Theo could grab some Viagra Single Packs, slip away to Vegas for a night and find some showgirls - pretend to be Ben Affleck and Matt Damon, like the old times. But Mr. Cubs is too famous now. Damn. It's going to be a week of sushi bar french fries and trying to dodge old Joel Sherman.

So here are your three objectives.

1. Finally... get this team below Hal's goddamm magic payroll number. For six years now, Hal has been whining about the Yankees paying too much in luxury tax - which they do. You've flirted with $189 million but never nailed it. Thus, that ridiculous mating dance with fiscal integrity: You get close to $189, fall apart, and then send in the clowns - a Youkilis, a Pronk, a Wells, a whatever. This year, the Yankees are on the dime for $27 million in luxury tax. But this should be the last insane tax bill Considering your young, cheap players - (Sanchez, Austin, Bird, Judge, Refsnyder, Hicks - no scratch that bum - Williams, Severino, Green, Cessa...) - and the $60 million coming off the payroll - (Tex, Beltran, Miller, Chapman) - you have no excuse for hitting the target. Once below it, everything resets, and the penalties end. You must be cheap, especially when escaping Sherman's bar tab.

2. A hitter and pitcher who won't cost your first-round draft pick. In the last two years, you've gone all in on the draft - (Rutherford, Kapriellan) - grabbing the best talent rather than playing cutesy (Cito Culver, Andrew Brackman, etc.) This is where Hal still can spend his inheritance. So you must keep that first-round pick. That means shunning free agents tagged with qualifying offers. Instead of Edwin Encarnacion and Kenley Janson, you can chase Carlos Beltran and Aroldis Chapman. And why not Beltran? He knows NYC. He knows the AL East. He'll no longer need to play RF. He's great in the clubhouse. He's - well - only 39. He might accept a two year, front-loaded deal. He probably still has an apartment in town. Last year, he hit 29 HRs, 101 RBIs and batted .295. That'll protect the kids. And hey, if they don't blossom, you're sunk anyway. Thank god for those photos of Hal.

3. Find the next Rich Hill. (Note: Not last year's Rich Hill, who will cost a shitload... but next year's Rich Hill.) You need a few journeymen starters, guys in their low 30s who know how to pitch. They might come as free agents or in trades. (You've already said goodbye to Brett Gardner and Brian McCann.) You must not sign a Pavano. You need guys who won't strangle the payroll for five to seven years. By August, Justus Sheffield, Chance Adams and Kapriellian could be ready - and who knows about Severino? You have a mini-wave of young pitchers. If they all collapse, well - you're sunk anyway.

So you think Dave Dombrowski would want to hit Vegas? He looks a little like Ben Affleck, right? Aww, fuckit. With the right showgirls, it doesn't really matter. Do you think you could pass for 45?

At last! The 2016 Yankee team leaders in RAA, (yes RAA!) And what it means for a certain star named Starlin

The Best R.A.A. Yankees of 2016

First, a disclaimer. I generally despise obscure, overly complicated, wonky stats - charts and graphs put forth by pizza-fueled couch obesities in order to meet girls. Nobody has ever been able to explain to me the W.A.R. - Wins Above Replacement - at least how it is calculated. Frankly, I doubt anybody knows. It's just a meta-stat, wrangled from other meta-stats, with a bow tied on it to suggest meaning, sort of like pi, and cholesterol counts, and your credit rating.

But, fuck, here we are, with Today's Chartola!: the R.A.A.: Runs Above Average. It's supposed to show the number of runs that a player produces, compared to the league average at his position. It's supposed take into account fielding, base-running and hitting - the holy enchilada. I offer it with one sizable caveat: Maybe all these numbers show is that the R.A.A. is another crock of crapola.

The worst R.A.A. Yankees of 2016

So... here goes. These are the best and worst Yankee R.A.A.s of 2016. Generally, there are few surprises - though this stat clearly doesn't do well with small samples. (Chris Parmelee was a blip on the screen.) And frankly, I believe Gary Sanchez must still prove himself over a season. That pretty average just kept falling. We still don't know where it will level off.

On the down side, we knew that Tex, A-Rod and Aaron Hicks were utter disasters. (I sorta hoped Hicks might be carried by his fielding, but nope: he totally sucked - a complete waste of lineup space.) After that, one player leaps out here, and soon - like, now - we ought to start wondering about him.

I'm talking about Starlin Castro, who had three seasons in 2016. 1. He began hot, 2. went into a deep slump, and then 3. became a mini-slugger. He turned the DP with a Cano-like flair and - with Didi at SS (who scored a 0 RAA) - seemed to stabilize the Yankee infield for years to come. Right?

Well, I dunno. There it is - a minus 10. And it clearly stems from Castro's inability to draw walks. His On-Base Percentage was a measly .300, ranking him 18th - eighteenth! - among MLB second-basemen. Only two other starters did worse. He ranked 11th in HRs - (2B has become a power position) - and was 6th in strikeouts. He fanned way too often.

At the end, Castro was hitting third, forth or fifth, which - frankly - was shameful. Maybe he tried to become a cleanup hitter, and that's why so many strikeouts. I dunno. But all the talk about the Yankees finding their SS-2B combo - I think much of it was the usual Cashman-brown-nosing by the YES men. The Cubs sure didn't miss him. If he can't get on base more than .300, I'm not sure we would either.

Listen: I don't want to beat the drums for Castro to be traded, or to make him a scapegoat. On a good team, he'd be a nice cog. I'm just wondering where we are going with him. We have a bunch of highly rated middle infield prospects who could reach Trenton and Scranton this July. None would be ready in spring training. But one could make Castro next winter's Brian McCann. In fact, that's what we should be hoping for.

And if the 2017 lineup has Castro batting anywhere above seventh, we're in trouble. The R.A.A. has spoken!

At last! The 2016 Yankee team leaders in RAA, (yes RAA!) And what it means for a certain star named Starlin

The Best R.A.A. Yankees of 2016

First, a disclaimer. I generally despise obscure, overly complicated, wonky stats - charts and graphs put forth by pizza-fueled couch obesities in order to meet girls. Nobody has ever been able to explain to me the W.A.R. - Wins Above Replacement - at least how it is calculated. Frankly, I doubt anybody knows. It's just a meta-stat, wrangled from other meta-stats, with a bow tied on it to suggest meaning, sort of like pi, and cholesterol counts, and your credit rating.

But, fuck, here we are, with Today's Chartola!: the R.A.A.: Runs Above Average. It's supposed to show the number of runs that a player produces, compared to the league average at his position. It's supposed take into account fielding, base-running and hitting - the holy enchilada. I offer it with one sizable caveat: Maybe all these numbers show is that the R.A.A. is another crock of crapola.

The worst R.A.A. Yankees of 2016

So... here goes. These are the best and worst Yankee R.A.A.s of 2016. Generally, there are few surprises - though this stat clearly doesn't do well with small samples. (Chris Parmelee was a blip on the screen.) And frankly, I believe Gary Sanchez must still prove himself over a season. That pretty average just kept falling. We still don't know where it will level off.

On the down side, we knew that Tex, A-Rod and Aaron Hicks were utter disasters. (I sorta hoped Hicks might be carried by his fielding, but nope: he totally sucked - a complete waste of lineup space.) After that, one player leaps out here, and soon - like, now - we ought to start wondering about him.

I'm talking about Starlin Castro, who had three seasons in 2016. 1. He began hot, 2. went into a deep slump, and then 3. became a mini-slugger. He turned the DP with a Cano-like flair and - with Didi at SS - seemed to stabilize the Yankee infield for years to come. Right?

Well, I dunno. There it is - a minus 10. And it clearly stems from Castro's inability to draw walks. His On-Base Percentage was a measly .300, ranking him 18th - eighteenth! - among MLB second-basemen. Only two other starters did worse. He ranked 11th in HRs - (2B has become a power position) - and was 6th in strikeouts. He fanned way too often.

At the end, Castro was hitting third, forth or fifth, which - frankly - was shameful. Maybe he tried to become a cleanup hitter, and that's why so many strikeouts. I dunno. But all the talk about the Yankees finding their SS-2B combo - I think much of it was the usual Cashman-brown-nosing by the YES men. The Cubs sure didn't miss him. If he can't get on base more than .300, I'm not sure we would either.

Listen: I don't want to beat the drums for Castro to be traded, or to make him a scapegoat. On a good team, he'd be a nice cog. I'm just wondering where we are going with him. We have a bunch of highly rated middle infield prospects who could reach Trenton and Scranton this July. None would be ready in spring training. But one could make Castro next winter's Brian McCann. In fact, that's what we should be hoping for.

And if the 2017 lineup has Castro batting anywhere above seventh, we're in trouble. The R.A.A. has spoken!

Tuesday night, we will know the future of the franchise

My personal guess: By 11:38 p.m. Tuesday, they'll call it, and we'll know everything. 

Tuesday - the first full day of the General Managers meetings in Phoenix - will launch the winter's first deals and free agent pimpery. By sundown, we'll have a sense of what the Yankees want - that is, prospects, young arms or a few of the Billy Butler types that always end up populating our dugout like pervs at a girl scout jamboree. Tuesday night, I'll be staying up to late on Sports Center, constantly refreshing my laptop on the MLB trade wire - hoping to understand the Yankee future... for better or worse.

Okay, I know what you're thinking: What if around midnight Tuesday, the roof has fallen in: We've traded Aaron Judge, Clint Frazier, Glyber Torres and Blake Rutherford for Albert Pujols, Jared Weaver and a midget first-baseman? Yes, it could happen. In recent days, my projection models for a catastrophic event have risen. Right now, it's a 50-50 chance that some Lance Berkman clone will step out of the waiver ooze and join the team. As terrifying as it sounds, the path to Pujols remains a possibility.

For weeks now, we've been dreading such a scenario, screaming about the need to stay on course. Frankly, it's now out of our hands. The owner will decide, and he faces an unprecedented situation, at least in his life: A winter without a veteran slugger, with the Mets as NYC's top team, and Boston peaking in talent. At any time, Hal could lapse into a "MAKE THE YANKEES GREAT NOW!" mode, launching a set of horrifying, future-crushing deals. God help us.

The reality is this: By late Tuesday night, our world could be shattered. By then, we could have Miguel Cabrera and nothing else. By then, we may know everything... or nothing. Keep fingers and toes crossed. 

It's time we had a talk about Michael...

The breathless Baghdad Bobs of YES love to say that we won the great Michael Pineda/Jesus Montero trade of 2011, even if by default. (Once the 3rd best prospect in all of baseball, Jesus last year hit .317 - mostly singles and doubles - at the sporting Mecca known as Buffalo, before testing positive for Arnold juice and getting suspended; he's now a minor league free agent, or something resembling one.) But the secondary question is whether Pineda has been a Yankee positive... or just a long, fruitless waste of our time. For this existential dilemma, I offer no conclusion. The answer, my friends, is blowin' in the wind. The answer is blowin' in the wind.

(Note: We STILL won that fukking deal, because we also got Vincente Campos, whom we traded to Arizona last August for Tyler Clippard! So woopie THAT.)

Pineda is one of those rare pitchers best characterized by wins and losses, a generally deceptive - if not useless - stat. Last year, on a team that finished over .500, he went 6-12. (Think of it this way: If he goes 9-9, we make the Wild Card.) Over his career, he is 32-37, and that seems to sum things up. He loses more than he wins.

Occasionally, he pitches zeros, fans 10 or 12, and makes us think he's figured out the cosmos, and he's about to become an ace. An inning later, he will be in the shower, having given up five runs, all with two outs. Wait: Did I mention that he cannot get the third out? That his mind just seems to float over the rainbow? Or that now and then, he does incredibly stupid things, such as slather his neck with so much pine tar that the Redsocks have no choice but to call him out on it? And then, while serving his 10-game ban for the pine tar fiasco, he hurts himself in a simulated game and then misses a month, and then sucks when he returns? Did I mention that? Because that's the Michael Pineda we know.

We have him for one more mystery season - one more - though I sense we all know how this will play out. We've seen the Ivan "Super" Nova movie. Thus, Pineda will be consistently inconsistent, drive us batty through June, get traded at the deadline for two nothing burgers, then adjust his arm angle and pitch lights-out for some National League team in a roomy park. If I were the Pirates GM, I would call Cashman once a week, making sure he knows my interest.

The truth is, enigmas like Pineda drive teams crazy - and I suspect it's even worse for Cashman, who bases his moves on analytical printouts - which simply do not matter.

Pineda is the worst thing that can happen to a starting rotation. You just keep thinking he'll be good. And someday, he probably will be - but not with the Yankees. I'm starting to wish we kept Jesus.

Nate Silver, when not handicapping the Presidential race, lists the 1998 Yankees as history's 5th greatest team

It's a good read, though it clobbers the 2016 Cubs.

Still... I can't help but wonder if those other top 10 teams would be there, if they had to go through two rounds of playoffs, just to get to the World Series?

Also, somehow - don't ask me how - the 1961 Yankees are ranked 41st. I don't know math, but I do know what's absurd. And that is ridiculous.

"Greatest game ever?" Pffffft.

That's what the heads are chattering about Goat v Wahoo.

Pffft.

I'd put Aaron Boone, Bucky Dent, Bill Mazeroski, Carlton Fisk, the Tino and Brosius finales, and even Luis Gonzalez' humpback single up there. Maybe a Dave Roberts game, too.

But my personal favorite game of all time is the 2015 Yankees route of Texas, 21-5, when we batted around three times, and Diego Moreno pitched 5.1 no hit innings. Gimme a Yankee 16-run blowout, and I'll stay for the entire post-game show, then watch it again on replay.

What gives? Yesterday, as they were partying like seals, the Cubs signed a Yankee cast-off

From the Department of Goes Without Saying: The World Series winner always sets the gold standard. Right? And the Cubs enjoy one of the deepest systems in baseball. Uh-huh?

So... will somebody please splain to me why yesterday, after Bill Murray finished dousing him with champagne, Theo Epstein went into the office and signed Connor Mullee - a 28-year-old Yankee roster reject - off the waiver wire. Hm-mm. What's going on here?

Let's face it: The Cubs know talent. They've built - for now, anyway - the best organization in baseball. And yesterday, they pounced on Mullee, an injury-prone RH relief pitcher who threw only three innings last year for the Yankees. This wasn't the San Diego Padres popping in to grab Danny Tartabull's nephew, Zeek. This is the Cubs.

So... WTF? Did the Cubs just steal a potential diamond? Or - and this is Hope speaking - are the Yankees so deep in roster talent that their rejects are coveted by top teams? Clearly, the Yankees will lose players next month's Rule 5 draft. (Last year, we lost Jake Cave, though the Reds returned him later.) We have too many to protect. (It was said that's why we traded Ben Gamel; they weren't going to be able to protect him.)

I'm HOPING to think the Yankees are stocked, STOCKED, and this is a sign of an organization bursting with potential. Still... hm-mm. It's known that Brian Cashman and Theo Epstein have a good working relationship. The Epster gave up a lot for Aroldis Chapman in August - Glyber Torres is now our No. 1 prospect - for only a half-season of El Chapo. Did Epstein scrutinize the Yankee system, and thus be aware of Mullee, when he went unprotected? Did Cash and Theo maybe discuss Mullee, who - when healthy - has been successful? Either way, the Cubs pounced on an ex-Yank that the "serious" blogs never much mentioned. They went into our trash and pulled out a cast-off pair of shoes. Next spring, who knows, maybe they'll put them on.

Okay by me. I'm already liking 2017.

The Yankees may have lost Lebron James

One of our few remaining ebbs of pride - Lebron James being a huge Yankee fan - may have ended last night. He was cheering pretty hard for the Indians.

Garth Brooks wins Country Music Awards

And in other news, the Cubs won.

But not until both teams made Cashman look smart by dumping those bums, Andrew Miller and Aroldis Chapman. What a pair of lozahs.

I guess we - and Garth - should take a day off from Empire building, and let them enjoy it - you know, let the widdle babies have their peanuts, otherwise they'll whine for another hundred years. I mean, who gives a whap? Certainly not me. I'm sick of winning World Serieses, having to party, then march in parades, kiss random strangers, grab women, go wilding, all that dismal, depressing crap. What's important is whether Glyber Torres is hitting in the Arizona Fall Instructional League. Did he do anything yesterday? The damn Game Seven stole all the media attention. It's all rigged, you know. The ratings were down, so they had the Cubs win... even at the expense of the Country Music Awards! That's a new low, even for conspiracies.

I wonder what Bill Murray is doing right now?

Tonight: ex-Yankee closer v ex-Yankee closer?

Seriously, don't we all expect it to happen?

The Yankees' most critical 95 plate appearances, and the future of humanity

Of course, we're talking about the cup of Sanka that was poured between August and September, which featured the behemoth who is either, a) the future of the Yankees or, b) the most overly hyped ice cream sandwich-eating machine since Jesus (Montero, of course.) We are talking about Aaron "the Real Aaron" Judge, all 275 pounds. (Not to be confused with Aaron "the Wrong Aaron"  Hicks, all .222.)

For the record... Judge plate-appeared 95 times in 2016 - belted 4 HRs, hit .179, and fanned 42 times. Forty-two swooshers. At the end, he seemed predisposed to it - he marched up, took his medicine, then marched home to the bat rack. The YESmen praised his calm demeanor. It was almost embarrassing. Mercifully, he tweaked a whatever and vanished. Time ceased, the Yankees withered, Big Papi retired, and here we are, still asking an essential question:

Is Aaron "The Real Aaron" Judge a future Yankee great, or will we burn the next eight months watching a guy who should be playing tight end?

Dunno. But I do know this: The future, dear Brutus, is written in the stats. So let's go...

For the record... In his brief MLB incarnation, Judge drew 9 walks, nine, compiling a measly on base percentage of .263. He tried to steal one base. He failed. He looked smooth in the field - robbed a HR without having to jump. His four dingers were moon shots. One landed in center field. Four HRs in 100 at bats translates to 20 over the season, not far below the 2016 Yankee Indian Point Power Report Home Run Leader Board, (won by a paltry 22 from Carlos Beltran.)

For the record... We have reason to think Judge will improve. Two years ago, after a solid half-season at Double A Trenton, Judge moved up to Scranton and was over-matched by the scrap-heapers of Triple A. In 260 International League plate appearances that year, he hit .224 with 8 HRs (and fanned 74 times.) Last winter, at this time, we wondered if he'd be another Scranton burnout. But by June, he was raking enough to force a promotion to the show.

For the record... As a Yankee, Judge hit slightly better against RHs - (all 4 HRs off them.) And when he was ahead in the count, he became a terror - hitting .320. (On 2-0 counts, he hit .500. On 2-1 counts, he hit 1.000 - in really small samples.) With two strikes, though, he was lost - .129. With the pitcher ahead, he hit .103. Awful numbers. But they would seem to be related to his confidence.

For the record...  The first time Judge faced an MLB starter, he hit a dismal .190. The second time around in the lineup, he improved to .222. And the third time - ahh, three's the charm - Aaron fukking Judge hit .600. (A super-small sample: 3 for 5.) And yes, the starter in his third time around would be weary. But it could be - gulp - that Judge learns.

Listen: That's the key to artificial intelligence: Once machines learn to learn, it's over. They'll grow smarter exponentially, and we will be exterminated like the vermin that we have become.

If Aaron Judge can learn, hey, we've got something. If not, cue the ice cream truck. We've got the Second Coming of Jesus. Montero, that is.

The next looming moon (or mooning loon): Cashman, Hal or something else?

Barely two months ago - (wow, doesn't it seem like ancient history?) - our own Local Bargain Jerk conceived and launched one of the most elaborate - and brilliant - baseball put-ons since Bill Veeck signed all 43-inches of Eddie Gaedel:

We sought to moon Big Papi.

It's an understatement to say LBJ went in full hog. His site included the insane 24-day Moonvent Calendar. He designed crazy ass t-shirts and built a wondrous mass mooning scene that should be remembered forever - even if it never happened - because, hey, isn't that what the digital age is all about? (Note to Scopes: Start debunking it now, because in 10 years, everybody will believe the moonings took place.)

The pregame reaction was incredible. We made the Seth Meyers Show. We made ESPN and Boston  Magazine, which patronizingly referred to him as "Mr. Jerk." We made the Yankees squirm. We made Papi want it. But truth be told, nothing happened that night. Nobody mooned David Ortiz.

And let's face it. Nothing was ever going to happen. The toothless, swag-collecting 1-percenter crowd was never going to turn and bend - and risk ejection by the reactionary ballpark moon police. It was too much to ask of the paying, mooing public. Instead, the campaign simply needs to be remembered for what it was: Our greatest hour.

I dare say that when the history of this blog is written - sometime long after we are dust, and some new generation of psychotic, cynical and criminal fans of the Evil Emp has taken over to scream laughable truths at the Steinbrenners' silent death star fortress - it might just be our greatest legacy.

So, what about an encore?

Now, we cannot expect Mr. Jerk to do it again. He invested incredible time and soul into mooning Big Papi - and, frankly, he took risks. He lives behind enemy lines and faced a few asshole trolls who really deserved the title of Mr. Jerk. (Seriously. We've never told the full story of one particular troll, who had anger issues.) So this is not a call to LBJ. But in 2017, we won't have Papi to moon anymore. So whom should be the recipient of our attention... and in what form should it be?

I'm mulling possibilities. Winter is the time for possibility-mulling. And here are a few.

1. Let's just say that if the raft of prospects we obtained from Andrew Miller and El Chapo turn into a pile of Eddie Gaedels - or Luis Polonias and Eric Plunks - then we should launch our early voting campaign to accelerate Brian Cashman's ascension to Cooperstown.

2. If the Yankees go another four years without a playoff victory, we need to publish Hal Steinbrenner's adoption papers from Kenya.

3. And then - OMG - there is the emerging Whale of Liberty... U.S. Senatorial candidate from the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, by way of Breitbart and the Rhode Island Department of Economic Development... Mr. Curt Schilling! Have we ever been handed a bigger symbol of Redsockian hubris? (Wait: How about when Randy Levine and Rudy Giuliani jump on board!)

We must mull our next attack. It's time to ponder ideas for 2017. Right now, I'm just calling upon the Russians to hack some emails. Wikileaks will soon need a new dog to kick - and so will we.

Mr. Assange... if you're reading this... how about shining your light of exposes upon John Henry, or Lonn Trost, or somebody within the real power structure? Mr. Putin, it's time for you to influence a pennant race. What should we do next year? Our next campaign will probably never top mooning Papi. But we need a plan. Anybody got a plan?

River Ave. Blues is Tweeting So Many John Sterling Pictures, I Was Afraid He Died

Don't do that.

Classic Sterling was already a champ. pic.twitter.com/dyGtfDXSUB

— River Ave. Blues (@RiverAveBlues) October 31, 2016

pic.twitter.com/U4XVLDIff4

— River Ave. Blues (@RiverAveBlues) October 31, 2016

HAPPY HALLOWEEN! pic.twitter.com/SIv7Iuv4pg

— River Ave. Blues (@RiverAveBlues) October 31, 2016

Holy shit! Look what popped up while I was making this post:

If you don't read the hysterical blog, https://t.co/p7iWsx3IYt - IT IS HIGH! IT IS FAR! IT IS... caught. please start

— River Ave. Blues (@RiverAveBlues) October 31, 2016

Thanks, @RiverAveBlues!

Imagining the 2016 Yankees playoffs bullpen

The recent Bumgarner-esque runs of Andrew Miller and Aroldis Chapman bring a mix of Yankee fan pride and frustration. The pride comes because both players did right by us and - at least in theory - brought a nice bucket of seedlings. The frustration - or is it exasperation? - comes with the notion that the 2016 Yankees were so fundamentally flawed that the best savers in baseball couldn't save us. For most of 2016, a 2-run deficit seemed flat-out impossible to overcome. How did we get so toothless? And why did we go so long that way?

But today, let's ponder a what-if:

What if... we ditched A-Rod and Tex, and promoted Gary Sanchez, in early June, instead of early August? What if... the youth movement turned just four L's into W's? What if... we didn't sell off our three best players? What if... Joe Girardi used his dominant bullpen in the post-season as Joe Madden and Terry Francona have done?

Think about that Wild Card game: Tanaka pitches the first three innings. Betances takes the fourth and fifth. Andrew Miller does the sixth and seventh. El Chapo takes it from there. Does the other team score a run?

And three days later, in the ALCS, Tanaka starts again - limited to three or four innings.

Occasionally, Severino gives us an inning. When possible, we rest the big guns and use fodder (Michael Pineda). CC would be held to three, told to empty the tank. We wouldn't have Adam Warren, though we could have still traded for Tyler Clippard. Cessa and Green would go short stints. But in any close game... Betances, Miller and Chapman - shutting down potential rallies, and going more than just one inning.

Damn. The 2016 Yankees were built to win a playoff. We had a shutdown bullpen for the ages, which could smother a team from the fourth inning onward. And we blew it. We fukking blew it.

Management was so adamant about getting its money's worth out of old players that it failed to see what fans understood in late May. (Secondary note: Boston took another tactic - banishing Rusney Castillo, the Panda, Joe Kelly, et al - regardless of what they were being paid.)

Listen: I'm still glad we did the August sell-off. The team was dead.

I'm just wondering what, if anything, has changed at the top?

Today's link sausage:

A speculative what-if trade piece on trading for Jurickson Profar. Next year's Aaron Hicks?

Joel Sherman recounts past Indian trades that reversed the Andrew Miller deal. The usual conventional wisdom.

Hot scoop: Yanks might use Adam Warren as... a starter! (Or they might not, blah blah blah)

And finally... They clutched their pearls and said Local Bargain Jerk's brilliant plan to Moon Big Papi was unclassy. What would they think of this? (The NFL is always there for us, no?)

Twiddling terminals for Tampa teats? And today's tidbits, too.

1. The Bronx Bummers plan to renovate George Steinbrenner Field in Tampa this winter. Considering recent male talk show uproar over projected Yankee Stadium "improvements" - (new breast pump stations and a kiddie park; they're practically castrating the ghosts of Babe and Lou!) - how will Florida react? My guess, it's a-okay, because the changes involve more Tiki bars.

2. Everybody is wondering what will happen to Brian McCann. But his future destination - and what we get in return - seems mostly to depend on how much contract ballast Food Stamps Hal is willing to eat. In recent situations, this has not always turned out well. Aaron Hicks II?

3. Andrew Miller has now set the all-time post-season record for strikeouts. If the Indians win tonight, he could be World Series MVP - following up on ALCS MVP. Yeesh, we've done the impossible: We turned Cleveland into the City of Champions. These prospects better be good. Otherwise, the rent is too damn high.

4. Maybe it's crass to say this, but what the hell: The news that Jose Fernandez had coke in his system, along with a mess of booze, when he died probably means the Yankees dodged a bullet. There was massive speculation about a trade, and Fernandez loomed as exactly the kind of power arm that Cashman covets. It's still an incredible tragedy, and I don't like to speak ill of the dead. But we might have traded our farm system for the guy.

5. If next July, the Yankees are treading water at .500 - a very real possibility, by the way - we could be on the verge of trading Masahiro Tanaka for another haul of prospects - and maybe anointing a new City of Champions. It's not crazy, considering his opt-out clause at the end of 2017. Some are even suggesting we trade him this winter. Obviously, it's all about the package - nothing about this team should be off the table - but I can't help but think that trading Tanaka would be a betrayal of sorts. He's a great Yankee. He's a great teammate. He's pitching with a tear in his elbow. We should show some guts and stick with this guy.

Baseball America's Josh Norris on the Yankee system: "There is a very good argument that it is the No. 1 system in the game."

Yesterday, the venerable Baseball America - heir to The Sporting News - uncorked its annual Top 10 Yankee prospects list - a generous helping of comfort food that warms every October. Throughout the years, no matter how we had decimated our system with trades - (Lance Berkman for Mark Melancon!) - we still received a top ten list about which to rejoice. But this year - wow - it's like eating ice cream. It's like a foot massage - NO, it's like getting laid. ("Megyn, why are you so fascinated by sex?") Go there, RIGHT NOW, for a good time!

Ahh, so you've returned. I can smell it on you. Go ahead, light a cigarette...

So here's the thought of today: As much as watching Andrew Miller and El Chapo dominate the World Series displays the talent we surrendered, this year's BA rankings show what we received: A shitload. Our two top prospects - Glyber Torres and Clint Frazier - both came in trades, and have elevated our entire system. In a chat yesterday, BA writer Josh Norris repeatedly praised our farms in terms I have never seen in my lifetime - not even when Brien Taylor (federal inmate number 56437-056 prior to being released in 2014) was the best prospect in baseball. At one point yesterday, Norris mused that the Yankees could put eight prospects on BA's annual Top 100. That's incredible. In recent years, we were lucky to place three. The Yankees sit where the Cubs were two and three years ago.

Listen: No single prospect is a sure thing, but when you have seven or eight in the Top 100... that is as close to a sure thing as it gets. All we need is - gulp - patience.

So here's a thought: In a mega-system ruled by luxury taxes - de facto salary caps - there is no reason why the Yankees cannot use their money advantage to always rate among the top systems. The lords of baseball made rules to limit spending on free agents, but a smart front office can still consistently build for the future. All we need is - gulp - discipline. . 

Right now, one team consistently dominates in parity-driven American pro sports: The New England Patriots, under Bill Belichik. Year in and year out, with or without Tom Brady, the Pats win. And this week, with the NFL trade deadline near, Belichick once again showed his acumen. He traded a sixth round pick for one player, and then dealt another player for a fifth round pick. In other words, he upgraded - ever so slightly - in next year's draft. Even while contending this year, he's working on next year.

The Yankees must do the same. We must always be getting younger. We can do it this winter by trading Brian McCann, Chase Headley and Brett Gardner. Get younger, get faster, get deeper in the system, get more power arms. We should always be in the top tier of BA's rankings. The minute we start bundling three or four prospects for the Javier Vasquezes and Jeff Weavers of the world, we will start backsliding.

Yep, I am calling for prospect-hugging. Supplement with free agents - I'd take Melancon and RA Dickey, and I wouldn't spit on Edwin Encarnacion or Steve Pearce - but build with youth. And pleasure yourself thinking about the future.

Before we talk ourselves into a catastrophic trade, let's remember the rule of three

Yesterday, some Yankee fan-porn site called Elite Sports NY - "the Pulse of NYC Sports!" - ran a piece calling for the Evils to trade a top SS prospect, because - well - we have too many. Yep, that's what they said. We're overstocked, so we should weed out either Glyber Torres or Jorge Mateo - bundle him with a few Trentonians and Charlestonites, and send the whole kit and kaboodle somewhere for a Miguel Cabrera, or somebody hitting 34 (the age when Tex went south, btw.)

First, whenever I read about Possible Yankee Trades, I wonder if the writer is 14 and posting from study hall. If we know anything about Brian Cashman, it is that he never shows his hand before a trade. Folks write how we're chasing a Cuetto, and he snags an Eovaldi. Predicting trades is the most pointless of pointlessnesses in a generally pointless pointlessness-ocity.

Second, trading a prospect is not an insane notion. These days on the Internet, nobody likes a prospect-hugger. We have three promising young shortstops - Tyler Wade, the third - plus Didi Gregorius and Starlin Castro, who theoretically block everyone's ascent (although one of these days, we need to talk about Starlin.) 

But... let's remember the IT IS HIGH Rule of Three: For every three big prospects, you're lucky if one becomes a star.

This isn't the first big trio to rise from the primordial Yankee ooze. Remember our Big Three "can't-miss" starters - Phil Hughes, Ian Kennedy and Joba Chamberlain. We traded Kennedy, kept the others - and for all our work, received maybe two years of eighth inning bullpen help (from Phil and Joba.) The fact is, we traded the wrong guy... the one in three.

Remember the Killer B's - Andrew Brackman, Manny Banuelos and Dellin Betances? One fizzled, one got traded, and we kept one, in this case, the right one. (Again, though - no starters, just bullpen help. And in theory, Banuelos' light still flickers in Atlanta.)

Last summer, we had a three-way in the Scranton OF - Slade Heathcott, Ben Gamel and Mason Williams. We ditched Slade, traded Gamel (the league MVP) to Seattle for a pack of cigarettes and we've kept Williams. Let's keep fingers crossed.

Future sluggers? We have three: Aaron Judge, Clint Frazier and Greg Bird. (I'm not including Gary Sanchez here, because he's no longer a prospect; he's an MLB catcher.) Maybe we'll get lucky. Maybe they'll all make it - and Tyler Austin, too. Dream on, everybody! Still, it's quite possible that one will succeed - just one. Wanna maybe trade him?

Pitchers? We have James Kaprielian, Justus Sheffield and Chance Adams (and maybe Domingo Acevedo and super-maybe Dillon Tate) Odds are one will make it. Okay, folks, which one? Show of hands? Are we feeling lucky?

So if we're trying to land Miguel Cabrera, which SS goes? Mateo, Torres or Wade? Which slugger goes? And which young pitcher - because don't kid yourself: They'll want one from every group. Are we ready to drop that one-in-three roulette ball?

Listen: The beauty of the Yankees right now is that we have a wave rising in the farm system. Even if we score at a rate of only one out of three, we will explode with talent. If we're lucky - two out of three - we could overtake Boston by next fall. At that point, we can supplement with trades and big free agents.

But if we bundle our future for some 34 year-old Teixeira-in-Training, we run the risk of trading the wrong guys. Of course, we can always play the Yankee hubris game: We're smart and other teams are stupid; nobody else has scouts.

So we can keep building - (I'm hoping we ditch Gardy or McCann to build another threesome) - or we can blow this. Do we feel lucky? AND DAMMIT, STOP POSTING FROM STUDY HALL!

Five reasons to trade for... GAHHHHHHHHH!

Yesterday, New Jersey dot com - the online embodiment of onion rings, big hair and proposed gubernatorial candidate Joe Piscopo - phlegmed-up five "reasons" why the Yankees should trade their newly recharged farm system for 33-year-old Miguel Cabrera. Supposedly, Detroit will let him go for the right price and - hell - he'll only make $212 million over the next seven years. That's chickenfeed to folks who run click-bait websites. Why, Cabrera can play first, freeing us to trade Greg Bird for pitching and ARE YOU FUKKING KIDDING ME? TRADE FOR ANOTHER OLD GUY, FADING INTO HIS TWILIGHT? YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS! THIS IS A JOKE, RIGHT? MOE, LARRY, CHEESE! MOE, LARRY, CHEESE... GYAHHHHHHHAHAHAHA...

Sorry about that. I'm okay now. It's just that - haha - sometimes these ideas, they just sort of, you know, I mean, it's like, it's not, you know, it's just, I mean WTF? WHAT THE FUKKK? DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT DETROIT WOULD DEMAND FOR MIGUEL CABRERA? LEMME GIVE YOU A HINT. AINT GONNA BE BLAKE PARKER. MORE LIKE BLAKE RUTHERFORD. THEY'LL WANT AARON JUDGE! THEY'LL WANT CLINT FRAZIER! THEY'LL WANT SEVERINO, TORRES, MATEO, YOUR FIRST BORN. THEY'LL PUT HIM UP FOR BIDS AND SQUEEZE EVERY LAST MOLECULE OF DNA FROM OUR SYSTEM, AND THEN WE'LL HAVE THE GUY ON SHAKY KNEES THROUGH AGE 41, AND WE WON'T HAVE LEARNED A FUKKING THING. I'M STILL EXPECTING US TO TRADE FOR CANO AS SOON HIS HIPS ARE SHOT. JEEZUS H. MONTERO, ARE WE STILL PLAYING THAT FANTASY GAME WHERE ALL THE OTHER TEAMS ARE STUPID, AND THEY'LL JUST GIVE AWAY PLAYERS FOR NOTHING? JEEEEEEZUS ACHE MONTERO! I CANNNNNN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! YOU HEAR ME? I CAN'T TAKE IT!

Okay, better now. I respectfully submit... I respectfully submit... that if we want an aging slugger who costs $28 to $32 million per season over the next seven years, Edwin Encarnacion would do. But listen: The Yankees are at the crossroads. They can stick with a wave of youth that eventually puts us into a position to win multiple titles, like the Cubs are now. Or they can trade the system, chase the Danny Tartabulls and Vernon Wellses and tread water at .500, perennially competing for wild card berths.

Can our front office stay disciplined and work for the future? Or will it go back to the liquor bottle and do exactly what got us into this mess? That is the question of this winter. Everything else is just click-bait.

Gannett to Yankees: Drop Dead

Well, this sucks.

A great Yankee beat writer, Chad Jennings, is out of work today, due to cutbacks by Gannett's Journal/News of the Lower Hudson Valley - aka LOHUD.

So ends a great Yankiverse tradition - the LOHUD online community, launched by Peter Abraham (PeteAbe) - around 1999, back when the team always found a way to win, and fans always found a way to feel hope. Over the years, you could always count on at least two great Yankee websites - (not counting this one, of course) - River Ave and LOHUD. Now there is one. (Not counting this one, of course.)

It's part of a big round of cutbacks, which by now we have come to accept at newspapers everywhere. It's a perfect downward loop - so clean, so pure and so efficient you almost have to admire our own self-destruction.

The more that good journalists vanish, the worse our journalism gets, and so the more people hate journalists, and so the corporations cut them, and the cycle eventually gives us an election between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump - and everybody wonders how such a thing could happen?

I doubt Jennings will stay jobless for long. Condolences to all who got the slip.