Wednesday, May 8, 2013

It's May: The birds are back, the trees are blooming, and the long-looming Yankee Apocalypse has begun

Witness our last four-game line scores, the digital printout of the long-awaited Yankee Apocalypse:

0000000000-00101110-001003000-000000000

Eight runs in four games. Two shutouts  - each wasting a quality start. We now watch backups of backups of backups - (Nix for Nuni for Jeet... Nelson for Youk for Arod) - with no help coming from Scranton, not even a shortstop worth promoting, leaving us one tweaked gonad from playing outfielders as infielders. We remain MLB's oldest team, destined to face more injuries. What happens when Andy, CC, Hiroki and/or Mo go down? Because this we know: They will.

0000000000-00101110-001003000-000000000

The numbers almost look scary, like some computer sequence designed to set off the nukes. And it's happening, right before our eyes. Two weeks ago, Vernon Wells was batting .308. Now, he's at .270 - en route to last year's rustbucket .230 average. Oh, it was fun thinking the Angels were fools! Thinking we'd plucked from them a great player, a reclamation, for nothing! Thinking Wells would revert to 2005. And he did... in April. But this is May. July and August? I'm not sure they're going to matter.

0000000000-00101110-001003000-000000000


A sign of doomsday: Yesterday, Rockies fans were actually complaining about the premium ticket prices they are being charged to see the Yankee uniforms being worn by the Houston Colt 45s. A local TV reporter questioned Girardi about it. (He said, "The Yankees are still the Yankees.") Apparently, they haven't been reading the papers. Whoops, sorry; there are no papers. If there were, this is what they would be saying: 

We are an expansion team, with Elvis impersonators fronting for air-guitars. This is a team of rusted parts picked from scrap heaps - yeah, call them scrappy - and held together with waiver wire. This is a fort under siege, a palace being consumed by jungle, a kingdom crumbling from within. This is what a dynasty looks like at its final desperate end.

0000000000-00101110-001003000-000000000


Folks, I'm sorry to be so negative. Really. I didn't mean to go Nostrodamus on you. Somewhere out there, the seeds for our rebirth are either in the ground or in a bag, waiting to be flung. Next month, we have three first round picks in the annual draft. That's what matters. That's the future. This is the end. This is what we have been fearing for so long. It's finally here. The Four Horsemen have been sighted: Chien-Ming Wang, Chris Bootcheck, Vidal Nuno and Ben Francisco. They're coming for us. Store canned food. Buy bottled water. Start digging holes, everybody. This is it, this is the Yankee Apocalypse.

4 comments:

Alphonso said...

Why are you apologizing for telling the truth? I've been saying this is an apocalypse year since before the first game.

Join the club!

I want to see more injuries, by the way, it is time we expose the totally incompetence of Cashman in building a talent base.

We have nobody. Nobody.

KD said...

OK, i am about to give up on this season. we're going to trade in some tickets and get a couple for the last home game, just to say good-bye to Mo. I suspect he'll pitch, even if it is not a save situation.

Jeter should not risk permanent injury to come back early and participate in this mess. Take the season off, Jete, and come back next year for your farewell tour.

BernBabyBern said...

Jeter, Mo, and Andy already had their farewell tour ... and Jorge was right there with them.

It was called 2009.

KD said...

BernBabyBern is likely correct. What we are seeing now is the postscript, what is written after the story has been told. Perhaps Jete could come back in September. He and Mo could go out together and Jete could avoid most of the 2013 humiliation and all of the 2014 humiliation.