Friday, December 13, 2019

Gardy returning, we took a hit in the Rule 5, Romine is a Tiger

Captain's Blog for the S.S. Death-to-All. Star date: Day One of the Cole Epoch.

The crew remains jubilant over the notion of our new, genetically-altered Ricardo Montoban-clone pitching every fifth day. To celebrate, many wear falsies and yell, "Boooone" in the corridors. I've tried to tamp down my personal expectations, yet find myself vigorously engorged, and need physical therapy from First Lieutenant Barbie. I've never seen the Death Star so merry.  

Adding to our delight is news that we have contracted Chancellor Gardner, the ageless scion, for one more mission. I will order buttresses for the ceiling of his quarters, as his baton is known to do physical damage. Though not as quick as he once was, Gardner's vast experience and knowledge of hostile beings make him a valuable asset. He is a lifelong member of the fleet, and he often outlasts our younger officers. 

The recent dire warnings by Science Officer Cashman have proven cogent. Yesterday, the Tigers conducted a flash raid on our system, taking two hostages. 

In the Rule 5 draft, the fiends made off with Rony Garcia - a youngster that I never had the chance to know - and later, they brazenly stole the venerable Austin Romine, turning his head with vast offers of gold. I knew that Romine - who'd been overlooked for promotions with us - was ripe for outside temptation, but I was stunned by the speed of his decision, along with his choice of Detroit. I wish him well. We worked together for 13 years. Still, a part of me knows that we shall inevitably meet in battle, where friendships are best forgotten. When we duel, he will not lower his mask to greet me. 

Through distant channels, we have picked up variant communications suggesting that Death Star Fleet could be interested in Josh Hader, an intriguing life-form from Milwaukee Sector. The idea of adding such a volatile presence concerns me, as does the potential price tag. In the coming days, who knows what will beam in?

34 comments:

13bit said...

Letting Romine go was a BIG mistake.

TheWinWarblist said...

Feels like a real off-season for the first time in years.


Fuck you Hal.

Ken of Brooklyn said...

I agree emphatically with 13Bit, letting go of Romine will hurt us big time whenever ICS goes down,,,,, URRRG!

Joe Formerlyof Brooklyn said...

Here are some numbers on which to chew:

Kyle H in the minors, 2019: .278BA, .310on-base, .581 slugging. played 70 games in the minors, most since 2016.

Major leagues: 3 HR in 56ABs. hit .214

Fielding in minors, 2019: 527 innings, 6 errors, 5 passed balls.
Fielding in MLB: 14 games started, no errors, no passed balls.

Austin: 228 ABs, .281BA, .748OBPS. Fielding: 6 PB, 2 errors.

Add it all up, and Kyle ain't no Romine. Is he?

Honey Barnes said...

Interesting that el duque is worried about the price tag of Josh Hader. Suddenly he is worried about Hal's billions. Hard to figure.

TheWinWarblist said...

Oh Honey, think of the children! We can't sign Hader; we must trade for him. El Duque so loves our prospects he never wished to see any traded. Also, Duque has a little "do I contradict myself" thing going. I've seen him. He is large and he may contain multitudes. Although I'm not sure about that second part.


Fuck you Hal. You deserve no erudition; simple invective is all that you are worthy of.

Anonymous said...

Honey,

The price tag Duque is referring to is in traded players, not in $$$. As in AnDUjar and/or Frazier.


Duque,

Really like taking the death star and Cole and turning it into this post. That's just great.

So where do we boldly go from here...

Episode One: The Call Up

Clint Frazier gets really exited when Captain Judge sends him on a mission to the Planet Mil-Wal-Kee237. Although he does worry that the special Red Jersey he is given for the trip might clash with his hair.

Episode Two: The Return of Gladness

J.A. Happ gets really exited when Captain Judge sends him on a trade mission to The Blue Planet of the Jaywalkers not realizing that he is the trade. Also, concerning is the special Red Jersey he is given for the trip.

Episode Three: The Wrath of Kuhn

Much like he did in 1976 when he voided the sale of Vida Blue to the New York Yankees, Bowie Kuhn returns from the grave to invalidate the signing of Gerrit Cole.

Doug K.


HoraceClarke66 said...

Upon reflection, I think Peerless Leader's misgivings are entirely justified. Do we really need to give up major prospects for a THIRD left-handed reliever? How many lefties do we plan to face this year?

True, pitchers tend to fall like leaves in the autumn wind. But so far, the rumored ask seems way too high. The Red Menace...AND King...and Clarke Schmidt?

No.

And let's not forget that Hader has pitched more innings than any reliever in baseball over the last two years. He could easily be the one to go down.

Ceeja said...

Hader can stay in Zetar for all I care. Go get Lindor.

smurfy said...

Hader can't leave Zetar, lest he lose 2 pounds of hair. Lindor would be a tasty bit, though. Why, he deserves to be a Yankee. Could we trade the sputtering Cuban missile?


JM said...

Ken...the loss of Romine won't just be felt when ICS goes down. It will be felt when ICS is playing, making mental errors, striking out and grounding out with abandon, and occasionally making sportscasters ooze with wonder at the distance of a relatively rare home run.

Austin should have been handed the starting job at this point, his to screw up or not. But the hype machine and that bugaboo "potential" elbowed him aside. ICS came up to the bigs like the rocket's red glare and has fizzled and sputtered ever since. He's now going to drag us down for years until Cash and Cicada Hal finally give up--and maybe get Romine back.

Good plotline. Let's see how it goes.

Anonymous said...

LETS BE HONEST HERE...

WE SHOULD HAVE LET GARDY GO AND SAVED $12.5 MILLION...

...AND KEPT ROMINE FOR $4 MILLION.

WHAT WE DID MAKES NO SENSE AND IT COST US $8.5 MILLION.

TAUCHMAN AND CLINT COULD EASILY SPELL GARDY FOR PRACTICALLY NOTHING.

NOW WHAT WHEN SANCHO GOES ON ONE OF HIS INJURY/SLUMP SPREES?

HIGGY IS NOT A #2...(WE ARE FORCE-FEEDING HIM).

BY SIGNING COLE, WE TOOK A HUGE STEP FORWARD, BUT BY DOING THE DOPEY THINGS WE JUST DID WITH GARDY AND ROMINE, WE TOOK 2 LITTLE STEPS BACK.

UNBELIEVABLE.

CASHMAN IS UNBELIEVABLE.

HoraceClarke66 said...

Agreed, ALL-CAPS: a stupid move. Though it might be that they're going to sign Maldonado to please Cole.

(And yes, for $324 mill, he shouldn't need anymore pleasing.)

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