Saturday, December 28, 2019

Screw Analytics, Let's Use Actual Software

Below I am pleased to present my Official 2020 Yankees Trading Software Algorithm that I just programmed on my Texas Instruments TI-99 combination super computer/
Instapot/hadron collider.

I tried to keep my programming style simple so, even if you're not a programmer, you can still follow the logic.  I also kept the baseball jargon to a minimum so even non-fans like Hal Steinbrenner can follow along.

To keep things extra clear, I followed good programming etiquette and added inline comments in blue.


     // Establish the basic variables
SET TradeBait = 'Happ plus Frazier' 
     SET OtherGuy = 'Milwaukee' 
     SET Target = 'Josh Hader'
     SET Offset = $0

     // Greet the user to establish context
     DISPLAY MESSAGE 'Hi ' + OtherGuy + '!'
     DISPLAY MESSAGE 'Are you interested in dealing ' + Target + ' for ' + TradeBait + '?'

     // Keep looping until either success or failure occurs
          EXECUTE GetUserResponse

          IF RESPONSE = 'No' THEN

               // Sweeten the deal by absorbing some of Happ's salary
          SET Offset = Offset + $1,000,000

               // Present the concept to the user
          DISPLAY MESSAGE 'How about if we add ' + Offset + ' to offset Happ''s Salary?'

          ELSE IF RESPONSE = 'Yes' THEN

               // They said yes!  No need to keep looping.
          SET Success = 'True'
               EXIT LOOP

          END IF


          // The following lines of code are needed to prevent an infinite loop 
          IF Offset > $7,000,000

               SET Success = 'False' 
               EXIT LOOP

          END IF

     END LOOP 

     // Process final results as appropriate then exit the program
IF Success = 'True' THEN

          SHOW GRAPHIC 'SmileyEmoticon.jpg

          EXECUTE AttendGameAndDrinkBeer

     ELSE IF Success = 'False' THEN

          SHOW GRAPHIC 'ExtendedMiddleFinger.jpg' 

          EXECUTE StayHomeAndBemoanHalsCheapness

     END IF


Are you still with me?  Here is the actual fully tested and debugged output from the program:

     Hi Milwaukee!

     Are you interested in dealing Josh Hader for Happ plus Frazier?

     No.     How about if we add $1,000,000 to offset Happ's Salary?

     No.     How about if we add $2,000,000 to offset Happ's Salary?

     No.     How about if we add $3,000,000 to offset Happ's Salary?

     No.     How about if we add $4,000,000 to offset Happ's Salary?

     No.     How about if we add $5,000,000 to offset Happ's Salary?

     No.     How about if we add $6,000,000 to offset Happ's Salary?

     No.     How about if we add $7,000,000 to offset Happ's Salary?


I think this sort of technology will have significant implications for the way trades are done in the future.  With just a few tweaks, this could be a truly disruptive technology.  My IPO will be two weeks from Thursday.


Anonymous said...



Plus, I really love the Easter egg that is LBJ and Texas Instruments

Doug K.

el duque said...

This is brilliant.

You should be working in the Yankee front office.

Carl J. Weitz said...

LOL....very funny LBJ! But I think you've had too much time on your hands this holiday season.

JM said...

This is great.

I realized how old I am when it hit me that this looks a lot more familiar to me than today's versions of machines and code.

BernBabyBern said...

In the late 80s and early 90s, Tony LaRussa's Ultimate Baseball on my Commodore 64 was far more entertaining than the actual Yankees.

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