To sum up baseball's new normal, we need George Bernard Shaw

It's only been four days since MLB dropped its stink bomb on the Houston Asterisks, formerly the AL's marquee franchise. Four measly days. Since then, we've seen four firings, a billion blog rants, a minor league promotion dedicated to trash cans, and then the cherry on top - a crazy, viral conspiracy theory - from a phony twitter account, no less - based on a bizarre video of Jose Altuve, clutching his jersey like a terrified school girl wearing falsies. 

Four days. Already, baseball has a new normal: The cheating scandal that will never go away.

It won't leave because two teams won world championships by cheating, and the trophies won't be returned. It won't leave because two teams were caught red-handed, and all the Trump rally-worthy hollering is just our cultural jury duty. I'm reminded of the famous line from George Bernard Shaw, to a socialite who said she would sleep with him for a million dollars, but certainly not for ten. "What kind of woman do you think I am?" she said, and he replied, "We've already established that. Now, we're just haggling over the price."

We've established that Houston and Boston cheated. Now, we're just haggling over the details.

Some are calling it "Buzzergate," the charge that certain Astros wore electronic thingys to signal pitches. If it's true, the stakes have just flown off the charts. For years now, Jose Altuve has been a fairy tale, a testimony to grit, and a future lock for the Hall. This could crush his reputation in the way he crushed that fateful final pitch off of Aroldis. (My guess is the 8-Hour Energy Drink people have already pulled the plug on his endorsements.) And if it's not true, well, I feel sorry for him, because it will never go away. That's how fans are. That's how we are. When Altuve steps to the plate, the p.a. systems should play "Your Cheatin' Heart." It's going to be harsh.

Thus far, no player has been punished in this scandal. But if any were wearing electronic buzzers - well - this is not China Town, Jake. This is the Land of Judgement. It's one thing to have coaches bang a trash can. It's another to be fitted for a cyborg tit-jiggler. If Altuve was wearing an electronic enhancement, the next four days will make the last four look like a Kardashian Rock-a-Hula Christmas. Has anybody asked Lev Parnas what he knows?

Well, what's done is done. MLB ain't gonna negate Houston's 2017 world championship, or force a replay of the last fall's Yankee series. But Altuve's game-winning blast will always include the scene at home plate, where he desperately fears being disrobed. He blames shyness. MLB says there's nothing new to investigate. Good luck with that. A whole new world of electronic surveillance is here. What are they gonna do? When a batter strides to the plate, must he pass through a metal detector? Four days. Wow.