Wednesday, September 9, 2020

Relax, Yankee fans: We can either steal this year or embrace the collapse

The iconic scene in Meatballs, Bill Murray's 1979 one-man movie, comes when he rallies the future computer nerds of Camp North Star with the chant, "IT JUST DOESN'T MATTER! IT JUST DOESN'T MATTER!" And whenever life goes blooey - when the songbird craps your windshield, when the PBS fund-raiser pre-empts Ken Burns' 10-part salute to potatoes, when the Yankees slip below .500 - I relive that epic moment: It just doesn't matter. Because - pssst, pass it along - it doesn't.

Today, as the Death Star wobbles in orbit, let us breathe deeply, congratulate ourselves for surviving this wretched year, and celebrate - yeah, celebrate - the 2020 baseball season. 

Two months ago, I'd have bet the chicken coop that, by now, this season would have collapsed into a round-robin of the few cities still fielding a lineup. But here we are, watching an authentic Yankee collapse, just like the other great meltdowns that have punctuated this new millennium. And it didn't even take 162 games.  

So, buckle up. Seems to me, Yank fans have two paths ahead, and both can be quite enjoyable, if we achieve the proper mindset. With two weeks left in the regular season, here are the roads:

1. We steal the election season. This preferred option is simple and oh-sooo delicious. Here's what happens: We troll the league at .500, as we have done, until Stanton, Judge, Urshela, Paxton et al return, and the others awaken. We snag the final playoff spot in the AL. That means a three-game series against Tampa or Oakland, the best teams out there, with a fresh lineup, and when they are most vulnerable. With no fans in the stands, the home field advantage means nothing. We run the playoffs and steal the season. As villains go, we'd be just a notch below Houston, cheating with their garbage cans. Can you imagine how pissed off the rest of baseball would be? Ahhh... Calgon Bath Oil Beads, take me away!

2. We embrace the meltdown. Why not? It's been a-comin' for a while. We've watched the Yankees evolve into a string of tiresome, homer-happy whiffers, who cannot solve an over-shift or bunt a runner to second. A complete collapse would clean out the stables, from top to bottom. And who cares? The 2020 and maybe 2021 seasons will be remembered in the way we now see baseball during World War II, when stars like Ted Williams, Hank Greenberg and Joe DiMaggio joined the service, and the number of minor leagues collapsed from 44 to 12. 

When this pandemic ends, assuming we're here to monitor it - (hey, let's make a pact to do just that) - baseball will be vastly changed in ways that we cannot yet know. You can't predict baseball, Suzyn. But here's one: Gary Sanchez will no longer catch for the Yankees. 

So, oh, no, the sky is falling! We're collapsing, eh? Well, bring it on. You know what I say? It. Just. Doesn't. Matter. And, in fact, it could still be fun.

22 comments:

13bit said...

Absolutely, Duque, absolutely...

Publius said...

No mention of the most influential variable in dysfunctional Yankee land...Brian Cashman. Curious. Boone is a cipher, a windbreaker with a mouth. The players are what they are. "Try harder" doesn't work in the American League. Boone does not matter, and the players are manifestations of the problem not the problem itself. Cashman is the problem. Cashman matters, and his nearly two decade run of mediocrity should end well before 2021 spring training. We have plenty of data on Cashman. We have a legit sample size. The analysis is complete. He is at best a
mediocre major league baseball executive. Enough is enough. Let him go.

13bit said...

Absolutely, Publius, abso-fucking-lutely...

Connecticut Yankee said...

It has been said that a good hitter can wake up on Christmas Day and hit a line drive....Gary can do that--providing it's a wiffleball!

Ken of Brooklyn said...

Very well said El Duque, VERY well said. It's bizarre to think that I have no presence for either outcome,,, I guess what I fear most is something smack dab in middle that keeps the status quo going.

ranger_lp said...

I'm starting to think that the Yankees are Team Tank now. Did Hal and Brian come to the conclusion that winning this year would equate to one big asterisk that wont mean shit? Did the press (the Rosenthals,Gammonites, and Olneys) conclude that winning this year means nothing? Why win for something that no one will validate when you can tank and get a good draft pick next year?

Being a Knick fan for like ever, I know what a tank looks like. This is starting to look like a good ol' classic dumpster fire tank with our tank commander the one and only Gary Sanchez. The first half of the year compared to now starts looking a little suspicious. If you're not a Knick fan, you wouldn't know what I mean.

Publius said...

Maybe something to that, ranger. The handling of Judge especially, and of Frazier, allows for speculation that motives beyond winning ballgames are at play.

JM said...

And I think to myself, what a wonderful world.

But only if we get rid of Sanchez. I don't even care if he blossoms into a star on another team. He's poison on this one.

But of course, they keep trotting him out, to strike out or fly out in any situation, crucial or otherwise.

Anonymous said...


A few things...

1) Hiram Johnson is right about Howard Johnson being right.

2) I like what Duque is suggesting. It sure beats the crap out of actually caring. Right now I'm on the coast of Oregon watching the smoke come over the ridge under a Kryptonian sun. I came here to get away from the smoke in the Central Valley of CA. Right now the only thing I can sincerely root for is rain!

3) I'm a Knick fan. I hear you.

4) Hoss, (from several threads ago) I knew the name of the assassin. This was a song just before the end of act one just before Chester A. Arthur becomes President. So it's more "The Name's LaGuardia" than "A Little Tin Box"

Doug K.

Anonymous said...

@ Doug K. Hello Oregon coast! We're all envious!

The Hammer of God

Anonymous said...

Hammer,

Don't be. The state is on fire. The wind shifted and instead of a clean Pacific breeze it's brush the ash off the car time. Next up for me is going to have to be the Arctic. I mean there's no way the ice will melt right?

Doug K.

Anonymous said...

El Duque
1000% on the money!

Anonymous said...

@ Doug K. Wow, man that sucks. Hey, it's 2020! The year that we all can't wait for it to end!

The Hammer of God

HoraceClarke66 said...

Sorry to hear that, Doug K. It must be terrifying.

HoraceClarke66 said...

ranger, I doubt if they'd tank after giving Cole such a big contract. More likely, a cheap, meaningless title is just the sort of thing Hal and Brain would love. (Hey, I'd take it!)

Publius, from your lips to God's ears (Ears?). But ain't gonna happen.

Brain is expert at doing everything Hal wants, and in convincing him that everything he didn't want was really Hal's idea.

Sure, he'll jettison Coops sooner or later—but not until things get seriously bad. That is, with the team losing consistently, for years, at an early 1990s level. And that could take a good long while.

Anonymous said...

Hoss,

Flames still comfortably far away. Smoke not so much. It's the no viable escape route that I find disturbing. The plan is to walk down to the water and watch the town burn. Hopefully it won't come to that. Have you seen the pictures of San Francisco? Unbelievable.

Doug K.

Joe of AZ said...

I've seen this game b4.... Deivi's going down German style

Kevin said...

Deivi has a really nice drop and drive delivery. He's very athletic looking and he has his body under complete control. Yeah it's way too early, but I think that he will be pitching when Severino is appearing in Old Timers Day. Just sayin'....

Yankee Daddy Roger said...

We coulda had La Stella

Yankee Daddy Roger said...

We coulda been a contender, instead of a bum.

Cash was supposed to look after us

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