The Yankees are stuck in an alternative universe, captive to forces that might destroy all reality, and other thoughts about this damned team

Last night, in the sixth inning, I accidentally hit a glitch in the Matrix, one of those off-ramp worm holes in the universal space-and-time continuum that governs our faux existence. Jeez, I don't want to get technical here - these days, many people hate science - so let's just say I stumbled into one of Einstein's theoretical zones of reverse-jujularity, where down is up, left is right, time is money, and Aaron Judge is Zolio Almonte. Bad cellphone service, too. We've all been there. 

The Yankees were down 2-0 in a completely winnable game. Plus, our big boys were coming up. Leading off, Luke Voit singled to left. Then Aaron Hicks dribbled a single to right. Two on, nobody out, and the heart of the order! Calgon Bath Beads, here we go! I shouted, silently. 

Suddenly, the TV telescoped into a billion fragments of reality bytes - (an underappreciated Winona Ryder movie, by the way.) Suddenly, it was Wednesday night in the fifth - NO, it was also Sunday night, NO, it was A HUNDRED nights in this horrible excuse for a season - all with the same wretched outcome. 

I said to myself, No, deja vu can't be happening again...

But it did. 

Giancarlo Stanton struck out on three pitches. Three. Fucking. Pitches. One, two, three. He missed the last one by a foot. Stanton's comeback season - remember that chestnut? - is shot. Even if he goes wild this weekend against Miami, he will finish with a handful of HRs and RBIs (he has 4 and 10, respectively) and a mediocre average (now .261.) To see the MVP slugger we hoped for, we need a time machine to 2017. 

Gleyber Torres came up. On the first pitch, he hit a fly to right that advanced Voit to third. It wasn't one of those "Gee, that might have gone out in Yankee Stadium!" balls that the YES team oogles. It was a fly ball. Gleyber will finish 2020 with about 3 HRs, a dismal (.248) average, and a questionable future at SS. He entered 2020 as one of the game's rising stars. Next spring, where does he even play? 

Finally, it was Gio Urshela. He's had a decent year - .317 with great defense. But it didn't matter. Grounder to second. Another scoring opportunity... shot to hell. 

In the bottom of the inning, Toronto scored two - Adam Ottavino came in; don't get me started - and that's China Town, Jake. Michael Kay spent the last three innings citing the dire circumstances that could have the Yankees finishing 8th in the playoff seeds. It sounded like a eulogy to a squandered life.

Every other team in the AL East is full of ascending young stars - even Boston retooled - while the Yankees sat on their haunches, waiting for their stars of 2017 to return. 

They are baseball's version of a Maroon 5 tribute band.  

The year has been a complete washout for Gary Sanchez, Miguel Andujar, Mike Ford, Brett Gardner, Mike Tauchman, Aroldis Chapman, Hicks, Ottavino and the bullpen. Sanchez gives me PTSD. He will be lucky to hit .150. (He's currently at .140.) Last night, the YES men said - get this - Sanchez has more high exit velocity balls for outs than anybody else in baseball. I believe they were offering this as an excuse. In fact, it just shows how he hits directly into defensive over-shifts - he cannot adapt - another reason for his collapse.

Well, maybe this year was always doomed. Maybe Boston had it right - just tank from the git-go and think about 2021. We took it for granted that the Yankees would make the post-season - that nothing in September would matter. We didn't expect to be stuck in a space-and-time continuum, where east is west, and peanut butter is jelly. 

But who expected this? Middling, pissy mediocrity. And I hope they don't even bother to fill the bases with nobody out. I can't take another worm hole.