Friday, February 17, 2023

As the quote machines rev, a new season takes shape, and the Yankees are very, very, very hopeful

Fielding media mush balls yesterday, Aaron Boone proved himself in Midseason Orwellian Newspeak Form. Here is the Skipper, bubbling with enthusiasm after disclosing that Frankie Montas will miss most of 2023. 

“Anytime you have some attrition, especially at this time of year when you have pitcher injuries, that always scares you. But it’s also a part of the team that I have a ton of confidence in. I feel like our rotation, on paper — and I caution we’re in the middle of February right now, but I’m excited about their potential impact and what they can be. I’m also really excited about the depth of our bullpen.”

Yeah, and I'm really excited about another year of Boonie Bullshit. When the Death Barge re-signed him last November, it guaranteed another season of hearing him gush over somebody's "take" on a pitch or throw from LF. Whatever happens, Boone's nightly hostage video will assure us that all is fine. Trouble is, when every day is Christmas, there is no Christmas. And when all the news is hope, there is none. 

Don't gemme wrong. Every team has problems. But thus far, damn... Day One, we lose Nestor Cortez through early April. Day Two, we lose our 4th starter for the year. Day Three? That's - gulp - today, and excuse me if I soak my head in a bucket of ice water. 

Thus far, some whispery narratives of spring:

1. The loss of Montas may have put a fatal crimp in Top Secret Classified Yankee plans to trade for Brian Reynolds. The Pirates want a Mike Trout package in exchange for Reynolds, who is not Mike Trout, and I gotta believe Cooperstown Cashman dreads the possibility of another horrible, awful, no-good trade. Over the last 12 months, he's had a string of boners. Montas was just the cherry on top.

Over the years, Cashman has shown the career survival skills of Rasputin. But if he blows another massive trade - damn - somebody's gotta walk. I think that's why Cashman surrounded himself with retired executives: They're expendable. Nobody can survive another big bad deal. And I think the likelihood of any major trade has just fallen. 

2. Lately, there have been suggestions that if Anthony Volpe goes wild in Tampa, he'll force himself, Jeter-like, into the Opening Day scrum. This is fun to imagine. It is also pure fantasy. The Yankees won't bring Volpe north for Opening Day. They'll limit his contractual service timetable for future arbitration cases. The realistic hope is Volpe arriving by midsummer. 

For now, that puts the focus squarely on Oswald Peraza. He must show MLB-worthy defense at SS and win the position, hands down. Anything less, and the Yankees have a big hole in their lineup. 

3. Soon, maybe today, we'll hear from Gleyber Torres. Wednesday, he tweeted that he has ignored social media since November, and that he has a kid. Good for him. 

Gleyber is 26, and my guess is that, over the last three months, he's been offered to every MLB team except Boston, because the Yankees would never trade him there. He hit 24 HRs last year, despite a rough July and August. For months, he has been the biggest trade chip at Cashman's disposal. 

If the tea leaves ring true, and Montas' injury has lessened the chance of a big trade, Gleyber is here to stay. Interesting.

25 comments:

DickAllen said...

And this just in from the You Thought It Couldn't Get Worse Department:

"As soon as it was announced that MLB teams would be allowed to include advertisements on their uniforms, a race seemingly began to see who would land the most dubious sponsor. While results are still coming in, the Houston Astros are leading the pack after signing a deal with Occidental Petroleum. Yes, the reigning world champions, not exactly popular to start with, will be walking billboards for a fossil fuel company as the climate crisis rages."

AboveAverage said...

I’m eternally hopeful that that a crappy team signs Cologuard as their sponsor.

I’m betting you all know where I’d like to see that patch go . . .

ranger_lp said...

That's a nice word salad by Boonie...

AboveAverage said...

It just isn’t healthy to be expected to have to repeatedly feed on Boone word salads.

Emerging medical studies will show that it will lead to explosive instances of IBS (Irritable Boone Syndrome).

(I’m sensing a theme here)

The Archangel said...

DickAllen,
Don't sweat the small stuff. We will all be long dead before Global Warming ends this speck of flotsam in the universe.
Unless the Ice Age I was taught about during the first Earth Day in 1970 actually happens.Then we are screwed cuz I hate the cold.

I just hope that an EV or solar panel company doesn't advertise cuz then "social activists" will start busting MLB's balls about "slave labor" in African mines or Chinese factories or something droll like that.
Just saying, stick to baseball.

JM said...

The perfect logo to put on the Yankees' uniforms would be Citibank, but the Mets got there first. So, maybe we get JP Morgan Chase, or Goldman Sachs. It has to be about money, that's the only sponsorship that fits.

Forgot one more thing about the Yankees playing whoever they're paying. Any kid who can still be sent down to Scranton will be. We don't want them accumulating any time on the big league roster unless we can help it. So a lot of speculation about who plays short and second is meaningless. Some of the candidates will be in Scranton, regardless of whether they have a good Spring Training or not.

It's the Yankee Way.

Doug K. said...

AA - "I’m eternally hopeful that that a crappy team signs Cologuard as their sponsor."

Good one.


JM - How about Deutsche Bank? The official bank of the questionable deal. Brian Cashman would fit right in.


Duque - Do you think while his wife was giving birth Torres walked around going, "It's Gleyber Day!" and his wife replied something in Spanish that is both untranslatable and unprintable?



AboveAverage said...

Doug - I think that’s what Torres yelled when the baby was conceived. . .

Carl J. Weitz said...

Maybe they can find a way to have the "box" score updated digitally on the Colorguard patch.

BTR999 said...

Re: Torres, he is a F/A after the ‘24 season. Given the ridiculous contracts the team has absorbed/given out over the last several years it is inconceivable that Torres will be retained. In order to maximize his value, he will be moved at some point before that. Right now he is a hedge against the possibility of failure by the Peraza/Volpe/Cabrera troika. The faster they develop, the sooner he will be gone.

edb said...

You got it. Was the highlighted section from the moron manager?

AboveAverage said...

Carl, I’d green screen the Cologuard bottom patches so directors could just push in on them and roll talking head testimonials

JM said...

Deutsche Bank...I like it, Doug!

ranger_lp said...

Something to think about...

Machado is opting out at the end of 2023. Yanks could make a move for him at trade deadline as a rental or something long term...

JM said...

Michael King is back.

I think we have a closer now.

HoraceClarke66 said...

Uni ads is about the end for me. Combined with the Manfred Man and the bigger bases?

No thanks. I know our general cultural trend—for about three or four decades now—is to make everything in America a little bit worse. But they're killing baseball by the death of a thousand cuts, and I just don't know if I can stand to watch a Yankees team serving as billboards for Citibank, the entity that has repeatedly brought this country to the brink of disaster.

Of course, the Yankees themselves have become such an appalling corporate entity that they constantly push the bounds of my tolerance as is.

HoraceClarke66 said...

As for the game on the field...

Yes, Montas is addition by subtraction. And yes, the very idea of having to watch The Gleyber again...Brrrr!

But I don't know how much I'll be watching at all, if I don't get to see the old pinstripes.

Rufus T. Firefly said...

JM,

Wells Fargo is just as disreputable. But JPMorgan is a good fit. After all, they did purchase Smith Barney and SB's slogan is perfect for HAL, he made money the old fashioned way -- he inherited it!

Rufus T. Firefly said...

Yankees uni ad should be metamucil.

Or Dr. Andrews. Buy 5, get one free.

Mildred Lopez said...


Yankees uniform logo will just be a smaller Yankees logo

The Hammer of God said...

I just saw this stuff about ads on uniforms. Thought it was a joke. Horrified now that it looks like everyone is NOT joking.

How about every player can put a different ad on his uni? Jackie Donald Duck can wear a Trojan condom uni.

And what's next? Ads on the bases? Ads on Boone's forehead?

If there was ever a guy who should be traded, it is Gleyber Torres. I think he needs to get away from Yankee coaching. He's another one who has totally retrogressed. Yes, he made a slight improvement last year, but enough is enough. Time to sell is now, while he's coming off improved results. There's too much to lose if we wait until the trade deadline. If he lays another egg for the first half of this year, what then?

Torres is another addition by subtraction. We have the guys to play 2B, SS and 3B. Cabrera should play 2B. Peraza should play SS and DJL should play 3B. IKF should be the bench player. Donald Duck should be thrown out with the trash.

The Hammer of God said...

With the injury to Montas, it's even more important now to swing a trade for a young starting pitcher. Move Torres, get another starter. He can be a major league ready prospect. With the stupidity of Cashman, we're probably better off just rolling the dice and getting a prospect. Just not from Oakland. I think the A's are laughing all the way to the bank.

Rufus T. Firefly said...

Hammer,

Spiderman has already been advertised on the bases. For the allstar game I believe.

Stang said...

Rufus, there was an outcry when the Spidey bases were announced and MLB backed down. I wonder if they'd back down on anything today.

Seconding Metamucil.

The Hammer of God said...

Lord help us! MLB is ruining the game. Amazing that it has come to this. The NHL, for fuck's sake, the NHL has a much better product than MLB. Did you ever think there would come a time when the fucking National Hockey League was a much more entertaining & professional game than major league baseball? It is a sign of the coming Apocalypse.