Friday, February 3, 2023

Ladies and gentlemen, with two weeks until spring training, the state of the Yankees is... weird.

(Applause, applause...)

Thank you, everybody, please, be seated.

(Applause, scattered boos, chants of "LOCK HIM UP!") 

Thank you, everybody. I've come here to Binghamton to state emphatically that... with only days until spring training, the state of the New York Yankees is... PECULIAR! 

(Light applause, silence, cough...) 

Here is where we stand...

It's now been 13 ugly years since the Yanks set foot in a world series. Houston, a criminal franchise, is a dynasty. Boston has more rings in this millennium than we. Baltimore is rising, and nobody knows how several rule changes will alter the game.

Right now, the '23 Yanks far more resemble the .500 team of last year's second half than than the first-place powerhouse of early summer. Basically, we're a veteran team that has aged one more year, with Carlos Rodon having replaced Jameson Taillon.

In the Yankee home opener, two starters - Aaron Hicks and Josh Donaldson - could draw boos. That's right: Booing at the home opener. As we speak, they are being shopped to all ends of the earth. Unless some Saudi prince steps up, nobody will give us anything for them. We must steel ourselves for their return... and the boos.

The Yank farm system ranks 14th out of 30, middle of the pack - aka "mediocre" -  well behind Baltimore and Tampa. But even this modest listing rests on the shoulders of two prospects - Anthony Volpe and Jasson Dominiguez - who, we suspect, have been overhyped. Our future rests upon them. This year will tell us if long term help is truly on the way.

There is exciting talk of Shohei Ohtani coming to New York! (Applause.) Unfortunately, it all swirls around Steve Cohen, the city's dominant owner, by far. In any auction, in any future bidding, the Mets will be the clear favorite to land Ohtani. Let's just be thankful that Cohen colluded to let us keep Aaron Judge. 

Speaking of Judge, there remain serious questions on whether the Yankee lineup can protect him. With an injury or two, it's not hard to imagine the '23 team as a one-star attraction.

The Yankees did not add a LH slugger. They whiffed on keeping Matt Carpenter and Andrew Benintendi - not even a peep -and let Boston sign the LH Japanese outfielder, Masataka Yoshida. The free agent market is weak.   

The Yanks ended '22 without a designated bullpen closer. That has not changed, though - hey - isn't it nice to be done with Aroldis Chapman? (Applause.)

Since last fall, the Yankees have added three ancient executives, with a century of baseball experience. But it's still unknown how decisions will be made, and whether the owner and his GM will take their advice, when given. 

Despite claims otherwise, it looks as though Hal Steinbrenner is done spending on the '23 Yankees.

Which brings me to the "Chinese spy balloon," which is in fact, an alien craf-

(Shouts from back.)

Excuse me. I'm told that unruly fans have overwhelmed security and are entering this Walmart. Please ignore the gallows. Gotta go. G'night, everybody! 

17 comments:

Eddhall69 said...

This team is a 84-88 win team. That gets you into the playoffs which is all the "brain trust"
wants. I'm sure Johnny Holmes shot his wad last year so who will close? Rondon could be great or could be injured 50/50 on that. Half the line-up hits .230 or less, although the no shift rule could help. But it looks like this will be another year of watching uninspired baseball, led by the axis of ineptitude: Donaldson, Hicks & Stanton. Hopefully they will let the kids play and they install some life in this dead ass team

edb said...

Hal and Genius Cashman and the same old story!

JM said...

Is anyone at all excited about the prospect of watching games this year?

Anyone? Bueller? Spicoli? Molly Ringworm?

Mildred Lopez said...


Ohtani is blocked by the Man Of Wood who also blocks Cashman from trading him (haha! The only GM dumb enough to take him is the one who took him) with his No Trade Clause superpower. Not that Hal would pay Ohtani anyway.

The silver lining in the black cloud of Lopez pessimism:

The few times we saw Peraza last year he looked pretty good. Maybe not Jeter good, maybe not ARod good, but gooder than we had and if Boone has the testicular fortitude to put him out there and leave him alone I believe he'll be an upgrade.

The other Oswald wasn't at all overwhelmed by the "pennant chase" and the playoffs and he's a high-energy enthusiastic player who can run and jump and throw. He also appears to be likable, an overlooked quality when you're rooting for him to be successful (see: Asshole, Jackie).

Maybe Volpe is good. Maybe Dominguez too - can't just dismiss the two HRs/six RBIs in the AA championship game as nothing. Maybe Boone says fuck it, plays the kids and the team is entertaining and fun to watch. Maybe!

Of course all the optimism goes out the window when Severino cuts the first workout short with shoulder tightness and Bader's back in the boot by St' Patrick's Day.

ranger_lp said...

Unless they make a trade for a LF (Trout/Ohtani), they are forced to wait it out with Hicks and others until Jones or Domínguez is ready. Hell, they both might end up with the Yanks in two years time...and you'll have the Tri-Towers in the OF...

HoraceClarke66 said...

Very true, Mildred!

Thing is, almost any team today can win it all IF everything goes right. What a GM is supposed to do is to maximize that possibility.

Or as the great Branch Rickey said, "Luck is the residue of design."

The "design" of Brian Cashman isn't winning it all, it's keeping his job. The design of HAL Steinbrenner isn't winning, it's maximizing earnings and minimizing risk.

Gonna be another long season.

DickAllen said...

And this just in from the Hysterical Prognostications Department (aka ESPN):

"Stop me if you're sensing a trend, but the Yankees also have their own flavor of success and they've been doing a version of it for years."

(Though they didn't define the version)

"First, their international scouting is top notch."

(ah...no)

"Yes, they often spend at the top of the market but they also reliably find real prospects with low bonuses."

(and have them all flame out)

They ranked the Yankees farm system #4 in all of MLB, and then went on to say:

"...so there's something to admire about the Bombers' ability to keep their system here with this approach."

(I...I...I...)

Eddhall69 said...

I didn't know Cashman's father wrote for ESPN

JM said...

That's an incredibly bizarre take from ESPN. Wow.

You know the old saying, history doesn't repeat, but it rhymes.

It just hit me that the Hal era kind of rhymes with the CBS era. But Michael Burke was much, much cooler than Hal.

Rufus T. Firefly said...

It's 80 degrees and sunny here.

And you guys manage to get me depressed.

But isn't that what friends are for?


Here's hoping for the reverse of last season. Absolutely brutal start, Ca$hole gets fired before the all-star game. A baseball person takes over (not an 2nd assistant accountant). They DFA all the dead-weight (well except Glass Man - HAL would never approve) and play the kids. I won't even care if they lose, because they will be interesting to watch. And they will be a better team than what is there now.

Hey, a guy can dream can't he?

Carl J. Weitz said...

@ BTR...

I overheard new acquisition Rondon singing aloud at a NYC restaurant last week. It was another CSN song, coincidentally.

Almost cut my hair
Happened just the other day
It was getting kinda long
I couldn't see, I say it was in my way
But my agent said "no" and I don't have to wonder why
He said "If you don't they'll still let you pitch anyway"
When I finally get myself together
I'm going to get down in that sunny spring training southern weather
I feel like I owe it to someone.

Mildred Lopez said...


80 and sunny Rufus. Going up to 17 here today, 1 tonight. Wind blowing, a little drifting along The Endless Driveway. Now you got ME depressed.

BTR999 said...

Carl, you’d think the team would be past haircuts and shaves by now. They claim it’s more professional. Not sure how they can claim that when they have such lousy coaching/management/ownership. Anyway as a former long haired hippie freak who was told the reason I was a lousy pitcher was because my hair got in the way (truth), I always loved that song.

el duque said...

Minus 10 in Syracuse with blinding whiteout. Not even doing the corner store. Impossible.

The Archangel said...

Thinking of this season has me feeling like el duque staring out his window.
I think that I'll put on a windbreaker and go out on the boat to perk me up. Maybe put on my tape of "Yankees 1996 Greatest Hits."
[True , I have that . A fanatic fan whose son played ball with my son was producer of sorts, and through together a mix tape. of radio calls.]

Mildred Lopez said...


Minus 10 huh? Worse than here. Wind chill says minus 2 but the temp is 14. My daughter gave some thought to Syracuse but she says winters are bad enough here.

Rufus T. Firefly said...

House in VT is likely going to be -70 wind chill tonight (at least - most?) with real temp ~ -30. That's why I'm not there. I'll be back when the snow has melted and the Yankees are 15 games out.

Stay warm all. I recommend a good bourbon as antifreeze. Cheap vodka if good bourbon isn't available.