That vaunted Yankee farm system is withering at the top

Today, the Yankiverse should happily celebrate our second straight Rookie of the Year - Miguel Andujar - as named by The Sporting News. (Some fools would pick the Japanese Babe Ruth Miriam Adelson, but I'll take Miggy!) Add that Gleyber Torres finished third, and the "Empire" should look prime for the next decade, right?

Well... meh. In our dark hearts, we fear that Miggy could be a man without a position, and who can forget how Gleyber curled into a ball at the end of 2018? Aaron Judge is the real deal, but Greg Bird and Gary Sanchez sure aren't. Clint Frazier... WTF? And after Jordan Montgomery popped his wing, no rookie pitcher stepped up last summer. 

And now, we must buy a rotation.

So what happened to that explosive farm system - ranked 2nd in 2016 behind Atlanta? Mostly, we traded it for stopgaps - Toddfather, Sonny, Cutch, Britton, et al. Today, our system is ranked in the middle of the pack, with the best talent deep in the bowels, where every lunk with a thick neck looks bound for Cooperstown, or at least Oneonta. 

I did a quick check. Of our Top 30 prospects, according to MLB...

20 are pitchers. Yep, a wave of young arms, ready to blow.

21 spent most of last year below Double A, where most prospects die.

6 might be ready this season. They are pitchers: Gary Justus Sheffield, "Fat" Chance Adams, Jonathan "Johnny Lasagna" Loasiga, Jonathan Acevedo, Stephen Tarpley, and Michael King. And right now, they all look like trade bait.

Sheffield is the big name, though it's troubling how little the Yankees seem to appreciate him. They didn't showcase him in September, and his name pops up in every trade rumor. Nobody talks about him as ready for the rotation. This might be disinformation - the Yankee way, or maybe they know something. Sometimes, when everybody says it's raining... it's raining.

(Then again, last winter, the Yankees did everything possible to derail Andujar's chances at 3B. As Miggy was hitting in spring training, they traded for Brandon Drury. If not for his migraines, Andujar would probably have spent most of the year in Scranton, and could easily have been dealt at the deadline. We cannot forget how close the Yankees came to a disastrous outcome with Andujar.)  

Adams suffered a wipe-out year. He started late due to surgery and never recaptured his 2017 look. He pitched adequately against Boston in a desperate pressure cooker game, then was promptly discarded to Scranton. Nobody mentions him in trades, aside from a throw-in. He seems an afterthought. 

Loasiga came out of nowhere last winter, when he was named to the 40-man roster. He became the darling of Mel Kiper-type bloggers, who all claimed they knew him (though nobody had ever mentioned him previously.) He pitched well, then strained his shoulder, which has been the story of his career. Who knows what he's got? But there are always young, upcoming pitchers who simply throw too hard for their own good, and right now, that might be his legacy. 

Tarpley looks like a lefty reliever. If he works out, he'll be the first home-grown prospect to fill that role in a long, long time. 

King rocketed through the system, wowing folks with numbers. But the brain trust doesn't seem intoxicated with his stuff. I'm old school. I think if a guy succeeds in the minors, he deserves a shot. I'm sure he'll get one, eventually... if he isn't traded.

So... is there a fifth starter in there? Because even if we sign both Patrick Corbin and J.A. Happ, that's just four. Four. (I'd take Eovaldi over Happ, btw.) 

Let's hope there is Justus, after all. Third rookie of the year in a row? It's fun to dream. 

We Have Become a Punchline

True story.

This actually happened on a Northeast Regional Amtrak train, around noon on Friday.  It was, as usual, stalled in Bridgeport—right next to the torn-up playing field of the now-defunct, Bridgeport Bluefish, an independent minor league team.

The conductor came on the P.A. and announced:

"On your left is the home of the former Bridgeport Bluefish, ladies and gentlemen.  They went out of business after losing too many ballgames.  I understand the Red Sox are going to be moving a farm team in here."

Beat.

"They're gonna be called the Bridgeport Yankees."

Yes, folks, it's come to this.

Yankees must enshrine Miriam Adelson in Monument Park

It's long overdue, but humanity is finally saying "Thank you!" 

When you think of the great Americans - Babe Ruth, Elvis Presley, Orrin Hatch, etc. - all too often, Miriam Adelson was overlooked. And everybody knew why: It's because she is a proud, trailblazing, mirthful, marvelous, effervescent and perfectly lovely lassie!

Well, we're off the hook. Miriam is the one-woman powder puff qualifier for the Presidential Medal of Freedom. 

Which means it's time for the Yankees to get off the crapper.

Dammit, the Yankees must enshrine Miriam Adelson in Monument Park. Old "Number 55" - as in millions of dollars given to GOP groups in September - deserves a bronze bust.

Sadly, she has also been denied: a) an Academy Award, b) a Nobel Prize, c) the Heisman Trophy and d) a Teen Choice Award.

While we're at it, what about Jerry Hall, the latest wife of Rupert Murdoch? Is she chopped liver?  

Uh-oh. Cashman is shopping for another "power arm" Thanksgiving turkey

For five years now, the Yankees have had pissing rights over the Seattle Mariners. The reason? That poor, pitiful franchise lashed itself to Jogginson Cano via a 10-year suicide vest of a contract, negotiated by Beyonce and Jay-Z, and they're still only halfway through the sewer pipes. No matter how bad the Yankees have been, at least we aren't Seattle, right? 

But but but... Brian Cashman may come to the Mariners' rescue. Apparently, the Cooperstown-bound Yankee GM is on the prowl for another "power arm," which has been the glitch in Cashman's Matrix for the last 20 years. Nothing brews more fear in the hearts of Yankee fans than the notion that Cash is waiting in some hotel lobby, looking to hook-up with another GM to land another starter already past his pitch count/sell date - which is the story of this Yankee millennium.  

Today, let's ask a fundamental question: Who is James Paxton and how much blood are we likely to give up for him? Here are Paxton's beautistics:

 I've marked three spots, from left to right.

1. His best ERA came two years ago. Yep. He's on the slide. In essence, he is another pitcher who showed great promise in 2017, and then last year got cuffed around like Pee Wee Herman in a Sarasota porno parlor. He is a mix of Sonny Gray and Luis Severino (who, by the way, is listed as one of Paxton's statistical doppelgangers.) 

2. He threw 160 innings last year, most in his career. That's always been a red flag for Cashman's overly baked pitcher trades: Wear and tear on the inner tube. Simply stated: There's always a reason why the other team wants to trade the guy. If he was a true ace, would they really give him up?

3. He surrendered 23 HRs last year. Put him the Bronx, where pitchers throw superballs, and I gotta believe that total rises by 10.

Okay, you know where I'm going. I'm bracing for the worst - that we trade Justus Shefield and Clint Frazier for this over-cooked turkey. Well, let's remember that the judgement of every deal must come at the molecular level: If the Yankees traded Gray for Paxton even up, or even then goosed the deal with a dab of Brylcreem, we could live with it. What are the odds? 

I am not here to recount every bad deal Cashman ever made because, frankly, he's brought us some great positional players. But it's pitching - the quest for the power arm - that's been his blind spot. He traded Mike Lowell for four. He traded Gary Sheffield for three. He twice traded for Javier Vazquez. He gave up a circus for Jeff Weaver, a tribe for Kevin Brown. He brought in an ancient Randy Johnson, a tired Roger Clemens. Meanwhile, he traded away Ian Kennedy, Mark Melancon, Tyler Clippard and - AHH, I told you, don't get me started! Has he ever traded for an ace... that worked? You'd have to go back to David Cone, when Cashman was going out for pizza.

So, this winter when the Yankees have all the money in the world, and no longer sit shackled by luxury taxes, we are relegated to hoping Brian Cashman can successfully trade for a starting pitcher. The giddy Gammonites say our chances look good. I don't want to always be the downer. But really, how in hell should we feel confident?

Massholes, Part 3,024

Please read the first two sentences of this article in Boston.com to understand why people from Boston are such insufferable dweebs:

Well, well, well. First the Red Sox squashed the Yankees in the ALDS, and now we’ve taken something else that’s just as sacred.

All this because an article generated by software on TripAdvisor.com picked a chain restaurant in Boston as the Best Pizza in the U.S.  "Well, well, well"?  I mean, these people are such Massholes.

For the record, Regina Pizzeria serves slices that are about the same as any Sbarro's in any airport.  I.e., you go there because you're already there, nothing is else near by, and only because you're hungry.

Why must everything they do in Boston be viewed through the prism of New York?  Dipwads.



P.S. Those shimmering puddles of orange grease on the pepperoni slices on the lower left of the photo are accurate.

A limit on defensive over-shifts would only worsen the game

Supposedly, the MLB brain trust is pondering four rule changes:

1. Implement a 20-second clock for pitchers.

2. Move the trade deadline back a few weeks.

3. Alter the 10-day DL so teams can't fudge on it.

4. Ban the defensive over-shift.

On the first three, I'm open for debate. (Though, instinctively, I oppose clocks in baseball.) But let's be clear: Number 4 shits the bed. It represents no less than a battle over baseball's soul.

I understand why the owners would ban the over-shift: It works. The over-shift turned "You're on the" Mark Teixeira into a sad .220 lunk, and it can lop 30 points from the average of the game's biggest sluggers (in whom the owners have invested a lot of money.) But forcing teams to play traditional defensive slots - the opposite of Wee Willie Keeler's "hit 'em where they aint" - will eventually backfire. It will embolden the strikeout/walk/homer swing-a-thons that have undermined the pace of the game. 

The problem is not over-shifts. It is batters who cannot - or refuse to - adjust to them. 

Boston won the World Series with a lineup that coaxed singles from thin air,  rather than attempting to hit balls all the way to Maine. So did the Kansas City Royals a few years back. The 2018 Yankees set a home run record - whoopie-doo! why no parade down the Canyon of Heroes? - but had nobody capable of hitting .300. You could say they were always fated to flop against good pitching. And that's exactly what happened.

If MLB bans the over-shift, hardcore sluggers will see a spike in batting averages - for a few months. But as they swing harder and harder for the fences, the game will descend even more into a quagmire of strikeouts, walks and home runs. What will the owners do next? Ban the split-finger fastball? Force defenders to play without gloves?

One of the beauties of Luke Voit in September was his ability - and willingness - to drive balls into the opposite field. For the record, he finished at .333 - in a small sample. Of course, our concern is that, over an entire season, he would come down with Traumatic Giambi Syndrome and start pulling everything to left field - into an over-shifted spider's web. 

Theoretically, wasn't that why teams have batting coaches? To help batters adjust? Oh, well... 

As much as we love the idea of the Yankees adding Bryce Harper to the lineup, what we don't need is another 169 strikeouts. (Yep, that's what he did last year.) Somehow, we must forestall Glyber Torres and Miguel Andujar turning into Chase Headley and Stephen Drew, or Clint Frazier becoming a RH version of Curtis Granderson. Banning the over-shift might briefly goose some players' numbers. But it won't save baseball from itself. Let the owners finagle the 10 day DL. But they should keep their hands off the field.

Maybe it's time to show a little faith (there's magic in the Yanks?)

In baseball, you can either see a 3-2 count as favoring the pitcher or the batter: it's up to you. (Unless, that is, Giancarlo Stanton is batting in the ninth of a crucial playoff, in which case the advantage goes to the pitcher.) On that note, in our upcoming winter of discontent, here are some tidbits of faith that I hereby choose to believe...

I believe Hal "Food Stamps" Steinbrenner will outspend payroll luxury tax limits of 2018. I understand why Cooperstown Cashman lately has been poor-mouthing, suggesting the franchise will continue its self-imposed austerity. If you're planning to bid in a high-stakes auction, there's no point in looking drunk. 

But the big reason for cutting Yankee payroll last year - and it was stated throughout the season - was the need to compete in this winter's free agent market. The Yankees basically ceded to Boston their long-held mantle of fiscal dominance. Hal is not stupid. Surely, he sees that, without some bold signings to improve this team, the Yankees will continue to chase the wild card, and eventually, the Mets will rise, the tabloid back pages will turn blue-and-orange, and a mass extinction event will unfold in the seats of Yankee Stadium. They promised us a reward for last year's austerity. They had better deliver.

I believe Gary Sanchez can rebound as a player. In fact, I think it's wise for the Yankees to give him one more season (or at least through the all-star break.) In the darkest days of Yankeedom, the late 1980s-early 1990s, we constantly traded young players like Sanchez after they disappointed us. (Drabek, Buhner, et al.) Sanchez's problem was his explosive success at the outset of his career, which was always going to be impossible to maintain. Last year, he flat-out sucked. But if the Yankees dumped him, he would instantly become prime candidate for comeback of the year, and they would probably get nothing in return. I'm good with him getting another shot.

I still believe in Clint Frazier. Yes, this is my heart talking, not necessarily my head. At times, something about this guy says 15 home runs and a .198 average. But Frazier has a magnetic personality and a great spirit, and I choose do believe he can someday become a beloved Yankee, along the lines of Brett Gardner. Last season, the juju gods conspired against him in ways that suggested malicious malpractice; two concussions, both with the worst timing anyone could imagine. I think he can make it. But it must happen this year, and the Yankees must at least give him a chance.  

I believe the Yankees need a bullpen overhaul. Everybody knows we need starters. I think our closers have become incredibly scary. Last season, Dellin Betances and Aroldis Chapman embodied the wildest variations in baseball. They could strike out the side or never even record one out. I still have PTSD from El Chapo's meltdown in the lost series in Boston. Frankly, if the Yankees had won Game Four of the ALDS, I wouldn't have trusted our so-called vaunted bullpen to shut them down at Fenway. The Yankees need at least two more quality bullpen arms, and one with closer experience. Chapman is simply not the pitcher he was. We cannot expect him to save us.

I believe Miguel Andujar can play 3B. Listen: A third-baseman like Andujar comes around once in every generation. But if he moves to left field, well, he becomes just another corner outfielder (and Clint Frazier - see above - never sees the light of opportunity.) All season, the Yankees praised Andujar's work ethic. Well, were they bullshitting? Yes, his fielding must improve. I believe he can do it, if the Yankees show a little faith.  

Twenty-two Years and Counting

So what IS Brian Cashman doing this offseason?

Well, mostly polishing his Cooperstown credentials, it seems, judging from his interview with Billywitz in the Times yesterday.  There, Coops patted himself on the back for NOT getting Chris Sale.

"Thank God I didn't do that, actually, because you'd be missing some serious components of our major-league club right now," Cash noted.

Yes, it's good he pointed that out, because who else could we possibly have traded for Chris Sale?  Hmm, maybe some kid we could have signed from somewhere...

"We wouldn't have gotten anywhere if I did anything with the White Sox like that back then," our leader concluded.

Yeah, good point.  Imagine, we might not be where we are now, falling further and further behind Boston's perennial victory parade.  To quote Eric Idle, we'd have to give up being crucified in the afternoon.

The interview contained yet another message from the top that "Bryce Harper and Manny Machado...seem destined to land elsewhere," as Cash-and-Carry once again practices "restraint."

"Now, however, all the ingredients are there for the Yankees to back up their armored car, loaded with prospects or cash, to address that same need for starting pitching," enthused Billywitz, who doesn't really seem to follow sports much.

Armored cars full of prospects?  That's funny, and of course Hal has no intention of spending his soft-earned cash, which leaves...what, exactly?

No doubt, Billywitz and the other Knights of the Press Box will praise Coops to the sky whatever he may do.

"If I was a new G.M., and hadn't been here for 22 years and know the terrain, maybe I'd be optimistic.  But I'm not optimistic," their favorite GM warned us at the end.

Neither are we, Brian, neither are we.

And maybe if does want to reach Cooperstown, he should stop throwing around his longevity.  Has any other GM gone 22 years with a team winning championships ONLY with a core of players put together by his predecessor?  Any GM in any sport, anywhere?

Cashman is, as always, one for the books.

New York Yankees, International Team of Mystery

Joe Robard:  You're a liar, Sidney.  Oh, it's a publicity man's nature to be a liar.  I wouldn't hire you if you wasn't a liar.  I pay you a C-and-a-half to plant big fat lies about me and the club all over the map.

Sidney Falco:  Oh, you mean in that sense—

Robard:  Yes, in that sense.  But you are a personal liar, too, Sidney, because you don't do the work that I pay you for.

—The Sweet Smell of Success

It's in the nature of a GM, too, to be a liar.  But the latest revelations from Kremlin-on-the-Hudson make me think that the Yankees and their general manager never really stop lying.

Or as the immortal Nancy Sinatra put it, "You been lyin' when you oughta be truthin'"—and, truth' when he oughta be lyin'.

As many here have pointed out, when you're trying to move a piece of turned meat such as Sonny Gray, you don't stand around with a megaphone pointing out the strange green color and how many maggots are crawling over the carcass—the way our Brian Cashman has been doing for days now.

And when you have a promising young player who is hurt, maybe badly hurt—we learn today that Gary Sanchez had two cortisone shots for his aching shoulder this year, and one in 2017—you don't leave him out on the field to twist in the wind for writers, fans, and, well, us to abuse him.

This is the second year in a row the Yankees have perpetrated the fine art of scapegoating on a developing player.  Aaron Judge is always so fundamentally open and sweet-tempered that nobody could get TOO mad at him in 2017, but not so with Sanchez, royally abused by all and sundry—including your faithful correspondent—as a perfidious loafer.

But really, this is a reckless and stupid game.  Cashman's justification—offered on those rare occasions when this Hall-of-Fame lock feels the need to justify himself at all—has usually been that the Yanks don't want to tip other teams off to a player's weaknesses...as if those weaknesses are not manifest in the space of a few innings.

Major-league baseball is not a place where you can hide major injuries for long.  But this fact always seems to escape our alleged braintrust.  Hence the sorry spectacle this year of our closer having to actually wave his arm in the air and ask to be taken out before his knee collapsed on him.

The Yankees have long been a purposely mystifying blend of secrets and inexplicable events.

All the way back in 1965-66, the team put it about that Roger Maris, a classic, "raw-ass" gamer to the end, was suddenly slacking.  This was actually because the quack medical help that the Yankees have always inflicted on its stars—Dr. Oz once performed a major operation on a leading Yankee pitcher—in Roger's case failed to detect the broken bone in his hand.

No apologies were forthcoming, and of course there was no question of resting a player who had done so much for the team, in seasons when it finished sixth and tenth.  The Rajah was needed to get out there and keep the box office up!

In half-a-century, nothing is changed.  So, Judge's career is risked, and so is Sanchez's.  Could it really be that Bird's miserable play is due to the fact that he really he needs this much time to recover?

Who can say?  Who knows anything about this Yankees Team of Mystery?

Finally, We Learn The Real Reason.....

Gary Sanchez had the worst season of any player in history, and his job security was never threatened.

Now we know why:



He needed shoulder surgery.  Just a tweak.

A tendon here and there.

Have no fear;  the Yankees are " deep"  in guys who can't hit, throw or catch.

Look for Gary in the spring.

He'll be the guy being rooted about in that wheelbarrow.

Now we know.

If it's true that Bryce Harper can play first base, the Yankees must jump into the bidding

Over the centuries, we've seen enough of "super-agent" Scott Boras' to know that his greatest skill is polishing turds until they look like freshly mined nuggets of gold. But sometimes - such as in his warnings this week that the greatest threat to baseball are greedy owners who purposely tank their teams - the turds carry weight. And today, the Yankees should carefully consider another Boras claim that is making the rounds: 

That Bryce Harper can and will play first base.

Like the hosts of Fox & Friends, Boras was addressing the world but targeting only one man, a millionaire at birth whose ascension to power defies the norms of both morality and Darwinism. Of course, he was speaking directly to Hand-Me-Down Hal Steinbrenner, who is clutching the purse strings on not only the 2019 Yankees... but the long-term future of the franchise.

All that is happening - the lifetime "Mr. Congeniality" contracts to Brett Gardner and CC Sabathia - revolves around Hal's willingness to spend money this winter. The Yankees stand as the only team capable of beating Boston in the 2019 AL East, but not if the Redsocks continue to spend nearly $40 million more on annual payroll. Hal can talk about frugality until the turd looks like chunks blown from King Midas, but it will still stink. Without a sizable spending surge this winter, the Yankees next summer will be contending for the Wild Card, while Boston chases its place in history. 

The Redsocks have built a team and system capable of winning two or three straight championships, creating a dynasty that will never be topped in our lifetimes. I want you all to think about that. If Boston goes on a three- or four-year roll, we will go to our graves as also-ran chumps, punching bags and punch lines to Boston's magnificence... 

Which brings me to Bryce Harper.

If it's true that he can play first base - (and here, I defer to the scouts, who know more than I) - then Boras' turds words must be met with keen interest. Supposedly, Harper always wanted to play for the Yankees. Maybe this is just Boras stirring the pot, trying to rouse another bidder. But at 1B, Harper represents a perfect fit for the Yankees. He is a lefty masher, a hard-edged player, who would immediately give us a Big Three in the lineup - (actually, a big four, if you consider Miguel Andujar). If we think about it, he's a better long range fit than Manny Machado.

Even if we even choose to ignore Machado's dirty play and lack of hustle - (of which he, amazingly, seems proud to acknowledge; how stupid is that?), there is a serious question about how he would fit into the long term Yankee plans. Yes, he'll fill the immediate void left by Didi Gregorius' injury. But when Didi returns, what then? Does Manny move to third, knocking Andujar to the outfield or - gulp - first base? And who is our big lefty threat? Gardy? Ellsbury? Luke Voit? Seriously, folks, on a long-term basis, Manny makes no sense.

But if Harper can play first, the Yankees can find a stopgap SS-2B until Didi returns - there are several candidates - and slot Harper into a position where he is likely to eventually end up, anyway. If Harper devotes himself to the position, he could play there into his late thirties and cut wear-and-tear on his body. 

The key here is that Food Stamps Hal needs to open his precious fanny pack. The Yankees seem to be pooh-pooing Boras' claim, conveniently suggesting there is nothing there. This is no time to be cheap. 2019 will be the final year of a decade in which the Yankees never even played in a world series, the first time that's happened since they were called the Yankees. If Hal wants to save nickels, he should annex the team's bottle deposits concession. 

If Bryce Harper wants to be a New York Yankee, and he's willing to make a full-spirited change to first base, we better take it seriously. And Hal needs to SPEND SOME FUCKING MONEY. 

Cashman must absolutely despise Sonny Gray

Here's something you don't see every day, Chauncey: Cooperstown Cashman publicly outlining a future trade. 

In fact, if there was a "Cashman Rule" for our tight-lipped, Hall of Fame-bound super GM, it would be that he never, ever, discloses Yankee plans before they've been enacted. There's no benefit. Over the years, if rumors linked us to Dopey Dildox, you could almost bet we'd sign Filthy McNasty. Misdirection of the Gammonites has been Cash's "thing," his "groove," his "signature move..." and yet...

Lately, the nut graf in Cashman's winter 2018 road show - after saying the Yankees haven't decided on this guy, and won't talk about that guy, and might chase him, or maybe somebody else, because they don't talk about this in public... and oh! by the way! we're trading that mutherfucking Sonny Gray!


“We are going to move him if we get the right deal because I don’t think it is going to work out in The Bronx,” Cashman told me [NY Post] Monday at the GM Meetings. “I don’t feel like we can go through the same exercise and expect different results.”

Thus far, this is Cashman's winter agenda: Give lifetime achievement contracts to to CC Sabathia and Brett Gardner, keep Jacoby Ellsbury in the witness protection program, clean the garage, lose 20 pounds, figure out Snapchat... and trade that mutherfucking Sonny Gray.

Strange, but when Carl Pavano reigned as the Yankee Great Mistake, I don't recall Cash announcing that he was a goner. Nor did Kei Igawa ever win that sad distinction. Moreover, Cashman shows Jesus-like compassion in forgiving Gary Sanchez and Greg Bird for 2018, when neither performed much better than Runny Sonny. And really... does it improve one's bargaining position to state flatly that you intend to move a player, that he's done in New York?

My guess: Gray is a walking reminder of Cashman's greatest flaw as a GM: His weakness in acquiring future aces - so-called "power arms" - to lead the Yankees. Over the years, Cashman has actually done quite well in trading for position players - (think: Didi, Aaron Hicks, Luke Voit.) But when you look at starting rotations, from Javier Vasquez to Jeff Weaver, from Michael Pineda to Mr. Sonny, his track record goes off the rails. (In fact, yesterday Cash was defending his failure to land Chris Sales, when the White Sox were dangling him, saying Chicago wanted the likes of Sevy and Judge. But somehow, Boston figured out how to do it without losing Benintendi or Devers, or even Rodriguez or Jackie Jr. And that's why they are still partying.)

And here's our dilemma: This is the winter when Cashman must sign at least two more "power arms." So how will he blow it this time? Will he trade a hay wagon full of prospects for another Pine Tar Pinata? Or sign another Pavano? Whatever he does, he better not fail. 

And if a deal goes south, the last thing Cashman needs is a walking reminder of his dismal past. So... so long, Sonny. It's not that you were certifiably awful. And it's not that you're done. It's just what you represent. And on the Yankees, that's something you do see almost every day, Chauncey. 

Arguments Begin On Placement of Rich White Dead Owners in Cooperstown HOF Wing

As of this morning,  one of the upper-center, windowless rooms is being considered for Mr. Steinbrenner.

That is El Duque at far right, working his way " up" toward the trophy space.

He can be air lifted out, if he fails to find an outlet.

He has pepper sticks to eat, along with diet Pepsi.

However, there are no bathrooms.

Supposedly, the bronze heads and memorabilia don't require them.  I guess he might use the Pepsi can if things become stressful.

I have sent my photo of George punching out that Dodgers fan  ( never confirmed ) in the elevator to add to the collection.

And Bobby Meecham will make the induction speech, if there is one.

Does Old George belong in the Hall of Fame: The answer is simple. Yes, with all the other dregs

Before there was a President Trump, there was a George Steinbrenner. And while I'm not here today to argue politics - (this site should be a zone of Yankee fan unity; please honor that request) - I think we can agree on one reality:

For better or worse, in our lifetimes, we will never be free of their legacies.

For Yankee fans, there will always be a "before" and "after" the Boss. On our deathbeds - hopefully, many years from now - we will recall moments of incredible triumph and desperate humiliation. We will wince and, hopefully, have a smile. So it goes. As the great philosopher, Blue Oyster Cult, once wrote, "History shows again and again how nature points out the folly of man." 

Today, our nation faces a thorny decision: An MLB veterans committee must soon rule on whether Old George belongs in the Hall of Fame. 

I should note that George would not be enshrined near Mickey and Willie - where he has no business - but in a bunker earmarked for old, rich, dead, obese and heavily flawed white assholes, who were lucky to have lived before the #me-too movement. It's called "The Owners' Wing. If there is a god, it is surely a rest stop on the way to Hell. 

And, yes, old George certainly belongs.

Let's dispense with a review of George's life. We all know him. Nearly a decade after his death, he remains a polarizing figure, a punch line, and a prime reason people still hate the Yankees. But he was a mixed bag. He disgraced himself with petty acts, scapegoating players and managers. Then he'd stand up against some idiocy - remember how he refused to allow the bases to be festooned with logos for Spider-Man 2? - and save the day from a runaway Selig shit show. 

I hereby nominate George Steinbrenner for the Hall of Fame's owners' wing because he'll be in fine company. 

For starters, he can spend time with Charles Comiskey, the cheapest bastard to ever own a baseball team. His wages were so shitty that they fueled the Black Sox scandal of 1919, though he- of course - escaped the blame. They always do, don't they?

George can also hang with Tom Yawkey, the beloved Boston owner who - if he were alive today - would be a hero in the white nationalist movement. Remember the Curse of the Bambino, and how Redsock fans banded together as a tribe of "chosen people," relegated to suffering? That was no curse. It was the result of an owner who didn't want black people on his team. And old Tom is in the Hall.

But wait, there's more! If George gets in, he can talk with Walter O'Malley, who was inducted 10 years ago. If there a dung heap in Hell, it's reserved for the man who moved the Dodgers to LA and forever betrayed the loyal fan base that made him rich... but not rich enough. What a guy!

(Of course, George won't get to spend time with Charles O. Finley, the original Steinbrenner of the Oakland A's. He never made it. Too many burned bridges. 

But this should be his year. In the NFL, Jerry Jones is going into Canton. Why not George. There is something about assholes. The more, the merrier. Oh, no, there goes Tokyo. Go go Godzilla.

Let's Show Our Enthusiasm ( in photos ) for Our Newest Yankee !

Newest Yankee ( worked by Brian Cashman  ):



Resulting Fan Excitement :



We are loading up to unseat the Red Sox.

Brian Cashman as Coxswain

LBJ's favorite photo of the direction in which our GM has the team headed:

As the Yankees formulate their plan for 2019, it's time to ponder the words of Mr. Mike Tyson

Quoth the philosopher:

"Everyone has a plan, until they get punched in the mouth."

I raise this august pearl of wisdom because - today, as Cooperstown Cashman and his weenie entourage attend the GM meetings in Carlsbad, California - the Yankees' "plan" for 2019 seems to involve sitting on their wallet for Bryce "Doesn't Fit" Harper and Manny "Bad Attitude" Machado. They won't budge. They'll sit in the corner, guarding their steel-trap fanny pack, rubbing their genitalia with copper coins.

According to Joel Sherman - the last Gammonite to actually hear the disembodied voice of Prince Hal Steinbrenner - the famed Yankee boy owner hasn't yet disclosed his master plan for 2019. One cosmic question remains unanswered: How much will the Yankees spend? Writes Sherman:

Hal Steinbrenner will want to stay beneath the 2019 $206 million luxury-tax threshold. But he knows the Red Sox are not going away next year and he already has told me he doesn’t want to be in the wild-card game for a third straight year.

Translation: Nobody knows nuthin'. Will Hand-Me-Down Hal spend big, or will he maintain his self-imposed payroll cap, thereby negating the Yankees' greatest advantage over the rest of baseball? Coincidentally, such a move would allow the Steinbrenner family to bank all the money not earmarked for salaries. But clearly, greed has nothing to do with it! Hal is standing on principle! He has said in the past that the Yankees shouldn't have to spend more than $200 million to win a World Series. Dammit, it's just not right, having to pay all that money to employees! Eeeeww! 

Trouble is, Boston spent $230 million this year, and they seem rather content with the results. Looking at 2019, they have potential weaknesses at catcher and first base, and the closer looks to be beyond his sell date. Don't be surprised if they sign a slugger or trade for an all-star catcher - a punch to the jaw of the Yankees' plans.

But wait, there's more. Could the Mets do something meaningful? What if they run out and sign Harper? (The new face of MLB, by the way.) The Yankees might suddenly lose their iron grip on the NYC tabloid back pages, as chronicled by this website. Or they could chase Machado, a star heading into his prime. A punch in the face.

In the past,  the Yankees several times have taken a shot to the jaw and suddenly abandoned all discipline, all plans. Remember when Boston outbid us on Dice-K, and within days, our brain trust broke the bank to put Kei Igawa in pinstripes? And it was just as the Mariners were about to sign Robbie Cano that the Yankees made their shot across the bow - signing Jacoby Ellsbury... even though it made no sense. They'd simply been punched in the face.

Remember when Boston outbid us on Yoan Moncada? Or last winter, when the Japanese Babe Ruth suddenly nixed NYC? Shots to the jaw. One left our farm system slogging through 2015, the other resulted in us becoming lashed to Moby Stanton for the next decade, a deal we still can't measure for hope or despair. 

So, the Yankees have a plan, eh? Fine. My guess is that it will last until the first big free agent signing. Then we'll see. Do we fallback, or will we rush into the center of the ring and swing like Buster Mathis? Will we dictate the market, or will we turn over that role to baseball's premier franchise. (Hint: It's not us.) 

Who Is the Man...?

No, I'm not talking about Shaft.

I mean, who is the person or persons whose departure set off the precipitous drop in the Yankees' organization-wide performance in 2018?

I know that some of you have charitably excused the performance of the team's farm system, for instance, because it was deprived of the services of Miguel Andujar and Gleyber Torres, El Matador and El Conquistador, performing so admirably in the show this past season.

But I'm afraid that doesn't really account for it.

After all, prior to the 2017, the Yanks' minor leagues had ALREADY coughed up the likes of Gary Sanchez, Austin Romine, Greg Bird, Tyler Austin, Aaron Judge, Luis Severino, and Jordan Montgomery over the previous few seasons.

And yet, the farm teams were better than ever, almost incredibly good, in 2017.  Take a look at the decline:

Scranton:

2017:  86-55  .610  Best record in the 14-team International League, lost in the playoff finals.
2018:  73-65  .529  Second in their division, lost in the playoff finals.

Trenton:

2017:  92-48  .657  Best record in the 12-team Eastern League, lost in the playoff finals.
2018:  79-61  .564  Second best record, won division, lost in semifinals.

Tampa:

2017:  85-50   .630  Best record in the 12-team Florida State League by 10 games, lost in the semis.
2018:  70-67   .511  Tied for third in division, did not make playoffs.

Charleston:

2017:   76-63  .547  Second in division (and second-best record in the South Atlantic League), lost in the semifinals.
2918:   64-72  .472  Fifth in division, did not make playoffs.

Staten Island:

2017:   46-29  .613  Best record in the 14-team NY-Penn League, lost in the semifinals.
2018:   37-36  .507  Tied for third (and last) in division, did not make playoffs.

Pulaski:

2017:   41-26  .612  Second in division (and second-best record in the Appalachian League), lost in finals.
2018:   32-36  .471  Third in division, did not make playoffs.

Gulf Coast League East:

2017:   33-27  .550  Won division, won league championship in playoffs.
2018:   19-35  .352  Last in division, did not make playoffs.

Gulf Coast League West:

2017:   32-27  .542  Third in division, did not make playoffs.
2018:   25-27  .481  Fourth in division, did not make playoffs.

Dominican Summer League Yankees:

2017:   29-42  .408  Seventh in division, did not make playoffs.
2018:   29-42  .408  Sixth in division, did not make playoffs.


That's right.  The 2017 Yankees' farm system went 520-367 in all, for a .587 winning percentage.  In 4 of its 8 levels, NYY teams had the best record, and in another one, they took the league championship.  There was just one losing team among the 8—at the very lowest level—and 6 of the 8 teams made the playoffs.

In 2018, they had a composite LOSING record, 428-441 .493, won exactly one division title, and made the playoffs in only two instances.

In other words, a total reversal in performance—by almost 100 percentage points—that spoke to considerably more that just promoting the Matador and the Conquistador.

So who is the man who can help his fellow man...play better baseball?

Oh, I know what you're all saying.  This is just due to the players we dealt away, as well as the loss of    Andujar and Torres.

But that still doesn't account for how every single leading player ALSO went backwards in 2018.

More on that next time, you lucky dogs!

Catching Up

So, just to play this out to the end:  the Yanks had a good September, taking Soccer by 32-15.  But...after a 14-4 start in October, they fared as well in the Paper of Record as they did on the field, losing, 29-21.  Barring a series of truly stupendous moves—or maybe the Stadium burning down—they ain't comin' back.

Thus, through Oct. 31st, it is:

Soccer 334, Yankees 246.

Got that, Great Scorekeeper in the Sky?

Soccer 334, Yankees 246.  Oy.

Time To Begin A "Photo Future" for the Yankees

Whenever a thought jumps into my normally vacant head, and that thought pertains to how I believe the Yankees will perform in 2019, I am going to post a photo.

I shall use imagery rather than words to express feelings.

Everyone should do the same.

If the photo is a "perfect expression" of the thought ( your judgement ), no explanation will be needed.  I do concede that some photos may require a caption, a paragraph or a treatise.

The Photos can pertain to any aspect of the team, including

- ownership,
-  the GM office
- coaches
- manager
- players
- the farm system
- the "Saud " family owners
- the pumpkin seed supplier

Your photo may reflect on player transactions, prospects, hopes and dreams. Yours or theirs.

Think of the verbage  this will save, as we venture into an alternative art form of Yankee
discussions .......particularly in "the dark winter" of the off-season.

Okay.  enough rhetoric.

Here is my first photo:



Fire up those brownies, enhance them, consume them, and then use them to capture images.

Ten reasons the Yankees should go all-out after Nathan Eovaldi

If there is a Yankee god - (I once believed but have become agnostic) - it's time to call upon him (or her) to get off his fat fucking cosmic ass and spend some moohlah, some sheckles, some kroob, some zlugga, some off-da-rack-hootchy-gyi-yi-yi!  I'm talking money, raining like chips of frozen dandruff off the cryogenically preserved scalp of Ted Williams, wherever he is. 

I've heard enough crapola about the Yankee going wobbly over Bryce or Manny, or Dallas or J.A. The first answer to the 2019 dearth of pitching is Nathan Eovaldi, who soon should be declared a free agent. (Fingers crossed that he doesn't do something stupid and sign with Boston.) Here's why...

1. He's only 28, six months younger than Patrick Corbin. By comparison, J.A. Happ is 36; Dallas Keuchel is 30. Good grief, Luis Cessa and Domingo German are both 26. 

2. He is a horse, a Nolan Ryan clone, capable of throwing hard into his mid-30s. Yes, he's had two Tommy Johns. Show me a pitcher who is invulnerable. (Corbin missed all of 2014 due to a barking elbow.) 

3. He is battle-tested in New York.

4. He is battle-tested in Boston. (In fact, he is a legitimate Yankee Killer. At the least, buying him will get him off the streets.) 

5. He is battle-tested in the post-season. His epic, six-inning performance in game three was a mini-Bumgarner.

6. He is the consummate definition of the thrower who has learned the art of pitching.

7.  Even if we don't sign him, and he stays in Boston, making a huge bid will  force the Redsocks to spend more. The last thing we should do is stand aside, as penny-pinching, colluding milquetoasts, so the Redsocks get a bargain. If they offer three years, we give five. If they say five, we go seven. Let's fuck some shit up. They certainly would do it to us. 

8. He's a former Yankee who pitched admirably in his stint here. Frankly, we should have shown him loyalty after his elbow injury, rather than discard him like a bucket of chum. We could have had him for pennies on the dollar, but our front office was too busy churning roster spots, and once again, Tampa outsmarted us. (God help us, if they ever find an owner who is willing to spend.) This would make up for our error. 

9. He won't cost us a draft pick and a $500,000 budget hit, in our plans to sign Latino 16-year-olds. Both Corbin and Keuchel will do just that.

10. Signing him will wipe, for at least one joyous day, the fucking smirks on the faces of Boston fans. 

One day of respite? I'll take it. It's time to punch back. 

The Fish Man Cometh

October 31, 2018, was a great day for the New York Yankees.  They cut $2 million off the yearly cost of a player—Brett Gardner—and the soccer team they own in conjunction with an Arab sheikh won a playoff game, thereby setting themselves up for at least one more home playoff game, and maybe two.

Why was this great?  Well, both events furthered the main objective of today's New York Yankees, which was adding to the revenue stream going to its owners, the Steinbrenner family.

Some 115 years ago, the original incarnation of the Yankees was owned by two of the most dubious characters in New York City, a gambler named Frank Farrell, who may have controlled the most extensive illegal gambling enterprise in American history, and one "Big Bill" Devery, a great, colorful walrus of a man who was probably the most thoroughly corrupt police chief the city ever knew.

"He was no more fit to be chief of police than the fish man was to be director of the Aquarium," Lincoln Steffens wrote about him, "but as a character, as a work of art, he was a masterpiece."

During the Yankees' second season in existence, when they were still also known as the Highlanders and playing up in hilariously awful Hilltop Park, a.k.a., "The Rockpile," the team found itself immersed in a thrilling, season-long pennant battle with the Red Sox—then also known as the Pilgrims.

The way things turned out, the Yanks were half-a-game out in a season that went into October, with the five remaining games, including back-to-back, season-ending doubleheaders...all AT HOME against the Red Sox.

Sweet, huh?  The Yanks won the first game up at Washington Heights behind Happy Jack Chesbro's 41st victory on the season, to move into first by half-a-game.  Some 10,000 cheering fans carried Happy Jack off the field.

But wait!

The Saturday game in this series was NOT going to be in NYC after all!  Turned out, some weeks previously, Big Bill and Frank Farrell had rented The Rockpile out for a Columbia-Williams college football game, expecting to get a much bigger crowd.

The Highlanders/Yankees would be forced to take the train up to Boston, where they dropped a Saturday afternoon doubleheader, then came back to split the final doubleheader in New York on Monday, and finish 1.5 games out of the money.

Now, I'm not saying that Hal Steinbrenner would ever hand over a key Yankees date to a college football game.  MLB would never allow it and besides, Columbia just isn't that big a draw anymore.

But he and his family HAVE finished the conversion of the Yankees to a multi-sport, international entertainment "entity," complete with the YES Network, and their "Legends Hospitality" event catering service, and their association with the mighty Brooklyn Nets.

And with NYCFC.  For those of you who might not have been paying attention, New York's own major-league soccer club is a wholly manufactured entity, one that has absolutely nothing to do with the city's long tradition of ethnic soccer clubs but like most of the MLS imitates worldwide soccer traditions.

The "FC," for instance, stands for "Football Club," which of course is what no one in America calls a soccer team.

Since its invention in 2015, moreover, NYCFC has also made informal nicknames for its players—the "Pigeons," or "the Boys in Blue," something apparently no one remembered we use to call the (real football) Giants.  Its "supporters," i.e., "fans," are "the Third Rail," and their great rivalry with the Red Bulls of Harrison, New Jersey is now the "Hudson River Derby."

What's more, the Pigeons play in Yankee Stadium, often overlapping with the baseball season.  Both the club and the Yankees pretend to be very, very upset about this.  But that's mostly a ploy to pressure New York into handing over, gratis, the land where the very same parking garage that was a key piece of George Steinbrenner's original deal with the city still sits.

The Yankees, it seems have a whole scheme to build a "soccer-friendly" stadium there for maybe 25,000 or so, and—hey, whattaya know!—a developer willing to turn that free land into a major luxury housing development.

Yes, like our friends the Mets, the Yanks have also become a real-estate racket.  Though I'm sure Hal would feel very insulted by how small and unimaginative that sounds.

The Yankees have much bigger fish to fry now, and they just can't be too bothered by any one part of their global operation, such as improving the baseball team's roster.  All they are really interested in doing is maximizing the profit, without wholly destroying the brand.

They may have picked the wrong investment in soccer, where attendance at "Pigeons" games has already dropped by 28 percent since 2015, despite how competitive the team is on "the pitch."  But hey, in transforming any stodgy old capitalist venture, you have to take a few risks.  (Look at Sears!)

Maybe, someday, Hal or one of his descendants can buy out the sheikh and acquire his main property: the Manchester City soccer team in England.  Or maybe the Steinbrenners can take over some other flourishing, entertainment opportunity of the future, such as a race track or a casino.

The world is their oyster!  They are magnates!!  Tycoons!!  Captains of industry!!!  Stop complaining about the pitching!

The massive Yankee changes begin with... Hanser Alberto?

In the 2015 American League Divisional Series, 22-year-old Hanser "Radio" Alberto played 3B for the then-walking dead Texas Rangers. He went 2 for 11 with 2 RBIs, and looked like a name to remember. A versatile, RH middle infielder, Alberto had raked in the minors, hitting .328 with 5 home runs, though tanking in a cup of coffee with the Rangers (.222.)

In 2016, he again battered Triple A pitchers (.297) and again failed in a brief fling at MLB (8-for-56, .143). Still a prospect. Still a bright future. 

Then came 2017, which he missed almost entirely due to injuries. This year, he returned to the Pacific Coast League, now 25, and hit .330. In June, the Rangers called him up for four days. In August, they promoted him again - and the next day put him on the DL with a hamstring. Overall, he sucked at the MLB level - 5 for 27, .185, well below Mendoza. For the Rangers, that was strike three. This fall, they waived him.

Yesterday, the Yankees plucked Alberto off the scrap heap, a reminder of why we are now the Retrieval Empire. Odds are he'll never see light of day in pinstripes. He's probably a place-holder on the 40-man roster, who'll be jettisoned for a prospect worth protecting in next month's Rule 5 draft. 

But if you look closely at Alberto, you can almost see Luke Voit peering up from the bowels of the Cardinals farm system - an aging prospect hungry for one last chance. Did I mention that the Yankees currently have no SS? 

I'm reminded of 2012, when the Evils, desperate for help at the 1B sink hole - signed a 29-year-old castoff from everywhere else. His name was Steve Pearce. He went 4 for 25 (.160) and was shipped to Scranton. I wonder what happened to him? 

Like I said, Alberto probably never plays a down for us. At least 23 other teams passed on him, before Cashman made the call. He's a lottery ticket, a year younger than Voit, same age as Greg Bird and Ronald Torreyes. If he stays, he'll probably play 2B for Scranton. But, hey, you never know...

Time To Stop The Madness

The speculation is fun at a bar.

It makes us feel knowledgeable, insightful and wise.

The time passes quickly between rounds.

Camaraderie blossoms and memories return.

It is the Yankees wining again.

But outside the bar, with only coffee and a danish in hand, reality bites us.

Here it is and there is nothing more to be said;

The Yankees are the chasers now.

The team has only one way to score runs, and that is to hit the ball out of the park.

We have players who can do that, and that only.

Most just strike out when it matters or smash a hard grounder into a double play.

We can't change the basic hand of cards we assembled and were dealt.

Hal can spend all winter on pitchers and still end up with mediocrity.  

When you buy from Walmart, you get Walmart quality stuff.

So take a deep breath, swig four martinis, and stop the nonsense.

What ever the Yankees do or don't do just won't matter.

They will chase Boston.

And not catch them.

Unless the Greek tragedy is re-born and a deus ex machine appears.

We have to have help from totally surprising sources,

And how often does that happen in baseball?

" Drink...Drink...everyone drink...."

Hand-Me-Down Hal speaks... and once again says nothing.

Yesterday, Prince Hal Steinbrenner - known around here as "Food Stamps" - rendered unto the world some steaming hot nuggets of nothingness. In case you missed it, the son of the owner spouted off to Joel Sherman of the NY Post on several topics:

1. On losing to the George Soros-occupied Boston Redsocks: "I am frustrated."

2. On the Yankees' recent playoffs. "The starting pitching was not good and the hitting was inconsistent."

3. On 2019, there will be "some changes and additions, there always is."

4. On signing free agents: "These are the questions we are asking."

6. On his unquenchable thirst for success and lifetime commitment to excellence: "It will be no different this year."

Yes, it's clear that Food Stamps graduated from the Derek Jeter School of Locker Room Interviews, which studies the Bartlett's Quotations of Nothingness. 

It's amazing: With the YES Network, the Yankees have built a propaganda machine worthy of any bone-saw-wielding autocrat in the modern world, and right now, they have nothing to say. No message.  Sherman could have asked Hal to rate his favorite Kardashian: "The analytics, the pro scouting, are always talking temperament, personality, motivation..." We get mush. 

Boston is still celebrating, pissing in the streets, chanting anti-Yankee slogans into dawn, and the Yankees owner says he is "pissed off..." yet then offers a verbal equivalent of radio silence.

I'm sure that Sherman - a veteran Gammonite - asked Hal some tough questions. Didn't matter. We heard nothing to suggest that the Yankee House of Saud intends to spend their money this winter. We just got creamed corn from a billionaire who doesn't need to assure its fan base of anything. 

Well, here's what an actual Yankee owner should have said:

"Fuck yeah, I'm going to spend! Jesus H. Montero, for three fucking years we've been castrating ourselves to get under the luxury tax threshold, so we can press the "reset" button and sign these big name free agents. So, yeah, you're goddamm right we're going to spend! Machado, Harper, Kershaw, fuck yeah!

"What do I need? A fourth yacht? Hookers? Hell no. You know how much money I'm worth? Because I don't. It can't be counted! Last time anyone tried, it came out closer to infinity than to absolute zero. I got more money than I have time, and with these daily blood transfusions, I plan to live to 150. Nobody's going to remember me for that fucking Ice Bucket Challenge, or my perfect comb-over. The Yankees are my legacy, we have been disgraced and humiliated, and goddammit, this will not stand, and we will spend whatever it takes - there is no limit! - whatever it takes to fucking win!

"Now, where were we on rating those Kardashians...?"   

Does the signing of Brett Gardner imply that THE TRANSFORMATION of Food Stamps Hal Steinbrenner has begun?

It's hard to process yesterday's redemptive re-signing of Brett Gardner. It didn't surprise anyone. But its impact on 2019, and how Cooperstown Cashman plans to reshuffle the Titanic deck chairs, is hard to gauge. For example...

Was this born of secretive, front office analytics, or is it a personal, self-indulgent call by the Son of George? If it's the latter, it's one of the first in recent years by our own Crown Prince Bone Saw - "Food Stamps Hal" - whose prime directive has been to cut payroll and turn the franchise into a Bitcoin mine. If Hal intervened on Gardy's behalf - like Zeus in an ancient homoerotic Greek play - it could be a sign of... THE TRANSFORMATION. 

This we know: Whatever Hal has been doing - with his goat yoga classes and organic kale diet - it won't last. Eventually, he will become his dad - an impetuous, mouth-farting lump of obesity who devours front offices the way Trump does news cycles. That full moon transformation could be years off, and if we're lucky, we'll all be dead. But it will happen. It always does. The real question is, when Hal finally turns into Old George, will the Yankees still be clinging to their last, tattered championship flag... from 2009?

One outgrowth from being stomped shitless by Boston two weeks ago was the sense across the Yankiverse that it would provoke Hal into a spending tsunami - maybe another free agent threesome, similar to 2009 (Tex, CC, AJ) and 2014 (Ellsbury, Beltran, McCann). In our dreams, we imagined Harper, Machado and Kershaw, which does have a nice cadence, no? But such a move would look better on the back pages than the roster. In fact, it would destroy team balance, forcing a secondary flurry of trades. Do we trust a full Cashman makeover?

So... could Gardy's return imply a more calculated, surgical strategy? Despite his horrible 2018, Gardner does fill a roster need: He bats left, plays CF in a pinch, can steal a base, doesn't swing for the fences every at bat, and he can work a pitch count. If he can rebound next season - .280, 15 HRs, 20 steals - he is exactly what the Yankees need. (Ellsbury, with a bad hip, is less likely to bring anything. They should showcase him in spring training, generate happy talk and hope some team takes a flier.)

Rather than shooting money out of a confetti cannon, are the Yankees adopting a tight strategy for 2019? That could mean:

1) Finding a cheap, stopgap SS or 2B, somebody who fills in until Didi returns. (In simple terms, no Manny.) 

2) Welcoming the next wave of youngsters. Clint Frazier in the outfield. Tyler Wade as utility man. Justus Shefield in the rotation. Another chance for Chance Adams. The best hard-throwers from Team Scranton, the Hellers, Tarpleys and Feyereisens, one of whom might stick. (In simple terms, no Bryce.)

3. Letting Bird and Voit hold first base, at least through spring training.

4) Spend on pitching, pitching, pitching. Corbin from Arizona. Happ from our own backyard. Keuchel from Houston. David Robinson and Zach Britton for the bullpen. Spend bigly on arms, and don't tinker with the offense. (Hell, if the big boys don't hit, we're dead anyway.)

Is that a plan? Dunno. But I do believe this: Everything hinges on the whims of our Crown Prince Bone Saw. Once upon a time, Hal overruled Cashman to sign Rafael Soriano, the closer. He also made the sign-offs on Ellsbury and company - and for letting Yoan Moncada go to Boston (who turned him into Chris Sale.) Did Hal order the signing of Brett Gardner? And if so, has THE TRANSFORMATION begun?